HE  GA' 
THE  CHERUB 
ND   OTHER 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 


THE 
CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 

AND  OTHER  STORIES 


BY 

CHESTER  B.  FERNALD 


NEW  YORK 

THE  CENTURY  CO. 
1901 


Copyright,  1895,  by 
C.  B.  FERNALD 

Copyright,  1895, 1896,  by 
THB  CENTURY  Co. 


THE  DE  VINNE   PRESS,  NEW-YORK 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 

THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 1 

THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS  ........  33 

THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL 61 

THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD 81 

THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM 99 

CHAN  Tow,  THE  HIGHROB 119 

A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 135 

THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 159 

ENTER  THE  EARL  OF  TYNE 189 

THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE 213 

THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM       .   .  227 


305341 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEBUB 


IVE  were  the  years  of  the  Infant  Hoo 
Chee,  and  five  were  the  inches  of  his 
cue.  Then  he  had  an  adventure. 

Every  one  in  San  Francisco  who 
loves  to  look  at  a  beautiful  girl  re 
members  Bayley  Arenam.  Once  you 
mention  her  among  the  Hundreds  straightway  springs 
some  novel  anecdote  of  a  cleverness  of  hers.  She  was 
a  Calif  ornian,  blessed  with  a  glitter  of  talents  and  with 
a  person  to  vex  the  gods.  And  she  was  the  one. 

Hoo  King  was  the  Infant's  father  —  the  ginseng 
merchant  j  and  Hoo  Bee,  of  the  lily  feet,  was  his 
mother.  She  who  tended  him  was  Hwah  Kwee,  the 
amah,  a  woman  of  flat  feet  and  considerable  kindness. 
They  dwelt  in  Chinatown  and  prospered  there;  for 
Hoo  King  had  interests,  and  was  one  of  the  secret  Ho 
Wang  Company,  and  was  greeted  with  smirks  at  the 
Hong-Kong-American  bank. 

The  Infant's  world  was  three  wide  rooms  on  a  top 
most  floor,  —  commodious,  truty,  —  and  a  flower-pot 
balcony  leaning  over  the  main  thoroughfare,  whence 
on«  could  drop  beans  on  passers-by,  and  run  away  in 
an  ecstasy  of  fear.  Only  at  intervals  did  he  see  the 
streets ;  and  then  he  was  wedged  between  the  amah 
and  his  father,  both  inwardly  alert.  For  the  fifth  of 


2  ......    ,    .  ,THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEBUB 


Hoo  Chee's  years  was  a  troublous  time  and  made  his 
tory  in  the  quarter ;  and  one  who  would  strike  most 
bitterly  at  Hoo  King,  the  suspected  traitor  to  the 
Ghee  Kung  long,  would  take,  not  the  old  man's  life, 
but  his  son.  The  parents  treasured  their  offspring 
because  his  existence  insured  the  rightful  worship  at 
the  graves  they  expected  to  fill ;  and  so  they  made  a 
baby  of  the  boy,  though  he  was  of  the  age  when  some 
sons  put  on  cue-strings  and  a  man's  estate  j  and  they 
tried  to  discourage  fascinations  beyond  the  threshold. 
But  every  day  the  Infant  saw  the  forbidden  streets 
with  deeper  longings. 

His  only  human  friend  was  Yeo  Tsing,  the  Presby 
terian  evangelist.  Yeo  had  a  pious,  folded  look,  as 
of  a  holy  volume ;  but  he  had  a  genial  eye  for  a  child. 
He  taught  the  Infant  many  mission  songs,  which  Hoo 
Chee  caught  from  the  convert's  lips  and  held  tena 
ciously, 'especially  the  air  of  that  hymn  which  inquires 
pertinently  of  all  little  Chinese  proselytes,  first  in  a 
high  and  skeptical  tenor, 

Are  you  washed  —  are  you  washed  ? 
and  then  in  a  bass  and  warning  tone, 

Are  you  washed  —  are  you  washed  ? 

and  so  forth.  This  the  Infant  was  fond  of  singing  to 
himself,  though  there  is  doubt  whether  he  could  have 
expounded  it  theologically. 

But  best  of  all,  Yeo  served  to  tide  over  some  of  the 
child's  depression  with  telling  him  stories  —  stories 
of  small  people  who  did  great  things.  The  one  that 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEEUB  3 

appealed  to  the  Infant  most  was  that  of  a  little  boy 
who  set  out  from  home  all  alone,  and  after  many, 
many  weary  miles,  and  conntless  trials  in  which  he 
showed  exceeding  fortitude  and  virtue,  arrived  at  a 
glorious  place  called  the  House  of  Glittering  Things, 
where  he  lived  happily  ever  afterward.  It  was  not 
very  clear  why  the  little  boy  had  left  home.  Yeo  could 
never  be  quite  satisfactory  on  that  point,  because  he 
had  forgotten  about  it,  and  was  too  honest  to  invent. 
But  what  conditions  would  lead  a  little  child  to  go  forth 
from  the  roof  of  his  birth  and  return  no  more,  the  In 
fant  knew  well  in  his  heart,  and  kept  there.  He  had 
learned  from  these  stories  much  to  whet  his  cravings 
for  the  world  outside.  It  seemed  that  there  were  re 
gions  where,  as  far  as  you  could  see,  all  the  land  was 
like  one  great  back  yard,  except  that  instead  of  musty 
boards  and  grim,  gray  rubbish  there  were  acres  and 
acres  of  waving  green  things,  and  millions  of  beauti 
ful  flowers  that  you  might  pluck  without  a  whipping 
—  flowers  as  handsome  as  those  on  the  balcony,  and 
free  for  all !  And  there  were  places  where  a  hundred 
roof-spouts  could  not  make  so  big  a  puddle  as  was 
spread  as  clear  as  crystal  earrings  in  a  circle  of  these 
posies,  where  humorous  little  things  with  legs  were 
waiting  to  jump  head  first  into  the  water  just  as  you 
almost  touched  them,  and  then  to  laugh  at  you  from 
the  opposite  bank;  and  where  little  fishes  from  be 
hind  a  rock  peeped  up  at  you  out  of  the  corners  of 
their  eyes. 

When  the  Infant  was  by  himself  he  would  describe 
all  these  things  to  little  One-Two,  his  beloved  cat  and 
confidant,  the  only  creature  with  whom  he  divided  his 


4  THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 

sorrows.     One-Two  was  barely  out  of  kittenhood,  yet 
had  a  vague,  inviting  melancholy  in  his  look.     Most 
of  his  body  was  covered  with  long  white  hairs  that 
spoke  of  Angora;  but  his  tail  was  slim  and  bluish- 
gray,  and  altogether  Maltese  j  and  when  one  remem 
bers  how  he  appeared  suddenly  from  nowhere,  and 
came  mewing,  cold  and  lean  and  hungry,  into  the  joy 
ous  arms  of  the  Infant,  it  is  not  hard  to  imagine  One- 
Two  as  the  projection  in  time  of  an  international 
romance.    The  Infant  coddled  the  waif  and  stole  food 
for  it,  and  named  it  One-Two  because  it  had  one  tail 
immediately  prominent  as  an  error  in  its  composition, 
and  two  eyes  of  imperial  yellow.     These  were  its  sal 
vation,  for  Hoo  King  had  at  first  superstitiously  com 
manded  that  the  strange  cat  be  dismissed  j  but  Hoo 
Chee  had  resisted  even  to  struggles  and  tears,  which 
tenacity  delighted  his  father,  who  at  once  asked  a  for 
tune-teller  for  a  translation  of  the  omen.     If  the  cat's 
eyes  were  blue,  came  the  dictum,  then  boil  its  body  in 
oil,  for  the  augury  was  bad ;  but  if  they  were  the 
color  of  the  viceregal  jacket,  then  it  was  a  cat  of  for 
tune  better  than  good.     So  One-Two  survived,  and 
slept  curled  in  the  Infant's  arms,  and  perpetually  fol 
lowed  him  about  in  the  daytime,  and  -waxed  in  size 
until  he  was  heavy  to  carry.     Once  from  his  bal 
cony  Hoo  Chee  saw  a  little  American  girl  —  one  of 
delicacy  rare  in  this  quarter  —  going  along  the  street 
bearing  a  cat.     It  was  not  so  pretty  as   One-Two, 
thought  the  Infant  j  but  it  had  a  red  ribbon  around 
its  neck  that  gave  it  too  much  honor.    He  searched 
his  world  for  something  like  the  red  ribbon ;  but  there 
was  nothing.    At  last  he  abstracted  from  his  mother's 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB  7 

possessions  some  bright-green  silken  cords  that  looked 
like  cue-strings,  and  he  made  a  little  cue  of  the  long 
hairs  of  the  cat's  neck,  and  braided  in  the  silk  as  an 
extension  of  it.  One-Two,  whose  mischosen  tail  was 
already  a  source  of  questioning  self-contemplation, 
spent  a  bad  half -day  in  a  corner,  foreboding  over  this 
fresh  phenomenon.  To  Hoo  Chee  the  effect  of  the 
trailing  green  was  rhapsodical,  and  the  event  of  happy 
hours. 

But  ever  his  confinement  from  the  glowing  world 
told  on  the  Infant's  years.  The  shouts  of  thousands 
of  Freedom's  Aryan  children  penetrated  to  his  small 
body  and  infused  in  it  some  of  the  New  World  es 
sence.  Now  came  the  season  of  the  Chinese  New 
Year,  and  he  remained  stalled  with  three  impassive 
spirits,  while  the  air  about  was  joyous  with  music 
and  laughter  and  song.  He  could  not  play  by  day 
when  from  his  rear  window  he  caught  a  bare  glimpse 
of  the  Taoist  priests,  led  by  a  string  of  pompous 
boys, —  some  of  them  seemingly  smaller  than  he, — 
all  making  way  to  the  joss-house,  bearing  gifts  to  the 
gods,  and  making  the  quarter  resound  with  squealing 
pipes  and  clanging  gongs.  He  could  not  sleep  by 
night  when  everywhere  he  heard  invisible  fire-crack 
ers  rattling  as  if  the  gods  had  come  down.  While 
the  amah  snored  by  his  side  he  lay  awake  and 
thought  of  the  story  of  little  Quong  Sam  and  the 
House  of  Glittering  Things,  and  the  lovely  lady 
that  made  him  tea  and  gave  him  cakes  whenever  he 
asked.  He  longed  to  go  abroad  and  meet  with  like 
adventures. 

The  sixth  day  of  the  holiday  week  had  been  set  for 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 

4 

what  happened  but  once  a  year.  It  was  a  trip  away 
from  the  quarter, —  first  to  the  cemetery,  and  then  to 
the  ocean  beach, —  to  which  the  women  looked  for 
ward  with  highest  delight.  Hoo  Chee  had  learned 
some  time  before  that  they  were  to  take  him  along, 
and  this  had  sent  him  singing  and  dancing  the  rest 
of  the  day.  But  it  seemed  that  the  time  would  never 
come.  When  Hoo  King  came  in  one  morning  and 
found  the  women  bedecked  in  their  best,  he  suddenly 
changed  his  mind,  and  said  that  the  child  should  re 
main  at  home,  and  that  the  amah  must  stay  to  take 
care  of  him.  For  a  father  with  a  single  offspring  it 
was  too  extravagant  a  risk  to  take  a  small  child  on  a 
railroad  train  among  the  foreign  devils,  whose  curi 
osity  and  impertinence  at  the  sight  of  the  women 
were  themselves  enough  to  bear.  They  had  dressed 
the  Infant  handsomely;  he  was  sure  that  this  was 
the  momentous  day,  and  his  blood  ran  gaily  at  the 
prospect ;  but  again  they  told  him  the  time  had  not 
yet  come,  and  the  father  went  off  with  Hoo  Bee, 
leaving  the  amah  weeping  behind.  It  was  the  cus 
tom  of  the  amah  to  weep,  and  the  child  felt  sure 
they  would  have  taken  her  if  this  was  the  wonder 
ful  event.  He  went  to  his  favorite  place  on  the 
balcony,  only  somewhat  hushed  and  downcastr 

He  was  thinking,  though  he  did  not  know  it.  \  Why 
did  they  always  keep  him  in,  instead  of  letting  him 
loose,  as  he  saw  the  happy  little  urchins  in  the  street'? 
Could  he  not  go  about  boldly  enough,  and  preserve 
himself  as  well  from  harm  as  they?  When  would 
they  braid  silk  strings  in  his  curtailed  pigtail,  and 
put  his  head  in  a  cap  with  a  red  button,  and  his  legs  in 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB  7 

splendid  sky-blue  trousers  wrapped  at  the  bottoms? 
Certainly  lie  was  already  as  strong  as  any  man.  He 
could  kick  off  all  the  bed-clothes,  and  get  spanked 
for  it  by  the  amah.  He  could  hang  by  his  ankles  to 
the  edge  of  the  sink,  and  appear  to  be  standing  on 
his  head.  The  amah  would  not  dare  such  a  feat. 
And/during  all  this  festal  period  they  had  taken  him 
out  only  once —  then  briefly  to  the  joss-house,  before 
the  hairy  wooden  gentlemen  who  sat  receiving  offer 
ings  of  fruits  and  sweets  enough  to  make  a  covetous 
infidel  of  any  mortal.  He  was  charged  to  repeat 
certain  words  that  he  could  not  understand  to  the 
wooden  gentlemen,  which  he  did  with  an  accuracy 
flattering  to  his  father.  But  then  they  dragged  him 
unwilling  home  through  the  decorated  streets,  with 
the  thrauneen  of  a  rice-cake  as  his  part  of  the  re 
joicings. 

One-Two  had  cautiously  picked  his  way  over  the 
iron  bars  to  a  seat  on  a  flower-pot,  whence  he  licked 
the  hand  of  his  small  patron.  But  now  the  Infant 
was  staring  down  across  the  street  like  a  statuette. 
He  had  seen  Miss  Arenam.  This  was  the  third  time 
he  had  feasted  his  big  brown  eyes  on  her.  Occasion 
ally,  after  an  absorbing  morning  with  the  clay,  she 
left  the  lunch-room  at  the  art  school,  and  strolled 
through  as  much  of  Chinatown  as  included  the  prin 
cipal  windows,  where  new  things  are  sometimes  found 
in  porcelain  and  bronzes.  He  had  noticed  her  first 
when  she  paused  one  day  in  curiosity  at  the  balconies 
on  his  side  of  the  street.  He  had  stared  in  fascina 
tion,  with  his  chin  on  the  rail  j  and  then  from  as  far 
as  he  could  strain  outward  without  falling  he  had 


8  THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 

watched  her  moving  away.  Two  months  later  she 
appeared  again.  She  did  not  look  up  this  time,  and 
after  a  minute  the  Infant  shouted,  "  Ha-o !  "  But  his 
small  voice  was  inadequate,  and  she  departed  without 
noticing.  Now  the  lovely  dark-haired  lady  had 
shown  herself  once  more.  The  Infant  was  absorbed 
in  thought,  and  his  eyes  were  fixed  constantly  on  the 
door  of  the  china-shop  whence  she  would  soon  emerge. 

After  a  while  he  could  see  her  sldrts  moving  about 
in  the  store,  and  then — there  she  was! 

"Ha-o!"  cried  the  Infant,  swinging  his  arms  up 
and  down. 

Then  he  stood  mute  and  discontented,  for  she  had 
not  looked  up,  but  had  walked  away  quite  unaware 
of  him. 

Was  he  always  to  stay  thus  pent  ?  If  he  were  free, 
how  quickly  he  would  run  and  get  her  to  smile !  The 
amah  had  left  the  room.  He  could  hear  her  down 
stairs,  communing  in  bitter  tones  with  the  neighbor 
Ching  Lo.  From  the  threshold  of  the  forbidden  hall 
he  heard  no  noises  —  eveiy  one  who  could  go  out  was 
on  the  streets.  On  such  a  day  as  this,  perhaps,  the 
brave  little  Quong  Sam  of  old  had  ventured  forth  to 
find  the  House  of  Glittering  Things.  The  Infant 
grasped  the  baluster  with  every  sense  alert,  and  took 
one  step  down.  No  angry  lightning  came  to  strike 
him.  Then  he  took  another  step,  and  paused  to  listen 
if  there  were  bad  devils  coming  to  seize  a  naughty 
boy.  But  the  house  was  still,  and  he  went  on,  planting 
two  feet  safely  on  each  step  until  he  reached  the  land 
ing.  Ching  Lo's  door  was  ajar,  but  not  so  that  they 
could  see  him ;  and  his  soft  shoes  carried  him  noise- 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEEUB  9 

lessly  past.  There,  down  another  flight,  was  the  street 
—  and  then  he  could  rnn  and  catch  the  lovely  lady ! 
He  made  the  descent  to  the  front  door  with  greater 
confidence  and  equal  circumspection.  How  delight 
ful  the  free  air !  Now  he  would  hurry  and  ask  her 
the  way  to  the  House  of  Glittering  Things,  for  she 
must  know,  if,  indeed  —  why  had  he  not  thought  be 
fore  ?  —  she  were  not  herself  the  Lady  of  Cakes  and 
Tea !  Oh,  joy  !  Then  he  heard  a  familiar  voice  that 
stopped  him.  It  was  One-Two,  who  had  followed 
him,  and  now  stood  questioning  at  the  head  of  the 
flight.  He  had  almost  forgotten  One-Two ;  but  could 
he  leave  the  faithful  partner  of  his  woes  behind? 
The  Infant  stood  in  serious  quandary.  That  his 
father  would  be  interested  in  his  son's  disappearance 
did  not  occur  to  the  child.  No  such  idea  had  been 
instilled  in  him.  But  indeed  the  loss  of  One-Two, 
the  mascot,  would  not  be  undergone  without  long 
search  and  deep  displeasure.  You  could  buy  little  ' 
boys  at  a  joss-house,  but  mascots  came  only  unex 
pectedly  in  through  the  window.  Yet  should  One- 
Two  stay  on  and  fall  again  to  the  bad  grace  from 
which  he  had  so  recently  emerged^tne  Infant  shud 
dered  for  what  might  happen.  For  the  cat  would  be 
thrown  from  a  window  into  the  soiled  back  street. 
But  still,  with  such  a  burden,  how  weary  would  the 
many  miles  be  on  the  way  to  the  House  of  Glittering 
Things !  And  he  remembered  how  little  Quong  Sam 
had  not  only  cast  away  his  shoes,  but  had  even 
shaved  off  his  eyebrows  to  make  himself  lighter  for 
his  feet  to  carry.  Now  came  another  complication  — 
he  must  ascend  the  stairs  to  get  One-Two,  who  re- 


10  THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 

fused  to  come  down,  as  though  mistrusting  the  ad 
venture —  One-Two,  who  had  been  upon  the  world 
and  knew  it ;  'and  if  the  amah  heard  but  one  suspi 
cious  sound,  she  would  rush  out  and  end  his  prospects 
for  days  and  days,  and  the  lovely  lady  would  be  lost 
to  him.  But  One-Two  put  his  fore  feet  down  one 
step,  and  stood  with  his  hind  quarters  elevated  and 
his  tail  waving,  loyal  to  indissoluble  ties,  and  Hoo 
Chee  saw  it  even  while  (he  pondered  the  problem. 
And  now,  when  the  cat  opened  wide  his  mouth,  and 
without  a  noise  plainly  showed  the  first  anxiety  about 
the  plighted  faith,  it  was  too  much :  he  loved  One- 
Two! 

The  Infant  crawled  stealthily  on  hands  and  chubby 
knees  up  the  stairs.  One-Two  advanced  carefully  to 
meet  him,  and  was  taken  into  the  arms  of  the  child, 
who  silently,  in  his  clumsy  baby  fashion,  made  way 
with  his  burden  back  to  the  door,  and  out  to  the 
street. 

Miss  Arenam  was  standing  at  the  summit  of  the 
hill,  looking  over  the  dingy  housetops  down  to  the 
bay,  which  shone  in  the  sun  like  a  strange  enamel  set 
in  mountains.  He  recognized  her  figure  and  the  color 
of  her  dress.  He  would  hurry  up  the  steep  incline 
and  go  with  her.  He  would  find  little  Quong  Sam, 
and  play  with  him  in  the  Glittering  House;  for, 
though  it  was  a  thousand  years  since  Quong  had 
started  forth,  who  that  had  come  to  the  presence  of  the 
Lady  of  Cakes  and  Tea  would  ever  care  to  leave  it? 

He  passed  other  children  playing  about  uncared  for. 
They  were  dressed  in  common  garb,  but  he  was  in  his 
best.  He  wore  little  shoes  with  white  felt  soles,  and 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEEUB  11 

uppers  embroidered  in  gold,  to  which  came  long,  loose, 
drab-colored  trousers.  A  skull-cap  worked  in  span 
gles  and  prodigal  hues  came  down  to  his  ears,  and 
through  a  neat  hole  in  its  crown  projected  his  cuelet, 
curling  away  like  coal-black  smoke  from  a  wigwam. 
His  bulky  tunic,  which  reached  to  his  knees,  was  cov 
ered  with  a  gingham  bib  tightly  tied  with  tapes  at  the 
hips,  so  that  he  swelled  out  hugely  above  and  below 
the  waist.  When  he  walked  his  arms  seemed  lost  in 
his  clothes,  and  his  knees  bobbed  strangely  up  and 
down. 

Ah,  but  the  hill  was  steep !  Now  he  understood 
how  the  youthful  Quong  had  toiled  and  toiled  and 
been  discouraged;  but  Hoo  Chee  should  not  quail, 
though  heavy  One-Two  must  be  changed  so  frequently 
from  arm  to  arm.  (Tie  came  to  a  crossing  where  a 
traction  cable  rattled  terrifically  j  and  he  ran  as  fast 
as  his  legs  would  go  to  escape  the  car  that  was  coming 
three  blocks  away.  They  had  said  he  did  not  know ! 

But  the  lovely  lady  had  slowly  walked  away,  and 
was  lost  immediately  behind  the  brow  of  the  hill. 
Was  he  going  to  miss  her  ?  No  !  He  tried  to  run  up 
the  incline;  and  his  little  heart  beat  faster  and  faster. 

i  last  he  reached  the  top,  and  saw  the  hem  of  her 
blue  skirt  swish  around  a  corner.  Now  it  was  level 
going.  He  caught  his  breath,  and  trotted  as  fast  as  he 
could,  unaware  of  the  people  who  turned  and  smiled. 

When  Miss  Arenam  had  gone  a  few  steps  down  the 
other  side  of  the  hill,  on  the  sharp  descent  from  the 
nabob  castles,  and  had  started  up  the  flights  of  stones 
that  led  to  her  father's  house,  she  caught  first  sight  of 
the  Infant.  He  had  paused,  and  now  gazed  at  her 


12  THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 

in  a  mixture  of  doubt  and  bashfulness.  His  tiny  fig 
ure,  silhouetted  against  the  sky  at  the  line  of  the  hill 
top,  was  the  most  entrancing  thing  her  eyes  had  met 
that  day.  She  smiled  across  the  little  distance,  and 
the  Infant  smiled  in  response.  When  she  looked 
again,  from  farther  up,  Hoo  Ghee  was  hurrying  after 
her ;  and  in  a  moment  he  could  stare  mutely  up  at  her 
with  his  hand  on  the  open  gate. 

"Hello,  little  gentleman!"  said  Miss  Arenam; 
"  won't  you  come  in  —  and  bring  your  friend  ? n 

The  Infant  could  not  speak  her  tongue,  but  her  smile 
was  better  than  words.  He  tucked  One-Two  under 
his  arm,  and  labored  solemnly  up  the  steps  with  hand 
and  feet,  until  he  halted  to  gaze  in  rapture  at  her  from 
nearer  than  he  ever  had  dreamed.  Miss  Arenam, 
shining  down  upon  him,  threw  open  the  door  j  and 
the  two  went  in  together,  the  silent  Infant  staring  at 
her  in  such  intense  admiration  that  she  blushed. 

'  BY  this  time  the  pallid  Hwah  Kwee  was  rushing 
about  in  breathless  search  of  her  lost  charge.  There 
was  no  sight  of  him.  She  dared  not  say  she  had  lost 
him ;  for  if  no  one  knew  he  might  wander  safely  back, 
but  if  it  were  noised  abroad  some  one  would  snatch 
him  up. 

"  What  shall  I  do  ?  "  wailed  the  amah  to  Ching  Lo. 
"  He  has  strayed  into  the  vast  maze  of  the  city.  Hoo 
King  will  kill  me  !  " 

"  Say  that  he  was  stolen  —  that  they  knocked  you 
senseless." 

"  But  he  will  see  no  mark  from  the  blow,"  said  the 
amah. 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEEUB  13 

"  Make  one !  It  is  better  than  a  thousand  from  the 
old  dragon." 

Hwah  snatched  a  broken  dish,  and  struck  its  jagged 
edge  against  her  forehead. 

"  Leave  the  wound  alone  !  "  cried  Ching  Lo.  "  Go 
and  lie  in  a  heap  near  your  door,  and  think  what  you 
will  tell  the  master.  I  will  say  I  heard  terrible  sounds, 
and  thought  he  was  beating  you." 

/  "!F  I  can  only  keep  him  long  enough  to  get  his  dar 
ling  little  noddle,  I  shall  be  celebrated,"  said  Miss 
Arenam,  working  rapidly  over  a  moist  clay  ball.  The 
Infant  sat  on  a  stool  at  her  feet,  holding  a  fold  of  her 
skirt,  and  eyeing  her  intently.  One-Two  was  lapping 
a  dish  of  cream,  and  meditating  on  the  exceeding  wis 
dom  of  this  small  boy.  Frequently  Hoo  Cnee  and  the 
girl  exchanged  smiles. 

"But,  Bayley,"  said  her  mother,  "we  must  find 
whose  child  he  is.  Think  of  the  mother  who  is  weep 
ing  for  him ! " 

"  I  've  sent  for  Gee,  mama,"  said  the  daughter.  The 
clay  was  taking  something  the  shape  of  the  little  nod 
dle  in  question.  Gee,  summoned  from  the  kitchen, 
threw  up  his  hands. 

"Whey  you  catch  that  baby?  Who  b'long,  Miss 
Bayley  ?  Oh,  no !  I  doan'  like  go  Chinatown  say  I 
know  whey  that  baby  was.  People  say  I  stolee  that 
baby  —  make  baily,  baily  bad  for  me.  Whose  boy  are 
you  9  "  asked  Gee,  in  Chinese. 

"Ha,  ha,  ha!"  laughed  Hoo  Chee,  throwing  back 
his  small  head,  and  pulling  at  the  lady's  skirt.  It  was 
not  plain  what  amused  him. 


14  THE  CAT   AND  THE  CHEEUB 

"  Now,  Gee,"  said  Miss  Arenam,  "  I  wish  to  ask  him 
some  questions." 

The  servant  translated,  "  What  is  your  name,  small 
sir  ?  "  The  Infant  thought  the  query  originated  with 
Gee. 

"  Flower-pot,"  replied  the  Infant,  with  a  giggle. 

"  And  what  is  your  father's  name  I " 

"  Water-pot,"  said  Chee,  with  another  giggle. 

"  And  your  mother's  ? " 

"  Rice-bowl ! "  shouted  the  Infant.  Then  he  laughed 
loud  and  long,  while  his  fat  little  body  shook.  Only 
the  Chinaman  preserved  gravity. 

"  That  baby  baily  small  baby,  but  great  much  tell 
lies  —  allee  samee  'Melican  boy." 

"  I  will  send  a  note  to  the  police  station,"  said  Mrs. 
Arenam,  "  and  ask  them  to  inquire  in  Chinatown." 

"  I  hope  they  won't  find  out  anything  until  I  have 
finished  this  —  as  long  as  he  is  happy  here.  I  don't 
think  his  parents  will  worry  over  him.  What  an 
objet  ftart  he  will  be  for  the  people  this  evening !  " 

"  Bayley,  your  heart  is  turning  to  clay  with  all  this 
mud-work.  Suppose  you  had  a  little  son,  and  he 
should  stray  away  !  I  dare  say  it  will  be  some  time 
before  his  father  thinks  of  asking  the  police.  Those 
Chinese  are  so  stupid  about  some  things.  If  that 
child  is  to  stay  here  this  evening  he  must  be  scrubbed. 
Gee,  I  want  you  to  give  this  boy  —  if  it  is  a  boy  —  a 
bath." 

"  Oh,  no !  I  no  likee.  S'pose  he  die  !  That  baby 
not  old  enough  to  wassee." 

"  Send  for  Mrs.  Brady,  mama,"  said  Bayley. 

Miss  Arenam  went  on  with  the  modeling.     The  In- 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB  15 

fant  was  still  for  several  moments,  while  the  young 
woman  frowned,  and  stood  off  from  the  clay,  and 
measured  his  nose  with  her  little  stick,  which  opera 
tion  he  considered  most  delightful.  It  was  plain  that 
he  was  involved  in  a  mental  process.  At  length  he 
lisped  doubtfully : 

"  Pay-lee?" 

"  Yes,  dear,"  said  Bayley  j  "  that  is  my  name." 

"  Pay-lee,"  said  the  Infant,  confidently.  He  began 
to  move  about  the  room,  so  that  she  had  difficulty  in 
working  from  him. 

"  Come  here,  little  man,"  she  said ;  "  IT1  teach  you 
some  English.  Say  this :  '  Infinitesimal  James '  — say 
it :  '  Infinitesim al  James  !  " 

" '  If-itty-teshi-mow  Jays,7  "  repeated  the  Infant. 
The  two  smiled  ecstatically  at  each  other. 

"  Now  say :  '  Had  nine  unpronounceable  names.' " 

" '  Haddee  ny  up-plo-now-shi-buh  nays  ' —  ha !  ha ! " 
laughed  Hoo  Chee.  It  was  a  rhyme  —  like  those  he 
had  heard  his  father  say  to  Yeo  Tsing. 

"  Now :  i  He  wrote  them  all  down, — ' " 

"  l  He  lote  im  aw  dow'/  "  repeated  the  Infant.  One- 
Two  looked  on  from  near  by.  Hoo  Chee  stood  with 
his  hands  on  Miss  Arenam's  knee,  staring  straight 
into  her  eyes. 

"'With  a  mortified  frown, — >  " 

"  <  Witty  motti-fy  flow,—' " 

"  '  And  threw  the  whole  lot  in  the  flames  ! ' " 

" l  A-flew-ty  ho-lot-itty  flays ! '    Hee  ! " 

Very  soon  he  could  repeat  the  lines  without  prompt 
ing;  and  meanwhile  Bayley  was  deftly  shaping  in 
the  soft  ball  two  almond  eyes,  and  a  little  flat  nose, 


16  THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 

and  a  mouth  that  opened  in  a  smile,  and  was  to  show 
teeth  as  big  as  grains  of  rice.  The  Infant  was  en 
chanted  by  the  rhyme,  and  kept  on  repeating :  "  If- 
itty-teshi-mow  Jays  "  with  happy  countenance.  Then 
Bayley  taught  him  another  verse : 

There  was  a  little  boy,  and  he  was  n't  very  bright,  and 
He  could  n't  tell  his  left  from  his  right  hand ; 

So  he  chawed  his  dexter  paw  till  the  skin  was  red  and  raw, 
To  remember  that  the  right  was  the  bite  hand. 

Then  a  stout,  clear-skinned  woman  came  to  the 
door,  and  held  a  brief  conversation  with  Miss  Are- 
nam,  who  suggested  that  Hoo  Chee  go  along  with  the 
nice  lady  and  enjoy  a  bath.  Mrs.  Brady  held  out  her 
big  hand  to  him.  But  the  Infant  grappled  with  all 
his  might  to  Miss  Arenam's  skirt,  and  exclaimed  his 
objections  in  a  volume  of  Chinese  baby- talk.  He  and 
One-Two  willingly  followed  Miss  Arenam  into  the 
tank-room,  however,  and  she  left  him  there  with 
Mrs.  Brady,  closing  the  door  rather  quickly.  There 
was  a  sound  of  running  water,  and  Hoo  Chee,  be 
tween  the  blue  mermaids  on  the  tiles,  and  curiosity 
at  what  was  to  happen  in  this  big,  warm  room  with 
nothing  in  it  but  a  square  porcelain  pond,  seemed  to 
have  forgotten  his  anxiety,  especially  when  the  pond 
began  to  fill  with  water,  and  he  searched  it  earnestly 
for  little  fishes  that  looked  up  from  the  corners  of 
their  eyes. 

Miss  Arenam  stood  in  her  apron,  and  hummed  to 
herself,  while  she  gave  the  roughly  outlined  bust 
little  dabs  with  her  forefinger.  {  Suddenly  there  came 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEEUB  17 

a  frantic  shriek  from  the  tank-room,  and,  hurrying  in 
that  direction,  she  heard  a  small  voice  shrilling  in  the 
direst  fear  : 

"  Pay-lee !    Pay-ay-ay-lee ! " 

"  What  is  the  matter  ? "  she  asked,  knocking  at  the 
door.  "  Have  you  scalded  that  child,  Mrs.  Brady  ?  " 

"  Scalded  um ! "  said  Mrs.  Brady,  from  the  other 
side.  "  1 've  just  hoisted  um  into  the  water,  an7  lie 
won't  let  go  me  neck.  Take  yer  lianas  from  me  hair, 
ye  little  imp  I  Did  ye  never  see  water  f  " 

"  Pay-lee ! "  shouted  the  Infant,  who  apparently 
held  the  situation  under  control.  The  top  of  the  tank 
was  on  a  level  with  the  floor,  and  Mrs.  Brady  had  to 
kneel  to  it.  <But  then  a  splash  was  heard,  and  the 
anxious  Bayley,  at  the  door-knob,  was  frightened  by 
another  mighty  screech, 

"  Mrs.  Brady,"  protested  the  girl,  tapping  the  panel, 
"  I  am  sure  that  water  is  too  hot  j  perhaps  he  is  not 
used  to  hot  water." 

"  Or  cold,  either,'7  puffed  Mrs.  Brady,  turning  the 
faucet.  "  Put  yer  foot  down  !  (Maybe  if  ye  stay  there 
an7  talk  he  11  be  peaceful.)  Take  it  out  of  yer  mouth 

—  it  ain't  sody- water !     Oh,  I  wish  I  was  yer  mother 

—  no,  I  don't !    Now,  here  comes  the  shower ! " 
Bayley  heard  the   pattering  of  many  drops,  and 

through  them,  as  from  a  lamb  in  a  rain,  many  sounds 
in  Cantonese,  with  the  wail  of  "  Pay-ay-ay-ay-lee  ! " 

"  There,  Mrs.  Brady !  You  must  have  let  that  water 
run  too  long ;  perhaps  he  's  chilled." 

"  Hot  it  is,"  came  the  answer  j  "  an'  the  responsibil 
ity  be  with  you.  Now  !  Maybe  if  you  'd  go  away  he  'd 
be  quiet." 


18  THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 

There  came  a  mixture  of  scrubbing  and  yells  that 
increased  as  Hoo  Chee  found  that  he  was  not  hurt, 
and  began  to  express  his  auger.  He  seemed  in  the 
tortures  of  purgatory. 

"  What  in  the  world  are  you  doing  to  that  child  to 
make  him  cry  so  $  "  said  Bay  ley. 

The  bath-brush  came  with  a  thump  to  the  floor,  and 
there  was  an  instant  of  silence. 

"  Did  n't  ye  tell  me  to  wash  um  ?  "  said  Mrs.  Brady, 
as  if  the  whole  matter  might  have  been  a  mistake. 

"  Of  course  I  did ! "  said  the  girl,  with  much 
warmth. 

"  Well,  I  'm  washin'  um ! "  said  Mrs.  Brady,  with 
equal  emphasis  j  and  the  scrubbing  continued.  "  D'  ye 
think  1 7m  tattooin'  um  ?  Now  he  's  done  it !  He  's 
put  a  fistful  of  soap  in  his  eye !  Down  ye  go  !  " 

There  was  a  yell,  quickly  curtailed,  a  splash,  and 
then  a  long  silence. 

"  Mrs.  Brady,  you  are  surely  not  holding  that  child 
under  water  all  this  time  ?  " 

But  Mrs.  Brady  was  already  triumphantly  applying 
the  finishing  touches. 

"  Now,  there  !  Ye  ain't  hurt,  are  ye  ?  Ain't  ye  nice 
an'  warm?  When  ye  go  home,  tell  yer  mother  ye  was 
swallowed  by  a  whale.  What !  Ye  bad  little  boy ! " 

The  Infant  had  taken  One-Two  by  the  scruff  of  the 
neck,  and  had  doused  the  unsuspecting  cat  in  the 
water.  One-Two  came  up  sneezing  and  yowling  in 
utter  dismay.  Hoo  Chee  leaned  over  and  endeavored 
to  scrub  the  cat  as  Mrs.  Brady  would  have  done. 

A  few  minutes/ later  there  was  a  loud  cry  of  joy. 
One-Two  scampered  at  full  speed  along  the  hall,  and 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEEUB  19 

hid  far  under  a  lounge.  Hoo  Chee  burst  into  the 
room  where  Bayley  was  still  fashioning  the  model. 
The  Infant  glowed  under  a  fresh  and  delightful  sensa 
tion.  He  felt  like  dancing  and  singing,  and  presently 
he  broke  forth : 


Ah  you  wass  —  all  you  wass  ? 
Ah  you  wass  —  ah  you  wass  ? 


And  Miss  Arenarn  laughed,  because  she  thought  the 
child  had  learned  from  the  streets  a  popular  ditty  that 
asked : 

How  you  was  —  how  you  was  ? 

The  Infant  laughed  too,  and  coquetted  with  the 
lady,  and  would  not  let  her  touch  him,  but  sought  to 
be  pursued  in  fun.  They  chased  each  other  about  in 
great  glee,  equally  amused  by  the  sport.  At  last  Bay- 
ley  caught  him  up,  and  kissed  him  soundly,  and  said : 

"  You  darling  child  —  I  love  you ! " 
^~And  finally  Mrs.  Arenam  found  her  daughter  in  the 
arm-chair,  with  Hoo  Chee  fast  asleep  in  her  lap,  while 
One-Two  dried  himself  in  the  sun,  and  tried  to  recall 
just  what  had  taken  place  in  the  tank-room. 

1 

THE  amah  had  been  revived,  and  had  told  her  story 

about  the  three  men  who  tore  the  child  from  her  arms. 
Half  an  hour  after  Hoo  King  had  returned  with  the 
mother,  he  locked  the  women  in  the  rooms,  and  de 
scended  the  stairs  with  the  same  expression  on  his 
face  that  he  had  worn  all  day.  He  asked  other  ten 
ants  if  they  had  seen  the  cat  One-Two.  The  cat  had 
strayed  away,  said  the  father,  and  little  Hoo  Chee  was 


20  THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEEUB 

up-stairs  weeping  about  it.  Hoo  King  would  give  five 
dollars  for  its  return.  He  considered  that  any  one 
who  knew  about  the  cat  would  know  about  the  boy  j 
for  the  two  had  been  stolen  together,  said  Kwee.  They 
had  discovered  that  One-Two  was  a  lucky  animal,  and 
they  would  keep  him  alive  and  well.  In  time  some 
one  would  see  the  cat,  even  if  the  boy  had  been  con 
cealed  or  murdered.  /The  father  went  to  the  various 
haunts  of  his  friends,  and  repeated  his  inquiry  in  a 
careless  manner.  He  went,  also,  to  places  where  there 
were  enemies,  and  where  he  kept  himself  ready  to  be 
attacked  bodily,  such  were  the  relations  of  the  Tongs 
at  that  period  in  Chinatown.  When  he  spoke,  he  scru 
tinized  his  hearers  to  see  if  they  smiled  wisely,  or 
otherwise  betrayed  knowledge  of  his  greater  loss. 
But  no  one  seemed  even  interested.  There  was  noth 
ing  but  to  wait  until  the  captors  approached  him  for 
a  ransom.  If  he  noised  the  truth,  then  perhaps  the 
hostile  Tongs  would  find  the  child  first  and  switch 
him  away.  Nothing  would  please  them  better.  They 
could  take  Hoo  Ghee  to  Oregon,  and  keep  him  until  he 
had  forgotten  his  parentage  and  had  been  developed 
into  a  hater  of  his  father's  Tong. /If  the  father  told 
the  police,  the  newspapers  would  have  it  next  morn 
ing.  Besides,  Hwah  Kwee  could  give  no  clue  to  the 
men  j  they  had  been  too  quick.  He  came  home  early, 
in  an  evil  mood.  Hoo  Bee  had  taken  her  lily  feet  to 
bed,  and  was  sound  asleep. 


IT  was  the  evening  of  the  month  when  Miss  Are- 
nam  entertained  her  little  coterie  of  souls  artistic. 
While  the  Infant  had  slumbered  above,  the  hours  had 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEEUB  21 

passed  until  the  music-room  was  full  of  people,  and 
they  had  hushed  to  hear  Miss  Joliet  sing  while  Dr. 
Rimpo  played  an  obbligato  on  the  flute.  In  the  mid 
dle  of  the  song  there  came  from  aloft  an  inquiring 
shriek  of  "  Pay-ay-lee  ! "  followed  by  the  hurried  pad 
ding  of  small,  uncertain  feet  upon  the  stairs.  Miss 
Arenam  blushed,  and  grasped  the  arm  of  her  chair. 
Hoo  Chee,  with  One-Two  tightly  clasped  under  his 
arm,  dashed,  shouting,  into  the  room,  then  paused, 
dazzled  by  the  lights  and  the  number  of  strange 
faces.  But  Bayley,  in  her  white  dress,  shone  out  from 
all  the  rest  like  the  main  star  of  a  coronet  j  and  the 
Infant,  running  joyously  up,  dropped  on  his  knees  be 
fore  her  and  touched  his  forehead  several  times  to  the 
floor.  The  music  stopped :  Dr.  Rimpo  had  laughed 
absurdly  through  his  flute,  and  all  the  others  joined  ; 
for  the  soap  of  the  bath  had  dried  in  Hoo  Ghee's  cue, 
which  stood  up  as  straight  as  the  stem  of  a  gourd. 

All  the  ladies  exclaimed : 

"  Where  did  you  get  that  beautiful  child  ?  " 

Miss  Arenam  told  the  story  of  the  afternoon,  while 
the  Infant  examined  all  the  people,  and  determined 
that  she  was  the  loveliest. 

"  Now  say  the  little  piece,"  said  Bayley. 

"  E-litty  peesh  ? "  repeated  the  Infant. 

"  About  the  little  boy  who  was  n't  very  bright.'7 

Hoo  Chee  deposited  One-Two  carefully  on  the  floor, 
and,  placing  his  hands  on  the  lady's  knee,  looked 
straight  into  her  eyes  and  began : 

"  Washee  litty  poy —  washee  baily  plight-an 
Coutty  tellee  left  flommy  light-an ; 


22  THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 

Here  lie  stopped  for  breath  — 

11  — tilly  tinny  leddy  law, 
To  lemmemy  latty  lightee  washee  bite-an ! " 

Here  the  company  broke  into  great  applause,  in  which 
the  Infant  joined. 

'^If-itty-teshi-mow  Jays,"  began  the  young  person 
as  soon  as  he  could  be  heard  j  and  he  finished  the  lines 
without  a  break.  There  was  more  applause  and  laugh 
ter,  and  the  ladies  thronged  to  kiss  the  boy,  while 
Bayley  strove  in  vain  to  overcome  the  stiffness  of  his 

CU£, 

/The  song  with  the  obbligato  was  begun  afresh,  and 
the  evening  went  on  with  music.  When  Miss  Arenam 
sang  a  Spanish  ballad  the  Infant  insisted  on  standing 
at  her  side,  with  One-Two  under  his  arm,  and  staring 
up  at  her  with  open  mouth,  while  his  ears  drank  in 
her  lovely  voice.  Next  she  sang  the  "Angel's  Sere 
nade,"  accompanied  by  the  flute  and  violin.  A  strange 
sight  then  was  the  face  of  Hoo  Chee.  Never  in  his 
life  had  he  heard  anything  like  this.  Perhaps  he 
feared  that  Miss  Arenam  was  only  a  dream  and  might 
vanish  from  him,  leaving  him  to  wake  at  the  sum 
mons  of  the  amah ;  for  he  clutched  the  lovely  lady's 
dress,  as  if  to  stay  her  from  moving,  and  then  slowly 
the  corners  of  his  mouth  drew  down,  and  one,  two, 
three  came  the  tears  in  his  upturned  eyes,  until  they 
swam  his  sight  away,  and  he  stuck  his  little,  hard  pig 
tail  into  a  fold  of  the  angel's  gown,  and  sobbed. 

Thus  again  was  the  music  interrupted. 

"  You  darling  child !  What  is  the  matter  f  "  cried 
Bayley,  taking  him  maternally  in  her  arms. 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB  23 

"Bayley,"  said  her  mother,  suddenly,  "that  child 
has  not  eaten  a  mouthful  since  he  came  to  this  house! w 

"Oh,  mama ! "  cried  the  girl,  rushing  off  with  him 
to  the  dining-room. 

"  How  strange/'  said  the  mother,  "  that  his  parents 
have  not  inquired  of  the  police,  and  been  sent  here !  " 

The  Infant  was  left  with  Gee,  who  brought  him  a 
bowl  of  rice  and  some  dainties  prescribed  by  the  lovely 
lady.  Gee  did  not  regard  him  with  favor  ;  for  in  their 
colloquy  the  boy  had  given  him  a  "  bad  face  "  before 
the  ladies  of  the  house.  Now,  while  Hoo  Chee  sat  in 
a  high  chair  at  the  vast  table,  much  engrossed  with 
filling  a  want  which  his  previous  excitement  had  made 
him  ignore,  Gee  tried  again  to  find  out  who  he  was. 
But  the  Infant  had  a  very  clearly  defined  purpose  to 
conceal  that  much,  and  he  answered  most  of  the  que 
ries  with  the  f orgetfulness  of  a  great  capitalist  on  the 
witness-stand,  (it  length  the  servant  said  in  disgust : 

"  If  you  don't  tell  me  your  name,  1 11  whip  you ! " 

"  If  you  do,  I  '11  call  her/'  said  Hoo  Chee,  with  a 
small  frown  ;  "  and  she  '11  cut  your  head  off ! " 

Gee  made  no  attempt  to  carry  out  his  threat,  but 
instead  went  and  whistled  down  to  the  basement. 
There  was  a  galloping  of  claws  and  a  sudden  cocking 
of  One-Two's  ears.  In  a  moment  the  cat's  back  arched 
into  the  most  astonishing  shape  Hoo  Chee  had  ever 
seen  it  take,  and  One-Two  stood  in  a  corner  confronted 
by  the  small  dog  of  the  household.  Prrout  shared  in 
the  general  surprise,  and  was  half  inclined  to  treat 
One-Two  as  an  occurrence  too  interesting  for  malice. 
But  Gee  urged  him  on,  and  plainly  indicated  that  the 
cat  was  an  enemy  to  be  destroyed.  The  Chinaman 


24  THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB 

foresaw  that  the  results  might  be  disastrous  to  him 
self  should  the  facts  reach  Miss  Bayley  j  so  he  went 
discreetly  below-stairs,  where  he  found  awaiting  him 
his  friend  Lee  Sing. 

To  resist  showing  Lee  what  sport  was  about  to  hap 
pen  was  too  much  for  Gee's  mood,  and,  grinning,  he 
conducted  his  friend  to  where  they  could  look 
through,  and  get  a  glimpse  of  the,  corner  of  the  din 
ing-room.  One-Two,  with  bristling  hair,  was  hunched 
in  battle  array,  his  eyes  glaring  into  those  of  the 
enemy,  who  moved  cautiously  from  side  to  side,  wag 
ging  his  tail  in  anxious  respect  for  the  cat's  sharp 
claws.  (The  Infant,  whom  the  Chinamen  could  not 
see,  had  dropped  his  bowl,  and  stared  upon  the  scene 
in  the  greatest  wonder.  In  a  moment  he  decided  that 
his  dear  One-Two  was  in  peril,  and  he  immediately 
struggled  down  from  the  high  chair  to  go  (to  the  res 
cue.  Gee,  hearing  the  noise,  closed  the  door.  He  did 
not  wish  any  Chinaman  to  know  about  the  child ;  for 
if  it  was  the  son  of  a  person  hostile  to  Gee's  Tong, 
then,  no  matter  what  happened,  Gee  would  become 
the  object  of  violence  as  the  one  responsible  for  an 
injury  either  effected  or  attempted.  Only  a  China 
man  in  Chinatown  can  understand. 

"That  cat  is  like  one  our  Hoo  King  lost  to-day," 
said  Lee.  "  He  offers  five  dollars  for  its  return.  It 
belongs  to  his  little  boy,  Hoo  Chee.  Strange  that  a 
man  should  offer  so  much  for  a  cat  ;  but  Hoo  King 
makes  money." 

Gee  received  this  information  with  a  quickened 
mind.  He  was  a  member  of  Hoo  King's  Tong.  He 
said  nothing,  but  presently  excused  himself,  and  sent 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB  25 

Lee  Sing  on  his  way.  Gee  came  half-way  up  the 
stairs  and  called : 

"  Hoo  Chee ! " 

"  What  ?  "  said  the  Inf ant,  guilelessly. 

The  Chinaman  laughed  softly  and  retired.  Then 
he  slipped  out,  and  ran  over  to  the  police  station. 
There  they  telephoned  to  the  Chinatown  squad. 

The  Infant  made  straight  for  the  dog. 

"  Go  away,,  bad  devil  dog ! "  he  said  in  Chinese, 
raising  his  small  fists  threateningly.  Before  Prrout 
had  recovered  from  the  novelty  of  this  little  figure 
Hoo  Chee  had  snatched  One- Two  in  his  arms,  and 
with  difficulty  had  boosted  him  up  to  the  high  table. 
Then  the  Infant  climbed  back  to  his  chair,  where  he 
leisurely  finished  his  rice,  stopping  after  each  mouth 
ful  to  let  One-Two  take  his  share  from  the  bowl. 
Prrout  after  a  while  gave  up  his  watch  on  them,  and 
ran  to  find  his  mistress,  who  promptly  sent  him  back 
to  the  basement. 

Miss  Arenam's  evenings  were  always  delightful. 
She  was  like  California,  thrilling  and  inspiring  the 
charming  people  of  many  climes,  4md  her  guests  in 
variably  found  the  midnight  come  too  soon.  Now 
Mr.  Paxton  uncovered  his  new  etching,  and  the  talk 
having  turned  to  art,  Miss  Arenam  was  persuaded  to 
exhibit  the  unfinished  bust  of  the  Infant.  It  was 
placed  in  the  front  drawing-room,  on  a  pedestal  bor 
rowed  from  one  of  the  marbles,  and  the  people 
thronged  to  admire  it. 

In  the  dining-room  the  small  model,  having  eaten 
until  One-Two  refused  to  accept  any  more,  and  until 
he  himself  was  compelled  to  desist  with  sighs,  stuffed 


26  THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEEUB 

much  of  what  remained  into  the  broad  pocket  that 
ran  across  the  breast  of  his  bib.  Then  he  got  down 
once  more,  and  proceeded  with  lordly  content  to  in 
spect  this  part  of  the  premises.  What  a  funny  place 
that  was  behind  the  screen  —  a  long,  low-opening  in 
the  wall,  with  iron  things,  tipped,  he  thought,  with 
golden  knobs,  resting  at  its  bottom  on  a  level  with 
the  floor,  and,  at  the  back,  a  wall  of  bricks  built  up 
like  stairs.  Some  day  he  could  easily  crawl  in  there 
and  climb  up  and  see  where  it  led  to.  How  bright 
and  cheerful  compared  to  the  gloomy  chambers  on 
Dupont  street!  And  what  a  wilderness  of  curious 
things !  Those  lights,  fifty  times  as  brilliant  as  the  pea 
nut  oil- wicks  of  home,  how  they  dazzled  one !  They 
—  why,  why  —  this  was  the  House  of  Glittering 
Things!  And  she — was  the  Lady  of  Cakes  and 
Tea!  "Why  had  he  not  thought?  Oh,  joy!  This 
was  the  goal  for  which  he  had  set  out  —  and  oh,  how 
many,  many  weary  miles  he  had  walked !  But  he  had 
found  it.  He  would  stay  here  forever,  and  the  Lady 
would  give  him  cakes  and  tea,  and  he  would  play  and 
play  —  where  was  little  Quong  Sam?  Did  Quong 
have  a  One-Two  ?  He  would  ask  Gee.  No ;  he  would 
run  and  find  Pay-lee  —  she  would  be  truthful. 

A.  bell  had  rung,  and  Gee  had  gone  through  to  the 
front  door.  The  Infant  paused.  In  a  moment  he 
heard  a  voice  which  sent  a  chill  through  his  body. 
It  said  in  Chinese : 

"  Is  a  little  boy  —  Hoo  Chee  —  here  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  said  Gee.  "  If  you  will  give  me  the  reward 
I  will  give  you  the  cat,  too." 

Hoo  Chee,  standing  behind  the  door  with  One-Two 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEEUB  27 

in  his  arms,  knew  the  voice  as  well  as  he  knew  the 
color  of  his  bib.  Bayley  came  into  the  hall ;  he  heard 
her  say  things  in  English.  He  conld  not  understand 
them  5  but  something  in  the  tones  made  his  heart 
sink.  Was  he  to  be  taken  away  from  her  —  back  to  the 
damp  and  darksome  prison  of  three  rooms'?  Never! 

"  There  is  a  little  lost  Chinese  boy  here/'  said  Bay- 
ley  ;  "  but  how  shall  I  be  sure  he  belongs  to  you  I  n 

Through  Gee,  Hoo  King  described  his  offspring. 

"  Yeh,"  said  King,  in  answer  to  Mr.  Arenam ;  "  him 
gottee  one  litty  mole  und'  him  chin,  an'  one  litty  mole 
und'  him  ear." 

"  Let  us  examine  the  child,"  said  Mr.  Arenam. 

Bayley  went  into  the  dining-room.  Only  the  small 
dog  greeted  her.  Gee  had  left  the  door  open.  The 
child  was  not  to  be  found.  They  called  his  name,  but 
there  was  no  reply.  She  sent  Gee  down  to  the  serv 
ants'  quarters,  and  went  herself  up-stairs,  while  the 
guests  peered  under  the  furniture. 

Hoo  King  grew  uneasy.  Perhaps  this  was  a  ruse 
to  gain  time.  He  stepped  in  from  the  hall.  Before 
him  on  the  pedestal  was  the  cold  head  of  his  son  —  of 
the  color  of  clay.  They  had  slain  his  only  child ! 
There  were  no  eyes;  they  had  ground  them  up  to 
make  photographs ! 

"  What  for !  what  for  ! "  cried  the  wretched  father, 
laying  his  trembling  hands  on  the  pedestal,  while  his 
knees  nearly  sank  under  him.  He  moaned  many 
words  in  Chinese.  The  searchers  collected,  thinking 
the  child  had  been  found.  Gee  explained  the  cause  of 
the  old  man's  grief,  and  tried  to  calm  his  fears.  The 
dog  barked,  and  ran  toward  the  dining-room,  stopping 


28  THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHEBUB 

every  moment  and  wagging  his  tail.  Bayley  hurried 
distractedly  for  another  look  at  the  spot  where  she 
had  left  the  Infant.  The  dog  danced  about  the  fire 
place,  barking  up  the  chimney  in  extravagant  excite 
ment.  Miss  Arenam  heard  the  mewing  of  a  cat. 

"  He  cannot  have  climbed  up  there.  Gee !  Come 
here ! " 

Gee  inserted  his  head  in  the  chimney  space  and  re 
ceived  a  kick  in  the  nose  from  a  small  felt  sole.  Then 
he  drew  forth  a  little  shoe. 

"Pay-lee!77  implored  the  Infant  from  the  dark 
cavern. 

Then  One-Two  and  the  defeated  child  were  pulled 
from  the  chimney,  covered  from  head  to  foot  with 
soot.  The  Infant  was  weeping  bitterly.  The  father 
hurriedly  grasped  the  cat. 

"Ah!"  he  cried  joyously.  "It  is  one  good-luck 
cat ! " 

"  Pay-Zee  /  "  beseeched  the  blackened  child.  He  ran 
to  her  with  grimy,  outstretched  hands,  his  eyes  quite 
blind  with  tears. 

"  Your  dress,  my  dear ! "  warned  her  mother. 

But  Bayley  thought  only  of  her  unhappy  little 
guest.  She  quickly  took  him  in  her  arms  and  kissed 
his  quivering  mouth  again  and  again.  The  contact 
soiled  the  silk  gown  beyond  repair. 

The  father  rudely  snatched  his  son  away,  and  made 
for  the  door. 

"Pay-Zee/"  implored  Hoo  Chee,  reaching  out  his 
hands  in  vain.  "  Pay-a-lee ! "  Then  he  wept  afresh, 
as  if  his  heart  would  break ;  and  the  street  door  closed 
upon  him. 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  CHERUB  29 

"What  a  dreadful  —  dreadful  shame!"  said  Miss 
Arenam,  her  eyes  filling.  "I  —  I  don't  think  they 
treat  him  well  at  home.  I  —  " 

Then  she  went  away  to  where  they  could  not  see 
her. 

THE  amah  was  asleep.  Hoo  King  deposited  the 
child  on  the  mattress  at  her  side.  For  most  of  the 
way  Hoo  Chee  had  hung  listless  in  his  arms. 

"  Go  to  sleep  with  your  little  cat,"  said  the  father, 
somewhat  tenderly.  "It  is  a  good  little  cat,  is  it 
not?" 

"  Yes/7  sniffed  Hoo  Chee,  slowly ;  "  but  —  I  wish  —  " 

Then  he  was  silent.    The  father  retired  to  his  room. 

The  child  lay  for  a  while  staring  up  into  the  grim 
darkness,  and  heard  the  familiar  spip-spop  of  the  fau 
cet  in  the  sink.  Then  his  mouth  began  to  twitch,  and 
he  thought  of  the  Lady  of  Cakes  and  Tea  and  the 
glorious  House  of  Glittering  Things.  For  a  long  time 
he  cried  softly  to  himself,  while  One-Two  sat  won 
dering. 

Finally,  the  Infant's  eyelids  grew  heavier  and 
heavier,  and  his  breathing  less  interrupted  by  sighs. 
At  last  sweet  weariness  came  down  and  gently  closed 
the  big,  brown  eyes  j  and  he  forgot  his  troubles,  and 
floated  away,  dreaming  that  he  was  a  little  fish  in  a 
pond  with  white  porcelain  banks,  and  was  behind  a 
stone,  looking  up  out  of  the  corners  of  his  eyes  at  a 
tiny  boy  who  held  a  cat. 


THE   CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS 


THE  CBUEL  THOUSAND  YEAKS 


HEN  the  grim  ancestral  joss  of  the 
Hoos  led  the  family  in  an  exit  to  a 
different  domicile,  the  years  of  the 
Infant  Hoo  Ghee  were  yet  five.  It 
was  true  that  now  he  had  the  pride 
of  silken  strings  to  lengthen  out  his 
cue.  But  since  the  time  when  he 
had  toddled  away  in  pursuit  of  a  lovely  American 
girl,  with  whom  he  had  wished  to  dwell  forever  in 
her  home,  which  he  called  the  House  of  Glittering 
Things,  and  since  the  moment  when  Hoo  King  had 
torn  him  from  her  whom  the  Infant  called  the  Lady 
of  Cakes  and  Tea,  Hoo  Chee  had  been  more  circum 
scribed  than  ever.  Many  a  vision  of  that  house  and 
of  that  lady  had  been  his  as  he  seemed  to  be  wistfully 
watching  the  humming  world  from  the  lofty  flower 
pot  balcony.  And  no  one  but  his  meditative  cat,  One- 
Two,  was  solemn  in  the  Infant's  confidence,  or  knew 
the  weight  of  his  woe. 

But  on  that  day  when  the  joss  came  down  from 
the  wall  the  few  old  smoky  rooms  were  left  as  memo 
ries,  and  the  father,  Hoo  King,  and  the  mother  and 
the  amah  walked  away  in  the  clear  air,  with  Hoo  Chee 
bearing  the  doubtful  One-Two  in  his  arms.  Soon  the 
Infant  found  himself  in  a  second  story,  whence  he 


34       THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS 

looked  upon  a  yard  impossibly  great,  he  thought  —  a 
yard  as  long  as  a  cloud.  It  dissolved  in  the  gloaming 
as  he  gazed  in  awe,  with  his  chin  just  over  the  win 
dow-sill,  and  he  waked  in  the  morning  denying  it. 
But  when  he  found  it  true,  he  rushed  shouting  down 
the  stairs,  one  step  at  a  time,  and  shouting  into  its 
vast  freedom,  where  One-Two  scampered  in  giddy 
circles  with  his  tail  in  mirthful  curves.  Here  was  a 
roaming  ground  for  all  duration,  and  earth  to  dig, 
and  straggling  weeds,  and  sticks  and  stones.  It  mat 
tered  not  what  castles  lay  beyond ;  here  was  a  park 
that  equaled  the  House  of  Glittering  Things ! 

There  was  one  restriction :  he  must  never  have  aught 
to  do  with  the  women  who  lived  on  the  other  side  of 
the  fence,  commanded  Hoo  King,  for  reasons  of  his 
own.  They  were  Sum  Chow's  women  —  Sum  Chow, 
who  had  the  curio-shop,  and  opposed  the  traffic  in 
women  slaves  by  the  Tong  which  Hoo  King  ruled. 
But  women  whom  the  Infant  neither  feared  nor  loved 
did  not  concern  him  in  his  hours  in  the  yard.  The 
marvel  of  his  liberty  filled  his  mind  j  it  lost  him  his 
appetite  and  some  of  his  sleep  for  quite  two  days, 
whereafter  he  ate  like  a  knight  returned,  and  slept  as 
hard  as  a  horse  can  gallop,  to  be  up  and  out,  with 
One-Two  at  his  heels,  catching  the  dew  and  the  dawn. 
In  the  other  place  on  the  balcony,  never  a  smallest 
finger  might  be  laid  on  the  stalk  of  a  lily,  nor  a  fea 
ther  be  drawn  across  one  smooth  green  leaf,  without 
discovery;  here,  first  of  all,  he  pulled  up  a  tuft  of 
grass,  and  saw  its  little  white  legs  that  walked  in  the 
soil ;  and  this  was  a  secret  in  his  bosom.  Then  be 
hind  the  shed,  which  he  called  the  Gruesome  Go- 


THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEAES       35 

down,  after  the  place  where  the  doughty  little  Quong 
Sam,  of  a  story  he  knew,  had  been  impounded  by  a 
Sarcastic  Turtle  that  stood  between  Quong  Sam  and 
the  House  of  Glittering  Things;  behind  the  Grue 
some  Go-down  was  a  spot  where  One-Two  suggested 
by  scratches  that  they  dig,  which  they  did.  The  In 
fant  made  mountains  and  valleys  with  an  iron  spoon, 
so  clever  he  was,  and  he  threw  a  pasteboard  bridge 
across  a  river-bed,  and  by  it  built  an  Important  Town, 
where  the  avenues  were  shaded  by  cabbage-leaf  trees, 
and  where  One-Two  drilled  wilful  worms  and  rebel 
lious  bugs  as  citizens. 

From  a  window  in  Sum  Chow's  the  learned  Dr. 
"Wing  Shee,  that  soothsayer  whom  all  Chinatown  re 
spected,  occasionally  observed  the  Infant's  serious 
labors,  and  grew  to  like  Hoo  Chee.  The  industry 
which  now  was  seen  to  thrive  near  the  Important 
Town  was  mining —  in  a  pile  of  debris  as  high  as  the 
Infant's  self ;  and  surely,  in  all  the  vast  precincts  of 
the  House  of  Glittering  Things,  no  more  absorbing, 
dignifying  occupation  might  be  found !  With  One- 
Two's  artful  nasal  divination  they  brought  forth  varied 
bits  of  crockery  that,  when  polished  with  One-Two's 
ear,  became  as  brilliant  as  other  gems ;  and  they  drew 
out  many  an  odd  fabric  and  buried  relic  that  told  of 
bygone  times  and  the  domestic  economies  of  extinct 
houses.  The  Infant  could  not  stuif  them  all  in  the 
pocket  that  ran  across  the  chest  of  his  bib.  The 
choicest  was  a  big  green  ring,  like  those  the  grown 
folks  wore,  which  the  Infant  squeezed  as  a  love  token 
over  the  unwilling  head  of  One-Two,  who  thence  sat 
apart,  outwardly  magnificent,  but  filled  with  supersti- 


36       THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS 

tious  brooding.  One-Two's  splendor  paraded  the  In 
fant's  dreamland,  and  when  in  the  morning  he  found 
that  the  mother  had  seized  the  bangle  for  her  own 
bedizenment,  a  first  black  shadow  fell  across  his  shin 
ing  new  world.  This  was  not  like  the  House  of  Glit 
tering  Things.  There  the  Lady  of  Cakes  and  Tea 
made  peace  and  security  for  every  one.  He  wished 
they  would  give  him  back  his  big  green  ring  —  just 
to  play  with;  but  they  never  would.  He  went  and 
sat  silently  on  his  Important  Town,  with  the  corners 
of  his  mouth  drawn  down  very  far. 

It  was  not  like  the  House  of  Glittering  Things,  be 
cause  here  the  days  often  promised  happiness  when 
they  meant  to  end  in  sorrow.  Once,  while  he  played 
Bad  Old  Man  with  One-Two,  there  came  a  shower, 
and  One-Two  ran  to  shelter,  shaking  moist  paws,  to 
stand  astounded  at  the  antics  of  Hoo  Ghee.  The  In 
fant  pranced  with  open  mouth,  delighting  in  the 
smart  drops  on  his  cheeks.  It  was  superfine !  And 
it  was  a  headlong  pitch  from  bliss  to  find  himself 
pushed  rudely  into  the  house  by  his  father.  Up  the 
stairs  Hoo  Chee  must  hurry,  and  Hoo  Ghee  must  stay 
to  dry  by  the  rice-pan-coals,  while  the  rain  made 
merry  music,  glistening  and  beating  on  the  panes  as 
if  to  ask  why  this  little  boy  would  not  come  out  to 
play.  And  he  wondered  if  the  rain  knew  the  Lovely 
Lady  who  had  a  deep,  warm  porcelain  pond,  and  even 
urged  people  into  it.  Then  the  calm  of  another  morn 
ing  brought  him  the  joy  of  a  rusty  pan  a-brim  with 
water,  which  must  at  once  be  made  a  lake  for  his  Im 
portant  Town ;  for  the  pan  needed  only  a  little  fish  to 
be  perfect.  But  the  little  fish  that  after  all  day's 


THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS       37 

strategy  he  managed  to  borrow  from  the  amah's 
basket  would  not  wag  its  tail  and  swim  in  the  pan  j 
and  though  he  hid  behind  a  corner  and  peeped  ever  so 
quickly  out  at  it,  still  it  floated  disgracefully  stiff  on 
its  side  with  its  mouth  stark  wide.  This  would  have 
been  another  bootless  day  ;  but  the  learned  Dr.  Wing 
Shee,  who  read  your  heart  from  your  face  as  surely  as 
he  read  the  future  from  the  stars,  observed  the  Infant's 
listlessness,  and  came  to  the  fence  with  a  kindly  smile. 
They  talked  of  the  wind  and  the  sky,  and  the  doctor 
promised  to  tell  Hoo  Chee  some  day  the  story  of  how 
the  "  Wretched  Dragon  Made  the  Sun  Wobble." 

"  And  I  '11  tell  you  about  the  Sarcastic  Turtle,"  said 
the  Infant. 

It  was  not  wrong  to  talk  to  a  man,  and  the  women 
Hoo  Chee  had  not  seen.  The  women  were  Sum  Fay 
—  Sum  Chow's  wife,  and  their  daughter,  Sum  Oo, 
whom  a  beautiful  American  patron  had  once  addressed 
as  Miss  Oo,  which  had  become  Sum  Go's  pet  appel 
lation. 

THERE  came  love's  month  of  May.  The  rains  had 
ceased,  and  the  skies  were  passing  fair.  The  city 
lawns  shone  everywhere  with  summer  plants  j  but  Hoo 
King's  yard  was  barren  save  of  weeds.  The  learned 
Dr.  Wing  Shee,  once  looking  over  into  the  desolate 
space,  threw  a  handful  of  seeds  among  the  hills  and 
valleys  by  the  Important  Town,  where  the  cabbage- 
leaf  trees  lay  pelted  into  the  earth.  Out  of  the  doc 
tor's  privilege  grew  a  garden  for  a  child.  The  sun 
touched  the  place  with  magic,  and  the  Infant  saw 
with  amazement  his  territory  transformed.  A  morn- 


38       THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS 

ing-glory  shot  out  of  the  ground,  and  ran  hand  over 
hand  up  a  broomstick,  shaking  out  its  tender  blooms 
like  banners.  A  beautiful  yellow  nasturtium  raced 
up  following,  and  its  blossoms  bobbed  in  the  breeze 
to  One-Two  and  Hoo  Chee,  as  they  stood  and  won 
dered  at  it.  The  Infant  must  march  with  exagger 
ated  steps,  singing : 

Peely  mow-wow — pilly  willy  wop  !    Peelj  mow- wow — pilly 
willy  wop ! 

which  were  words  of  his  own  invention.  In  such 
luxury  of  two  kinds  of  flowers  one  imagined  oneself  in 
a  bower  of  the  House  of  Glittering  Things,  with  the 
Lady  of  Cakes  and  Tea  within  call. 

And  the  warm  day  arrived  when  the  Infant,  sitting 
on  the  ground  in  speculation  as  to  whether  a  Wretched 
Dragon  was  as  big  as  a  cloud,  heard  a  new  sound.  It 
was  a  delicious  sound.  It  was  not  a  bird.  It  came  from 
the  other  side  of  the  fence, —  tones  unlike  any  he  had 
heard, —  and  it  kept  saying,  joyously  and  gurglingly 
and  fascinatingly,  "  Yai-yai-yah  !  Yai-yai-yah ! "  which 
was  clearly  an  expression  of  delight  with  all  the  world. 
The  Infant  hastened  to  the  fence.  The  merry  "  yai- 
yai-yah  n  kept  on  with  a  relish  of  life  in  it  impossible 
except  for  one  whose  title  to  her  big  green  ring  en 
dured  un threatened.  The  Infant  forgot  about  whether 
a  Wretched  Dragon  was  as  large  as  a  cloud  or  only 
as  large  as  some  land,  and  he  stood  with  his  hands  on 
the  fence,  looking  up  at  the  tall  boards  that  shut  the 
sweet  sounds  away.  The  tiny  voice  sang  to  itself  and 
talked  to  an  older  voice  near  by;  all  in  the  same 
pleased  syllables.  At  length  it  subsided  to  a  con- 


THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS  39 

tented  coo,  and  then  it  was  still,  and  it  did  not  come 
again.  But  it  lingered  in  the  Infant's  ears  like  strange 
new  music.  At  dusk  he  paused  solemnly  at  the  door 
step  j  he  wished  they  might  know  that  over  here  was 
a  little  Hoo  Chee  and  his  cat.  But  they  were  gone, 
and  they  would  never  know.  Then,  to  his  own  as 
tonishment,  he  dared  to  shout,  "  Yai-yai-yah  ! n  where 
upon  he  hastened  up  the  stairs,  frightened  at  his 
"boldness. 

He  dreamed  that  the  Sarcastic  Turtle  came  and 
promised  to  let  him  stand  on  it  to  see  over  the  fence. 
And  the  turtle  crawled  and  crawled  with  the  ever  ex 
pectant  Hoo  Chee  on  its  back,  but  the  fence  was 
always  just  so  far  away.  And  the  turtle  kept  laugh 
ing  and  laughing,  and  bidding  him  rise  on  tiptoe,  till 
the  Infant  awoke  frowning,  with  his  toes  in  tight 
bunches. 

In  the  morning  he  and  One-Two  ran  speedily  into 
the  yard;  but  it  was  too  early  for  the  little  voice. 
All  the  brilliant  forenoon  he  listened  for  it,  as  he 
pulled  the  shed  hairs  from  One-Two's  coat,  and  laid 
them  one  by  one  away  in  a  little  box ;  some  one  had 
said  that  the  cat  would  need  its  hair  again  when  the 
cold  rains  came.  He  would  keep  the  box  in  the 
ginger-jar,  where  he  hid  his  treasures  now,  and  the" 
ginger-jar  should  go  in  a  secret  place  inside  the  Grue 
some  Go-down.  Then,  in  the  afternoon,  and  none  too 
soon,  he  made  a  grand  discovery.  It  was  a  knot-hole 
in  the  dividing-fence. 

He  looked  upon  a  place  where  many  flowers  were, 
and  the  grass  grew  all  of  one  height,  like  soldiers. 
And  presently  came  out  Sum  Chow's  young  wife 


40       THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS 

bearing  a  mat.  Behind  her  trotted  a  little  dame  of 
scarce  three  summers  carrying  a  fat  cloth  cat.  It 
was  Miss  Oo,  and  the  Infant  knew  she  was  a  girl,  be 
cause  she  wore  her  tiny  braids  in  two  little  horns  that 
were  part  of  her  spangled  cap.  The  Infant  saw  the 
mother  leave  Miss  Oo  to  play  alone  upon  the  mat 
that  lay  on  the  grass.  These,  then,  were  the  women 
of  Sum  Chow,  who  were  to  be  avoided. 

Miss  Oo  sat  down  and  made  remarks  in  her  own 
peculiar  language  to  the  fat  cloth  cat,  and  emphasized 
them  by  shaking  it  up  and  down  by  the  tail.  Then 
she  rolled  over  and  kicked  her  infinitesimal  feet  in  the 
air,  and  murmured  demurely : 

"  Yai-yai ! » 

Her  eyes  traveled  along  the  clear  sky  until  they 
met  the  sun.  They  looked  without  winking  straight 
into  the  glittering  ball,  in  solemn  satisfaction  that 
it  should  be  there,  and  for  a  long  time  there  was  no 
movement  in  her  contented  body  but  the  occasional 
wiggle  of  a  raised  and  bangled  foot  cased  in  a  silver- 
trimmed  slipper  as  big  as  an  ear.  The  Infant  stood 
tight  to  the  fence,  fascinated  beyond  measure.  In  all 
the  adventures  of  little  Quong  Sam,  from  the  begin 
ning  to  the  hero's  arrival  at  the  House  of  Glittering 
Things,  there  was  nothing  so  delectable  as  this!  Now 
it  was  occurring  to  Miss  Oo  that  the  sun  made  her 
warm  and  happy,  and  that  it  was  a  good  sun.  A  smile 
began  at  her  coal-black  eyes,  and  ran  down  and  tugged 
at  the  curling  corners  of  her  ample  mouth,  until  her 
brown  face  was  all  aglee;  and  she  kicked  and  laughed 
and  shook  the  fat  cloth  cat  and  shouted : 

"  Yai-yai-yah !    Yai-yai-^/a/fc  / " 


THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS       41 

Then  she  turned  on  her  side,  and  in  a  few  moments 
she  had  gone  asleep  with  her  thumb  in  her  mouth, 
and  the  memory  of  the  smile  remaining  on  her  round 
cheeks,  while  Hoo  Chee  and  the  cloth  cat  stared  and 
stared  and  stared. 

All  the  next  day  the  Infant  sought  the  fence  at  the 
slightest  sound ;  but  there  were  clouds,  and  Miss  Oo 
came  only  when  the  sun  invited.  The  clouds  made 
him  sad,  and  the  day  dragged  like  a  faint  headache. 
His  night's  slumber  was  invaded  by  a  tiny  maid  car 
ried  in  a  splendid  car,  with  all  the  background  a 
gorgeous  yellow  blur  of  priests  and  gods.  And  the 
tiny  maid  shook  a  fat  cat  at  Hoo  Chee,  and  said, 
"  Yai-yai-yah ! "  whereupon  Hoo  Chee  stepped  into  the 
car  with  her.  But  just  as  they  began  to  play  Bad 
Old  Man  the  car  changed  into  tissue  paper,  and  they 
fell  through  it  and  slid  terrifically  down  the  clouds, 
and  the  wee  maid  disappeared.  And  another  night, 
just  as  a  red  toy-balloon  was  floating  him  over  the 
fence,  a  Wretched  Dragon,  that  was  bigger  than  some 
land,  gleefully  gulped  the  balloon ;  and  Hoo  Chee  and 
the  tiny  maid  tugged  and  tugged  at  the  string  that 
hung  from  the  Wretched  Dragon's  mouth — until  it 
had  a  fit,  and  writhed  and  wriggled  and  shrieked  so 
that  the  Sun  Wobbled  in  the  sky,  whereupon  the 
string  broke,  and  Hoo  Chee  and  the  tiny  maid  sat 
down  together  very  hard  with  the  string  in  their 
hands,  and  he  awoke  to  find  her  gone. 

But  the  next  day  the  clouds  dissolved,  and  the  sun 
sailed  on  as  if  nothing  had  occurred,  and  after  he 
had  tarried  for  hours  by  the  fence  he  saw  the  proces 
sion  of  the  mother  and  the  mat  and  Miss  Oo  and  the 


42       THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS 

fat  cloth  cat.  The  Infant  watched  Miss  Oo  playing 
and  cooing,  and  rolling  in  the  sun,  till  he  wondered 
how  it  was  that  little  Quong  Sam  had  succeeded  in 
crawling  through  the  bamboo  pole  when  he  wanted 
to  get  on  the  other  side  of  the  wall;  and  Hoo  Chee 
made  a  little  sound  with  a  stick  on  the  fence.  Miss 
Oo  turned  to  listen,  and  when  he  knocked  again  she 
discovered  the  knot-hole.  The  Infant's  heart  gave  a 
funny  jump;  she  had  stood  up,  and  was  coming  to 
examine  the  fence. 

"  Little  eye !  "  she  said. 

Whereupon  Hoo  Chee  felt  a  hand  upon  him,  and 
was  whirled  away  from  her  sight. 

"  Go  into  the  house,  fool  offspring  ! "  exclaimed  his 
father.  li  If  you  gossip  with  that  girl  again  1 11  keep 
you  out  of  this  yard  for  a  thousand  years ! " 

Hoo  King  pushed  the  stick  through  the  knot-hole, 
and  Miss  Oo  grasped  it,  unaware  of  the  tragedy  just 
enacted  on  the  other  side.  When  he  drove  it  hard 
through,  that  it  might  not  be  withdrawn,  a  splinter 
caught  in  the  small  maid's  finger.  It  did  not  hurt 
much,  but  she  felt  that  something  was  wrong,  and 
with  her  finger  held  up  she  trotted  off  to  find  her 
mother.  Hoo  Chee  had  gone  with  little  steps  into  the 
house,  with  the  corners  of  his  mouth  drawn  down 
very  far,  hurrying  as  if  something  pursued  him.  A 
thousand  years!  The  penalty  was  fearful  even  to 
think  of,  and  it  hovered  around  him  for  hours,  like 
an  oppressive  spirit  bound  at  last  to  drag  him  to  de 
spair.  In  a  thousand  years  the  Important  Town 
would  go  to  ruin,  and  lie  at  the  mercy  of  the  Mon 
strous  Rat  that  lived  in  the  Gruesome  Go-down ;  in  a 


THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS       43 

thousand  years  One-Two  would  tire  of  staying  in 
doors,  and  would  go  away  and  seek  the  sun  and  the 
fresh  air  and  the  fat  cloth  cat.  And  Hoo  Ghee  would 
gaze  out  of  the  window  and  see  Miss  Oo  and  the  two 
cats  playing  and  playing  and  playing,  and  only  once 
perhaps  in  a  hundred  years  would  they  remember 
and  look  for  Hoo  Chee's  mournful  face  behind  the 
pane.  It  was  true  that  all  this  was  only  a  threat,  but 
he  felt  it  closing  upon  him  as  if  it  was  real.  He 
wished  he  knew  how  to  find  the  Lady  of  .Cakes  and 
Tea. 

He  thought  of  it  the  next  morning  as  he  rummaged 
in  the  Go-down,  which  first  had  stood  so  high  in  the 
attractions  of  the  yard,  because  it  was  doubtless  owned 
by  the  Monstrous  Rat,  with  whom  he  had  expected 
many  a  sanguinary  joust  before  he  conquered  it. 
But  now  he  had  forgotten  about  the  Rat.  The  dim 
interior,  piled  with  dusty  crates  and  packing-boxes 
long  disused,  was  suited  to  his  mood.  Among  the 
empty  boxes  he  had  discovered  a  light  one  which  he 
could  handle,  and  back  of  it  he  had  found  another, 
much  larger,  into  which  by  crawling  a  distance  one 
could  squeeze  and  be  quite  out  of  the  world.  A  loos 
ened  board  on  the  side  of  the  Go-down  that  fronted 
on  a  strange  yard  let  a  shaft  of  sunlight  into  this  re 
treat,  and  as  he  sat  there  he  meditated  breaking  off 
relations  with  his  family,  and  abiding  there  perman 
ently,  to  sally  only  at  night.  But  a  few  minutes  of 
such  life  told  him  of  its  loneliness.  He  emerged,  and 
for  want  of  occupation  trundled  the  lighter  box  into 
the  yard. 

How  this  box  would  have  been  used,  if  it  had  not 


44       THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEAES 

been  for  the  awful  threat,  the  Infant  knew.  Its  awk 
ward  dimensions  would  have  been  struggled  with  un 
til  it  was  finally  mastered  and  made  to  stand  against 
the  fence  —  so  !  And  then  it  would  have  been  easy 
to  bring  that  little  fruit  crate  and  hoist  it  on  top  —  so ! 
After  that  it  was  baby's  play  to  fetch  these  flower 
pots  and  fit  them  —  so  and  so  and  so  —  one  over  the 
other,  till,  boxes  and  all,  they  made  a  tower  half  as 
high  as  the  fence !  It  was  an  imposing  structure, 
hidden  behind  the  Gruesome  Go-down  ;  and  he  wanted 
to  show  himself  how  he  would  have  climbed  up  on  it 
—  if  it  had  not  been  for  the  thousand  years !  All  you 
had  to  do,  you  see,  was  to  step  on  the  big  box  —  so ! 
Then  it  was  easy  enough  to  reach  the  small  box,  and 
you  caught  hold  —  like  this  —  of  the  bit  of  frayed 
rope  nailed  to  the  fence,  and  simply  pulled  yourself 
up  to  the  fence-top  —  like  that;  and  —  oh,  dear  — 
there  she  was ! 

He  stood  breathless.  Miss  Oo  lay  asleep  with  her 
thumb  in  her  mouth,  and  the  fat  cloth  cat  lay  in  the 
sitting  attitude  confirmed  of  fat  cloth  cats.  A  tall 
calla  lily  bent  and  nodded  its  benison  upon  Miss  Oo, 
and  her  parted  lips  showed  peeping  teeth  like  rows  of 
little  novices. 

Suddenly  she  startled  the  Infant  by  opening  her 
eyes  directly  upon  him.  For  an  instant  she  caught 
his  full  stare;  but  his  glance  fell  away,  and  his  tongue 
searched  the  corners  of  his  mouth.  He  dared  not  look 
at  her.  Miss  Oo  began  to  smile. 

"  Little  eye ! "  she  said. 

And  the  Infant  twisted  himself  in  such  confusion 
that  he  was  in  danger  of  falling  from  the  flower-pots 


THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS       45 

into  an  ignominious  heap  in  the  middle  of  the  Im 
portant  Town.  Miss  Oo  kept  looking  straight  at  him, 
and  he  would  not  meet  her  eyes,  but  looked  quite 
over  her  and  beyond,  at  space.  She  crawled  some 
way,  then  rose  and  came  toward  the  fence. 

"  Little  boy  ? "  she  inquired. 

Which  so  embarrassed  the  Infant  that  he  sank  down 
out  of  view,  leaving  nothing  visible  to  Miss  Oo  but  eight 
small  grimy  finger-tips  on  the  fence-top.  Womanlike, 
she  made  no  effort  to  get  him  back,  but  waited  in 
silence  until  the  Infant  began  to  wonder  if  she  had 
gone,  and  he  found  courage  to  haul  himself  to  see. 
She  was  there,  sitting  on  the  grass,  absorbed  in  the 
finger-tips.  At  sight  of  him,  the  big  smile  came  again. 

"  Miss  Oo  ? "  she  said. 

Which  frightened  him  so  that  he  sank  down  once 
more.  But  as  he  sat  in  cover,  and  heard  nothing 
from  Miss  Oo,  he  was  at  length  moved  to  say,  but 
little  above  a  whisper  : 

"Yai-yai!" 

Whereupon  Miss  Oo  responded  with  a  giggle  in  her 
small  voice,  "  Yai-yai-yah ! "  and  the  Infant  could  not 
refrain  from  calling  back  in  louder  tones,  "  Yai-yai- 
yali !  "  which  Miss  Oo  repeated  each  time  louder  than 
the  Infant,  so  that  soon  the  merry  contest  of  their 
voices  had  risen  to  such  screams  that  it  reached  the 
ears  of  Hoo  King.  Hoo  Chee's  diffidence  departed, 
and  Miss  Oo  seemed  charmed.  When  they  were  tired 
of  shouting  she  searched  her  small  collection  of  words. 
When  Miss  Oo  liked  people  she  talked  to  them. 

"  Rice  cake  ? "  she  said,  after  a  moment. 

The  Infant  bethought  him  of  the  pocket  of  his 


46       THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS 

bib,  and  found  therein  a  bean-meal  cookie,  which  he 
promptly  dropped  into  her  lap.  Miss  Oo  immediately 
began  to  devour  it  while  Hoo  Chee  waited. 

" Little  girl?"  he  inquired  at  length  in  her  own 
manner. 

But  ^he  was  too  busy  to  answer.  She  looked  at 
him  over  the  cookie  with  two  grave  eyes,  while  the 
particles  of  bean-meal  collected  about  her  mouth.  The 
Infant  yearned  for  more  conversation.  He  smiled 
engagingly  and  shouted  "  Yai-yai-f/a/^  /  "  and  kicked 
the  boards  for  her  attention.  But  when  Miss  Oo 
looked  up  again  she  saw  not  even  the  eight  grimy 
fingers.  The  flower-pots  had  given  away,  and  the  en 
tire  edifice  of  his  love  had  fallen,  bringing  him  to  the 
ground  in  a  mixture  of  boxes  and  broken  clay.  He 
had  bumped  his  head,  too,  and  his  eyes  filled  with 
tears.  Oh,  if  the  Lovely  Lady  had  been  there  he 
would  have  run  to  her  and  cried  in  the  folds  of  her 
gown,  and  she  would  have  comforted  him,  and  taken 
him  up  in  her  arms  ?  But  instead  he  heard  the  voice 
of  his  father.  He  must  not  weep ;  he  would  need  his 
tears.  The  thousand  years  were  coming.  He  should 
never  see  the  fence  again,  and  there  would  n't  be 
even  a  flower-pot  balcony  for  him  to  come  out  on. 
His  heart  thumped  against  his  ribs,  and  his  pallor  was 
evident  even  to  his  father. 

But  Hoo  King  did  not  suspect  the  gravity  of  the 
offense,  and  the  penalty  was  merely  that  the  boxes 
and  the  fragments  all  must  be  removed  to  the  shed 
whence  Hoo  Chee  had  fetched  them.  The  labor  which 
had  been  lightened  by  novelty  and  by  a  magnetic  at 
traction  that  had  governed  his  will  without  a  protest 


THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS       47 

now  became  an  endless  evil  toil,  and  when  it  was 
finished  Hoo  Chee  was  well  nigh  exhausted.  Miss 
Oo  had  long  ago  been  taken  into  the  house,  explain 
ing  the  crumbs  of  bean-meal  on  her  face  with  the 
words,  "  Little  boy.77  The  Infant  went  to  sleep  with 
out  a  thought  of  supper,  dreaming  that  he  wfts  an 
executioner,  and  must  keep  chopping  off  a  head  that 
forever  flew  up  in  the  air  and  flew  back,  tight  to  its 
body. 

When  he  came  into  the  yard  once  more  fre  was  in 
no  frame  of  mind  to  play  Bad  Old  Man  with  One- 
Two.  How  gloomy  the  yard  was,  anyway,  thought 
the  Infant.  It  was  a  prison,  where  one  might  never 
do  what  one  liked  most.  Oh,  if  the  Lady  of  Cakes 
and  Tea  would  but  come  and  take  him  to  the  house 
where  all  was  light  and  freedom  and  peace !  He  went 
off  in  a  reverie  of  her,  and  of  the  wonderful  porcelain 
pond  where,  if  one  was  not  too  frightened  to  search, 
there  were  probably  funny  little  wiggly  fishes  and 
hoppity  frogs.  He  was  interrupted  by  the  man  who 
peddled  the  flesh  of  the  abalone,  and  who  came  through 
the  gate  to  interview  Hoo  King,  whose  wrath  at  being 
disturbed  sent  the  abalone  man  away,  leaving  the  gate 
ajar  for  revenge.  The  Infant  saw  the  forbidden  street, 
and  turned  his  back,  for  it  invited  him  to  run  away. 
With  a  weary  spirit,  he  absently  made  pictures  of  rice- 
cakes  with  a  stick  in  the  main  street  of  his  Important 
Town. 

The  abalone  man  had  gone  to  Sum  Chow7s  and 
seemed  to  be  doing  business  there.  The  steps  which 
the  Infant  heard  outside  were  not  the  abalone  man7s ; 
they  were  too  light.  It  was  some  one  coming  into 


48       THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS 

Hoo  Chee's  yard  —  a  woman  probably  —  some  woman 
humming  to  herself  in  a  quiet  way.  The  Infant 
scratched  out  the  rice-cakes,  and  tried  to  make  a  pic 
ture  of  the  golden  fruit  the  Lady  had  given  him.  One- 
Two  had  gone  to  the  gate.  The  small  hum  stopped, 
and  the  Infant  heard  a  little  voice : 

"Yai-yai?" 

His  heart  beat  in  his  throat.  There  she  was. 
She  stood,  with  a  bright  smile,  well  inside  the  gate, 
bearing  the  fat  cloth  cat.  One-Two  was  sniffing  the 
extraordinary  phlegmatic  creature  with  the  stuffed 
tail,  and  Miss  Oo  was  pausing  for  welcome.  The  In 
fant  sat  rooted  with  fear,  giving  no  sign.  Miss  Oo 
waited  but  a  moment;  then  she  came  and  laid  her 
hand  upon  his  cheek. 

"  Miss  Oo  ?  "  she  said. 

The  wee  fingers  were  very  soft,  and  the  big  black 
eyes  looked  straight  at  him  in  frankest  liking.  But 
the  abalone  man  was  coming,  with  his  noisy  cry. 
The  father  might  think  to  have  a  glance  at  the  yard 
—  and  it  would  mean  a  thousand  years  !  The  Infant 
did  not  know  how  to  make  her  go  away.  In  his  heart 
he  wanted  her  to  stay.  The  impulse  to  hide  away 
with  her  came  upon  him  like  an  instinct,  and  he  took 
her  hand  and  led  her  into  the  Gruesome  Go-down. 

He  would  crawl  and  show  her  into  the  packing-box  j 
she  had  followed  him  so  trustfully.  He  picked  his  way 
over  the  flower-pots  and  behind  the  boxes  to  where 
he  squeezed  through  the  long  and  well-concealed  pas 
sage  to  his  cubbyhole,  and  Miss  Oo,  holding  the  fat 
cloth  cat,  followed  at  his  heels  as  a  matter  of  course. 
She  crawled  into  the  big  box  and  arranged  herself 


THE  CEUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS       49 

close  beside  him,  while  he  eyed  her  with  half -pre  vail 
ing  pleasure.  One-Two  sat  before  them  gazing  con 
temptuously  at  the  fat  cloth  cat.  Miss  Oo  looked 
about  her  and  was  deeply  pleased. 

"  Little  house  ? n  she  said  sweetly. 

Hoo  King  was  outside.  He  went  to  the  gate,  then 
came  back  and  looked  for  a  moment  into  the  shed, 
then  went  again  to  the  gate.  He  called  sternly  to  the 
abalone  man  across  the  street.  Then  Hoo  King  ham 
mered  at  Sum  Chow's  open  gate,  and  there  was  pre 
sently  a  hurried  conversation  half  audible  to  the  two 
in  the  cubbyhole.  With  one  accord  Miss  Oo  and  the 
Infant  remained  silent,  and  in  a  short  while  the  voices 
subsided  and  were  forgotten0 

The  Infant  found  his  precious  ginger- jar,  and  he 
began  to  show  his  treasures  —  the  many  bits  of  col 
ored  crockery,  and  pins,  and  buttons  and  scraps  of 
cloth,  and  every  odd  and  end  from  the  debris  pile  that 
had  a  brilliant  hue  or  shape  unusual.  The  small  girl 
cooed,  and  reached  for  them  as  he  silently  handed 
them  over  one  by  one.  Then  he  put  them  all  back  in 
the  jug,  where  the  box  of  One-Two's  fur  lay  securely 
tied,  and  Miss  Oo  took  the  jar  and  rattled  its  contents, 
and  threw  it  down,  laughing  at  Hoo  Chee's  efforts  not 
to  lose  the  treasures  when  they  scattered  about  the 
floor.  Each  time  the  good-natured  Infant  laboriously 
collected  them  all,  the  box  of  hair  first,  and  each  time 
the  maiden  rattled  the  jug  and  threw  it  down  again. 
Miss  Oo's  attention  was  drawn  from  it  only  by  a  big 
cookie  that  dropped  from  Hoo  Chee's  bib. 

"Little  cake ?"  she  said,  holding  out  her  hand. 

He  gave  it  to  her,  and  received  the  ginger-jar  in 


50       THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS 

return.  She  insisted  that  he  take  a  bite  with  each  of 
hers,  and  Hoo  Chee,  though  he  was  not  hungry,  must 
accept  when  she  stared  at  him  and  thrust  the  cookie 
under  his  nose.  For  him  the  cookie  was  not  a  suc 
cess  ;  it  was  almost  like  medicine.  Conflicting  emo 
tions  greatly  disturbed  him  within,  for  all  his  pleasure 
in  this  lovely  comrade.  Now  Miss  Oo  was  busying 
herself  with  baring  her  feet  of  her  tiny  shoes,  an 
act  forbidden  by  her  mother.  Her  glee  at  this  quite 
drowned  the  Infant's  trouble  for  a  while.  Hoo  Chee 
must  take  his  shoes  off  too,  and  it  was  hilarious  fun 
to  put  them  on  Miss  Go's  smaller  feet,  and  see  her 
giggle  and  kick  them  off  against  the  ceiling  of  their 
little  house.  She  became  interested  in  her  big  toe, 
and  brought  it  up  to  look  at  it.  She  began  to  frown : 
she  could  not  remember  its  name. 

"Little  thumb ?"  she  inquired  doubtfully,  staring 
at  the  wonderful  member.  But  that  did  not  seem 
right.  In  her  perplexity  she  turned  to  Hoo  Chee. 

"  Little  nose  ?  "  she  ventured. 

"  That  's  your  little  big  toe,'7  said  Hoo  Chee :  where 
upon  Miss  Oo  repeated  the  words  after  him,  and  went 
off  into  an  ecstasy  of  laughter  over  her  new  knowl 
edge.  She  shook  the  fat  cloth  cat  by  the  tail,  just  as 
she  had  when  he  had  seen  her  flirting  with  the  sun. 
And  Hoo  Chee  was  so  enchanted  that  he  tried  to  shake 
One-Two  by  the  tail.  The  young  persons  were  severely 
startled  by  One-Two's  instantaneous  denial  of  this 
privilege.  One-Two  turned  a  somersault  in  the  air, 
and  sputtered  and  spun,  and  made  expressions  of 
most  painful  character,  and  disappeared  in  a  rage 
that  was  really  half  jealousy.  Then,  in  the  narrow- 


THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS       51 

ness  of  their  little  house,  they  began  to  lack  new 
things  to  play  with,  and  Miss  Oo  stared  at  Hoo  Chee 
in  expectancy. 

"  I  '11  tell  you  about  the  Sarcastic  Turtle,"  said  the 
Infant,  finally,  in  an  inspiration.  "  There  was  a  man 
lost  his  head,  and  could  n't  find  it  anywhere  — and 
was  n't  it  too  bad  about  the  poor  man  ?  So  he  took 
some  crutches  and  went  to  hunt  it  —  so  far  that  he 
wished  he  was  home  again.  But  the  Sarcastic  Turtle 
said,  1 1  '11  take  you  across/  And  when  they  got  out 
in  the  middle  the  Sarcastic  Turtle  said,  '  You  must 
promise  never  to  tell  my  secret  when  you  get  home. 
If  you  do  I  '11  drown  you  right  now ! ?  And  the  man 
said :  '  What  is  your  secret  ? '  And  the  Sarcastic 
Turtle  said :  '  Well,  all  the  other  turtles  can  say 

Yang-tse-kiang,  but  I  can't !'  And  the  man  said 

but  I  '11  tell  you  about  a  little  boy,"  said  the  Infant, 
observing  signs  of  failing  interest  in  Miss  Oo.  She 
was  sitting  propped  up  in  the  corner,  with  her  eyes 
half  closed.  She  could  n't  follow  the  story ;  but  it  was 
pleasant  to  hear  some  one  talk  in  a  steady  voice,  when 
she  felt  as  she  did  now. 

"  A  Little  Boy  went  out  one  day,"  said  Hoo  Chee, 
thoughtfully,  "  and  followed  her  up  the  street.  And 
she  let  him  in,  and  it  was  the  House  of  Glittering 
Things  !  It  was  all  white  inside,  and  there  was  plenty 
of  cakes,"  said  the  Infant,  whereupon  Miss  Oo  opened 
her  eyes  suspiciously,  "  and  it  was  lighted  with  stars 
and  a  dog  and  everything.  And  a  man  named  Gee 
hated  him,  and  went  and  told  his  father,  and  then  he 
came  and  took  me  away  from  her ;  and  I  '11  have  his 
head  cut  off,  and  put  it  up  the  chimney,  and  then  he 


52       THE  CRUEL,  THOUSAND  YEARS 

won't  hate  me  any  more !  She  '11  cut  it  off  for  me ! 
And  then  I  '11  stay  in  the  house  —  and  find  little 
Quong  Sam  —  for  a  thousand  years/'  finished  the 
Infant,  abstractedly. 

Miss  Oo  had  gone  to  sleep.  The  Infant  saw  her 
head  rising  and  falling  a  tiny  distance  on  her  chubby 
chest ;  but,  lovely  as  she  was,  he  wished  she  would  go 
home !  He  could  not  run  to  the  house  and  leave  her, 
for  the  Monstrous  Rat  might  come.  It  was  wretch 
edly  uncomfortable,  for  his  father  would  surely  be 
seeking  him.  There  she  sat,  with  her  hands  hanging 
at  her  sides  like  a  Japanese  doll's.  He  wished  the 
Lady  of  Cakes  and  Tea  would  appear,  and  take  them 
both  away  forever  on  a  cloud  that  would  float  so  high 
that  no  one  could  reach  it.  He  thought  of  the  thou 
sand  years,  and  he  was  nearly  ready  to  cry. 

It  was  really  a  long  time  since  they  had  entered  the 
Go-down.  The  learned  Dr.  Wing,  pacing  in  Sum 
Chow's  yard,  trying  to  reason  out  the  disappearance 
of  two  small  children,  became  aware  of  faint  sounds 
coming  from  the  direction  of  the  Go-down,  and  after 
listening  carefully  for  a  while  to  the  story  of  a  little 
boy,  laughed  softly  to  himself  and  departed.  There 
were  now  people  in  the  yard,  the  Infant  knew  — 
several  of  them ;  and  one  was  a  man  speaking  Chinese 
in  a  foreign  accent.  Then  some  one  in  a  wonderfully 
lovely  voice  spoke  —  a  voice  whose  clear  soft  tones 
penetrated  the  Go-down.  Surely  Hoo  Chee  had  heard 
that  voice  before!  He  grasped  the  ginger-jar  and 
crawled  excitedly  over  Miss  Go's  feet,  and  put  his 
head  out  to  listen.  G  joy !  and  oh,  most  marvelous 
surprise!  It  was  the  Lady  of  Cakes  and  Tea!  He 


THE  CEUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS  53 

wriggled  out  as  fast  as  his  hands  and  knees  would 
carry  him,  jostling  the  small  maid,  who  murmured 
sleepily,  "  Miss  Go?"  and  awoke  to  see  his  disappearing 
heels. 

Near  the  door  of  the  Go-down  the  Infant  paused 
and  peeped  through  a  crack  from  behind  a  barrel. 
He  heard  his  angry  father,  who  spoke  but  little  Eng 
lish,  hotly  declaring  in  Chinese  that  when  Hoo  Ghee 
should  be  found  he  would  be  tied  indoors  —  for  a 
thousand  years. 

"  The  fellow  's  a  brute  ! "  said  the  gentleman  who 
had  come  with  Miss  Bayley  Arenam,  in  English. 
"  He  still  pretends  to  believe  that  you  stole  his  boy, 
and  he  threatens  the  child  with  torture  —  in  the  same 
breath.  If  he  is  n't  careful  I  '11  have  the  boy  removed 
to  the  mission." 

"  He  is  so  dear!"  said  Miss  Arenam.  "You  don't 
think  his  father  would  hurt  him,  do  you  ?  I  do  hope 
that  some  day  I  may  do  something  to  make  Hoo  Chee 
happier ! " 

"  I  will  teach  him  mission-school !  "  Hoo  King  was 
threatening,  while  the  Infant  trembled  and  paled,  and 
scarcely  felt  Miss  Oo  behind  him.  "If  he  does  n't 
come  home  I  will  bring  police  to  your  house.  And 
there  is  one  who  can  help  me,"  said  Hoo  King,  point 
ing  to  Sum  Go's  father,  who  had  just  come  hopefully 
into  the  yard,  after  a  long  search  through  the  quarter. 

"  Gh,"  said  Miss  Arenam,  recognizing  Sum  Chow ; 
"is  it  your  little  girl  who  is  missing  —  Miss  Go? 
Surely  no  one  would  harm  them !  Do  you  think  so  ?  " 

"Gone  childs,"  said  the  learned  Dr.  Wing  Shee, 
appearing  behind  Chow.  "  Gmens  says  shall  be  find; 


54:       THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS 

shall  come  from  east,"  said  the  doctor,  pointing  to 
ward  the  Go-down.  "  Omens  say  good  times  come 
for  that  poy,  by  by." 

"  She  is  good  little  girl/7  said  Sum  Chow,  trying  to 
smile.  "She  is  too  much  —  and  the  mother  is  too 
much  sad.  But  we  do  not  think  you " 

"  Why  don't  the  foreign  devils  go  ? "  said  Hoo  King. 
"  Why  do  they  loiter  on  my  premises  ?  Do  they  want 
to  steal  me  ?  " 

The  Infant  shivered.  He  saw  the  Lovely  Lady 
about  to  depart.  She  would  disappear  again  —  for 
ever —  and  he  would  be  left  alone  with  his  father. 
Ah,  no,  no !  He  rushed  wildly  out  of  the  Go-down 
and  after  her,  calling  loudly : 

"  Ha-o,  Pay-lee  !     Pay-lee  ! " 

"Why,  you  darling!"  cried  Bayley  Arenam,  joy 
fully.  "You  were  hiding ? " 

The  Lady  took  the  dusty  young  person  up,  and  kissed 
him,  and,  as  fast  as  she  could,  came  trotting  after  him 
the  barefooted  Miss  Oo,  who  ran  to  the  Lovely  Lady, 
and  said  demurely : 

"MissOo?" 

And  when  the  Lady  put  him  down,  to  look  at  the 
Infant  and  Miss  Oo  as  they  stood  side  by  side,  the 
Infant  took  hold  of  the  Lady's  gown,  and  turned  his 
head  back  so  that  he  could  look  beseechingly  up 
into  her  eyes. 

"We  want  to  go  home  with  you,"  he  entreated, 
with  frightened  breath.  "We  want  to  go  to  the 
House  of  Glittering  Things!  We  want  to!"  he 
begged,  with  a  pain  of  suspense.  "  She  '11  be  good, 


THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS  66 

and  I  '11  be  good.  "We  don't  want  to  stay  here.  We 
want  to  go  home  with  you  ! " 

And  Miss  Oo,  hearing  the  Infant  talk  of  going 
somewhere,  decided  that  he  should  not  suddenly  for 
sake  her  again.  She  tightly  grasped  the  tip  of  Hoo 
Chee's  cue,  and  looked  earnestly  into  the  face  of  the 
Lovely  Lady. 

"  The  darling  things !  What  does  he  say  ? "  asked 
Miss  Arenam. 

"  He  says  they  want  to  go  and  live  with  you," 
translated  Mr.  Arroway. 

"  You  angel ! "  cried  the  Lady  of  Cakes  and  Tea, 
kissing  him  again.  "  I  do  wish  I  could  take  you." 

The  Infant  laughed  aloud.  It  was  all  right,  then ! 
One  could  tell  from  the  kiss  and  the  tone,  no  matter 
if  one  knew  not  a  word  of  what  she  said.  He  would 
go  with  her  to  the  house  —  and  the  thousand  years 
would  be  left  behind !  Hoo  King  was  glaring  at  his 
son  in  a  rage,  but  the  presence  of  the  gentleman  who 
spoke  Chinese  restrained  what  the  father  might  have 
said. 

"Good-by,"  said  Hoo  Chee,  radiantly  turning  his 
head  to  his  father,  but  still  holding  tight  to  the  Lady. 
"I  go  to  the  House  of  Glittering  Things.  I  shall  be 
always  happy ! " 

"  Ah ! "  cried  Hoo  King,  beside  himself.  "  Fool  off 
spring!  Fool!  Come  here;  they  have  filled  your 
impious  body  with  devils  ! " 

Hoo  King  made  a  dash  for  his  son. 

"  No,  no,  no  ! "  exclaimed  Hoo  Chee,  fearfully,  run 
ning  behind  Miss  Arenam,  with  the  troubled  Miss  Oo 


56       THE  CRUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS 

following  after  and  holding  to  his  pigtail.     "No,  no, 
no  !     Pay-lee !     P&y-lee  I " 

But  Mr.  Arroway  caught  him. 

"You  belong  to  your  father,  little  boy,"  he  said 
tenderly,  in  Chinese,  while  Hoo  Chee  struggled  and 
wept  and  hated  him.  "  You  must  stay  with  him.  I 
am  sorry;  but  the  Lady  will  come  again  some  day  — 
surely ! " 

Hoo  King  strode  forward  and  snatched  the  Infant's 
hand,  tearing  his  hold  roughly  from  the  Lady's  skirt ; 
and  Sum  Chow  took  the  hand  of  his  daughter.  But 
Miss  Oo  began  to  sniffle,  too,  resisting  with  all  her 
tiny  strength  the  loosening  of  her  grasp  of  Hoo  Chee's 
pigtail.  When  it  was  accomplished  she  broke  into  a 
wail.  "  Miss  Oo  !  Miss  Oo  ! n  she  cried,  woefully. 
Hoo  Chee  was  dragged  by  his  frowning  sire  toward 
the  house,  but  the  Infant  wept  no  longer.  His  breath 
caught  and  caught,  as  if  his  bursting  heart  was  forc 
ing  it  all  from  his  body;  his  brain  was  whirling  in  a 
panic.  The  sun  was  to  be  taken  from  the  sky  for  a 
thousand  bitter  years. 

LONG  after  the  yard  was  deserted  there  appeared  at 
the  window,  just  above  the  sill,  a  little  round  face 
with  two  red  eyes  and  a  mouth  drawn  down  at  the 
corners  very  far.  A  wind  was  sending  in  a  swirling 
fog.  The  little  red  eyes  overlooked  the  Important 
Town  and  the  waving  posies  and  the  ginger- jar  with 
the  scattered  treasures,  and  they  saw  into  the  empty 
Go-down.  But  those  whose  forms  stayed  pictured  in 
his  memory  —  Dr.  Wing  and  Miss  Oo  and  the  Lovely 
Lady  —  they  were  gone  —  all  gone  —  forever.  They 


THE  CEUEL  THOUSAND  YEARS       57 

were  the  only  ones  he  loved,  but  he  should  never  see 
them  again.  The  wind  slammed  the  gate  and  latched 
it.  The  little  eyes  blinked  and  blinked  and  filled  till 
they  could  not  see;  and  the  small  head  bowed  on  the 
window-sill. 


THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL 


THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARBEL 


TRADITION  says  that  the  famous 
Wing  Shee  learned  medicine  in  the 
street  of  the  Thirty-four  Sorrowful 
Grandfathers,  Canton,  from  the 
tongues  of  the  sacred  storks  whose 
eyelids  he  sewed  together  against 
the  sight  of  happenings  profane.  Another  tradi 
tion  denies  that  he  ever  did  learn  it.  Yet  surely  the 
doctor  was  a  man  of  parts,  and  was  gifted  with  every 
element,  except  the  favor  of  chance,  for  what  men 
call  success.  He  looked  frail  in  body;  yet  he  had 
shone  so  valorous  in  the  Taiping  Rebellion  that  the 
mandarin  in  whose  mob  of  militants  Wing  Shee 
marched  had  plotted  perforce  to  extinguish  him. 
Thus  was  Wing  started  on  his  wanderings,  which 
stopped  twenty  years  ago  in  a  garret  room  at  No.  13-J- 
Beverly  Place,  San  Francisco. 

His  walls  were  hung  with  water-colors  reminiscent 
of  screens  and  fans  and  china.  There  was  a  life-sized 
lady  in  much  gilt  embroidery,  who  walked  due  north, 
while  her  eyes  yearned  due  south  —  a  triumph  of 
mind  over  matter.  There  was  a  beautiful  flesh- tint 
of  the  fat  Hoo  King,  who  had  refused  to  recognize  it ; 
whereupon  Wing  had  given  it  the  grimace  of  a  fiend, 
and  altered  the  eyes  so  that  they  looked  at  the  nose. 

61 


.d  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL 

ue  doctor  was  public  in  any  office  of  the  brush. 

«  would  paint  your  face  or  a  presentment  of  it,  or 
he  would  paint  your  house.  He  would  write  letters, 
or  big  red  visiting-cards,  or  signs.  For  a  modest 
transfer  he  would  chart  an  augury  of  all  the  delight 
ful  things  to  come  in  your  career,  forbearing  mention 
of  those  miseries  sufficient  to  the  days  thereof ;  and 
since  it  was  done  from  seven  random  hairs  plucked 
by  yourself  from  your  own  head,  there  was  hardly 
room  for  skepticism.  But  more  than  for  anything 
else  was  he  esteemed  for  his  knowledge  of  diseases, 
and  of  how  to  make  people  think  that  they  did  not 
have  them.  He  was  unorthodox  in  this  branch,  as  he 
was  in  others;  and  that,  among  the  ignorant,  has 
been  ground  for  prejudice  against  him. 

It  happened  that  this  little  old  gentleman,  who  was 
sixty-five,  though  you  would  have  said  fifty,  found 
his  room  rent  two  months  in  arrears,  with  the  pros 
pect  in  one  day  more  of  being  placed  on  the  outside 
of  No.  13^,  with  his  pots,  pans,  and  implements  of 
art.  Wing  Shee,  who  had  helped  many  a  fellow  in 
distress,  and  whose  kindly  eyes,  through  spectacles 
with  rims  as  large  as  silver  dollars,  attracted  every 
child,  would  have  fallen  into  melancholy  had  that 
been  possible  to  him ;  for  his  position  seemed  not  to 
touch  the  hearts  of  his  friends.  The  scholar's  pride 
that  kept  him  from  meeting  the  issue  by  pawning  the 
tools  of  his  varied  accomplishments  they  would  have 
called  presumptuous  affectation. 

ABOUT  this  time  it  became  most  important  to  the 
great  Ghee  Kung  Tong  to  know  what  mysterious  busi- 


THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL      63 

ness  was  done  of  nights  in  the  rooms  of  the  Tong 
styling  itself  the  Ho  Wang  Company.  The  Ho  Wang 
was  ostensibly  a  corporation  formed  to  deal  in  wines, 
and  the  twenty  who  assembled  regularly  in  its  rooms 
for  secret  deliberations,  with  some  incidental  good- 
fellowship  and  a  little  propitiation  of  the  gods,  were 
called  the  board  of  directors.  Most  men  in  China 
town  thought  the  machinery  of  the  Ho  Wang  merely 
a  blind  against  some  foolish  local  law  designed  to  dis 
courage  the  lottery-gambler  —  an  innocent  person  who 
chooses  to  do  business  by  logarithms ;  or  else  they 
thought  the  twenty  were  manufacturing  American 
silver  dollars  —  a  pursuit  morally  justified  by  the  ever 
unsatisfied  demand.  But  the  great  Chee  Kung  was 
anxious  lest  this  might  be  the  nucleus  of  a  rival  or 
ganization  growing  out  of  the  Chee  Kung's  despo 
tism.  A  wall  of  the  Ho  Wang  rooms  was  said  to  be 
inscribed  with  the  names  of  its  three  hundred  mem 
bers.  The  Chee  Kung  wanted  those  names,  and  would 
pay  for  them. 

Lung  Tom  and  Hang  Tow,  the  hulking  day  watch 
dogs  of  the  Ho  Wang  quarters,  were  not  available. 
Lung  Tom  was  successfully  approached  by  a  Chee 
Kung  trusty,  and  said  he  was  more  than  willing  to 
turn  an  honest  penny ;  but  it  was  discovered  that  he 
could  neither  read  nor  write.  Of  Hang  Tow  the  Chee 
Kung  was  chary,  since  he  was  suspected  of  being  one 
of  the  Ho  Wang's  members.  The  two  guards  were 
never  allowed  in  the  rooms  during  the  meetings, 
which  lasted  from  eight  o'clock  at  night  until  four  in 
the  morning;  but  all  the  rest  of  the  time  they  were 
required  to  keep  everybody  out  of  the  company's 


64      THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARBEL 

premises,  except  thfe  police,  who  were  welcome.  At 
night  either  Lung  Tom  or  Hang  Tow  was  always  at 
the  street  entrance.  The  police  used  to  come  in  once 
in  a  while/  at  first  j  but  they  never  discovered  any 
thing  to  warrant  suspicion.  The  place  contained  a 
number  of  wine-casks,  an  open  fireplace  with  an  iron 
pot  hung  in  it,  and  little  else  to  attract  attention.  Re 
ligious  ceremonies  seemed  the  main  diversion  of  the 
Ho  Wang. 

One  morning,  at  this  juncture,  two  emissaries  of 
the  Ghee  Kung  climbed  to  the  garret  where  lodged 
the  learned  Wing  Shee.  They  heard  cheerful  music, 
and  came  upon/the  doctor  'purled  in  a  small  heap  on 
his  divan,  smoking-  a  pipe  and  playing  a  mandolin. 
Having  conscientiously  exhausted  every  project  for 
avoiding  the  ejector' of  tenants,  -and  having  failed,  he 
had  turned  to  the  companions  of  his  leisure,  leaving 
the  rest  to  fate.  Fate  entered  bis-  room  in  the  persons 
of  the  two  from  the  Chee  Kung.  ..That  a  man  reported 
on  the  verge  of  bankruptcy  should  be  thus  passing 
his  time  surrounded  by  numerous  ^articles  on  which 
money  could  be  had  at  interest  startled  them.  They 
were  men  with  paunches  and  other  indications  of 
prosperity;  but  where  they  had  expected  to  receive 
deference  they  now  bowed  diplomatically  low,  and 
proceeded  in  a  subdued  tone  to  lay  their  proposition 
before  him,  while  he  graciously  made  tea,  with  no 
sign  of  enthusiasm  visible  through  the  great  horn 
bows  of  his  spectacles.  When  they  had  received  their 
cups  and  had  seated  themselves,  rather  awed  by  his 
elegance  of  manner,  the  doctor  said : 

"  What  do  you  offer  for  this  service  ?  If  I  fail  it 
will  be  because  I  lose  my  life." 


THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL      65 

"What  will  you  undertake  it  for?"  asked  the 
spokesman.  The  tea  was  excellent ;  the  rumors  about 
this  learned  gentleman  must  be  ridiculously  false. 

"It  will  be  one  dollar  for  every  name/7  said  Wing 
Shee,  rattling  some  keys  in  his  pocket. 

"Three  hundred  dollars!"  said  the  spokesman. 
"  Impossible !  We  will  give  you  one  hundred.  No  ? 
Well,  good  morning." 

The  two  retired  slowly,  as  if  expecting  the  sugges 
tion  of  a  compromise.  Immediately  the  doctor  jumped 
to  the  door.  They  had  paused  at  the  first  landing 
below.  He  held  the  knob,  ready  to  run  and  shout  to 
them  should  they  start  down  the  remaining  flights. 
But  soon  their  steps  were  heard  returning,  whereupon 
he  climbed  briskly  to  the  divan,  resumed  his  pipe,  and 
strummed  a  few  chords  on  his  mandolin. 

"  We  have  decided  to  accept  your  proposition,"  said 
the  spokesman,  "though  as  a  member  of  the.  Ghee 
Kung  Tong,  and  as  a  man  of  means,  we  think  you 
ought  to  do  it  for  less." 

"What  can  the  Chee  Kung  do  for  me  if  I  get  a 
hatchet  stroke  in  the  nape  of  the  neck  ? "  asked  the 
doctor,  sweeping  a  wild  discord  over  the  strings. 
"  Come  back  in  thirty-six  hours,  and  if  you  see  me 
alive  I  shall  ask  you  for  the  money." 

The  doctor  played  softly  until  they  were  gone.  He 
reflected  that  a  tenth  of  the  sum  would  have  tempted 
him.  Meanwhile  the  spokesman  of  the  Chee  Kung 
was  explaining  to  his  companion  that  it  is  better  to 
promise  three  hundred  dollars  than  to  pay  one  hun 
dred. 

When,  later,  the  doctor  returned  from  a  visit  to  an 
American  friend,  he  carried  a  box  of  tools,  and  up  his 


66      THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL 

sleeve  was  a  string  of  boiled  sausages.  In  the  hall  a 
junkman  had  left  an  empty  barrel  so  large  that  the 
doctor  could  barely  get  it  through  his  door.  It  was 
strong  and  heavy,  and  had  served  perhaps  in  the  vault 
of  a  vineyard.  When  he  had  locked  himself  in  with 
it,  he  began  to  move  about  rapidly.  On  the  divan  he 
laid  the  sausages,  some  packages  of  drugs,  his  mando 
lin,  his  pipe  and  a  supply  of  tobacco,  a  sharp  knife 
with  a  case  that  looked  like  a  closed  fan,  a  bottle  of 
ground  Chinese  ink  with  brushes,  a  bundle  of  long 
paraffin  tapers,  several  books  in  his  own  language, 
and  a  bottle  of  rice  gin. 

Then  PowLee,  who  kept  the  joss-house  down-stairs, 
and  occupied  the  other  garret  room,  heard  Wing 
hammering  and  sawing  and  planing.  That  pleased 
Pow  Lee  5  for  Wing,  whose  attitude  toward  joss- 
keepers  was  of  small  respect,  was  evidently  forced  to 
the  wall,  and  must  pack  his  belongings.  The  little 
man  with  the  superior  manner  would  have  to  take  up 
his  abode  in  some  inferior  lodging,  where  two  others 
would  sleep  in  his  bunk  during  parts  of  the  solar  day. 
Pow  Lee,  who  was  growing  wealthy  as  a  member  of 
the  Ho  Wang  Company,  could  now  rent  this  room  for 
himself,  which  would  suit  certain  financial  plans  of 
his  not  likely  to  mature  under  inspection. 

At  about  dusk  the  sounds  of  carpentering  came  but 
intermittently;  and  when  Pow  Lee,  after  no  answer 
his  knock,  peeped  curiously  in,  he  found  no  one. 
That  seemed  strange,  since  he  was  sure  he  had  heard 
a  hammer-stroke  but  a  minute  before.  A  blue  barrel 
lay  in  a  pile  of  shavings.  Pow  rolled  it,  and  found 
it  heavy;  it  was  surprising  that  Wing  could  have 


THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL      67 

filled  a  barrel  and  so  little  changed  the  aspect  of  the 
place.  A  medicine-box  was  on  the  divan,  an  oppor 
tunity  welcome  to  the  inquisitive  joss-keeper.  But 
when  he  touched  it  there  came  from  near  by  the  sharp 
sweep  of  chords  on  a  mandolin.  It  was  evidently 
Wing  returning.  Pow  Lee  fled. 

Lights  began  to  shine  from  the  house.  The  blue 
barrel  lay  in  the  twilight.  Occasionally  it  oscillated 
gently,  as  if  some  heavy  person  had  run  across  an  ad 
joining  room  in  the  flimsy  building.  A  cloud  of 
tobacco  smoke  hung  closely  around  it,  as  though 
brought  from  the  ceiling  by  a  mood  of  the  atmo 
sphere.  By  and  by  an  American  in  a  leathern  apron 
came  with  ropes  and  let  it  down  the  stairs.  Then  he 
locked  the  door  and  took  the  key.  At  the  street  the 
barrel  escaped  from  the  ropes  and  trundundled  across 
the  sidewalk,  where  it  stopped  abruptly  against  the 
wheel  of  a  wagon.  The  man  with  the  rope  apolo 
gized,  though  it  was  not  plain  to  whom. 

Later,  in  the  back  room  of  the  Ho  Wang  Company, 
Hang  Tow  drowsily  opened  his  eyes  and  then  went 
to  sleep  again,  while  Lung  Tom  ranged  in  line  some 
newly  delivered  casks.  The  blue  barrel  had  arrived 
among  them ;  and  this  he  left  upright  at  one  side 
of  the  room.  Once,  while  Hang  slumbered,  Lung 
moved  it  a  foot  or  two. 

When  Hang  awoke  he  saw  Lung  sitting  on  the  blue 
barrel,  gazing  toward  the  wall  at  a  long  line  of  hiero 
glyphic  names  he  could  not  read.  Before  long  the 
Ho  Wang  would  be  assembling.  Hang  lumbered 
with  interest  over  to  the  barrel  that  was  different 
from  the  others. 


68      THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BAKSEL 

"It  does  n't  belong  here,"  said  Lung.  "The  man 
came  back  while  you  slept,  and  said  he  would  call  for 
it  in  the  morning/' 

"  Unusual  barrel  —  has  two  bungs !  Wonder  what 's 
in  it?"  said  Hang,  with  pregnant  curiosity.  But 
Lung  did  not  seem  to  care.  Hang  could  hear  no 
swish  of  liquids  j  its  contents  were  evidently  solid, 
since  they  made  a  sound  when  Hang  turned  it  upside 
down,  which  was  quick  work  for  a  man  of  his  strength. 
At  each  end  at  regular  intervals  there  were  small  round 
holes  in  the  staves,  but  the  holes  had  been  closed 
from  within.  It  worried  Hang  why,  if  the  contents 
were  not  valuable,  this  had  been  done,  and  new  heads 
put  in.  It  occurred  to  him  that  between  four  and  six 
in  the  morning  he  might  be  able  to  open  the  barrel ; 
and  should  he  take  a  fancy  to  anything  in  it,  he  could 
lay  the  blame  on  the  honest  Lung  Tom,  to  whom  the 
American  would  naturally  look  should  anything  be 
missing. 

"  Time ! n  called  Hang  at  length  to  Lung,  who  ap 
peared  to  have  started  a  nap.  "The  chief  said  he 
would  discharge  you  if  he  found  you  asleep  again.77 

"He  told  me,"  said  Lung,  without  opening  his  eyes, 
"  that  if  you  did  n't  smoke  less  opium  he  would  dis 
charge  you." 

Before  they  left  for  the  front  room  Lung  rolled  the 
barrel  to  a  far  corner.  It  oscillated  to  and  fro  several 
times,  and  finally,  with  an  unnatural  lurch,  came  to 
rest.  A  vapor  like  the  smoke  of  tobacco  began  to  rise 
from  its  vicinity ;  but  the  air  was  so  Chinese,  and  the 
room  so  dimly  lighted  by  a  single  oil  lamp,  that  no 
one  would  have  detected  this  phenomenon. 


THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BAEEEL      69 

At  eight  o'clock  Hoo  King,  the  chief  of  the  Ho 
Wangs,  arrived  with  several  members.  Hang  Tow 
had  hastened  to  supper,  whence  he  would  seek  his 
favorite  opium-joint,  where  they  never  failed  to  drag 
him  from  his  stupor  at  exactly  half-past  three  in  the 
morning.  Lung  Tom  told  Hoo  King  about  the  blue 
barrel,  and  took  up  his  station  at  the  street  entrance 
to  the  hallway. 

The  members  stopped  in  the  front  room,  where 
there  were  chairs  and  gaslight.  From  the  dim  corner 
of  the  back  room,  where  the  barrel  lay  on  its  side,  it 
was  possible  to  distinguish  only  that  a  business  meet 
ing  was  being  held.  At  first  any  one  who  opened  the 
communicating  door  might  have  heard,  from  a  source 
hard  to  say,  the  tinkling  of  a  mandolin,  apparently 
distant,  and  surely  in  the  hands  of  a  master.  But 
soon  the  music  ceased. 

Two  hours  later  Hoo  King  led  the  way  back  for 
the  serious  work  of  the  night.  He  and  those  who 
thronged  after  him  were  all  well  known  in  Chinatown. 
Hoo  King  was  a  ginseng  merchant  and  a  general  ma 
nipulator  of  profits ;  Ma  Tee  owned  a  factory  which 
supplied  cigars  to  all  men  who  could  not  afford  good 
ones  ;  the  fat  Fong  Ah  was  proprietor  of  a  wash- 
house  in  which  labored  eighteen  less  fortunate  Chi 
nese  ;  Fai  Chu  was  known  to  every  man  who  had  been 
sick,  for  he  sold  drugs  in  one  of  the  neatest  shops  of 
the  quarter ;  Lee  Yip  was  president  of  a  curio-shop 
much  patronized  by  tourists  ;  Fuey  Ying  slaughtered 
pork,  and  found  a  market  for  nearly  every  pound  of 
it  among  the  Celestials  j  Pow  Lee  sold  joss-sticks,  and 


70      THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL 

ate  the  offerings  to  the  gods ;  Hai  Lo  was  head  spirit 
in  a  mysterious  place  called  the  Hole-in-the-Ground ; 
and  there  were  twelve  others,  all  of  fresh-shaven  heads, 
and  portliness,  and  clean  clothing  in  noticeable  col 
ors.  They  wore  red  buttons  in  their  caps,  and  their 
trousers  were  tightly  wrapped  at  the  ankles.  Their 
dignity  and  the  tobacco  they  smoked  belonged  to  a 
prosperity  hard  to  explain. 

Hoo  King,  who  was  telling  Ma  Tee  about  the  blue 
barrel,  said  suddenly: 

"The  idiot — he  told  me  he  put  it  in  the  far 
corner ! " 

The  blue  barrel  was  standing  upright  in  the  center 
of  the  room. 

When  the  heavy  shutters  of  the  rear  windows  had 
been  barred  and  the  door  locked,  and  the  chief  had 
wrapped  around  his  wrist  the  end  of  a  fine  wire  that 
hung  from  the  ceiling,  four  casks  were  brought  for 
ward  and  their  bungs  drawn.  One  after  another  each 
of  those  present  took  from  his  sleeve  a  bag,  from 
which  he  counted  twenty  double  eagles,  holding  every 
coin  so  that  all  could  see  it,  then  dropping  it  into  one 
of  the  casks.  When  the  money  had  been  equally  di 
vided  among  the 'casks  the  bungs  were  replaced,  and 
there  began  a  very  long  process  of  rolling  the  casks 
to  and  fro  across  the  floor.  Every  few  minutes  new 
sets  of  men  came  forward  for  the  work,  which  was 
arduous  enough  to  set  beads  of  perspiration  on  the 
faces  of  the  fat  Fong  Ah  and  his  counterpart  Fuey 
Ying. 

It  was  well  past  midnight,  and  the  rolling  was  nearly 
at  an  end,  when  without  warning  Hoo  King's  hand 


THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL      71 

flew  up,  jerked  by  the  wire  attached  to  his  wrist.  He 
shouted  a  word  of  gibberish,  and,  freeing  himself, 
dropped  cross-legged  in  the  middle  of  the  room,  break 
ing  into  a  chant  like  those  of  the  Taoist  priests. 
Quickly  six  others  joined  him,  and  one  man  began 
pounding  a  gong  while  another  played  on  a  squealing 
pipe.  The  transformation  was  creditable  from  a  dra 
matic  point  of  view  j  the  noise  was  deafening. 

The  door  swung  easily  open,  and  admitted  a  ser 
geant  of  police,  followed  by  a  party  of  tourists  and  a 
Chinese  interpreter. 

"  Shut  up  ! "  shouted  the  sergeant,  crashing  his  stick 
on  the  panel.  "  Now,  you,  John,  tell  the  ladies  what 
kind  of  a  fandango  this  is." 

"  This,"  said  the  interpreter  to  the  ladies,  "  is  a  new 
kind  of  leligion  —  baily  difPunt  than  all  other  kinds 
leligions  of  China.  All  those  make-to-write  on  that 
wall  was  petitions  to  Heaven.  Those  men  wusship 
one  big  yellow  god  named  Yangtse  —  baily  much 
same  all  you  'Melicans  wusship." 

"  Well,"  said  a  lady,  "  they  are  started  in  the  right 
direction.  Who  knows  but  that  they  will  finish  by 
becoming  Christians?" 

"  More  likely  to  finish  in  jail,  ma'am,"  said  the  ser 
geant,  who  had  had  experiences.  "  This  ain't  much. 
But  now  I  '11  show  you  the  old  woman  who  sells  live 
cats'  eyes." 

The  party  filed  out,  each  lady  with  her  skirts  in  one 
hand,  and  her  smelling-bottle  in  the  other,  the  men 
puffing  at  cigars  in  competition  with  the  air  of  the 
place. 

Then  the  scene  changed  back.    The  contents  of  the 


72      THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL 

casks  —  water,  sand,  and  coin  —  were  discharged,  and 
the  money  was  restored  to  its  owners.  The  opera 
tion  was  Hoo  King's  method  of  "sweating"  United 
States  gold  coin,  the  result  of  his  many  years  of  ex 
perience.  Hoo  King  was  the  man  who  knew  the  right 
quality  of  sand,  and  judged  the  coins,  and  controlled 
the  best  methods  of  disposing  of  them  after  they  had 
been  robbed  of  enough  metal  for  profit.  The  water 
with  which  the  sand  had  been  washed  was  placed  in 
a  big  kettle  to  evaporate,  and  while  the  fire  roared 
beneath  it  the  members  sat  smoking,  and  whiling 
away  the  time  with  jovial  conversation.  Those  who 
had  to  be  up  early  stretched  out  in  sleep. 

When  Pow  Lee  recognized  the  blue  barrel,  and 
stated  positively  where  he  had  seen  it  a  few  hours 
before,  it  came  in  for  much  attention  and  gossip. 
There  was  a  general  feeling  of  pleasure  in  this  group  of 
men  opposed  to  the  learned  Wing  Shee  both  morally 
and  mentally,  over  the  proof  of  the  financial  straits 
into  which  he  had  fallen.  Fai  Chu  disparaged  him  as 
a  quack  who  had  been  the  death  of  countless  patients. 
Hoo  King  spoke  of  the  rejected  portrait,  which  in  its 
altered  form  was  a  constant  thorn  in  his  side,  and 
suggested  how  agreeable  it  would  be  to  roast  the  doc 
tor  in  his  own  blue  barrel  over  such  an  excellent  fire. 
Pow  Lee  seconded  their  sentiments  with  spirit,  and 
searched  for  the  ax,  proposing  that  the  barrel  be 
broken  in  and  its  contents  examined.  With  his  own 
eyes,  he  said,  he  had  seen  Wing  Shee  packing  in  it 
the  cross-eyed  portrait  of  the  chief  of  the  Ho  Wang, 
together  with  many  strange  dried  animals  such  as 
Wing  ground  for  his  magic  medicines.  Here  was  a 


THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL      73 

most  desirable  opportunity  to  get  possession  of  the 
portrait,  and  examine  the  outlandish  beasts  at  leisure. 
The  doctor's  false  pretenses  could  be  exposed.  The 
others  hammered  the  barrel,  and  rolled  it,  and  turned 
it  upside  down. 

"  Look  out ! "  said  Pow,  coming  up  with  the  ax, 
"  Just  let  me  have  one  blow ! " 

But  the  fat  Fong  Ah  stayed  the  arm  of  the  joss- 
keeper. 

"  It  won't  do,"  he  said ;  "  for  if  the  white  man  who 
brought  it  makes  complaint,  the  police  will  search  this 
place  too  thoroughly." 

When  four  o'clock  arrived,  there  had  been  a  brief 
process  with  crucible  and  bellows,  and  the  directors 
of  the  Ho  Wang  Company  had  gone  home  to  peaceful 
slumber. 

AT  this  point  enters  something  like  a  question  of 
veracity.  Hang  Tow  returned  rather  heavy  with 
opium,  and  saw  the  blue  barrel  lying  on  its  side. 
The  two  watchmen  lay  down  in  different  corners  of 
the  room.  Each  insists  that  he  slept  until  seven  in 
the  morning  without  a  break.  Hang  says  he  had  a 
dream.  Their  statements  are  improbable. 

Hang's  alleged  dream  was  that  he  awoke  and  heard 
a  sound  as  if  one  of  the  casks  was  being  rolled  very 
slowly  across  the  floor.  There  was  a  mild  collision 
with  another  cask,  and  then  a  silence  that  caused  a 
rising  of  his  loose  scalp-locks.  Soon  came  more  of 
this  cautious  rolling,  and  another  bump,  after  which 
he  presently  saw  in  the  direction  whence  proceeded 
the  noise  eight  tiny  points  of  light  gleaming  in  the 


74      THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL 

darkness  a  few  feet  above  the  floor.  The  lights  shone 
steadily,  and  there  was  no  further  sound.  This  phe 
nomenon  filled  Hang  with  a  contest  of  fear  and  curi 
osity,  in  which  the  latter  finally  prevailed,  so  that  he 
crept  gently  toward  the  lights.  When  he  was  nearly 
within  reach  they  disappeared.  He  struck  a  match, 
and  confronted  the  blue  barrel. 

If  the  luminous  glances  of  one  of  Wing's  diaboli 
cal  animals  had  made  the  glimmer,  the  monster  was 
probably  too  big  to  escape  and  be  at  him  from  the 
bung  of  the  barrel.  He  lighted  the  lamp,  and  with 
the  handle  of  the  ax  knocked  in  one  of  the  two  bungs. 
It  is  absurd  to  assert  that  this  action  would  not  have 
aroused  Lung  Tom.  Hang  tried  to  see  into  the  bar 
rel,  but  his  head  got  persistently  in  the  way  of  the 
rays  of  the  lamp.  He  went  around  and  knocked  in 
the  other  bung,  so  that  the  light  might  shine  from  the 
other  side.  But  as  soon  as  he  left  the  first  bung-hole 
for  the  second,  the  first  bung  was  replaced  from  the 
inside  of  the  barrel !  He  could  not  run  around  the 
barrel  quickly  enough  to  get  ahead  of  the  demon  im 
prisoned  within. 

But  now  he  wedged  a  broomstick  firmly  between 
two  other  casks,  so  that  its  end  went  a  short  way 
through  one  of  the  bung-holes  and  prevented  its  plug 
from  being  put  back ;  then  once  more  he  thrust  in 
the  second  bung.  Now  he  could  see !  His  eyes  met 
two  large  shining  disks  like  spectacles.  That  was  all. 

There  came  a  puff  as  from  some  one  blowing  dust, 
and  a  cloud  of  blinding,  stinging  red  powder  filled  his 
eyes,  putting  out  his  sight,  and  causing  him  to  howl 
with  pain.  As  Hang  Tow  raised  his  hands  to  his 


THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARBEL      75 

brow,  the  barrel  lifted  from  where  it  stood,  and  fell 
heavily  upon  his  nose,  throwing  him  on  his  back. 
It  rolled  off  with  a  thunder  that  would  have  awakened 
ten  Lung  Toms.  But  Lung  made  no  sign.  It  is  not 
known  just  what  further  harm  the  barrel  did  to  Hang 
Tow,  but  when  it  had  finished  with  him  it  waddled 
up  to  the  lamp,  blew  out  the  flame,  lighted  a  taper 
inside  of  itself,  and  settled  down  comfortably. 

"When,  late  in  the  morning,  Hang  awoke  and  saw 
Lung  sitting  in  abstraction  on  a  cask  near  by,  Hang 
gazed  inquiringly  through  red  and  tearful  eyes  at  his 
honest  fellow- watchman.  Lung  Tom  glanced  at  him 
without  emotion,  and  said  simply : 

"  Too  much  opium." 

The  blue  barrel  was  gone. 

SNUBBY  TAGGERTY  had  the  barrel  in  hand.  It  was 
he  who  had  carried  and  brought  it.  He  was  talking 
to  it  while  he  urged  it  through  the  door  of  the  garret 
in  Beverly  Place.  When  he  had  locked  himself  into 
the  room,  and  had  said,  with  a  sigh  of  rest,  "  All 
right ! "  two  flaps  opened  in  the  head  of  the  barrel, 
and  Doctor  Wing  Shee  looked  again  upon  his  beloved 
abode.  His  head  was  swathed  like  a  Moslem's,  and 
his  cue  was  coiled  into  an  additional  buffer  at  the 
top  of  it. 

uYou  pullee  me,"  he  requested,  with  a  feeble 
grimace. 

Taggerty,  who  was  not  very  tall,  stood  on  a  chair, 
and  tried  to  extract  the  learned  gentleman  from 
within.  But  the  doctor's  legs,  cramped  by  eighteen 
hours  in  one  position,  refused  to  turn  on  their  hinges, 


76      THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BAKREL 

and  his  knees  caught  provokingly  against  the  fixed 
part  of  the  barrel-head. 

"Hoi'  on,  doc/7  said  Taggerty,  suddenly  releasing 
his  hold,  and  letting  his  friend  slump  back  to  the 
interior  of  the  barrel.  "  Wait  till  I  t'row  it  over." 

When  the  barrel  was  on  its  side,  Taggerty  slowly 
manipulated  the  body  of  his  friend  as  he  had  some 
times  worked  large  bedsteads  through  narrow  doors, 
and  finally  produced  him  complete  on  the  floor.  The 
doctor  smiled  in  the  best  of  humor ;  but  when  Tag 
gerty  took  him  under  the  arms  and  raised  him  to  his 
feet,  the  old  gentleman's  legs  refused  to  straighten, 
and  he  flopped  back  to  a  cross-legged  position  in  the 
pile  of  shavings. 

"  Too  muchee  same,  allee  time,"  explained  the  doc 
tor,  cheerily,  while  his  friend  placed  him  on  a  chair, 
and  tried  to  pull  his  legs  in  line.  "  No ;  you  go  that 
closet  —  look  shee  black  bottle." 

Taggerty  drew  forth  a  jar  of  whisky  in  which  floated 
the  remains  of  a  plucked  fowl. 

"  What  the  dickens  is  the  birdie,  doc  ? "  said  he,  in 
wonder. 

"  That  him  cloe-bud  ;  make  l  Caw,  caw,  caw ! '  You 
sabbee  ?  Baily  good  for  no-can-walk." 

Half  an  hour's  rubbing  with  this  liniment  left  the 
Chinaman  fairly  restored,  and  not  long  afterwards  the 
two  deputies  of  the  Chee  Kung  Tong,  climbing  the 
garret  stairs,  heard  the  familiar  tinkle  of  the  learned 
gentleman's  mandolin.  But  this  time  when  they  came 
in  they  found  Snubby  Taggerty  with  him. 

"  Here  is  a  book  with  303  names  of  the  members  of 
the  Ho  Wang  Company,  as  written  on  the  walls  of 
its  rear  apartment,"  said  the  doctor,  leaning  over  the 


THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL      77 

blue  barrel.  "  Three  hundred  dollars,  however,  will 
be  sufficient." 

The  visitors  exchanged  glances. 

"We  '11  give  you  two  hundred,"  exclaimed  the 
spokesman, 

"  Three  hundred  dollars  will  be  sufficient,"  said  the 
doctor,  in  a  tone  full  of  meaning. 

"  But  how  do  we  know  they  are  genuine?  Besides, 
if  you  don't  accept  our  terms  your  trouble  will  have 
been  for  nothing." 

11  You  accepted  my  terms  yesterday.  My  reputation 
guarantees  their  authenticity.  As  for  the  rest,  it  will 
be  more  profitable  to  me  to  drop  the  book  into  this 
barrel,  in  which  there  is  an  inch  of  coal  oil.  With 
this  taper,"  said  the  doctor,  lighting  it,  "  I  can  fire  the 
oil,  and  destroy  the  book  of  names  —  the  valuable 
book  of  names  —  instantaneously.  I  give  you  a  min 
ute  by  my  friend's  watch  to  decide.  You  look  shee," 
said  the  doctor,  in  English,  to  Taggerty. 

The  envoys  departed,  leaving  Wing  Shee  in  posses 
sion  of  fifteen  big  gold  pieces. 

The  door  had  barely  closed  before  it  was  opened 
unceremoniously  by  a  creature  with  a  hooked  nose 
and  a  mouth  of  disdain,  who  said  to  Wing  Shee  briefly : 

"  Well,  to-day  is  the  thirty-first.  What  is  it  —  pay 
or  get  bounced  ?  " 

"Say,  feller,"  said  Taggerty,  who  sat  easily  in  a 
chair,  "  that  ain't  the  way  to  speak  to  a  gent  like  this. 
He  's  first  cousin  to  the  King  of  the  Asiastic  empire, 
he  is  —  an'  I  don't  like  yer  ugly  face,  savez  ?  " 

"  What  have  you  got  to  do  with  it,  you  snub-nose  ? " 
said  the  ejector  of  tenants,  scornfully. 

"Oh,  let's  see!"   said  Taggart,  joyfully.     "Count 


78      THE  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  BARREL 

'em  out,  doc  j  an'  see  he  don't  cheat  on  the  change. 
Did  n't  I  tell  yer  the  doc  was  in  the  swim  1  I  'm  his 
chief  bull- whacker,  I  am  —  take  a  run  ! " 

The  ejector  was  rudely  ejected  by  the  collar,  and 
from  the  stairs  were  heard  sounds  of  a  person  de 
scending  with  great  difficulty,  but  with  much  haste. 

"  Say,  doc,"  said  Snubby  Taggerty,  when  he  re 
turned,  "  was  they  really  three  hundred  members  to 
that  outfit ?" 

"  Oh,  no,"  said  Wing  Shee.  "  All  those  names  dead 
men.  They  was  put  on  that  wall  to  make  foolee 
people.  But  you  baily  good  boy.  I  give  you  twenty 
dollies." 

"  Naw !  You  'n  me  's  even  for  the  time  you  fixed 
me  busted  eye.  But  they  's  twenty  live  ones,  any 
how.  An'  you  'n  me  '11  get  a  reward  from  the  Gov'- 
ment  for  nosin'  a  counterfeiters'  nest.  Say,  I  've  got 
a  scheme  or  two  to  let  you  in  on  ;  for  you  're  a  dandy 
—  you  are ! "  said  Taggerty,  gazing  admiringly  at  the 
blue  barrel.  "  Bye  ! " 

After  a  while  nothing  remained  of  the  blue  barrel 
but  a  pile  of  kindling-wood.  The  learned  Doctor 
Wing  Shee  sat  on  his  divan,  playing  the  mandolin 
softly,  and  now  and  then  taking  a  whiff  from  his  pipe. 

"  The  best  of  it/'  he  said  to  himself,  with  a  quiet 
smile,  as  he  stared  through  his  great  spectacles,  and 
thought  of  the  time  he  had  spent  in  the  barrel  reading 
by  the  light  of  a  taper,  "  is  that,  after  twenty  years,  I 
at  last  finished  the  i  Story  of  How  Yuen  Liu  Taught 
the  Stork  to  Play  Shuttle-Cock,'  which,  to  me,  is  the 
most  stupid  and  improbable  of  the  Seven  Thousand 
Classics." 


THE   MAN   WHO   LOST   HIS   HEAD 


THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD 


IX  Chinamen  were  climbing  Jackson 
street,  in  San  Francisco.  They 
were  men  who  bent  for  thirteen 
hours  a  day  over  the  laundry 
benches  of  the  fat  Fong  Ah,  which 
lie  out  of  Chinatown.  It  was  after 
midnight,  and  the  wooden  walk  was  deserted  and 
fairly  wide;  yet  they  marched  dispersed  in  Chinese 
file,  as  if  they  were  still  worming  the  narrow,  crowded 
thoroughfares  of  their  city  of  Canton. 

Their  conversation  was  like  the  gargling  bf  mixed 
consonants;  and  their  garments  were  as  made  for 
one  man  from  one  pattern.  Of  all  concerning  them 
what  was  most  civilized  was  the  cold,  hard  look  on 
the  face  of  the  hindermost  one  —  Ah  Koo.  Ah  Koo 
was  silent.  While  all  the  rest  discussed  the  theater 
they  had  left,  every  man  staring  straight  in  front  of 
him  as  if  soliloquizing  aloud, —  while  all  the  others 
were  loquacious,  Ah  Koo  seemed  sullen.  Often  he 
glanced  back,  especially  when  he  heard  footsteps  be 
hind.  When  presently  they  had  left  the  Celestial 
quarter  well  in  the  rear  and  had  turned  into  the  street 
where  the  Fong  Ah  laundry  is,  Ah  Koo  suddenly 
darted  into  the  dark  shadow  of  a  doorway,  and  the 
others,  on  their  felt  soles,  noiselessly  and  without 
missing  him,  vanished  from  sight. 


82  THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD 

Now  in  this,  as  in  many  things,  were  women  in 
volved  ;  and  they  were  two  —  Loo  Kee,  who  toddled 
through  life,  and  Fah  Now,  who  shuffled.  Loo  Ning 
was  their  lord,  an  importer  of  sea-cabbage  and  odd 
vegetables,  who  dwelt  in  a  suite  of  rooms  over  some 
stores  on  Dupont  street.  He  had  ebony  tables.  When 
the  wind  blew  holes  through  the  bright  paper  lanterns 
that  bobbed  from  his  balcony  he  hung  out  fresh  ones, 
which  means  that  he  was  prosperous.  Loo  Kee  tod 
dled  through  life  because  her  feet  had  been  tightly 
swathed  in  silken  bandages  from  the  time  she  was  six 
years  old  until  she  was  twelve,  so  that  now  she  could 
walk  but  with  the  help  of  the  normal-footed  Fah  Now 
—  the  minor  wife  —  who  wore  slippers  that  flapped 
with  every  step  she  took,  because  they  had  no  heels 
and  were  kept  on  only  by  a  big  toe  pointing  upwards. 
Fah  Now  had  no  greater  charm  than  her  face ;  but 
Loo  Kee  had  sat  on  a  dais  six  years,  outgrowing  her 
feet,  and  had  then  learned  many  arts  and  graces, 
especially  arts. 

That  dais  period  had  been  in  Canton,  and  its  end 
came  when  they  told  her  parents  that  a  wealthy  Chi 
nese,  gone  abroad,  besought  her  to  wed.  The  parents, 
jingling  a  thousand  Haikwan  taels  in  their  pocket, 
which  was  in  the  trousers  of  her  father,  accepted  the 
sum  as  a  proof  of  the  gentleman's  love;  and  they 
stuffed  little  Kee  with  stories  of  splendor  and  silver 
castles  awaiting  over  the  sea ;  and  then  stuffed  her 
into  the  steerage  of  a  giant  craft  where  for  three  long 
weeks  they  fed  her  occasionally  and  watched  her  un 
ceasingly.  And  when  she  was  landed  and  dragged 
successfully  past  the  mildly  inquisitive  revenue  flag 


THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD  83 

of  the  United  States  her  value  to  Loo  Ning,  who  had 
imported  her,  was  estimated  by  him  at  fifteen  hun 
dred  Haikwan  taels,  net.  To  the  rescue  society  Loo 
Ning  solemnly  swore  the  affair  was  romantic,  that  she 
had  been  betrothed  to  him  since  her  youth.  And  lit 
tle  Kee,  as  she  had  been  primed  for  it,  swore  the  same. 
What  puzzled  people  who  saw  this  sort  of  thing  for 
the  first  time  was  the  phrase  "since  her  youth/7  for 
her  youth  was  barely  begun. 

Up  to  then  Loo  Ning  had  been  in  America  twenty 
years.  But  a  previous  thirty  years  had  been  spent  in 
Canton.  There,  strangely,  his  name  had  been,  not 
Loo  Ning,  but  something  else,  and  he  had  practised 
appropriation  all  through  the  Kwangtung  province. 
The  officers  of  the  government,  who  believed  that 
they  stole  everything  unchained  in  the  Middle  King 
dom,  grew  a  professional  jealousy  of  him,  such  that 
there  came  a  dispute  between  him  and  them  concern 
ing  his  life,  they  and  he  craving  it  for  incompatible 
uses.  And  a  man  with  a  sword  ran  miles  in  pursuit 
while  Loo  Ning  fled  along  the  banks  of  the  Canton 
river  —  a  curious  case  of  two  persons  impelled  in  the 
same  direction  by  opposite  sentiments.  A  few  weeks 
later  the  sword  and  Loo  Ning  turned  up  in  Hong- 
Kong,  and  from  that  English  port,  whence  in  those 
days  there  was  no  extradition,  it  was  easy  to  ascend 
to  the  Golden  Gate. 

But  these  were  his  bottom  days,  and  afterward  he 
prospered.  In  the  course  of  his  rise  he  took  to  his 
household  the  handsome  Fah  Now,  aforesaid,  she  big 
of  foot,  soft  of  heart,  and  worth  half  a  thousand  dol 
lars  to  her  parents.  Then  he  grew  richer  and  sent 


84  THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD 

for  Loo  Kee,  and  made  Fah  Now  but  a  tirewoman  to 
her.  Fah  Now's  face  was  pleasanter  to  see  than  Loo 
Kee's,  but  you  looked  at  their  feet. 

Ah  Koo  was  Loo  Ning's  nearest  of  kin  in  America, 
employed  by  Loo  Ning's  friend,  Fong  Ah,  and  thus 
came  often  to  see  Loo  Ning.  And  the  beginning  is 
that  Fah  Now,  the  forsaken,  began  to  yearn  for  the 
admiration  of  Ah  and  for  human  sympathy.  The 
lady,  Loo  Kee,  too,  welcomed  Ah  always  with  smiles 
that  should  have  caused  Fah  Now  anxiety.  But  Fah 
Now  was  simple,  and  as  yet  what  Loo  Kee  thought  of 
Ah  Koo  or  what  Ah  Koo  thought  of  either  woman 
was  unknown  to  Fah  Now.  Loo  Ning  was  jealous  of 
both  the  women  in  the  ratio  of  five  to  fifteen. 

One  evening  Loo  Ning  had  been  called  to  preside 
at  a  dinner  where  various  secret  affairs  were  adjusted 
and  many  a  bottle  thatched  with  straw  was  found  to 
be  all  right.  Ah  Koo  thought  that  Loo  Ning  might 
return  full  drowsy  with  Jiaft-toiv-shit,  which  is  dark 
brown  gin,  and  might  thus  lie  low  in  a  stupor,  leav 
ing  the  women  less  embarrassed  than  they  were  in  the 
sober  presence  of  their  watchful  lord.  In  this  hope 
Ah  withdrew  near  midnight  from  the  fan-tan  game 
at  the  place  called  in  Chinese  the  Hole-in-the-ground, 
and  issued  demurely  from  one  of  the  dozen  escapes 
from  that  subterranean  temple  of  Chance,  and  walked 
a  little  away  and  climbed  the  dingy  stairs  to  the  splen 
did  odor  of  opium,  sandal  wood,  and  leeks  that  clung 
to  Loo  Ning's  aristocratic  abode.  Ah  came  stealthily 
and  listened  at  Loo  Ning's  door  and  discovered  that 
Loo  had  come  home  from  the  dinner,  but  charged 
with  haJc-tow-shu  only  enough  to  arouse  his  strongest 


THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD  85 

proclivity.  There  was  a  family  jar;  Loo  Ning  was 
bawling  insults  to  the  lady  Loo  Kee,  who  sat  mute 
and  fearing  violence.  The  child,  Loo  Wah,  was 
rushing  around  to  be  out  of  the  way  as  his  father 
strode  up  and  down  kicking  the  furniture  and  assert 
ing  that  Ah  Koo  had  been  meeting  with  favor  from 
Loo  Kee,  and  should  perish  for  it.  Loo  Kee  should 
be  sold  to  the  highest  bidder,  promised  Loo  Ning,  and 
with  that  he  kicked  a  box  of  toys  from  Loo  Wah's 
hands  and  scattered  them  over  the  room. 

That  frightened  the  child,  who,  conceiving  his 
father's  effort  as  hostile,  fled  to  the  hall  like  a  flying 
squirrel,  all  yellow  sleeves.  Young  Loo  Wah  slammed 
the  door  so  that  Ah  was  not  seen  standing  outside, 
surprised  by  the  light  that  flashed  in  his  eyes.  The 
matter  served  as  pretext  for  trembling  Fah  Now,  who 
had  all  the  while  expected  her  mistress  to  fasten  on 
her  the  blame  of  a  new  jade  earring  found  on  the 
lady's  lacquer  tray,  and  not  the  gift  of  her  lord.  Fah 
Now  therefore  went  after  the  child  and  brushed  by 
Ah  Koo,  who  was  flat  to  the  wall  in  the  shadow.  The 
sounds  within  lessened  and  finally  ceased,  for  Loo 
Ning  was  content  and  had  taken  his  pipe  with  the 
long,  slim  walking-stick  stem  and  the  bowl  of  an 
acorn's  size.  In  the  darkness  without  the  roughly 
dressed  little  Fah  Now  felt  her  garments  plucked  and 
knew  well  the  voice  that  whispered  her  name.  Ah 
put  his  hand  on  her  shoulder  and  urged  her  to  guile 
with  the  master,  such  that  Kee  might  bear  the  weight 
of  the  gaud  which  he  said  he  had  left  in  the  tray  for 
Fah  Now  alone.  The  big-foot  woman  readily  fell  to 
his  pleading,  and  breathed  a  sigh,  wishing  with  all 


86  THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD 

her  foolish  heart  that  he  could  steal  her  away  from 
her  master.  Ah  understood  and  made  haste  (this 
being  the  first  interview  he  had  obtained  with  her 
away  from  the  rest)  to  say  that  he  intended  some  day 
to  purchase  both  her  and  the  lady  Kee  from  Loo  Ning 
—  which  no  laundryman  ever  could  do  who  worked 
at  Fong  All's  wages,  and  that  to  please  Fah  Now  the 
small-foot  Loo  Kee  should  be  made  a  servant  and 
tirewoman  to  Fah  Now,  instead  of  Fah  Now's  tend 
ing  as  then  to  the  wants  of  Loo  Kee.  The  foolish 
big-hearted  Fah  Now  laughed  with  delight.  Then 
the  door  opened,  and  in  the  full  glimmer  of  the  oil 
lamps  they  stood  before  Loo  Ning  himself,  his  face 
transfixed  with  rage  and  astonishment. 

Fah  Now  whirled  from  the  spasmodic  clutch  of  Ah 
Koo  and  dashed  from  her  slippers,  becoming  a  ghost 
of  white  stockings  in  the  dark  up-stairs.  Ah  sprang 
back  for  defense,  but  Ning  had  turned  for  a  weapon 
that  hung  on  the  wall.  The  weapon  was  a  little  fan, 
with  twin  knives  concealed  within  it.  Ah  took  flight 
down  the  stairs.  Ning  then  stopped,  to  provide  him 
self  with  another  weapon. 

It  was  not  the  late  returning  crowds,  nor  that  two 
policemen  of  the  Squad  stood  near,  that  prevented 
Ning  from  pursuing  Ah  when  Ning  reached  the  street 
a  short  distance  behind  him.  Ning  could  have  used 
the  hatchet  in  his  sleeve  to  cleave  Ah's  skull,  and  then 
could  have  jumped  down  any  cellar- way  and  burrowed 
for  a  block  underground,  or  run  to  the  roofs  and  gal 
loped  over  the  pickets  and  barbed-wire  fences  dividing 
them  to  a  dozen  places  of  safety,  where  both  friends 
and  foes  would  have  secreted  him  from  American 


THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD  87 

law.  But  Providence  sent  the  procession  of  Ah  Koo's 
five  fellow  laundrymen  passing  the  door  as  Ah  reached 
the  street ;  and  Ning  knew  they  would  stand  by  Ah 
to  a  man.  Ah  dropped  into  step  with  the  others,  and 
soon  understood  that  Ning  would  not  attack  him  at 
once.  Ning  fell  far  behind,  but  Ah  Koo  climbed 
Jackson  street  in  a  sullen  mood.  His  companions 
were  accustomed  to  this,  and  suspected  nothing. 

WHEN  Ah,  unknown  to  the  rest,  had  silently  turned 
into  the  shadow  of  the  doorway,  he  smiled  with  a  new 
idea.  The  streets  were  still  and  the  moon  was  low. 
The  gas  lamps  had  not  been  lighted,  and  after  moon- 
set  that  part  of  town  would  be  left  in  darkness.  The 
time  passed  slowly.  A  man  and  his  wife  came  quar 
reling  home.  Their  voices  echoed  against  the  walls 
of  the  houses,  and  Ah  muttered  words  of  disgust  at  a 
system  that  loosens  the  tongues  of  women.  A  fellow 
in  liquor  scared  the  Chinese  with  a  feint  toward  the 
door-step,  and  then  started  back,  frightened  at  Ah. 
Finally,  with  his  sleeves  joined  together  in  front  as  if 
his  hands  were  cold,  Loo  Ning  rounded  the  corner, 
staring  impassively  before  him,  like  an  automaton  in 
yellow  wax.  He  walked  by  Ah  Koo,  and  then  along 
and  down  behind  a  rise  in  the  street,  still  gazing 
stolidly  into  the  fog  that  now  crawled  over  the  hills 
from  the  Golden  Gate.  Ah  Koo  arose  from  the  shadow 
and  started  back  to  Chinatown. 

The  women  had  put  out  their  lights,  but  they  did 
not  retire.  Perhaps  they  both  would  be  beaten  when 
Loo  Ning  returned,  and  it  was  better  to  be  thickly 
dressed.  The  youthful  Loo  Wah,  induced  to  come 


88  THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD 

out  of  the  gloom  by  many  asseverations  that  his  father 
had  gone,  sought  refuge  in  sleep  and  lay  on  a  mat, 
bare  of  foot  and  clothed  as  he  was  —  by  the  preoccu 
pation  of  the  tearful  Fah  Now,  who  settled  herself  in 
the  dark  near  by.  She  would  not  be  surprised  if  she 
met  death  before  morning,  yet  was  fearful  for  what 
might  happen  to  Ah  Koo. 

The  young  Loo  Wah  turned  on  his  face  and  snored. 
The  woman  heard  footsteps  outside  and  held  her 
breath.  Loo  Kee  was  in  another  room.  Some  one 
slowly  opened  the  door,  stepping  lightly  as  Chinamen 
do.  She  thought  it  was  Loo  Ning,  returned  with  the 
truth  and  bent  on  violence ;  and  when  she  was  touched 
she  shrank  with  a  shudder.  But  she  heard  the  false 
voice  of  Ah  Koo,  whispering  something  which  she 
believed  because  she  trusted  him. 

"I  have  killed  Loo  Ning ! " 

Fah  Now  jumped  to  her  feet  and  would  have  made 
an  exclamation ;  but  Ah  commanded  her  to  be  dumb, 
and  she  obeyed  with  the  precision  of  Chinese  women 
when  they  love.  He  pushed  her  into  a  chair,  and  she 
let  him  bind  her  hands  with  a  cord,  believing  it  a  de 
tail  of  some  plan  he  had  formed  for  taking  her  off 
with  him.  When  he  pulled  it  too  tight  into  her  wrists 
she  trembled,  but  made  no  sound.  Then  he  tied  her 
feet  to  the  rung  of  the  chair,  so  that  she  could  not 
have  moved  except  on  her  knees,  with  the  chair  on 
her  back.  The  only  light  was  a  little  flame  waving 
before  the  joss  in  a  case  on  the  wall,  and  she  could  not 
see  by  it  the  expression  on  his  face.  She  felt  reas 
sured  when  he  sat  alongside  and  said : 

"  Do  you  like  me  ? " 


THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD  89 

The  woman  opened  ready  lips  to  speak,  and  in 
stantly  the  thick  braid  of  her  hair  was  drawn  across 
her  mouth  between  her  teeth,  and  Ah  hauled  it  so  taut 
that  it  strained  at  the  roots,  and  he  tied  it  fast  with  a 
hitch  at  the  back  of  her  neck.  Fah  Now  could  neither 
speak  nor  walk.  She  was  surprised  to  hear  him  lock 
the  door  and  grope  toward  another  that  led  to  Loo 
Kee's  sitting-room,  where  Loo  Kee  waited  in  despera 
tion  for  what  her  lord  might  do. 

When  Ah  lighted  the  wick  in  Loo  Kee's  oil  cup  she 
started  up,  and  asked  : 

"  Loo  Ning  —  where  is  he  ?  " 

"  Loo  Ning  is  dead,"  lied  Ah.  "  We  will  celebrate  ; 
for  now,  by  inheritance,  you  belong  to  me  !  " 

Loo  Kee  looked  at  him  gravely  for  a  moment ;  then 
she  jumped  to  her  feet,  laughing,  and  surveying  him 
with  admiration. 

For  Fah  Now,  in  the  gloom,  the  clock  ticked  drear 
ily.  In  the  sandal-wood  frame  on  the  wall  the  tiny 
flame  flickered  before  the  grimacing  face  of  the  joss. 
The  two  red  tips  of  redolent  tapers,  stuck  in  a  bowl 
of  sand,  smoldered  forth  small  lazy  smoke-lines  of 
incense.  Ah  did  not  come ;  but  there  were  sounds  of 
revelry  in  the  other  room,  and  a  lump  pushed  up  in 
Fah  Now's  throat. 

She  could  plainly  hear  the  lady  Kee  tottering  about 
on  pigmy  soles  and  laying  dishes.  She  could  tell  when 
Kee  ran  to  the  closet,  and,  with  an  effort,  mounted  on 
a  box  to  reach  a  top  shelf.  Placed  there  so  that  the 
child,  Loo  Wah,  might  not  reach  them,  were  the  in 
tricate  Asiatic  sweets  and  far-fetched  titbits  that 
were  part  circumstance  on  occasions  of  much  candles 


90  THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD 

and  ceremony.  On  it  stood  the  big  black  jug  of  moi- 
Tiwee-lOj  the  amber  rice-given  gin  which  is  flavored 
with  roses  and  dosed  with  other  things,  and  is  known 
to  hurry  the  generous  heart.  Fah  now  was  sure  she 
heard  the  lady  Kee  draw  the  big  jug  along  the  shelf 
to  lower  it  with  mighty  calculation,  while  Ah  Koo 
took  up  Loo  Ning's  pipe  —  the  one  with  the  long,  slim 
walking-stick  stein  and  the  bowl  of  an  acorn's  size. 
Why  was  the  idle  Loo  Kee  suddenly  doing  all  this  in 
the  office  of  a  tire-woman  ?  Ah  Koo  had  promised  to 
make  the  small-foot  woman  bend  before  the  lovely 
Fah  Now,  and  braid  Fah  Now's  glossy  hair  and  anoint 
the  former  tire-woman's  feet.  Was  the  mistress  now 
being  made  to  steep  young  tea-leaves  and  set  out 
sugared  water-melon  rind  and  bean-meal  cookies,  so 
that  Fah  Now  might  sit  behind  Ah  Koo  at  the  table 
while  Loo  Kee  stood  to  serve  them  ?  The  sacrilege  of 
such  proceedings  fought  with  the  warm  delight  it 
stirred  in  her  mind.  But  it  all  fell  through  j  for  why 
was  she  waiting  alone,  and  in  bonds,  while  Loo  Kee 
had  the  company  of  the  new  master  ?  Her  little  im 
agination  could  afford  no  clue,  but  the  facts  were  con 
stantly  more  plain  to  her  from  the  sounds  that  came 
through  the  door. 

When  the  bell  in  a  distant  tower  spoke  of  two 
o'clock  in  the  morning,  the  moon  had  long  gone  down, 
and  the  ringing  came  over  silent  house-tops  through 
a  sea-fog.  An  hour  had  passed.  In  the  close  room, 
dimmed  by  the  ever-swaying  flame  before  the  joss, 
the  stiffened  captive  was  swallowing  sobs.  Now  what 
came  from  beyond  the  door  had  risen  to  the  half-maud 
lin  laughter  of  a  revel  reckoned  in  units  of  moi-Jcivee-lo. 


THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD  91 

There  could  be  but  little  doubt  of  the  perfidy  of  Ah 
Koo ;  but  she  would  appear  before  them  and  see  for 
herself  if  he,  as  master,  meant  to  retain  the  old  regime 
with  Loo  Kee,  a  proud  and  insolent  mistress  before 
whom  Fah  Now  must  quail.  Fah  Now  dropped  on 
her  knees,  and  the  chair  followed  her  movement  and 
fell  with  a  rude  shock  against  her  shoulder.  Her  fin 
gers  were  numb  from  the  tying  of  the  veins,  and  at 
least  Ah  Koo  would  release  them  when  he  saw  her 
sufferings.  She  steadied  herself  painfully  on  her 
swollen  wrists,  and  managed,  inch  by  inch,  to  crawl 
toward  where  the  light  from  the  keyhole  made  a  little 
sharp  shaft  in  the  darkness.  The  chair-top  struck  the 
door  with  a  bump,  and  immediately  the  sounds  on 
the  other  side  stopped.  She  tried  to  rise ;  but  the 
effort  was  too  great,  and  she  stumbled,  and  hit  the 
door  again.  It  burst  open,  and  Fah  Now  tumbled 
flat  on  the  floor  with  the  chair  on  her  back,  and  her 
face  and  garments  woefully  blackened  by  the  dust. 
At  this  sudden  apparition  Ah  Koo  and  Loo  Kee  broke 
into  shouts  of  derisive  laughter. 

The  two  revelers  sat  at  a  table  littered  with  scraps 
of  food  and  wet  with  wasted  liquor  and  tea.  Kee's 
hair  hung  half  unbraided  at  the  hands  of  Ah,  drag 
ging  the  floor.  Three  tallow  candles  lit  their  faces, 
each  flame  casting  a  different  shadow.  A  broken  dish 
of  syrup  held  the  point  of  Loo  Kee's  elbow.  The  two 
laughed  incontinently  over  the  grotesque  figure  of 
Fah  Now,  who  struggled  to  her  feet,  her  face  grown 
salmon-colored  with  mortification.  Her  head  seemed 
ready  to  burst,  and  she  moved  back,  yearning  for  the 
darkness,  where  they  could  not  see  her.  But  the  chair 


92  THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD 

stuck  fast  in  the  doorway,  and  she  finally  sank  ex 
hausted  into  it,  with  straining  eyes. 

"Pretty  little  cows  ! "  shouted  Ah  to  Kee,  pointing 
at  Fah  Now's  normal  feet;  and  the  two  giggled  at 
the  sarcasm. 

"What  ghost  is  this?"  asked  Kee,  nodding  at  the 
big  foot  woman. 

"It  is  the  heavenly  joss  come  down  from  the  wall!77 
cried  the  profane  Ah.  "  Do  reverence  to  it." 

Loo  Kee  wheeled  unsteadily  to  get  the  lamp  which 
Loo  Ning  used  to  dry  the  opium  bolus  before  he 
turned  it  into  his  pipe.  The  two  knelt  down  before 
the  strange  figure  of  the  scorned  and  fettered  Fah 
Now,  and  took  to  simpering  and  jostling  each  other 
while  they  managed  to  light  the  lamp  from  the  can 
dles,  spilling  the  oil  and  spotting  themselves  with 
grease.  They  set  the  oil  cup  on  the  floor  just  out  of 
range  of  Fah  Now's  feet  and  placed  the  candles  in  a 
row  and  set  a  bowl  of  cookies  in  front  of  them.  It 
was  in  imitation  of  a  shrine  and  offering,  with  Fah 
Now  representing  the  idol;  and  Ah  Koo  began  a 
mock  chant,  while  the  nearly  tipsy  Kee  held  her  sides 
in  mirth.  The  two  stood  to  survey  their  work  in  a 
lull  that  called  again  for  the  jug  of  moi-kwee-lo. 
Tears  rolled  down  Fah  Now's  cheeks  and  she  sought 
to  dry  them  behind  aching  hands.  But  her  hands 
were  bound  together. 

At  four  o'clock  Loo  Kee  had  become  drowsy,  and 
Ah  Koo  left  her  stupidly  lolling  across  the  table.  He 
cut  the  bonds  from  Fah  Now's  feet  and  silently  let 
himself  out  of  the  rooms. 

All  Loo  Kee  remembered  as  she  floated  away  on 


THE  MAN  WHO  LOST   HIS  HEAD  93 

the  sleep  of  intoxication  was  that  she  had  fastened  a 
golden  butterfly  pin  on  Ah  Koo's  cue.  It  was  a 
golden  butterfly  with  green  enameled  wings  —  a  gift 
to  her  from  Loo  Ning.  Ah  Koo  had  forgotten  that  it 
remained  on  his  cue.  In  the  open  air  the  spirit  of 
moi-kwee-lo  began  to  develop  the  effect  he  had  thought 
controllable.  He  was  in  a  mood  to  smile  and  pride 
himself  over  his  conquest.  There  seemed  nothing  to 
think  of  but  the  triumph  over  the  man  he  had  chosen 
to  make  his  enemy.  The  liquor  was  subliming,  and 
taking  him  through  the  air  up  over  the  hills  toward 
the  laundry;  —  his  feet  did  not  seem  to  touch  the 
pavement.  Ah  Koo  was  beginning  to  lose  his  head. 

Originally  he  had  planned  to  come  back  to  the 
laundry  in  full  possession  of  his  faculties.  The  laun 
dry,  in  a  dark  midnight,  was  a  place  suited  to  things 
such  as  he  had  felt  would  surely  happen.  It  stood 
some  way  back  from  the  street  between  two  blind 
walls.  If  he  found  Loo  Ning  weary  with  waiting  on 
the  dilapidated  veranda  —  watching  over  the  big 
square  hole  in  it  through  which  a  man  could  jump  on 
the  shoulders  of  an  unsuspecting  laundryman  enter 
ing  the  basement  where  his  fellows  slept  —  then  Ah 
Koo  had  planned  to  punish  Loo  Ning.  The  laundry- 
men  would  find  Loo  Ning's  body  at  six  o'clock  in  the 
morning,  Ah  Koo  joining  in  their  surprise.  They 
would  hide  the  body  in  the  basement  to  avoid  inves 
tigation,  and  they  would  cleanse  the  steps  with  wash 
ing-lye. 

Some  one  in  the  hours  succeeding  came  and  covered 
the  soundly  sleeping  lady  Loo  Kee  as  she  lay  on  the 
cold  floor.  Though  she  stirred  not,  hers  was  a  trou- 


94  THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD 

bled  sleep,  always  full  of  the  image  of  the  tortured 
Fah  Now,  whose  eyes  stared  at  Kee,  bulging  in  their 
sockets  and  straining  tears  of  blood.  In  a  little  while 
the  midnight  fog  shroud  rolled  away  and  at  length 
the  peep  of  dawn  shot  down  from  over  Mount  Diablo 
on  to  the  bay  and  the  waking  city.  In  Chinatown, 
where  men  rouse  late  in  the  morning  of  labor  and  live 
in  the  night,  this  is  the  quietest  hour. 

The  door  where  Fah  Now  had  been  held  in  durance 
vile  was  closed  and  bolted.  The  promise  of  day  grew 
dimly  into  the  somber  room  through  panes  that  were 
soiled  with  seasons  of  dust  and  rain  and  through 
hangings  of  young  bamboos  warped  together  with 
skeins  of  worsted.  It  rested  first  on  the  ebony  table, 
cold  with  half -burned  candles  and  the  broken  dishes 
of  the  night.  There  came  no  sound,  for  Loo  Kee 
lay  as  one  who  had  died  in  sleep.  When  the  light 
had  gained  to  cause  gray  shadows  in  her  coverlet,  and 
when  the  black  legs  of  chairs  and  stools  stood  barely 
out  against  the  walls,  a  something  scraped  across  her 
forehead.  The  woman  stirred  a  trifle  and  then  as  the 
movement  took  place  again,  sluggishly  raised  her 
hand  to  her  brow.  The  thing  was  the  end  of  one  of 
the  slim  bamboos  that  made  the  window-hanging.  It 
came  again  and  again,  like  the  swinging  of  a  pendu 
lum,  and  at  last  she  opened  her  eyes,  unaware  of  what 
had  aroused  her.  The  pendulum  stopped. 

Loo  Kee  stared  vacantly  at  the  ceiling,  her  cheeks 
no  longer  red  with  rouge,  but  yellow  pale  from  the 
rubbing  of  her  sleeve.  Then  her  eyes  traveled  down 
the  painted  silken  panels  on  the  wall,  gathering  intel 
ligence  as  they  went,  to  the  scene  of  the  late  carouse. 


THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD  95 

They  wandered  over  to  the  other  side  of  the  room  and 
fixed. 

In  that  unaccustomed  corner  some  one  was  lying 
asleep,  with  his  face  turned  to  the  wall.  The  form  of 
his  body  rose  roughly  under  the  blankets,  which  were 
drawn  up  to  his  ears,  half  hiding  his  head.  His  cue 
appeared  to  be  wound  around  his  neck  and  under  one 
ear,  as  if  to  make  a  softer  berth.  It  was  Loo  Ning, 
thought  Kee  $  but  at  the  end  of  the  cue  she  saw  some 
thing  glistening  —  the  enameled  butterfly.  She  re 
membered.  Loo  Ning  was  dead;  she  and  all  Loo 
King's  possessions  belonged  to  Ah  Koo.  And  that 
was  Ah  Koo  asleep  in  the  corner  —  a  man  she  rather 
liked.  Ah  then  had  made  his  departure  a  joke  and 
had  stolen  back  to  put  a  pleasantry  on  her.  She 
stifled  a  giggle  —  she  would  anticipate  him. 

The  parting  gloom  discovered  her  face  all  smiling 
as  she  crawled  stealthily  along  on  hands  and  knees. 
When  she  felt  she  could  just  reach  the  tip  of  the  cue, 
which  lay  invitingly,  she  stopped  and  held  her  breath 
in  a  pleasure  of  excitement.  Then  she  gave  the  braid 
a  tentative  tug.  Ah  Koo  turned  a  litt'e,  but  rolled 
unwillingly  back,  and  she  waited.  Soon  she  pulled 
again,  with  something  of  a  frown  of  impatience  and 
with  the  same  result.  The  light  was  not  yet  strong 
enough  in  the  corner  to  show  her  whether  he  had 
waked  and  was  feigning  sleep  to  tease  her ;  but  she 
felt  that  it  was  so.  She  would  cure  him  of  that. 
Without  a  sound  she  rose  on  her  elbow,  brimming 
with  the  shout  of  merriment  to  come  when  he  surren 
dered  to  the  strain  of  his  scalp.  Then  she  braced 
herself  and  jerked  the  cue  as  hard  as  she  could. 


96  THE  MAN  WHO  LOST  HIS  HEAD 

At  that  moment  the  bamboo  hanging  at  the  window 
behind  her  was  quickly  drawn  aside  and  the  light  in 
the  room  was  doubled.  How  it  happened  the  woman 
did  not  know.  Her  mouth  had  opened  wide,  but 
stayed  mute  and  gaping.  The  roots  of  her  hair  bris 
tled  and  chilled,  and  her  heart  stopped.  She  fell  for 
ward  in  a  swoon,  with  the  tip  of  her  finger  touching 
the  golden  butterfly. 

The  robust  Loo  Ning,  standing  above,  grim  and 
middle-aged,  surveyed  her  without  emotion.  He 
stepped  over  her,  and  without  disturbing  Ah  Koo's 
head,  removed  from  under  the  blankets  two  bundles 
of  Loo  Kee's  apparel.  The  shape  which  had  seemed 
to  be  that  of  Ah  Koo's  body  collapsed  into  nothing. 

Then  he  took  up  his  pipe  with  the  long  slim  walk 
ing-stick  stem  and  the  bowl  of  an  acorn's  size,  and 
went  out  and  spoke  pleasantly  to  Fah  Now. 


THE   POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM 


THE  POT  OF  FBIGHTFUL  DOOM 


HE  blithesome  air  of  u  Tsim-tsam- 
chong"  was  issuing  forth  from  the 
little  chamber  in  Beverly  Place  when 
a  sudden  tempestuous  rattling  came 
at  the  door,  and  Dr.  Wing  Shee 
stilled  his  mandolin. 
"  They  are  going  to  finish  my  brother  Chow ! "  wept 
the  youth  Sum  Ah.  "The  head  of  the  Sing  Song 
Tong  just  gave  me  a  scroll, —  and  a  kick-push  too, — 
and  it  says  they  have  put  Chow  in  chains  in  a  dun 
geon,  with  nothing  but  foreign  devils'  bread !  And 
the  man  who  tries  to  rescue  him  they  swear  to  roll  in 
the  cask-with-red-hot-spikes  ;  and  oh,  most  wonderful, 
ancient,  wise  physician,  won't  you  try1?" 

Among  the  screens  and  china  at  Sum  Chow's  curio 
shop  the  doctor  found  none  but  the  helper  Yang. 
Chow  was  gone.  Sum  Fay,  the  diminutive  wife  of 
Sum  Chow,  heard,  and  put  down  her  tiny  girl  Sum 
Go,  and  came  out  with  a  sinking  heart  beneath  her 
silken  tunic.  The  doctor  told  her  that  Chow  was  his 
friend,  and  spoke  of  the  duty  Confucius  demanded  of 
friendship,  and  said  that  Sum  Chow  was  surely  be 
loved  of  the  gods  and  so  could  not  die  young.  Then 
he  left  her  mute  and  blank.  But  he  knew  how  fiercely 
the  Sing  Song  Tong  had  scowled  at  Chow  for  years, 

99 


100  THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM 

because  of  Chow's  buoyant  career  and  because  he 
would  not  join  them.  They  were  a  treacherous  se 
cret  society,  driving  women  slaves,  and  seeking  the 
despotism  of  Chinatown.  A  day  ago  their  hatchet- 
men  had  eased  a  grudge  against  a  poor  old  maker  of 
pipe-bowl  holes,  and  had  clapped  a  plaster  over  his 
mouth,  and  beaten  his  back  with  his  own  bamboo,  till 
his  face  was  the  color  of  clay,  before  Sum  Chow  had 
broken  one  of  their  heads  and  driven  them  away  from 
their  aged  victim.  Chow's  present  plight  was  the 
Sing  Song  Tong's  reply ;  and  now  the  doctor  read  the 
omen  of  three  spots  which  he  had  shown  Sum  Chow 
the  night  before  —  spots  which  had  been  nine  days  on 
the  doctor's  thumb-nail.  As  the  little  old  wise  man 
pushed  along  the  crowded  streets,  he  strove  to  con 
nect  with  all  this  the  recent  strange  recurrence  of  the 
uninterpretable  number  one  and  a  half,  which  had 
lately  appeared  in  all  his  occult  findings. 

Sum  Fay  had  gone  with  a  shudder  to  the  dusty 
shrine,  and  had  lighted  redolent  joss-sticks,  and  burned 
soul-money  for  Chow's  spiritual  costs,  in  case  they 
had  killed  him.  She  had  been  a  mission  Christian 
girl,  and  had  learned  but  little  of  the  Taoist  faith; 
for  all  of  Chow's  religion  was  integrity  and  the  love 
of  family.  But  now,  in  her  first  disaster,  her  native 
promptings  conquered ;  and  she  prayed  to  her  tinseled 
gods  with  her  baby  in  her  arms.  The  tiny  Sum  Oo 
cooed  and  smilingly  clutched  at  her  mother's  chin. 
But  a  salt  tear  suddenly  dropped  from  Sum  Fay's 
cheek  into  the  baby  girl's  bright  eye,  and  gave  her  a 
fright,  and  made  her  weep  bitterly  with  her  mother. 

The  doctor  believed  that  if  Sum  Chow  survived,  he 


THE  POT  OF  FRIOffTE^V:  I)(k)M 

was  stalled  in  the  Ok  Hut  private  hospital,  which 
stood  on  a  narrow  street  with  evil  history,  called 
Hatchet  Run.  The  rascal  Ok  Hut  was  one  of  the 
Sing  Song  Tong,  and  he  had  in  his  building  a  secret 
cell  which  was  entered  through  a  trap  in  the  garret 
above  the  sick  wards,  and  aired  through  a  single 
opening  made  by  omitting  a  brick  from  the  very  deep 
wall.  To  try  an  approach  to  this  cell  by  way  of  Ok 
Hut's  garret  would  be  futile,  but  Dr.  Wing  Shee  knew 
how  to  use  the  hole  in  the  wall.  When,  at  evening, 
the  learned  doctor  arrived  at  Hatchet  Run,  his  sleeves 
concealed  many  appropriate  articles  appertaining  to 
his  plan.  The  doctor  mounted  to  the  room  of  his 
great  fat  friend  Pow  Len,  who  dealt  in  tooth-picks 
made  from  the  whiskers  of  sea-lions,  and  whose  heart 
the  doctor  trusted  more  than  his  tongue. 

"Ah!"  said  Pow  Len.  "It  is  he  whose  skill  once 
saved  me  from  death  of  a  twisted  gullet.  Can  I  serve 
him?" 

"  It  was  not  a  twisted  gullet,"  corrected  the  doctor, 
assuming  a  heavy  professional  air.  "  Your  complaint 
was  really  contempt-of-the-spleen.  My  noble  tooth 
pick  friend,  I  wish  to  borrow  your  excellent  coffin ; 
not  for  a  funeral  ceremony,  but  to  sit  in  it  here  and 
meditate.  For  my  brain  is  heavy  with  invention." 

"Nothing  new,  I  hope?"  said  the  orthodox  Pow 
Len,  surveying  the  handsome  casket  which  admiring 
compatriots  had  given  him.  It  stood  as  high  as  an 
old-time  eight-day  clock. 

"  Consider  a  friend  with  confidence,"  quoted  the 
doctor.  "  My  invention  is  classic,  now  remaining  but 
of  fragmentary  record,  but  first  conceived  ten  centu- 


102  THE  F,QT  OJ1  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM 

ries  and  three  little  years  ago  by  the  superhuman  Tut 
Tut,  to  whom  the  thought  shot  down  in  a  two-colored 
lightning  stroke.  It  is  the  sky -flying  machine." 

"  Ah ! "  exclaimed  the  vast  Pow  Len.  "  With  that 
I  could  sail  like  a  swallow  to  the  Golden  Gate,  and 
beard  the  drowsy  seals  by  night.  Enormous  profits  — 
the  life  of  a  bird  —  dear  me  ! " 

"  Precisely,"  said  the  doctor  —  "  the  life  of  the  airy 
dodo.  Now,  in  my  experience,  sir,  nothing  has  proved 
so  stimulating  to  precision  of  thought  as  sedentary 
solitude  spent  continuously  in  commodious  coffins. 
Therefore  I  request  your  honorable  death-chest.77 

Thus,  after  Pow  Len,  who  listened  with  hanging 
lip,  had  reverently  poured  tea  for  the  wonderful  wise 
man,  and,  dreaming  of  innumerable  toothpicks  for 
the  plucking,  had  agreed,  under  promise  of  secrecy, 
to  exchange  quarters  with  him  until  either  the  flying- 
machine  was  produced  or  suitable  coffin  rent  forth 
coming,  Pow  Len  withdrew. 

The  doctor  quickly  locked  the  door,  and  then,  with 
his  wonted  deftness,  fitted  the  coffin-lid  with  hinges 
and  a  hook.  In  a  little  while  he  had  screwed  the  box 
upright  against  the  wall,  and  had  blown  out  the  light 
and  fastened  himself  in  what  had  been  built  for  a 
silent  man.  The  coffin  was  facing  in  the  direction  of 
the  hospital.  He  emptied  his  sleeves,  and  hung  a  tiny 
peanut-oil  lamp  above  his  head,  and  by  its  glimmer 
began  to  drive  an  auger  through  the  back  of  the  cof 
fin  and  through  the  unfinished  sheathing  of  the  house 
to  the  open  air. 

"  Sum  Chow  would  be  such  a  loss,7'  thought  the 
doctor,  as  he  worked  in  bare  yellow  arms,  with  his 


THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM  103 

cue  coiled  around  his  neck,  "  that  I  cannot  think  the 
omens  meant  it.  What  pleasant  hours  we  have  passed 
learning  the  'Melican  tongue  !  Chow  should  have  been 
a  scholar  j  for  the  grace  with  which  he  handles,  even 
in  'Melican  script,  such  words  as  '  cat'  and  '  dok'  and 
'pik'  and  'cow/  and  a  hundred  others  I  forget,  is 
marvelous.  I  do  not  think  I  could  ever  remember  the 
complicated  marks  for  '  man '  and  '  woo-man/  or  l  poy ' 
and  i  kull '  long  enough  to  come  from  Sum  Chow's 
and  write  them  correctly  in  my  room  in  Beverly  Place, 
unless  I  sacrificed  my  dignity  and  ran.  All  this  'Meli 
can  writing  looks  alike." 

An  electric  light  high  above  a  neighboring  street 
shone  on  the  hospital.  Through  the  two  auger-holes 
he  could  see  the  cell  port  left  by  the  missing  brick  in 
the  wall  across  the  street.  Now  in  one  of  the  holes 
he  fitted  a  bamboo  tube,  through  which  he  intended 
to  blow  a  message  by  way  of  the  port  to  whomsoever 
should  languish  in  the  cell  ;  and  he  hoped  to  reach 
Sum  Chow.  There  were  hours  to  pass  before  the 
street  would  be  vacant,  and  Wing  Shee  had  allotted 
the  time  to  the  composition  of  a  message  in  verse, 
which  to  all  but  Chow  would  be  gibberish.  The  doc 
tor's  only  essay  with  a  pen  had  left  him  content  to 
express  the  English  sounds  as  best  he  could  with 
brush  and  Chinese  characters.  That  was  difficult 
when  he  met  distinctions  foreign  to  the  older  tongue ; 
yet  Chow  could  almost  always  decipher  the  doctor's 
scrolls.  As  when,  in  the  beginning,  Dr.  Wing  had 
written  the  Chinese  signs  for  the  sounds :  "  Wun  pik 
kee  foo  lee  too  mut  chee  taw  kee  in  hee  sat:  say 
iss  no  pik  kee  Chaw  shee!"  and  Chow  had  readily 


104  THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM 

translated  these  into  "business"  English  as:  "One 
piggee  foolee  too  muchee  talkee  in  his  hat :  say  is  no 
piggee  jossee  ! "  and  recognized  in  this  a  phrase  which 
had  escaped  from  the  mission  night-school  copy-book, 
and  which,  by  disaster  to  the  word  "  heart,"  had  been 
changed  from  "  The  fool  hath  said  in  his  heart "  to 
"A  big  fool  talked  too  much  in  his  hat." 

So  the  doctor  made  himself  warm  with  the  ardor 
of  rhyming.  Thus,  while  not  many  blocks  away  the 
little  wife  Sum  Fay  lay  awake  with  the  tiny  Sum  Oo 
asleep  on  her  breast,  and  while  the  mother's  melting 
eyes  kept  forming  images  of  her  husband  in  the  dark, 
and  she  sighed  and  sobbed  between  hope  and  wretched 
fear,  the  doctor  had  even  forgotten  that  he  was  sit 
ting  in  a  coffin,  with  the  hour  well  past  midnight,  and 
the  evidence  of  fiddle  and  pipe  and  maudlin  festivity 
lessening  in  that  neighborhood,  and  perhaps  Sum 
Chow  in  extreme  torture  either  in  the  hospital  or  in 
some  place  unknown.  And  when  at  length  Sum  Fay 
had  fallen  asleep  with  exhaustion,  and  the  tiny  Sum 
Oo  heaved  on  the  mother's  breast  like  a  voyager  on  a 
miniature  sea,  three  long  hours  had  passed,  and  the 
learned  Dr.  Wing  Shee  had  finished  the  following 
English  poem: 

How  mun  nee  mah  kee  wah  sun  mai  turn  ? 
How  mun  nee  tay  'ko  ah  lee  mah  kee  cum  ? 
You  mak  hop  pee  tern ;  yaw  fah  mee  lee 
Ah  too  mut  chee  wai  tai ;  no  kun  shee! 
You  no  me  ? 

"  And  to  think,"  sighed  the  doctor,  "  that,  instead 
of  staying  by  literature,  I  stampeded  off  to  the  wars ! 
Instead  of  a  leg-mender  I  might  have  been  a  laureate. 


THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM  105 

1  Ah  too  mut  chee  wai  tai ;  no  kun  shee  ! '    Ah,  Lao- 
Tse,  but  there  7s  inspiration  in  this  box ! " 

He  softly  unlocked  the  lid,  and  came  out  to  scan 
the  street  through  Pow's  dilapidated  blinds.  For  the 
moment  there  was  no  one  in  sight.  Quickly  he  shut 
himself  in  again.  A  match  was  ready  with  its  end 
embedded  in  putty  so  that  the  phosphorous  was  barely 
exposed.  The  putty  fitted  the  bamboo  tube,  and  when 
he  sent  this  missile  flying  across  the  narrow  street, 
propelled  from  the  tube  by  an  explosion  of  his  breath, 
it  disappeared  within  the  hospital,  through  the  port, 
without  a  sound.  The  flying-machine  was  completed. 

SUM  CHOW  was  in  the  hospital.  He  had  been  lured 
there  by  one  to  whom  once  he  had  given  alms.  The 
wretch  had  watched  in  the  crowded  thoroughfare 
for  a  man  of  distinguished  dignity,  wearing  a  rich 
blue  tunic  with  bright  gilt  button-balls,  and  light 
blue  silken  trousers  wrapped  at  the  ankles.  Sum 
Chow  liked  snowy  linen  stockings  and  shoes  embroid 
ered  in  silver  ;  his  long  cue  shone  with  careful  braid 
ing,  and  his  head  and  face  were  always  shaved  close 
in  Chinese  elegance.  He  hardly  betrayed  the  power 
of  attack  which  had  made  his  envied  success.  That 
day  he  had  gone  to  Hatchet  Run  to  pay  for  a  golden 
love-bangle  for  littlest  Oo.  The  appointed  traitor  had 
begged  a  hearing  in  the  hospital  entry,  and  there  six 
brutal  Sing  Song  hatchet-men  had  soon  prevailed 
over  Chow's  single  strength.  He  had  battered  two 
of  them,  but  the  others  had  thrust  him  into  a  big 
jute  bag,  and  when  they  carried  him  wriggling 
through  the  wards  and  up  the  garret  ladder,  the  pa 
tients  thought  it  merely  a  crazy  opium-fiend.  The 


106  THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM 

hatchet-men  had  emptied  the  bag  through  the  trap 
to  the  brick  floor,  and  Chow  had  been  stunned,  and 
had  wakened  to  find  himself  cold  and  stiff  in  semi- 
darkness,  at  first  he  knew  not  where.  He  had  put 
his  mouth  to  the  hole  in  the  wall  and  called  for  help 
in  all  the  languages  he  knew,  but  no  one  had  heard 
him.  He  had  lain  aching  for  hours  afterward,  dur 
ing  which  Ok  Hut's  menial  had  lowered  a  bowl  of 
water  and  some  American  bread.  These  he  had 
avoided  with  fear  5  and  so  hunger  sharpened,  and  he 
sternly  set  his  face  to  the  fate  which  he  felt  was  pre 
paring.  He  wondered  if  his  shade  could  protect  his 
little  wife  and  his  littlest  Oo,  or  if  death  was  even 
harsh  in  that.  Midnight  found  him  cramped  and 
bowed.  The  strange  thing  which  suddenly  struck 
the  inner  wall,  and  fell  a-flame  at  his  side,  was  start 
ling  even  to  Chow. 

It  smoldered  and  died.  In  a  moment  another  mis 
sile,  with  more  wood  exposed  to  the  flame,  struck  and 
ignited.  He  seized  it,  and  it  burned  brightly  long 
enough  for  him  to  notice  that  immediately  following 
it  a  waxen  taper,  tipped  with  its  balancing  putty  ball, 
had  shot  through  the  air  port,  long,  white,  and  un 
mistakable.  He  lighted  it,  and  the  cell  port  appeared 
from  without  to  be  faintly  illumined.  When  his  eyes 
had  changed  to  meet  the  light,  the  wondering  Chow 
picked  up  a  scroll,  and  instantly  recognized  the  brush- 
work  of  the  doctor.  He  read : 

How  many  markee  was  on  my  thumb  ? 
How  many  days  'go  allee  markee  come  ? 
You  make  happy  time ;  your  family 
Are  too  muchee  wet-eyed :  no  can  see  ! 
You  know  me  ? 


THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM      107 

He  bounded  into  life,  and  waved  the  taper  past  the 
port  three  times  for  the  spots  the  doctor  had  shown 
him  the  night  before,  and  then,  after  a  pause,  nine 
times  for  the  days  they  had  stayed  on  the  thumb  nail. 
So  that  Chow,  drawing  on  a  thread  that  flew  in  at 
tached  to  a  pebble,  was  not  surprised  to  find  one  end 
of  a  Chinese  telephone,  and  then  to  hear  the  voice  of 
his  friend : 

"Worship  the  gods  for  this  preservation,  hearty 
brother,"  it  whispered.  "  Your  little  Fay  and  little  Oo 
and  the  stripling  all  fare  well,  though  wet-eyed  that 
you  stay  away;  and  be  felicitated  on  their  mighty  love. 
Now  first  I  will  shoot  you  a  dinner  of  dried  ducks' 
hearts  in  tiny  gelatin  capsules  —  those  capsules  which 
the  'Melicans  use  to  hide  the  taste  of  their  grimacing 
drug  kwain-nai-in,  but  which  were  long  conceived  be 
fore  the  year  of  their  principal  joss  by  one  Muk  Ah 
Muk,  who  confined  in  them  the  bubblesome  spirits  he 
extracted  from  his  ten  meek  wives." 

So  that  as  he  fell  asleep,  bodily  contented  and  hope 
ful  for  the  morrow,  Sum  Chow  murmured  for  the 
tenth  time : 

"With  the  gods  I  never  associated;  but  of  mortals 
surely  the  greatest  is  Dr. Wing  Shee  ! " 

THE  letter  which  reached  the  saddened  curio  shop 
told  in  the  doctor's  Chinese-written  English  that  the 
big  yellow  tea-pot  was  not  smashed,  but  endured  in 
eternal  tenderness  for  its  little  cup  and  its  littlest 
saucer  and  the  young  spoon.  Sum  Ah  (the  young 
spoon)  translated  this  for  joyous  Sum  Fay  (the  little 
cup),  and  she  danced  Sum  Oo  (the  littlest  saucer)  on 
her  knee,  who  laughed  and  gurgled  and  behaved  not 


108  THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM 

like  a  demure  Cantonese,  but  like  any  sprite  amused 
by  its  own  half  helplessness.  The  light  seemed  now 
to  warm  the  strange  and  beautiful  wares  to  brighter 
tones,  and  Sum  Fay  set  gaily  to  dust  them  before  a 
customer  from  the  foreign  devils'  world  should  send 
her  scuttling  in  her  slippers  back  to  the  penetralia  j 
and  when  the  helper  Yang  took  up  his  books  in  an 
easier  mood,  and  rattled  the  buttons  on  the  abacus, 
Sum  Ah  sang  a  mission  hymn  of  hallelujah.  The 
better  feeling  lasted  well  into  the  day;  but  though 
in  the  afternoon  Sum  Fay  walked  abroad  behind  Sum 
Ah,  and  bravely  smiled  and  chatted  with  him  that 
none  might  suspect  her  woe,  twilight  fell  with  deeper 
melancholy.  Dr.  Wing  had  given  no  hope  for  the 
future.  If  the  beloved  had  been  free,  he  would  have 
run  to  find  his  wife  and  his  funny  baby. 

IN  the  small  hours  of  another  weary  night  Sum 
Chow  sat  on  the  damp  cell  floor  despairing  again.  In 
the  morning  Ok  Hut  had  come  to  the  trap  and 
beamed  down,  wearing  the  rings  the  hatchet-men  had 
wrested  from  Chow.  Ok  Hut  had  observed  with  an 
affectation  of  scientific  glee  the  signs  of  the  first  day's 
suffering  and  then  had  departed.  The  hours  had 
dragged  without  incident,  and  darkness  had  come, 
and  then  midnight,  with  ominous  sounds  from  the 
pauper  ward,  and  two  o'clock,  with  its  anxious  expec 
tancy  j  and  then  the  appointed  time  had  passed  with 
no  token  from  Dr.  Wing.  The  picture  kept  growing 
in  Chow's  mind  of  the  doctor,  dead  and  cold  in  Pow 
Len's  coffin  at  the  hands  of  the  Sing  Song  Tong,  and 
then  of  a  cortege,  with  little  Fay  mourning  the  friend 


THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM      109 

of  her  widowhood.  By  now  he  had  hoped  to  be  free. 
The  plan  had  been  to  cut  a  hole  in  the  trap,  which 
would  serve  when  he  jumped  and  reached  through  to 
slide  the  bolt.  But  the  sawing  of  wood  in  the  still 
ness  of  night  must  be  slow  and  exceedingly  careful ; 
and  now  it  was  late  for  beginning,  and  he  had  yet  no 
tools. 

Across  the  way  the  learned  doctor,  with  the  peanut- 
oil  lamp  like  an  aureole  above  his  head,  was  standing 
motionless  in  the  dim  mahogany  casket,  frowning  at 
sounds  from  the  hospital.  The  doctor's  trusted  omens, 
whether  he  consulted  the  spots  on  his  neighbor's  cloth, 
or  the  bundle  of  crooked  sticks  in  the  pewter  mug,  or 
which  way  a  bug  ran  under  the  burning-glass,  had 
haunted  him  still  with  the  uncanny  number  one  and 
a  half.  He  waited,  alert  for  good  or  evil  containing 
that  element.  The  moans  in  the  pauper  ward  were 
holding  him  back.  They  rose  from  a  wretch  in  the 
sinking  stage  of  the  opium-habit,  one  of  those  whom 
the  sick-pay  tongs  sent  thither  to  save  the  drain  on 
their  treasuries.  Ok  Hut  was  accustomed  to  give 
these  victims  a  draught  which  promised  relief  to  their 
agonies,  and  then,  in  the  most  exquisite  dream  of  their 
lives,  they  floated  out  of  the  world  with  never  a  mur 
mur  at  fate,  and  the  societies  gained,  and  Ok  Hut 
prospered,  and  the  coroner  was  amused.  Sometimes 
were  heard  for  a  moment  those  screams  that  went 
with  the  final  plight  of  the  smoke  fiends,  when,  as 
frequently  happened,  they  suddenly  lost  their  minds 
and  ran  amuck ;  but  then  Ok  Hut,  if  they  refused  the 
fatal  dose,  would  shut  them  in  the  secret  cell,  stuffing 
the  air  port  with  rags.  The  doctor  feared  that  such 


110  THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM 

might  happen  to-night  in  the  midst  of  Chow's  en 
deavor. 

But  the  groans  subsided,  and  the  lights  from  the 
hospital  windows  lessened,  and  Hatchet  Run  was  left 
in  silence.  Sum  Chow  heaved  a  mighty  sigh  as  the 
telephone  pebble  flew  in ;  and  now  he  pulled  on  the 
endless  rope-yarn  rigged  across  the  street  by  the  doc 
tor,  and  brought  in  the  tools  through  the  air-port. 
Also  the  doctor  sent  a  small  round  object  in  many 
thicknesses  of  wadding. 

"Handle  it  like  a  new-born  babe,'7  he  had  whispered; 
"for  in  it  are  crowded  winds  of  whirling  waterspouts, 
and  thunder  of  falling  mountains,  and  flashes  of  furi 
ous  flame.  7T  is  a  pot  of  frightful  doom,  tuned  to 
the  omens  with  one  and  a  half  frog's  thumbs." 

Then  Sum  Chow  poised  on  the  empty  water-bowl, 
and  started  the  auger  into  the  trap.  But  suddenly  he 
paused. 

There  had  come  a  wild  shriek  from  the  pauper  ward, 
with  commotion  and  the  smashing  of  a  chair  and  the 
calls  of  the  terrified  sick.  Ok  Hut  had  been  deceived. 
The  opium  fiend  had  not  been  done  for ;  he  had  risen 
up  and  fallen  on  Ok  Hut  in  his  sleep,  throttling  him, 
and  screaming  that  the  room  was  hot  with  fiery  de 
mons. 

"  Ah ! "  muttered  the  doctor,  in  alarm.  "  The  noise 
will  scurry  them  all  from  their  beds.  Ah ! " 

Sum  Chow  withdrew  the  auger,  and  listened.  They 
were  dragging  the  madman  up  the  ladder;  they  were 
going  to  throw  him  also  into  the  cell.  The  ladder 
broke,  and  three  men  fell  to  the  floor  with  a  crash. 
That  meant  a  delay,  thought  Chow.  He  sunk  the 


THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM  111 

auger  into  a  beam  close  by  the  trap,  and  worked  un 
til  it  was  twisted  firmly  several  inches  into  the  wood. 
Now  it  was  stout  enough  to  hold  him  when  he  hung 
to  it  by  one  arm  —  near  enough  to  the  trap  to  clutch 
the  ankle  of  whomsoever  should  come  to  open  it. 

Ok  Hut's  menial,  a  man  from  the  northern  province 
of  Chang  Tung,  great  in  stature,  but  no  match  in 
quickness  for  a  well-built  Cantonese,  was  treading 
along  the  garret.  Sum  Chow  sprang  up  and  clung  to 
the  auger,  and  the  door  was  raised  in  the  dark. 

"  You  are  free/7  came  the  menial's  voice,  speaking 
falsely,  as  Chow  well  knew.  "  I  will  tie  this  cord,  and 
you  can  climb  up  on  it." 

This  was  a  ruse.  Ok  Hut  feared  that  the  squad 
might  have  heard  the  cries,  and  might  be  closing  in 
from  the  outside,  suspicious  of  something  irregular. 
They  had  done  this  once  before,  and  then  they  had 
found  simply  a  wretch  beating  out  his  brains  against 
the  hospital  floor.  But  to-night  they  might  have  been 
warned  and  might  be  looking  for  Chow,  though  an 
appeal  to  the  police  on  behalf  of  any  Chinaman  is 
improbable;  and  they  might,  when  all  expectation 
should  subside,  swoop  suddenly  down  as  they  had  be 
fore.  It  was  better  to  get  Chow  out  and  lock  him  in 
a  chest  in  the  garret,  though  at  the  risk  of  stifling 
him.  Then  the  madman  could  be  thrown  into  the 
cell,  where  if  the  squad  came  before  his  strength  had 
been  writhed  away  they  would  find  at  the  worst  but 
a  poor  victim  whose  condition,  brought  on  by  him 
self,  would  not  excite  the  anger  of  the  law.  The  me 
nial's  invitation  to  Chow  was  a  ruse  which  meant  that 
when  Chow's  head  was  within  reach  a  noose  would 


112  THE  POT  OF  FKIGHTFUL  DOOM 

be  slipped  over  it,  choking  him,  so  that  he  would 
mutely  follow  the  menial,  for  whatever  temporary 
disposition  might  be  made  of  him  during  the  time. 

The  menial  waited  for  an  answer,  but  the  place  was 
black  and  silent.  He  spoke  again,  but  his  voice  was 
returned  by  the  walls  of  the  cell.  Then  he  went  on 
his  knees  and  struck  a  match,  and  thrust  it  down  to 
be  away  from  its  sulphurous  fumes.  The  match  sput 
tered  its  first  blue  flame,  and  at  the  same  moment  the 
menial's  wrist  was  caught  by  two  hands,  and  the  full 
weight  of  Sum  Chow  came  on  the  menial's  arm  with 
such  sudden  force  that  he  fell  forward,  hitting  his 
head  on  the  trap-way,  and  then  tumbled  through  to 
the  floor  of  the  cell,  where  he  lay  stunned. 

In  the  house  on  the  other  side  of  the  street  the  doc 
tor  was  breathlessly  on  tiptoe,  with  the  telephone  at 
his  ear.  The  telephone  line  hung  lax,  and  the  hospi 
tal  was  grimly  still. 

"  Go  into  the  street,  O  bravest  friend ! "  at  length 
came  a  trembling  voice  in  the  doctor's  ear.  "  Haul 
and  hold  fast  on  the  cord.  It  hangs  out  from  the  hole 
in  the  wall.  That  one  of  us  who  lives  shall  avenge 
my  little  Fay,  O  friend !  my  littlest  Oo !  Haul  and 
hold  fast ! " 

"  I  hear,"  came  the  quiet  answer.  "  Friends  to  live 
with  —  enemies  to  die  with.  Haul  and  hold  fast ! " 

The  doctor  let  himself  noiselessly  out  of  the  coffin. 
It  was  dangerous  to  descend  by  the  stairs.  In  a  mo 
ment  he  dropped  from  the  window,  three  times  his 
length,  to  the  pavement.  At  first  he  lay  as  if  disabled, 
but  he  soon  staggered  up,  and  found  the  cord  that 
issued  from  the  cell  port  The  other  end  Sum  Chow 


THE  POT  OF  FEIGHTFUL  DOOM  113 

had  tied  around  the  menial's  head  and  through  his 
mouth  to  keep  him  silent,  and  Chow  had  made  the  man 
rise  and  had  forced  him  against  the  cell  port,  where 
the  doctor,  now  hauling  and  holding  fast  on  the  cord 
from  the  street  below,  held  him  powerless  to  move  or 
speak.  A  long  time  seemed  to  pass  while  the  doctor 
leaned  back  with  the  cord  wrapped  around  his  wrist. 
To  him  the  hospital  appeared  to  have  regained  its 
slumbers,  and  he  pictured  Sum  Chow  creeping  stealth 
ily  along  the  garret  toward  the  ladder-way.  On 
the  Run  the  swaying  shop-signs  squeaked  in  the 
gusty  wind  that  was  bringing  the  dawn.  The  doctor 
heard  the  steps  of  one  of  the  squad  on  the  intersect 
ing  street,  and  described  the  arc  of  a  circle  that 
brought  him  around  the  corner,  still  taut  on  the 
cord,  but  safe  from  observation.  The  policeman  went 
by,  and  one  approached  from  another  way,  and  the 
doctor  swung  back  into  Hatchet  Run. 

Sum  Chow  had  climbed  out  of  the  cell.  At  a  dis 
tance  he  saw  the  faint  light  from  the  ladder-way,  but 
heard  nothing.  In  a  few  moments  he  walked  toward 
it,  knowing  that  the  tread  would  be  taken  for  that  of 
the  menial.  At  the  ladder  he  peered  cautiously  over. 
The  room  was  one  apart  from  the  sick  wards,  and  no 
one  was  in  it.  The  maniac  seemed  to  have  been 
quieted,  and  doubtless  lay  in  his  bunk.  The  prisoner 
hung  by  one  hand,  and  dropped  to  the  floor  of  the 
hospital ;  at  the  same  instant  Ok  Hut  appeared  at  the 
door  from  the  pauper  ward,  and  stopped,  transfixed 
with  astonishment.  For  a  moment  the  two  men  stood 
staring  into  each  other's  eyes. 

"  This  is  life  or  death  to  you,"  said  Chow,  in  a  low 


114  THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM 

tone.     "  Throw  up  your  hands  and  turn  your  face  to 
the  wall." 

But  Ok  Hut  did  not  obey.  He  kept  his  eyes  on 
Chow,  debating.  Ok  had  no  weapon,  but  there  was 
one  in  the  drawer  of  the  table  where  the  feeble  lamp 
stood  burning.  Sum  Chow  also  seemed  unarmed, 
except  for  a  small  object  which  he  grasped.  Ok 
Hut  waited,  planning  how  to  shorten  the  space 
between  himself  and  the  table,  so  as  to  make  a  dash 
and  get  it  sooner  than  Chow  could  reach  him. 
There  was  silence  but  for  the  snoring  of  those 
who  slept  in  the  pauper  ward.  Ok  Hut  seemed 
motionless ;  but  he  was  changing  his  weight  from  one 
foot  to  another,  so  that  each  time  he  was  approaching 
a  fraction  of  an  inch  nearer  the  weapon  that  lay  in 
the  drawer. 

Over  in  the  other  building  some  one  was  looking  in 
perplexity  from  the  window  at  the  spectacle  of  the 
learned  Dr.  Wing  Shee  holding  tight  on  a  cord  from 
the  cell  port.  It  might  be  friend  or  foe.  The  doctor 
jammed  his  slouch  hat  over  his  eyes,  and  felt  for  the 
revolver  that  was  strapped  to  his  forearm  under  his 
large  sleeve.  Soon  the  enemy  would  be  down  and 
out  and  at  him,  and  there  would  be  pistol  shots  and 
the  hurry  of  the  squad  in  the  night. 

In  the  hospital  the  two  men  were  gazing  intensely 
into  each  other's  eyes.  Ok  Hut  was  beginning  to 
move  by  greater  units,  and  his  confidence  began  to 
return. 

"Stop!"  said  Chow,  putting  out  his  hand.  "If 
you  pass  that  crack  in  the  board  —  " 

But  Ok  Hut  made  a  leap  for  the  table.    In  a  twink- 


THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM  115 

ling  Chow,  with  all  his  might,  hurled  the  pot  of 
doom. 

A  terrific  explosion  in  Chinatown  startled  the  hills 
of  San  Francisco,  followed  by  cries,  the  jingle  of 
window-glass,  and  the  chattering  of  scared  Chinese, 
and  soon  by  comparative  stillness.  Sum  Chow,  with 
a  flesh-wound  in  his  cheek,  came  bounding  down  from 
the  hospital  into  the  arms  of  the  doctor.  Mingled 
cries  were  rising  from  the  sick  wards.  The  Run  was 
filling  with  a  crowd  of  all  races  that  seemingly  had 
sprung  from  nowhere. 

Already  smoke  was  pouring  from  the  hospital  win 
dows. 

"  Conceal  your  cut,"  commanded  the  doctor.  "  Stand 
as  though  you  were  one  of  the  crowd.  In  a  moment 
the  squad  will  be  here,  and  then  the  ruthless  water- 
snake  men,  with  their  chu-chu  monster." 

When  the  police  thrust  them  aside,  the  two  crossed 
to  the  door  of  a  friendly  merchant,  and  soon  were 
hidden  in  the  collecting  throng.  They  stayed  to  see 
Ok  Hut  brought  out  insensible  and  bleeding  from 
many  wounds,  and  all  the  other  inmates  brought  out 
safely.  When  Chow  and  the  doctor  knew  that  the 
building  was  doomed,  they  issued  unmolested  from 
the  back  of  the  store  to  another  street,  and  made  their 
way  in  the  early  light  toward  where  little  Fay  lay 
awake,  with  her  heart  beating  fast  at  the  shouts  and 
the  clang  of  the  fire-engines,  with  littlest  slumbering 
Oo  clasped  tight  to  her  bosom. 

THAT  evening  they  sat  about  the  dinner-table,  with 
Sum  Ah  and  the  helper  Yang,  who  listened  in  admi- 


116  THE  POT  OF  FRIGHTFUL  DOOM 

ration,  while  happy  little  Fay  sat  behind  her  spouse, 
and  littlest  Oo  enchanted  herself  with  the  tip  of  the 
doctor's  cue. 

"You — you  risked  your  life  for  me!"  said  Chow, 
with  something  glistening  in  his  eye. 

"  And  what  is  amusing,"  said  the  learned  Dr.  Wing 
Shee,  who  would  have  risked  it  again,  "  is  that  they 
have  amputated  one  of  Ok  Hut's  legs  at  the  knee.  So 
that  the  omen  'one  and  a  half"  meant  simply  that  he 
was  doomed  to  issue  from  this  with  only  one  and  a 
half  of  his  two  original  legs !  I  have  to  thank  you 
for  these  very  interesting  and  exciting  days." 


CHAN   TOW,  THE   H1GHROB 


CHAN  TOW,  THE  HiaHEOB. 


EFORE   me   sits  the  Chinese  —  my 
friend  who,  when  the  hurly-burly  's 
done,  spins  me  out  the  hours  with 
narratives   of  ancient  Yellow-land. 
His  name  is  Fuey  Fong,   and  he 
speaks  to  me  thus  : 
"  Missa  Gordon,  whatta  is  Chrisinjin  Indevil  Sho- 
shiety  ? " 

I  explain  to  him  as  best  I  can  the  purpose  of  the 
Society  for  Christian  Endeavor. 

"  We',  dissa  morning  I  go  down  to  lailload  station. 
Shee  vay  many  peoples  getta  on  tlain.  Assa  conduc 
tor,  '  Whatta  is  ? '  Conductor  tole  me  -.  l  You  can't 
go.  You  a  Jieeffen.  Dissa  Chrisinjin  Indevil  Sho- 
shiety.' 

"'Dissa  mek  me  vay  tire'.  'Me'ican  peoples  fink  ole 
China  heeffen.  Fink  doan'  know  about  Gaw  of  hef- 
fen.  Dissa  'Me'icans  doan'  know  whatta  is.  China 
peoples  benieve  Olemighty  Gaw  semma  lika  you." 

Fuey  endures  in  meditation  several  moments.  Then 
he  says: 

"  Missa  Gordon,  I  tay  you  how  about  Gaw  convert 
China  clilimaH" 

"  How  God  converted  a  Chinese  criminal  ?  " 
"  Yeh.    I  tay  you.    Dissa  case  somma  lika  dis : 

119 


120  CHAN  TOW,  THE  HIGHROB 

"  One  tern  was  China  highrob.  His  nem  was  Chan 
Tow.  Live  by  rob  on  pubnic  highway  evely  one  he 
can.  Dissa  highrob  live  in  place  call  Kan  Suh.  We', 
one  tern  was  merchan',  nem  Jan  Han  Sun,  getta  lich 
in  Kan  Suh  j  say  hisse'f :  i  I  getta  lich  •  now  mus'  go 
home  Tsan  Ean  Foo,  shee  my  de-ah  fadder-mudder- 
in-'aw  an'  my  de-ah  wife.'  So  med  determine  to  go 
home  nex'  day. 

"  Kan  Suh  to  Tsan  Ran  Foo  about  dousands  miles 
distant,  and  dissa  parts  China  no  lailload,  no  canal. 
So  dissa  trivveler  declude  to  ride  in  horse-carry-chair." 

"  What  is  a  horse-carry-chair  ? ?? 

"  We',  I  tay  you.  Somma  like  dis :  Two  horse  — 
one  befront,  one  inhine.  Two  long  stick,  and  carry- 
chair  in  minnle.  Usa  roop  somma  lika  harness.  Dissa 
way  triwle  long  distance  ole  ove'  China. 

"  We',  nex'  day  Missa  Jan  start  out  f aw  Tsan  Ran 
Foo  in  horse-carry-chair.  Hed  big  backage  of  go7  an' 
sivver.  By-by  —  triwle  long  tern  —  was  pass  high 
tree.  Up  high  tree  was  Chan  Tow  —  dissa  highrob  — 
was  very  bad  man  !  Chan  Tow  np  tree  to  watch  to 
stea'  whatta  he  can,  semma  lika  vutture." 

"  Like  a  vutture  f  " 

"  Like  a  vutture  —  big  bird  —  eat  dead  beas'  ole  he 
can. 

"Chan  Tow  look  down  on  load,  and  shee  horse- 
carry-chair  wif  Missa  Jan  feet  stick  out.  Nen  dissa 
highrob  say  hisse'f :  l  Vay  nice  feet  j  lich  man.  I  go 
f onnow  him.  Maybe  can  stea7  from  him.'  So  fonnow 
'long  Missa  Jan  by  day,  by  night,  severow  day  —  doan' 
lose  sight  ole  dissa  tern.  By-by  Missa  Jan  was  triv- 
vle  ole  night,  and  leach  hotel  early  morning.  He  tole 


CHAN  TOW,  THE  HIGHBOB  121 

hotel-kipper:  'You  giva  me  loom.  I  slip  ole  day.7 
Nen  tek  his  backage  go'  an'  sivver,  an'  tek  to  bed  wif 
him.  Chan  Tow  come  long,  say:  'Giva  me  loom 
nex'  my  de-ah  frien'  jussa  come  in  horse-carry-chair.' 
Hotel-kipper  look  him,  and  say,  '  Whatta  your  nem 
isP  Chan  Tow  say,  'My  nem  Chow  Ying  Hoo.' 
Dissa  nem,  transnate  Ingernish,  mean  Brev  Tiger." 

"  And  what  does  Chan  Tow  mean  ?  " 

"  Oh,  Chan  Tow  mean  ole  semina  bad  f aminy. 

"  We',  dissa  highrob  slip  nex'  loom  Missa  Jan  j  but 
no  can  fine  how  to  rob  him  ole  dissa  tern. '  Getta  vay 
much  disgussion ;  but  nex'  day  he  f onnow  long  inhine 
dissa  lich  man  jussa  semma  befaw.  Somma  tern  eat 
at  semma  tabuh  wif  Jan ;  but  Jan  getta  begin  to  sus 
picious,  air*  ole  tern  getta  his  go'  an'  sivver  unnerneaf 
him  when  he  shet  down  to  tabuh.  Chan  Tow  say  his 
sed:  'You  fink  I  doaii'  know  how  to  shucshess  to 
stea'  yo>  money.  Maybe  I  big  foo'  you.' 

"We',  by-by  was  mont'  go  by.  Dissa  merchan' 
reach  his  netive  sheety.  Firs'  he  go  immedinity  to 
respec'  his  fadder-mudder-in-'aw,  becose  his  fadder- 
mudder  dead.  Dey  vay  gnad  to  shee  him  —  vay  de- 
night.  Dey  assa  him  vay  many  quishuns ;  but  he  tole 
dem :  1 1  mus7  go  to  my  de-ah  wife.  I  not  sheen  her 
so  long  tern.'  Nen  he  smi7  hisse'f ,  an'  tole  horse-carry- 
chair-man  run  wif  him  quick  to  fine  his  de-ah  wife. 
When  he  allive  ne'  his  house,  say  to  man :  "  Goo'-by ! 
I  go  ressa  way  on  f  eetsteps.7  Nen  go  vay  quier  on  his 
tiptoe,  and  lock  vay  soft  at  his  daw." 

Here  pauses  the  Chinese,  and  looks  at  me.  Shortly 
he  sas : 


122  CHAN  TOW,  THE  HIGHEOB 

"Well?"  I  echo. 

"  We7,  dissa  last  tern  dissa  merchan'  Jan  Han  Sun 
was  sheen  annibe  ! " 

"  Does  the  highrob  follow  him  and  kill  him  ?  " 

"  No  one  shee  any  highrob.  No  one  see  any  horse- 
carry-chair-man.  No  one  shee  any  Jan.  No  maw ! 

"  Nex'  morning  come  f adder-mudder-in-'aw  to  con- 
gratchnate  dissa  daughter.  Said,  'We  vay  denight, 
vay  gnad,  yo'  husban'  come  home.  Where  he  is  dissa 
morning  ?  Daughter  look  vay  supp'ise'.  Said, '  When 
you  shee  my  husban7  come  home?'  Parents  said: 
'  Why,  my  de-ah  daughter,  yo'  husban'  pass  by  my 
daw  las'  night.  We  hev  vay  short  convisition  beged- 
der,  an'  he  say  bling  home  glate  many  go'  an7  sivver 

—  mek  you  habby.     Nen  left  us  come  shee  you.' 

"  Nen,  vay  suddenity,  dissa  daughter  say :  '  I  fink 
you  ki'  my  husban',  so  you  can  rob !  I  hev  you 
arresV 

"  An'  she  go  to  magistrate  an'  mek  petition.  Say 
her  fadder-mudder  to  ki7  her  husban'.  Her  fadder- 
mudder  bof  e  vay  indignant  j  but  was  putta  in  jai'. 

"  Magistrate  examine  case,  assa  many  quishuns, 
search  bof  e  dissa  house  —  but  can't  fine  who  mudder 
dissa  merchan'.  Fadder-mudder-in-'aw  say,  'We  in 
nocent.'  Daughter  say,  'You  liars!'  Her  parents 
med  declaration,  '  I  doan'  hed  mudder  to  any  person.' 
Two  mont's  go  by.  Can't  find  who  mudder.  Nen 
daughter  petition  to  supere  court ;  say  dissa  magis 
trate  doan'  know  how  fine  who  mudder.  Supere  court 
send  word,  *  You  doan'  fine  who  mudder  in  six  mont's 

—  deglade  yo'  lank.'     Dissa  China  way  to  mek  law. 

"  We',  dissa  magistrate,  whatta  he  do  ?    Doan'  like 


CHAN  TOW,  THE   HIGHROB  123 

getta  deglade ;  dissa  spoi'  his  whole  life.  Say  hisse'f : 
i  I  vay  detest  to  get  deglade.  Mus'  go  mek  detectif  — 
fine  who  mudder.'  Nex'  day  left  his  court,  and  go 
mek  long  trivvle  —  ole  dress  up  like  a  f ortune-tayer." 

"  Like  a  fortune-teller  ? " 

"  Yeh ;  fortune- tayer.  Vay  low  common  in  China. 
Go  roun'  wif  ole  kine  bad  peoples. 

"  Magistrate  look  jussa  semma  somma  poh  f  ortune- 
tayer.  Nen  go  out  on  load  an7  trivvle  —  trivvle  vay 
far.  Eve'y  tern  shee  a  man  look  lika  somma  bad  man, 
try  mek  Men's  wif  him.  But  no  can  fine  who  mudder. 
Long  tern  trivvle  —  'way  intehuh  China  ;  but  no  can 
fine  any  one  knows  about  dissa  case.  Say  hisse'f: 
'  Pitty  soon  I  getta  much  discoulagement.  Two 
mont's  maw,  getta  deglade,  getta  disglace!  I  doan' 
know  I  ki'  hisse'f ! ' 

"  One  day  was  stag'  'long  load  ;  getta  mos'  exhaus'. 
Bofe  sides  load  was  high  heels,  no  house.  Kep'  on, 
on;  semma  heels;  semma  no  house;  mus'  lie  down 
in  load  wifout  any  subber,  wifout  any  dlink.  Dissa 
magistrate  begin  getta  desplate.  Nen  he  fink,  'I  play 
to  Gaw  an'  my  ancestors.'  So  begin  play  lika  diss : 
'O  Gaw,  O  my  ancestors,  givva  me  res';  giwa  me 
f oo' ;  givva  me  wadder !  Nen  I  kip  on  f  awever  fine 
who  ki'  Jan  Han  Sun.'  Nen  magistrate  stag'  'long 
few  steps,  an'  dlop  down  on  big  lock.  No  can  any 
fudder. 

"  Pitty  soon  look  roun'  •  shee  litty  light  shine  from 
winnidow.  Dissa  was  littyoshantyhouse  —  vay  poh 
look  —  " 

"  Littyoshantyhouse  ? " 

"  Litty  —  ole  —  shanty  —  house ! 


124  CHAN  TOW,  THE  HIGHROB 

"We',  magistrate  go  lock  at  daw.  Come  to  daw 
littyoneddy  —  " 

"Little  old  what?" 

"Litty  —  ole  —  neddy! 

"Dissa  oneddy  she  was  vay  ole,  vay  febble.  He 
tole  her :  l  Please,  oneddy,  you  givva  me  kunderness 
let  me  go  slip  in  yo'  house  to-night!  I  'mos'  died. 
No  subber,  no  wadder — mos'  exhaus' ! '  Oneddy  tole 
him :  '  Walks  in  j  walks  in !  But  you  mus'  kip  vay 
quier,  my  de-ah  sir  ;  as  quier  as  can  be !  My  son  is 
dreffel  different  man.  His  profussion  was  highrob. 
He  getta  home  minnernight  ;  an'  you  doan'  kip  quier, 
I  fred  he  to  strike  you!7  But  magistrate  say:  'I 
too  tire  to  getta  scare'.  You  nedda  me  stay  wif  you/ 

"So  oneddy  giva  him  to  eat,  an'  show  him  to  go 
slip  unner  tabuh  in  katchen.  Nen  he  lie  down,  an' 
play  once  more  his  ancestors  an7  Gaw :  l  You  he'p  me 
oleleddy-  I  kip  plomise.  You  he'p  me  somma  maw 
—  I  fine  who  mudder.'  Nen  go  slip. 

"  By -by  was  dleam  'bout  gleen  moudens,  gleen 
wadder.  Hear'  spi'its  say,  '  I  wi'  assist  you.'  Ole 
dissa  vay  good  sign.  Suddinity  was  wek  up  from  his 
slip,  and  shaw  oneddy  stand  bef  aw  him  —  ole  in  dark. 
She  say :  '  My  son  come  home  in  vay  good  humors. 
Say  lika  mek  yo'  acquaintance.'  Dissa  tern  was  min 
nernight.  Magistrate  craw'  out  from  miner  tabuh, 
an'  fonnow  oneddy  in  nex'  loom.  Heah  was  Chan 
Tow,  dissa  highrob.  Was  fee'  in  vay  good  tempini- 
ment  to-night  —  hedda  jus'  rob  litty  gir7  her  earlings." 

"  It  made  him  very  happy  to  have  stolen  earrings 
from  a  little  girl  ? " 

"  Oh,  yeh.     Earlings  med  jay-stone. 


CHAN  TOW,  THE  HIGHROB  125 

"  We',  Chan  Tow  he  vay  deniglit  to  shee  dissa  f  or- 
tune-tayer.  Mek  put  hisse'f  down  to  tabuh,  eat  sub- 
bah  wif  him,  an7  mek  oneddy  hop  long  getta  ole  bes' 
was  in  oshantyhouse.  Chan  Tow  say :  '  My  de-ah  sir, 
I  am  exceediny  denight  to  shee  you.  We  bof e  about 
sem  prof ussions  :  you  f ortune-tayer  •  I  was  highrob.' 
Nen  bofe  eat,  dlink  long  tern,  an7  Chan  Tow  tay  ole 
about  his  shucshess  in  binniziz." 

"  You  mean  business  ? " 

"Yehj  binniziz. 

"  Tay  ole  about  his  binniziz.  Tay  how  stea'  watch 
from  'Melcan  missiolary  man.  Tay  how  —  " 

"How  did  he  steal  the  watch  from  the  American 
missionary  ? " 

"  We',  somma  lika  dis :  Chan  Tow  was  vay  stlong 
man,  but  vay  litty  meat  on  his  boles.  One  day  shee 
missiolary  man  come  long  load.  Hedda  watch-chain 
hang  out.  Chan  Tow  lie  down  in  load,  an'  begin  kick 
an'  scleam  ole  semma  sick  white  woman.  Missiolary 
man  was  vay  sympafy,  an7  tole  him,  'Whatta  is?' 
Chan  Tow  say:  'Mucha  vay  sick!  Much  vay  sick! 
You  no  he'p  me  home  I  getta  died !  You  tekka  me 
home  I  mek  good  Chrisiiijin  boy ! '  Missiolary  man 
vay  good  man  j  say  hisse'f :  '  Gaw  sen'  me  dissa  man 
mek  convict  to  Chrisinjanity.  I  he'p  him  ! '  So  tek 
up  Chan  Tow  in  his  arm  to  tek  home.  Chan  Tow 
kep'  gloan,  gloan,  —  an'  ole  dissa  tern  was  put  his  han7 
in  missiolary  his  pocket  an'  stea'  dissa  watch  !  Nen 
Chan  Tow  kep'  hang  on  missiolary  his  neck  an'  say 
hisse'f :  1 1  lika  dissa  to  ride  better  I  lika  to  walk.  I 
letta  dissa  missiolary  man  ca'y  me  jusso  far  he  can.' 
So  missiolary  man  stag'  long  tern  long  load,  an'  kep' 


126  CHAN  TOW,  THE  HIGHEOB 

sweat,  sweat  —  semma  lika  glass  ice-wadder ;  an'  Chan 
Tow  kep'  gloan  semma  like  ole  barn  daw." 

"  Chan  Tow  kept  groaning  like  an  old  barn  door, 
and  the  missionary  man  kept  perspiring  like  a  glass 
of  ice-water  ? " 

"Oh,  no!  Missiolary  man  sweat.  By-by,  hedda 
ca'y  dissa  highrob  two  miles  —  'way  down  vanney, 
'way  up  heel.  Nen  missiolary  man  lose  ole  his  breff s, 
an'  begin  to  gaps.  He  say,  <Mus'  res';  mus'  putta 
you  down!'  Chan  Tow  kep'  gloan,  an'  say:  'You 
putta  me  down  I  doan'  know  I  die.  Mus'  getta  home ! ' 
Missiolary  man  say:  < Can't  he'p  —  I  'mos'  exhausV 
Nen  dissa  highrob  jump  down  vay  well,  an'  say: 
'We',  I  mus'  getta  home.  I  walk  ressa  way  —  leave 
you  to  res'.  Goo'-by!'  Nen  run  fas7  he  can  down 
dissa  heel. 

"Missiolary  man  stay  look  him  run,  an'  kep'  fink 
ole  tern.  Nen  say  hisse'f :  1 1  fink  dissa  man  inshin- 
sherity.  I  lose  ole  dissa  tern  wif  him !  Whatta  tern 
it  is?7  Nen  he  search  his  watch.  <Oh,  my!  No 
watch  •  no  convict !  Dissa  vay  bad  day ! " 

The  Chinese  grins  with  the  greatest  pleasure. 

"  We',  magistrate  an'  highrob  kep'  tay  ole  'bout  ex- 
pelunces  in  binniziz." 

"  Business  !  " 

"  Yep  j  binniziz" 

"  Kep'  tay  ole  about  binniziz.  By-by  pea-oil  light 
go  out.  Oneddy  craw'  up  on  bed  an'  go  slip.  Nen 
two  men  stay  an'  smoke  pipe  —  ole  dark.  Magistrate 
closs  his  legs  an'  say,  ole  lika  he  doan'  care :  '  Missa 
Highrob,  dissa  light  go  out  mek  me  remin'  whatta 
habben  Tsan  Ran  Foo.  You  heard  about  dissa  case? 


CHAN  TOW,  THE  HIGHEOB  127 

Man  nem  Jan  Han  Sun  go  home  his  wife  —  no  can 
fine  who  mudda.'  Chan  Tow  smi'  vay  plou',  an'  say  : 
1  Oh,  my  de-ah  brudder,  I  know  ole  'bout  dissa  case. 
I  was  to  shee  dissa  man  getta  ki'  in  his  own  houses.' 

"  Magistrate  dlaw  glate  big  breff  trough  his  pipe. 
Swallow  smoke  clea'  down  his  stomach  !  Mek  big 
cough  —  nearny  cough  his  top  head  off  !  —  an'  wek 
oneddy !  Nen  he  say :  '  We',  we' !  You  good  dea7 
maw  wise  dissa  Magistrate  Tsan  Ran  Foo.  I  hea'  he 
was  deglade  his  rank.  Cannot  fine  who  mudder  ! ' 

"  Chan  Tow  say :  t  Dissa  magistrate  urns*  come  fine 
me.  No  one  ess  can  tay  him.  I  tay  you  ole  about 
dissa  mudder.  You  lika  hea"? '  Magistrate  say:  '"We', 
I  vay  tire'.  But  lika  hea'  you  talk  better  I  lika  go 
slip,  my  de-ah  sir ! '  Dissa  mek  highrob  vay  plou',  an* 
he  begin  lika  dis : 

" '  One  day  shaw  horse-carry-chair  trivvle  'long  load. 
Shaw  feet  stick  out — vay  nice  feet;  mus'  be  lich  man. 
So  f  onnow  him.  He  hev  big  backage  go'  an'  sivver, 
but  eve'y  tern  go  subbah  mus'  oleways  shet  hisse'f  on 
top  dissa  backage.  Fonnow  him  long  tern  —  severow 
weeks.  But  cannot  stea'  from  him.  By-by  he 
reach  his  home  Tsan  Ran  Foo,  an?  go  to  respec'  his 
mudder-f adder-in-'aw ;  nen  go  fine  his  wife.  Dissa 
tern  was  minnernight  —  vay  dark.  Fink  was  good 
tern  to  stea'  from  him,  an'  getta  his  go'  an'  sivver.  So 
kep'  fonnow  'long  load.  When  he  getta  his  house  he 
lock  long  tern  at  his  daw,  but  was  no  answer.  Nen 
say,  vay  loud :  "  De-ah  wife,  letta  me  in  !  I  am  yo' 
de-ah  husban'  come  home."  So  by -by  was  daw  open, 
an'  his  wife  come  say:  "Oh  my  de-ah  husban'!  so 
denight  to  shee  you!"  Nen  ole  dark. 


128  CHAN  TOW,  THE  HIGHROB 

" l  Nen  I  go  roun'  back  his  house.  Getta  'long  bam 
boo  po',  an'  putta  dissa  po'  up  'gainst  house  to  shin  up 
dissa  loof.  Nen  cut  with  knife  litty  roun'  ho7  frough 
loof,  an'  look  down  into  dissa  house.  Can  look  down 
into  loom,  an'  shee  ole  whatta  was  habben. 

" '  Vay  soon  Jan  examine  tabuh  j  say :  "  O  my  de-ah 
wife,  whatta  for  you  setta  dissa  tabuh  for  two  peo 
ples  ?  You  have  comply  ?  "  Wife  say :  "  O  my  de-ah 
husban',  eve'y  tern  since  you  go  'way  I  setta  dissa  ta 
buh  for  two  peoples — you  and  me — jussa  semma  you 
heah  ! "  Jan  smi'  vay  plou',  an'  say,  "  You  are  shin- 
sherny  my  de-ah  wife  ! "—  was  mak  fee'  vay  good. 

"'Nen  his  wife  tole  him:  "Now  we  hev  jubineej 
eat,  dlink  —  mek  me'ytem!"  So  I  lie  on  top  dissa 
loof,  vay  dly,  vay  hunger  $  an'  ole  tern  shee  her  hus 
ban'  eat  subbah  an'  kip  dlink,  dlink,  an'  kiss  his  wife, 
an'  dlink,  an'  getta  maw  an'  maw  intoshcate.  By- 
by  was  so  intoshcate  mus'  go  slip.  Nen  his  wife  he'p 
him  go  bed,  an'  he  begin  snow." 

"How's  that?'7 

"  Begin  snow  —  snowul  —  snole  !     Begin  snole  ! " 

"  It  began  to  snow  ? " 

"  Oh,  no  5  I  tay  you.  Dissa  merchan'  begin  mekka 
lika  dis."  Fuey  makes  a  sound  that  is  unmistakable. 

" t  We',  nen  look  shee  whatta  dissa  woman  go  do. 
She  go  to  hooks  on  wa',  an'  tek  down  lot  her  dresses. 
Nen  I  shee  man  step  out.  Dissa  woman  whisper  to 
him :  "  Shee  my  husban'  slip.  He  bling  back  glate 
many  go'  and  sivver !  You  love  me,  you  tekka  dissa 
sharp  knife  and  ki'  him.  Nen  we  getta  marry  beged- 
der  to-morrow,  an'  mek  habby  tern." 

"'Her  beau  say  :  "  Ofa,  no.    I  fred  ki'  him.     Fred  I 


CHAN  TOW,  THE  HIGHEOB  129 

get  behead."  An'  nen  dissa  woman  getta  vay  mad 
wif  him,  an'  say :  "  You  doan'  ki'  Mm,  I  tekka  dissa 
knife  an'  chot  op  yo'  head  op,  instamentty ! "  Nen  he 
begin  tek  off  his  mine  — ' " 

"  Took  off  his  mind  f " 

"Yeh,"  says  Fuey;  "I  don't  know  dissa  word  — 
semma  you  tek  off  yo'  clo's." 

"  Changed  his  mind  ?  " 

"  Yeh." 

"'  Begin  to  tek  off — chenge  his  mine  —  an  say: 
"How  I  ki'  him?"  Woman  say:  "You  tekka  dissa 
sharp  knife." 

"  '  Nen  he  clep'  up  to  dissa  bed,  his  eye  ole  stick  out 
from  his  head.  When  he  getta  where  dissa  merchan' 
slip,  an'  snow,  snow,  ole  semma  hev  good  dleam, 
dissa  beau  mek  lika  was  to  chenge  his  mine  'gain; 
but  dissa  woman  whisper :  "  Quick !  Quick  !  " —  an' 
nen  ole  sudden  dissa  beau  stlike.  Nen  Jan  Han  Sun 
was  died  —  instamentty  ! 

" '  Dissa  woman  begin  to  rip  up  flaw.  Her  beau 
he'p  her  ole  he  can,  an'  work  vay  hard,  fas' — fred 
somebody  come.  Kep'  look  'roun'.  An'  eve'y  tern 
pea-oil  light  flicker,  look  round  to  shee  who  was.  Ole 
tern  stop  to  hoi'  his  ear  on  flaw  —  shee  who  come. 
Flaw  rip  up ;  nen  go  getta  shover  an'  dig  big  long  ho' 
in  earf,  unnerneaf  dissa  bed.  Nen  putta  dissa  mer- 
chan'  his  body  in  dissa  ho'  in  groun'.  Nen  vay  quick 
shover  back  ole  dissa  earf,  fix  flaw,  an'  blow  out  light. 

"  '  Ole  tern  I  stay  up  dissa  loof .  Vay  hunger  —  no 
wadder;  an'  cannot  rob  dissa  merchan'  becose  he 
dead !  Getta  vay  disgussion.  Light  go  out,  I  hang 
foot  ove'  side  dissa  loof,  an'  begin  fink.  Maw  I  fink, 

9 


130  CHAN  TOW,  THE  HIGHEOB 

maw  getta  disgussion.  By-by  getta  vay,  vay  dis- 
gussion.  Nen  tek  dissa  bamboo  po'  to  shove  f rough 
dissa  ho'  in  loof  —  vay  quier.  When  he  shove  f  rough, 
lien  I  ole  suddenity  begin  push,  jab,  shove  —  quick — 
ole  semma  churn  budder.  Down  below  woman  an' 
her  beau  begin  squea',  squea',  ole  semma  rat !  'Mos 
scare'  to  def  !  Nen  I  shin  down  loof — run  Vay.7 " 

Fuey  draws  a  long  breath,  and  smiles  at  me  his 
calm,  celestial  smile. 

"We7,  Chan  Tow  finis'  his  sto'y.  Magistrate  was 
ole  tern  smoke  big  clou's  smoke,  an'  mek  loom  look 
lika  was  on  fire.  Mek  oneddy  wek  up  an'  open  daw. 
When  Chan  Tow  finis',  magistrate  say:  'My  de-ah 
brudder  de  highrob,  yo'  sto'y  vay  intinesse,  vay  inti- 
nesse !  I  fink  I  go  slip.'  So  ole  thlee  was  lie  down 
to  go  slip,  an'  Chan  Tow  was  tek  his  opi'  pipe  an'  be 
gin  smoke  opi.'  Whatta  you  say — hurt  the  pipe  T' 

"  Hit  the  pipe." 

"  Oh,  yeh  j  hit  pipe.  I  doan'  spe'k  Ingernish  vay 
we'. 

"Magistrate  wet  long  tern.  By-by  oneddy  begin 
to  snow,  an'  nen  by-by  Chan  Tow  getta  doan' 
know." 

"  Chan  Tow  got  don't  know  f  " 

"  Getta  all  semma  was  died.     Doan'  know." 

"  Unconscious  ?  " 

"  Yeh  j  uh-uh-coshious  !  "  sneezes  Fuey. 

"  Nen  magistrate  begin  craw'  'long  on  his  stomach 
—  inchy  —  inchy  —  cross  flaw  out  daw.  Nen  run  fas' 
he  can  toward  Tsan  Ban  Foo. 

"  One  mont'  go  by,  an'  magistrate  sit  up  in  his  high 
chair  in  his  court.  Befront  him  dissa  woman  an'  her 


CHAN  TOW,  THE  HIGHKOB  131 

beau, —  ole  cover  wif  mark  dissa  bamboo  po7, —  an7 
dissa  f  adder-mudder-in-'aw,  an7  dissa  highrob.  Magis 
trate  say  vay  slow  —  ole  semma  idol  talk :  i  Dissa  — 
woman  —  her  lover  —  are  convert — to  behead  —  by  hev 
dey  heads  cut  off— till  dey  dead!  What  you  fink, 
woman  ? 7  Woman  say :  i  Yo'  Excennency,  I  vay  gnad 
to  be  behead  wif  my  de-ah  lover.  I  vay  satisfaction 
we  behead  begedder.  Our  spi'its  begedder  happy 
fo'ever.'  Nen  she  turn  kiss  her  beau;  but  he  too 
scare  to  spe'k.  An'  bof  was  tek  out  to  behead  —  dissa 
woman  ole  tern  to  mek  to  kiss  her  beau. 

"  Magistrate  say  to  highrob :  *  You  know  me  ? 
Who  eata  subba  wif  you  sucha-sucha  night  ? 7  Chan 
Tow  say, l  O  yo'  Excennency,  I  doan'  know  who  was  ! ' 
Magistrate  say :  1 1  was  dissa  man.  I  glate  t'anks  f  aw 
you.  Awso  dissa  fadder-mudder-in-'aw  dissa  dead 
man.  Gaw  sen'  me  to  yo'  house  to  mek  you  instlu- 
ment  to  convert  dissa  mudderers.  I  give  you  good 
position  j  awso  money.' " 

"And  that  was  how  these  criminals  were  con 
verted?"  I  say,  remembering  the  promise  of  the 
story. 

"  Yeh ;  convert  to  behead.  Dissa  case,"  concluded 
Fuey,  "  show  how  Gaw  can  convert  climinal  when  he 
wish ;  show  how  Gaw  is  glate.  I  tay  you  China  peo 
ples  not  heeffen.  China  'ligion  teach  to  try  to  affec 
tion  one  anudder  j  respec'  yo'  parents  j  an'  charity  an' 
pure  moral.  If  people  do  right  I  fink  he  shall  be 
saved.77 


A  LITTLE   LIBERAL 


A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 

HE  train  whisked  off  in  a  dust,  and, 
for  the  first  time  in  his  life,  the  son 
of  Alexander  the  Liberal  and  of 
Violet  the  Modern  had  parted  from 
them.  They  were  his  playmates ; 
and  a  passage  of  clouds  across  the 
sun  would  have  swung  the  balance  to  tears.  But  it 
was  Maine,  and  a  blithesome  July  day,  and  Uncle 
Jasper  Bennett  was  light-hearted  when  he  forgot  his 
Maker.  They  rattled  off  behind  the  angular  mare 
Polly  between  stone-walls  and  stony  fields  and  under 
hemlock-trees.  How  soon?  asked  the  Boy.  Were 
there  any  little  pigs  —  any  little  bits  of  ones!  Was 
there  yet  a  spinning- wheel  —  a  real  one,  and  not  like 
those  that  were  only  made?  And,  last  and  most, 
O,  were  there  still  some  fishes  in  that  dark,  deep  pool, 
down  beneath  the  willows  ? 

At  length  loomed  the  homestead,  in  a  setting  of 
mighty  elms ;  low  sheds,  and  a  vast  red  barn  with  the 
swallows  in  and  out,  and  a  stark  white  dwelling-house 
with  sleeping  blinds.  In  the  orchard  a  score  of  grave 
stones  —  a  ghostly  garden  of  Bennetts  since  the  cen 
tury  came  in;  and,  standing  on  the  porch  by  the 
kitchen  door,  Aunt  Hepzibah. 

She  was  comely,  though  they  said  her  eyes  were 

135 


136  A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 

cold,  like  the  clouded  sea;  and  she  was  wonderfully  well 
preserved.  She  had  never  suffered  in  her  forty  years. 
Her  faith  in  Providence  had  been  too  great ;  and  the 
elements  of  sorrow  had  evaporated  from  her,  leaving 
but  certain  lines  to  mark  the  lack.  She  was  as  neat 
as  a  church,  and  as  quick  as  the  wrath  of  God. 

Now  into  the  ear  of  this  godless  child,  Hepzibah 
plotted  something  to  whisper;  and  for  the  results 
thereof  she  would  modestly,  but  firmly,  claim  her  re 
ward  in  heaven. 

She  supposed  he  was  hungry.  She  advised  him  to 
feel  right  at  home,  and  not  act  bashful-like. 

"  Thanks  very  much ;  I  will,"  said  Gerald,  studying 
her  face  with  polite  composure.  "  Please  may  I  see 
your  little  pigs  ?  " 

"  You  c'n  wait  t'l  ye  'v  e't,  can't  ye  ?  'Member  how 
the  Lodd  druv  the  evil  sperrits  int'  the  bawdies  of 
swine,  don't  ye  ?  "  said  Hepzibah,  as  a  test. 

"Yes,"  said  the  young  person  in  knickerbockers; 
"but  I  don't  believe  that.  I  think  some  bees  mus' 
have  stinged  them  —  stang  them.  And  then  they 
went  in  swimming.  Papa  Zander  sent  his  compli 
ments.  He  bought  me  a  splendid  fis'-line.  I  '11  go 
and  see  the  little  pigs  after  I  've  had  something  to 
eat." 

But  when  he  had  eaten  the  western  sky  was  shot  with 
gold,  and  in  the  tangled  garden  the  myriad  petunias 
and  pansies  and  maiden  pinks  had  gone  to  sleep.  He 
made  a  nosegay,  and  put  it  in  a  vase  on  his  bureau, 
about  half-way  between  the  photographs  of  his  parents. 
It  was  a  trifle  nearer  Violet's,  because  you  must  favor 


A  LITTLE  LIBERAL  137 

the  women.  Then  he  sat  oppressed  by  the  spare- 
room's  gloom,  while  Jasper  read  Isaiah  downstairs, 
and  Hepzibah  finished  the  dishes.  He  listened  to  the 
file  of  crickets'  wings,  and  everywhere,  in  unison  and 
out,  the  whistling  of  frogs  5  and  the  sounds  were 
suggestive  of  night-damp  and  of  disasters  lurking  for 
Mama  Violet  and  Papa  Zander.  Hepzibah  came  to 
say  good  night,  and  then  departed,  leaving  the  room 
in  a  fog.  He  must  hurry  to  use  Mama  Violet's  home 
sick  medicine  —  to  keep  repeating  heimweh,  German ; 
mal-du-pays,  French ;  and  the  Italian  ch6  patisce  la 
nostalgia, —  and  thus  cheat  the  blues  of  a  language 
lesson.  And  he  must  remember  that  it  was  only  two 
nights  and  a  day  j  then  he  would  meet  Mama  Violet's 
train  at  the  station,  and  they  would  journey  on  to 
find  Papa  Zander.  Besides,  to-morrow  would  bring 
the  fishing,  at  the  beautiful  pool,  down  beneath  the 
willows. 

He  blew  out  the  feeble  lamp  and  crawled  between  the 
damp  sheets,  with  the  fish-line  in  his  hand.  To-mor 
row  at  the  pool  was  lovely  to  think  of !  But  he  wished 
he  had  Mama  Violet's  kiss. 

He  hung  the  line  over  the  bedside,  and  shut  his 
eyes,  trying  to  feel  himself  lying  on  the  mossy  bank 
in  the  leaf -latticed  sunlight,  waiting  for  a  fish.  The 
line  swung  slowly  to  and  fro  in  the  dark,  and  the  boy 
kept  mournfully  thinking  in  time  to  it — JieimiveJi,  mal- 
du-pays,  cM patisce  la  nostalgia  !  —  until  all  the  words 
ran  into  one,  and  the  line  dragged,  and  the  fingers 
loosened,  and  the  little  hook  dropped  on  the  floor. 

To-morrow  would  be  Sunday. 


138  A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 


II 


A  PEWEE  made  its  woodland  sigh,  suited  to  sunny 
weather  j  but  a  robin  announced  that  it  would  rain. 
The  boy  threw  back  the  blinds  that  had  darkened  the 
room.  The  day  seemed  glorious.  Between  the  apple- 
trees  across  the  road  he  could  see  down  to  the  salt 
creek  where  emptied  the  water  from  the  stream  that 
made  the  fishing-pool.  In  the  creek  the  tide  was  high 
and  still,  and  a  forest  of  oaks  and  spruce  and  ash  was 
mirrored  in  it  from  its  granite  bank,  where  stretched 
along  a  garland  of  deep  blue  harebells,  mingled  with 
yellow  St.  John'swort.  Beyond  and  away  were  dense 
green  forests,  and,  far  above  them,  the  faint  cawing 
that  brings  a  sense  of  distance  and  of  solitude,  and 
the  resin  smell  and  the  music  of  the  pines. 

How  foolish  had  been  the  Jieinnveh  when  there  was 
fishing  to-day  down  beneath  the  willows ! 

"  Please,  Uncle  Jasper,"  said  Gerald,  as  he  sat  at 
breakfast,  raised  to  their  level  by  a  great  Bible,  "  I 
wis'  you  would  show  me  the  exact  spot  where  Papa 
Zander  used  to  fis' —  the  place  where  papa  made  you  — 
where,"  corrected  the  Boy,  coloring,  "  you  and  he  had 
a  fi  — fuss  one  Sunday  about  the  Bible.  I  have  a 
splendid  fis'line,  and  splendid  hooks." 

<0T  was  jest  one  them  times,"  explained  Jasper, 
slowly,  in  answer  to  his  wife,  "  when  the  good  Lodd 
see  fit  to  chasten  the  one  He  loved  best.  I  wa'n't 
f eelin'  any  tew  pert." 

"No,"  said  the  Boy,  sympathetically,  "after  3rou 
were  chastened  you  felt  jus'  like  a  wet  rag.  Papa 


A  LITTLE  LIBERAL  139 

Zander  says  it  was  the  Lord's  day,  but  that  it  was  n't 
the  Lord's  day.  It  was  whether  Lazarus  was  really 
dead,  Aunt  Hepzibah,  or  had  an  epilepsic  fit  and  jus' 
thought  so." 

Jasper's  mind  seemed  miles  away.  Hepzibah  looked 
absently  at  the  child. 

"  Aunt  Hepzibah/'  said  the  Boy,  at  length  attacking 
the  silence,  "  this  —  this  holy  volume  is  very  conve 
nient." 

"  Don't  s'  pose  you  have  one  t'  home  ? "  she  said. 

"  O,  yes.    Papa  says  it 's  an  interesting  book." 

"  Dews  he !  S  'pose  he  takes  good  care  't  you  sha'n't 
read  it  ?  " 

"  Well,  I  may  have  the  firs'  expurgated  edition.  He 
says  someone  mus'  have  publis'ed  one  —  for  young 
people." 

"  S  'pose  he  'd  let  'em  exp'gate  the  good  Lodd  right 
out  of  it ! " 

«  0,  no— the  Lord  's  all  right,"  said  the  Boy.  "But 
if  he  had  to  esplain  me  everything  in  the  Bible  he 
says  he  'd  die  before  he  did.  That  's  what  expurgate 
means ;  it 's  the  only  word  ever  Mama  Violet  could  n't 
esplain  me  —  it  's  so  long.  But  Papa  Zander  knew ! 
It  's  Latin,  you  see ;  purgo,  I  make  short  ;  e-xpurgo,  I 
make  extra  short.  And  that's  what  ought  to  be  done 
with  the  Bible." 

Jasper  and  Hepzibah  stared  at  each  other  j  and  for 
some  minutes  Gerald  listened  to  the  ticking  of  the 
clock. 

"  I  don't  suppose  you  '11  have  time  to  go  fis'in  with 
me  to-day,  Uncle  Jasper/'  he  essayed,  at  length.  "  I  'm 
going  —  " 


140  A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 

"  Yuss,"  said  Hepzibah,  "  you  7re  goin'  V  meetin' 
'long  'th  us." 

«  Why  —  what  1 "  said  the  Boy.     « Is  it  Sunday  f  " 

"  I  sh  'd  say  't  was.  '  Bout  the  first  one  't  ever  hap 
pened,  guess." 

"  O  ! "  said  the  Boy,  vainly  searching  Hepzibah's 
countenance.  "If  I  'd  known  that,  I  should  n't  have 
come  prepared  to  fis'.  What  a  diffunce ! " 

He  dragged  himself  upstairs  and  emptied  his  pock 
ets.  All  he  had  come  for  was  to  fis',  down  beneath 
the  willows ;  and  now  he  must  preen  and  be  taken  off 
in  the  broiling  sun.  If  after  church  he  spoke  of  dig 
ging  for  worms  it  was  plain  that  Aunt  Hepzibah  would 
have  a  fit.  It  was  for  this  then  that  he  had  fought 
off  heimweh  ;  and  now  there  was  to  be  another  night. 
Life  was  full  of  hardships,  and  the  Bennett  homestead 
was  losing  its  charm.  He  heard  the  ancient  pump 
yielding  water  with  rusty  and  crabbed  complaints,  and 
Polly,  the  mare,  drank  with  a  swigging  noise  very  ill- 
bred.  The  bell  of  the  Hard  Pine  Methodists  and  that 
of  the  Cedar  Creek  Baptists  were  jarring  and  clashing 
across  the  narrow  stream  between  them,  over  their 
respective  creeds.  If  a  little  boy  came  to  visit  Papa 
Zander  and  Mama  Violet,  thought  Gerald,  perspiring 
over  his  collar-button,  Jie  would  n't  be  hauled  off  to 
a  meeting-house  and  expected  to  sit  up  stiff  in  a 
wooden  pew !  Would  it  be  right  to  steal  away  this 
afternoon  and  quietly  exploit  the  historic  pool?  It 
would  be  awful  fun ;  but  perhaps  Mama  Violet  would 
say  it  was  n't  very  polite  and  may  be  Papa  Zander 
would  think  it  was  n't  quite  frank ;  and  it  would  be 
a  sort  of  fib,  too  —  one  of  those  you  don't  tell,  but  do, 


A  LITTLE  LIBERAL  141 

which  is  just  as  bad.  He  wished  he  had  stayed  with 
Papa  Zander ! 

Of  course  there  were  clouds  coming  over  the  sun, 
and  the  atmosphere  was  growing  miserably  humid. 
Jasper  was  attaching  Polly  to  the  wagon. 

"  I  don't  suppose  you  '11  go  if  it  rains,"  said  the  Boy 
with  a  faint  hope,  waving  towards  the  threatening  sky. 

"  Never  missed  it  'n  ten  years/'  said  Jasper  j  "  nor 
Hepzibah  'n  twenty." 

"  But  if  it  rains  awful  hard,  so  hard  that  umbrellas 
and  mackintos'es  and  everything  won't  keep  you  dry, 
what  do  you  do  ?  " 

"  We  git  wet,"  said  Jasper. 

They  wedged  him,  hot  and  wretched,  in  between 
them,  and  with  a  "Git  up,  Pawley  —  dew!"  they 
started  off.  " i  Pawley ' ! "  sniffed  the  Boy  to  himself. 
What  a  horse !  An  abbreviation  of  polygon  —  irregu 
lar,  meandering,  knock-kneed  polygon ! 

"  See  that  long  man  comin'  up  the  road,"  said  Hep 
zibah.  "That  's  Cory  Judd.  He  's  a  very  gawd- 
less  man,  'n'  he  never  goes  t'  meetin'  except  when  he 
wants  to,  'n'  he  's  been  known  to  catch  fish  of  a  Sun 
day.  He  won't  never  go  to  heaven,  but  is  most  likely 
to  be  biled  and  pickled ! " 

"  My  !  "  said  the  Boy .  "  What  a  long  pickle  he  'd 
make !.  But  it  won't  hurt  when  he  's  dead,  will  it  ?  " 

"'T  aint  his  bawdy,  't  's  his  soul  —  his  immortal 
paht." 

"  But  I  thought  a  soul  was  jus'  air  ?  Do  you  think 
Papa  Zander  will  be  pickled  ?  " 

"  Them  that  mawks  the  Lodd  must  breathe  fiuh  'n' 
brimstun  hereafter,"  said  Hepzibah,  solemnly. 


142  A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 

"But,"  said  the  Boy,  innocently  quoting  Mama 
Violet,  "  you  can't  accept  that  sort  of  a  thing  nowa 
days  unless  you  throw  your  brains  overboard." 

The  elders  appeared  not  to  have  heard  him,  and  he 
took  to  examining  the  approaching  figure  of  Cory 
Judd. 

"  O,"  he  said,  suddenly,  with  as  much  breath  as  he 
could  get,  "  I  know  Cory  Judd !  One  time  he  and 
papa  were  boys.  And  they  took  some  of  the  —  the 
underpins  from  the  school-house  one  night  when  they 
were  having  a  fuss  inside  about  the  minister,  and  Mr. 
Judd  and  papa  teetered  the  school-house,  and  Aunt 
Hepzibah  ran  out  and  said  the  Lord  had  sent  an 
earthquake."  , 

Uncle  Jasper  astonished  the  Boy  with  a  burst  of 
laughter. 

"  Howdy  dew,  Cory,"  said  Jasper,  as  they  drew  up 
under  a  willow,  and  the  Boy  sighed.  "  Jest  heard  who 
't  was  teetered  the  school-h'us'.  You  're  a  sly  one, 
you  be  j  but  I  allus  suspected  ye,  blast  if  I  ain't !  See 
—  that  was  twenty  years  ago,  come  punkin-time,  wa  'n't 
it  ?  O,  I  say,  Cory,  kinder  like  t'  use  your  hay-press 
little  t'  mawrer ;  mine  7s  bust.  I  —  " 

Mr.  Judd  had  been  regarding  Hepzibah  quizzically, 
recalling  with  great  satisfaction  the  spectacle  of  her 
flight  from  the  school-house  twenty  years  ago. 

"  I  allus  knowed  ;t  was  you  that  teetered  the  school- 
h'us' ! "  she  exclaimed.  "  You  allus  was  a  gawdless 
man,  'n'  you  allus  will  be.  Don't  misdoubt  but  what 
you  're  goin'  fishin'  now ! n 

Mr.  Judd  stood  with  his  great  hand  on  the  muddy 
tire  of  the  wagon- wheel  j  he  smiled  faintly,  and  then 


A  LITTLE  LIBERAL  143 

pretended  to  erase  the  smile,  and  pulled  a  fish-line 
from  his  pocket. 

"I  'm  goin'  to  hang  that  there  hook  int'  the  water, 
where  't  belawngs,"  he  began  to  drawl  nonchalantly, 
stopping  at  frequent  intervals  to  spit.  "Then  I  'm 
goin'  t'  kinder  set  ?n'  callate  a  while  'bout  how  the 
Lodd  come  to  make  Hepzibah  Bennett.  Now  'f  any 
fish  comes  a-flandanderin  round  that  there  worm  'n'  in- 
terferin'  'th  my  callations,  why, — I  shall  callate  to  haul 
him  out  ont'  dry  tarritory,  where  such  an  inconsiderate 
fish  belawngs.  For  I  callate  that  them  what  puts 
their  noses  int'  what  it  ain't  no  pa't  or  pa'cel  of  them, 
why  that  they  had  ought  to  be  something  did  to  !  " 

"  S'  pose  you  knowed  't  was  the  Lodd's  day,"  said 
Hepzibah,  watching  for  an  opening. 

"  So  's  the  hull  seven." 

"  S'pose  you  knowed  what  the  good  book  says." 

"  Yuss  j  but  I  'm  pestered  'f  I  know  what  it  means 
more  'n  half  the  time ;  nor  you  neither  ;  nor  them 
that  goes  t'  Cedar  Creek." 

"  Cedar  Creek!"  said  Hepzibah,  scornfully.  "7F 
you  ?d  walk  reg'lar  t'  hear  the  gawspel,  'stead  of  actin' 
like  you  was  half -fuddled,  mebbe  you  'd  get  nearer  the 
Lodd's  meanin'." 

"Huh!"  said  Cory,  with  a  show  of  feeling.  "I 
callate  when  I  'm  out  ?n  the  sawlitude,  a-listenin'  to 
His  music  in  the  woods,  I  >m  a  dahn  sight  nearer  the 
Lodd  7n  ever  you  be,  Hepzibmh.  I  don't  perk  up  per 
pendicular  'n  a  pew,  thinkin'  plawts  against  the  min 
ister,  b'  gawsh ! " 

"  Git  up,  Pawley ! "  cried  Hepzibah.  "  I  won?t  listen 
to  no  sech  profanity." 


144  A  LITTLE   LIBERAL 

Polly  scrambled  off  in  a  scandal;  and  the  Boy, 
twisting  around,  saw  Cory  grinning  in  the  middle  of 
the  road.  The  Boy  smiled  back,  then  hove  a  tremen 
dous  sigh.  Cory,  regardless  of  the  coming  rain,  was 
starting  across  the  fields  toward  the  willows. 

"  You  need  n't  be  a-smirkin',  Jahsper  Bennett,"  said 
his  wife ;  "  you  ain't  any  tew  blameless  a  man." 

"  Yes,"  retorted  Jasper,  flushing,  "  'n'  how  'bout  that 
hay  press  $  " 

The  people  with  whom  they  fell  in  surmised  who 
the  little  boy  was  with  the  great  red  bow.  He  had 
wavy  hair,  like  Alexander's,  and  probably  he  was 
being  trained  in  the  light-heartedness  for  which  his 
father  was  remembered.  Hepzibah  had  never  allowed 
Coosac  to  forget  that  Alexander  and  Violet  Bennett 
were,  to  her  belief,  beyond  salvation,  except  by  a  spe 
cial  dispensation  which  Hepzibah  could  never  consci 
entiously  endorse  j  but  everybody  knew  why  she  kept 
Jasper  asking  for  a  visit  from  the  Boy, — and  her  de 
signs.  So  that  they  all  craned  to  see  him,  and  Hepzi 
bah  made  various  remarks  to  Jasper  which  showed 
how  well  she  understood  the  shortcomings  of  the  va 
rious  members  of  the  Hard  Pine  congregation. 

The  storm  waited  for  the  sermon,  which  was  on  the  se 
vere  responsibility  entailed  by  the  possession  of  a  soul. 
Then  came  lightning  and  thunder,  growing  apace 
with  the  force  of  the  pastor's  discourse.  Whenever 
he  pounded  the  desk  a  flash  of  lightning  sprang  ready 
from  the  heavens  to  drive  his  point  home  to  the  hearts 
of  the  sinners  present.  Deacon  Stubb  rose  to  close 
the  blinds ;  and  the  one  he  left  open  to  illuminate  the 
desk,  shutting  the  window  against  the  rain,  touched 


A  LITTLE  LIBERAL  145 

the  face  of  the  pastor  with  a  gray  glamour,  very  im 
pressive  when  alternated  with  the  lightning.  Things 
were  being  said  about  renegades  from  the  teachings 
of  their  youth,  and  how  their  sins  should  be  weighted 
on  their  blood  even  to  the  third  and  fourth  dilutions. 
Hepzibah  watched  the  Boy,  and  many  of  the  congre 
gation  looked  at  him  and  nodded  from  time  to  time 
at  the  pastor's  words.  The  little  girl  who  sat  alone 
next  Gerald,  turned  often  to  examine  him,  with  ap 
proval  mixed  with  regret,  at  what  was  gossiped.  She 
swas  the  Debney  girl,  and  her  people  were  sick.  They 
were  always  sick,  complained  Hepzibah,  with  suspi 
cion.  The  little  girl  was  nervous,  and  frightened  at 
the  thunder.  She  was  older  than  Gerald  ;  but  it  was 
nicer  to  sit  close  to  him  than  to  hug  the  division  of 
the  pews.  The  Boy  had  been  lost  in  an  envious  mem 
ory  of  Mr.  Judd,  and  in  self-demand  whether  he 
might  in  any  propriety  wander  off  to  the  pool  after 
dinner.  He  had  to  conclude  that,  though  Aunt  Hep 
zibah  would  not  care  if  she  did  not  know,  it  would 
still  be  a  sort  of  fib.  Now  he  emerged  from  his  rev 
erie  and  grew  absorbed  in  the  pastor's  control  of  the 
lightning,  and  in  wondering  what  the  effect  would 
be  if  at  the  critical  point  the  thunder  should  fail.  The 
little  girl  was  earnestly  seeking  for  reassurance  about 
the  thunderbolts.  Some  of  the  older  females  turned 
anxiously  in  their  seats,  too;  for  the  raging  noise 
without  was  the  wildest  for  years,  and  it  became 
louder  and  louder,  as  if  advancing  directly  upon  the 
meeting-house.  But  Hepzibah  sat  in  faith  born  of  a 
clean  soul,  and  in  pride  that  the  Spinney  faction  — 

those  who  upheld  the  present  minister  —  should  ob- 
10 


146  A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 

serve  the  son  of  Alexander  brought  to  the  Hard  Pine 
Meeting-house.  Then  came  a  tremendous  flash  of 
lightning,  accompanying  the  most  solemn  thing  the 
pastor  had  said  with  a  simultaneous  and  deafening 
report  of  thunder  that  told  for  the  church  a  narrow 
escape.  There  was  a  creaking  without  and  a  great 
gust,  which  brought  the  huge  branch  of  a  stately  elm 
down  with  a  thump  against  the  building.  The  ser 
vice  was  broken  in ;  for  two  women  had  fainted,  and 
several  others  were  panic-stricken  and  wished  to  flee, 
they  knew  not  whither  j  and  the  three  small  daugh 
ters  of  one  of  those  who  had  swooned  broke  into 
tears.  There  was  talking,  as  the  men  tried  to  reas 
sure  the  women  j  and  Elzira  Spinney,  who  was  never 
more  frightened  than  Hepzibah  Bennett,  fastened 
her  eyes  upon  Gerald,  and  said  aloud : 

"  The  judgment  of  the  Lodd  is  on  the  evil — 7n'  on 
them  of  their  blood." 

And  Deacon  Stubb,  who  sided  with  Hepzibah,  and 
was  the  coolest  man  in  the  church  because  he  could 
not  hear  thunder,  and  knew  only  by  the  movement 
of  the  lips  what  was  said,  replied  reverently : 

"  The  Lodd  chasteneth  them  he  loveth." 

The  Boy  had  sat  dazed  by  the  close  embrace  of  the 
little  girl.  The  two  had  stared  speechlessly  into  each 
other's  eyes  for  a  whole  minute.  Then  he  recovered, 
remembering  the  victory  at  the  fishing-pool  years 
ago,  and  said : 

"  It  7s  all  right.     The  Lord  won't  chasten  me.n 

"  Sh — ! n  said  Hepzibah,  angrily,  glancing  to  see 
if  Elzira  had  noticed.  Elzira  had.  She  was  as  good 
as  Hepzibah,  so  many  people  thought. 

"  But  Elziry  means  you,"  said  the  little  girl,  cling- 


A  LITTLE  LIBERAL  147 

ing  to  him,  as  another  sharp  crash  came,  from  appar 
ently  as  near  as  the  others.  "  Your  father  is  a  hea 
then.  Ain't  you  scared  ?  " 

"  Oh,  no,"  said  the  Boy,  audibly  above  the  sobbing 
of  the  three  little  girls  across  the  church.  "  If  Papa 
Zander  were  here,  he  'd  jus'  make  a  speech,  and  I 
guess  the  lightning  would  go  away.  He  did  it  once 
when  there  was  a  fire  at  a  theater,  and  it  went  out." 

"But— oh!"  cried  the  little  girl,  blinded  by  the 
next  flash,  which  was  as  brilliant  but  less  severe, — 
"  how  do  you  know  but  what  the  Lodd's  mad  because 
you  came  to  ineetin"P 

"Well,  he  could  n't  hit  me  without  hitting  you," 
said  the  Boy  in  unconscious  criticism  of  her  attitude. 
"Anyway,  you  'd  get  struck  by  the  pieces,  and  he 
would  n't  do  that." 

"  Keep  still,  can't  ye ! "  cried  Hepzibah,  angrily, 
giving  him  a  vigorous  shake,  and  casting  sheep's 
eyes  around  the  church.  The  Boy's  face  paled.  He 
had  never  been  handled  in  his  life.  He  looked  up 
quickly  at  his  aunt  with  quivering  nostrils.  The  or 
gan  had  begun  the  doxology.  The  service  was  being 
cut  short  on  account  of  the  sisters  who  had  fainted. 

Hepzibah  hastened  from  the  sanctuary,  and  they 
drove  off  at  once,  under  the  single  cotton  umbrella, 
before  any  one  could  detain  them. 

"Don't  ye  know  't  ye  should  n't  tok  out  'n  the 
Lodd's  house  that  way ! "  exclaimed  Hepzibah,  as  soon 
as  they  were  out  of  hearing,  in  the  manner  she  might 
have  used  to  her  own  child,  if  she  had  been  a  mother. 
"  It  don't  become  one  of  your  breedin'  t?  make  free  'n 
the  house  of  Gawd ! " 

"  That  little  girl  was  afraid,"  said  Gerald,  gasping 


148  A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 

from  the  pressure  of  their  bodies;  "and  I  jus'  told 
her." 

"Don't  make  no  difiPrunce.  Had  n't  ought  to 
opened  your  mouth.  Tokkin7  'bout  theaters  'n'  sech- 
like,  I  never  'n  all  my  bo'n  days!  What  '11  Elziry 
Spinney  say  ?  Ain't  you  got  no  trainin'  at  all  f  I  sh 
think  you  was  a  cannibal !  " 

"  1 7m  not  a  cannibal ! "  retorted  the  Boy,  miserably. 
"I  don't  like  you,  Aunt  Hepzibah  —  I  don't!  I  wish 
I  had  never  seen  you !  I  want  to  go  home." 

"  Sh7  think  you  would,"  snuffed  Hepzibah,  unrelent 
ingly.  "Ain't  comf table  with  the  upright-minded, 
be  ye  ?  Want  V  git  back  t'  Alexander,  'n'  cahd-playin', 
theater-goin7,  'n7  all  the  sins  of  creation,  don't  ye? 
Your  father  's  a  gawdless  man,  7n7  your  mother  tew, 
'n7  it 's  my  dooty  before  the  Lodd  to  tell  ye  so !  " 

"  My  papa  's  the  best  man  in  the  world  ! 77  cried  the 
Boy,  flaming  with  rage ;  "  and  my  mama  —  O,  I  hate 
you !  Her  little  finger  's  a  million  times  better  than 
you !  I  '11  tell  her  you  shook  me,  and  she  '11  never  let 
you  look  at  me,  even  if  I  wanted  to.  I  hate  you ! "  he 
iterated,  struggling  with  tears,  and  fighting  to  be  up 
and  away  from  her. 

"  Your  father "  began  Hepzibah,  slowly  and  dis 
tinctly. 

"  'LI  there  now,  Hep,"  said  Jasper,  with  sudden 
firmness,  "  you  got  t'  stawp,  d'  ye  hear  ?  " 

"  Jahsper  Bennett ! "  exclaimed  Hepzibah,  with  her 
look. 

"  I  say  't  you  got  t'  stawp  right  this  "minute,"  said 
Jasper,  meeting  her  eyes  with  astonishing  self-asser 
tion.  "  I  don't  want  t'  hear  'nother  word.  Aleck  's 


A  LITTLE  LIBERAL  149 

my  brother  —  he  ain't  yourn.  You  ain't  got  the  hull 
world  ont'  your  shoulders,  not  by  a  long  sight  j  'n' 
you  tok  too  much  !  Git  up,  Pawley !  " 

He  took  the  Boy  on  his  knee  and  lashed  Polly  into 
a  hurry.  The  boy  kept  sniffing  and  looking  ahead  of 
him,  pale  in  the  face.  The  sun  was  peeping  through 
the  clouds ;  the  day  was  on  again,  and  the  red-winged 
blackbirds  were  trilling  in  the  swamps.  The  dim  beds 
of  pine  spills  in  the  thick  grove  under  the  hill  looked 
as  brown  and  dry  as  if  it  had  never  rained.  It  must 
be  fresh  and  sweet  down  under  the  willows  now, 
thought  the  Boy,  with  a  wretched  gulp  at  the  pros 
pects  for  until  to-morrow.  Dear  Mama  Violet ! 

At  dinner  Jasper  tried  to  be  entertaining.  Hepzi- 
bah  was  silent.  The  boy  would  not  look  at  her  $  and 
what  Jasper  said  was  interesting  to  boys  of  six,  per 
haps,  but  not  to  boys  of  eight.  Jasper  did  n't  sug 
gest  a  walk,  because  he  thought  the  grass  too  wet. 
Hepzibah  was  considering,  and  concluding  that  this 
child  must  be  handled  with  policy.  Elzira  Spinney 
had  brought  people  to  church  that  way  and  converted 
them,  pretending  at  first  to  tolerate  many  graceless 
things.  Hepzibah  had  a  new  idea. 

"  You  c?n  have  this  old  Bible,  little  boy,"  she  said. 
"  You  c'n  read  it  j  'n'  if  Violet  says  anything,  you  tell 
her  I  said  so.  What  you  don't  understand  you  jest 
come  t'  me." 

"  I  think  I  '11  read  it  in  my  room,"  said  the  Boy,  not 
looking  her  in  the  eye,  and  driven  to  the  first  artifice 
of  his  life.  He  wanted  to  be  alone  and  to  decide 
whether  such  unusual  circumstances  did  not  warrant 
his  quiet  departure  for  the  pool,  when  the  elders  had 


150  A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 

arranged  themselves  for  the  afternoon.  They  would 
n't  mind  if  they  did  n't  know  ;  and  the  Lord  would  n't 
mind  if  he  did  know.  At  least,  if  he  would,  he  would 
have  blasted  Cory  Judd  that  very  day,  down  beneath 
the  willows ! 

Perhaps  he  had.  Suppose  Mr.  Judd  was  lying  there 
now  with  a  great  rift  from  head  to  toe,  such  as  Gerald 
had  seen  in  tree  trunks  ?  He  might  be  stretched  out 
stiff  on  the  mossy  bank  with  the  fis'-line  grasped  in 
his  hand ;  and  perhaps  there  was  a  little  fis'  tugging 
at  the  end  of  the  dead  man's  line.  The  Boy  wondered 
if  it  was  not  his  duty  to  go  down  and  see.  For 
though  their  lines  had  fallen  in  different  waters 
since,  Papa  Zander  and  Mr.  Judd  had  once  been 
playmates. 

Could  he  climb  down  the  corner-post  of  the  porch 
over  the  main  door  ?  Of  course  he  had  but  to  step 
out  on  the  roof.  The  front  room  down-stairs  was 
never  used  except  for  weddings  and  funerals.  But 
there  was  Hepzibah  coming  up.  He  sat  pretending 
to  read  the  book  she  had  given  him.  That  was  right, 
said  Hepzibah;  she  would  see  that  he  was  not  dis 
turbed.  She  went  out  and  closed  the  door.  Then 
she  locked  it. 

Here  was  a  new  and  extraordinary  aggravation, 
thought  the  Boy.  Of  course  he  could  escape  to  the 
brook  by  the  window,  but  that  would  still  be  a  sort  of 
fib.  He  drew  a  great  breath  —  it  was  a  weighty  ques 
tion.  If  he  remained,  there  was  nothing  to  do  but  read 
the  Bible,  which  was  a  matter  of  doubtful  propriety  j 
for  though  Papa  Zander  had  never  said  so,  it  was  plain 
enough  that  both  he  and  Mama  Violet  considered  the 


A  LITTLE  LIBERAL  151 

book  hardly  one  for  young  boys.  And  if  you  knew 
that,  it  was  no  excuse  to  say  that  you  had  n't  been 
told  in  so  many  words.  If  he  went  filing,  why,  papa 
might  not  approve  of  that,  and  there  would  be  such  a 
fuss  with  Aunt  Hepzibah  !  Yet,  after  all  the  miseries 
of  the  day,  it  was  simply  too  much  to  expect  him  to 
sit  still.  Finally  he  decided  on  the  Bible. 

Hepzibah  had  inserted  a  card  at  that  page  of  Reve 
lation  which  reveals  the  final  destiny  of  the  unbeliev 
ing  and  the  abominable  end  of  several  exceedingly  ob 
jectionable  classes  of  persons.  The  Boy  disregarded 
this  verse  of  the  lake  of  fire,  and  turned  at  random 
to  another  part.  He  had  heard  of  people  who  thus 
discovered  what  to  do  for  their  woes.  He  looked  where 
his  finger  had  struck,  and  read,  in  the  eighth  verse 
of  the  thirty-third  chapter  of  Deuteronomy: 

"  And  of  Levi  he  said  :  Let  thy  Thummim  and  thy 
Urim  be  with  thy  holy  one.'7 

"'Thy  Thummim  and  thy  Urim7<P  he  repeated. 
"  I  wonder  —  ?  Dear,  I  wis'  Papa  Zander  was  here ! 
Now  I  shall  never  be  happy  until  I  know  all  about  thy 
Thummim  and  thy  Urim ;  and  may  be  if  I  had  waited 
for  my  expurgated  edition  I  should  n't  have  known 
anything  about  it !  n 

In  the  midst  of  this  he  heard  a  voice  which  seemed 
familiar,  singing  with  studied  carelessness  a  quaint 
refrain  of  which  the  air  of  the  first  two  lines  was  the 
same  with  that  of  the  last  two.  The  words  were  : 

Heart-weed  and  smart-weed, 
They  look  just  the  same  ; 
And  ye  could  n't  tell  'em  'part  — 
If  it  was  n't  for  their  names ! 


152  A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 

or,  as  Cory  Judd  improved  them : 

Ha  't-weed  V  sma't  weed 
7Ey  look  jest  a-same  's 
Ye  could  n't  tell  'em  'pa't 
'F  'twa'  n't  for  th'  names ! 

Cory  was  making  a  dumb  show.  The  Boy  under 
stood  with  delight. 

"  Letter  for  ye/'  he  whispered,  with  a  wave.  "  Did  n't 
want  tf  git  Hepzy  a-vaporin'  at  me.  Kinder  mistrusted 
you  was  Aleck's  boy.  S'  pose  I  could  git  this  up  to  ye 
'thout  sta'tin'  Hepzy?" 

The  Boy  thought  so ;  he  ran  and  got  the  new  fish- 
line  and  let  it  down  from  the  roof  of  the  porch. 

"  Son  of  Aleck,  b'  George,"  said  Cory,  putting  the 
hook  through  the  corner  of  the  envelope.  "  Come 
last  night  down  t'  the  station ;  Foster  give  it  to  me 
this  noon." 

He  wanted  to  know  if  Aleck  was  still  getting  rich 
and  whether  Violet  was  as  handsome  as  ever  —  which 
the  Boy  was  positive  she  was.  Was  the  Boy  going 
fishing  to-morrow  I  No?  There  followed  explana 
tions,  and  a  history  of  the  day,  told  with  moderate 
reference  to  Hepzibah.  Well,  was  the  Boy  going  to 
stay  cooped  up  in  the  spare  room,  or  did  he  think  of 
sliding  down  and  going  fishing,  same  's  Aleck  would 
have? 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  the  Boy,  hopelessly.  "  You  see, 
it  would  be  a  sort  of  fib,  and  if  she  asked  me,  I  'd  have 
to  tell,  and  then  — ! " 

u  Ay,  yuss,"  allowed  Cory,  but  with  some  show  of 
disappointment.  "  Still,  I  dunno  ?s  that  would  have 


A  LITTLE  LIBERAL  153 

hindered  Aleck  in  his  day,  leastwise  —  but  it  hain't  for 
me  t'  meddle.  By  !  I  'in  goin'  down  along.  Did  n't 
have  no  tho't  of  flshin'  this  mo'nin',  jest  said  so  t' 
please  Hepzy." 

He  saw  Cory  brushing  through  the  moist  field,  safe 
from  the  range  of  Hepzibah's  windows.  The  quick 
kingbirds  were  darting  at  the  grasshoppers ;  a  cool, 
fresh  breeze  was  nodding  the  daisies,  and  the  butter 
flies  fluttered  in  the  sun.  But  there  was  nothing  but 
the  Bible  for  a  virtuous  little  boy.  "  '  Thy  Thummim 
and  thy  Urim ' ! w  he  repeated,  with  an  access  of  woe. 
Hot  tears  filled  his  eyes,  and  his  fists  contracted, — 
until  he  remembered  the  letter, 

It  was  from  Papa  Zander !  It  had  been  jotted  on 
the  train,  and  that  was  what  made  papa's  hand  look 
so  foreign.  Really,  except  Mama  Violet,  there  was 
nothing  in  the  world  like  Papa  Zander ! 

A  song-sparrow  sang  charmingly  afield.  The  Boy 
sat  by  the  window  with  his  elbows  on  the  table.  The 
red  bow  was  where  it  had  worked  askew  when  he  had 
tried  to  escape  from  Hepzibah  ;  and  his  hair  was 
tumbled  with  his  search  for  the  meaning  of  Thum^ 
mini  and  Urim  —  a  search  still  vain  among  theologi 
ans.  But  he  was  feeling  better.  As  he  read,  his  face 
grew  brighter  and  brighter,  and  he  smiled  to  himself. 
He  was  too  excited  to  notice  that  Hepzibah  had  come 
and  quietly  unlocked  the  door  and  silently  gone  away. 
Finally  he  laughed  aloud. 

He  jumped  up  and  pocketed  the  fish-line  and  the 
big  field-knife  that  belonged  to  Alexander.  Then  he 
stepped  out  on  the  roof  of  the  porch.  All  was  clear. 
If  it  was  n't  clear,  no  matter.  Mr.  Judd  had  disap- 


154  A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 

peared,  but  there  was  the  happy,  winding  path.  The 
Boy  slid  with  stout  little  limbs  down  the  post  and 
walked  in  a  straight  line  towards  where  the  path  cut 
the  birches  and  undergrowth.  If  Hepzibah  looked  up 
at  the  right  moment  she  would  surely  see  him  j  but  if 
you  think  you  are  right  you  don't  have  to  dodge. 
The  letter  lay  open  on  the  table . 


ALEXANDER  M.  BENNETT, 
Attorney -at-Law. 

MEMORANDUM. 

On  the  train. 
Dear  little  Thumpty-bump : 

Papa  neglected  to  warn  you  that  your  aunt  and  uncle  hold  dif 
ferent  views  from  yours,  especially  about  Sunday.  But  all  people 
are  to  be  respected  for  what  they  sincerely  believe.  If  you  went 
fishing  on  Sunday,  Aunt  Hepzibah  would  say  you  were  a  bad  lit 
tle  boy ;  and  though  you  are  always  a  good  boy,  it  would  not  be 
poli  to  argue  with  her.  But  it  is  not  a  case  where  because  you 
are  a  child  you  are  obliged  to  subscribe  to  beliefs  you  may 
reject  when  you  are  older.  I  do  not  know  what  you  think 
about  fishing  on  Sunday,  but  so  far  as  you  are  responsible  for 
what  you  do,  it  is  on  account  of  what  you  know  and  believe. 
Be  sure  you  are  right  and  then  go  ahead  —  if  you  think  it  right 
to  go  ahead.  If  Aunt  Hepzibah  asks  questions,  answer  them 
with  your  usual  frankness,  but  so  as  not  to  wound  the  lady  who 
is  entertaining  you  so  kindly. 

You  will  find  two  dear  little  orchids  in  the  swamp  back  of  the 
pool.  They  are  arethusa  and  calopogon ;  but  they  might  have 
been  aneesthesia  and  paregoric  for  all  I  knew  until  I  was  three 
times  your  age.  One  of  them  smells  as  dainty-sweet  as  a  fairy's 
smelling-bottle.  There  are  apt  to  be  wood-warblers,  too,  peck 
ing  at  the  trunks  and  leaves  of  the  willows  —  they  like  the  older 
ones  with  the  bright  yellow  lichens.  Make  yourself  akin  with 
nature,  my  boy,  and  you  will  never  be  far  from  whatsoever  God 
may  mean. 


A  LITTLE  LIBERAL  155 

If  you  see  Mr.  Cory  Judd  — you  won't  find  him  at  meeting  — 
tell  him  papa  has  not  forgotten  the  little  red  school-house  and 
the  earthquake. 

Surely  be  on  time  to  take  care  of  Mama  Violet. 
Your  very  affectionate 

PAPA. 

P.  S.  /  used  to  think  they  bit  better  on  Sundays.  They 
did  n't  suspect.  Papa. 

N.  B.  I  used  to  hang  mine  in  the  hollow  of  a  tree  until 
Monday.  Papa. 

"  Maybe  Mr.  Judd  knows  about  thy  Thummim  and 
thy  Urim  ! "  thought  the  Boy,  skipping  gaily  through 
the  fragrant  shrubbery. 

in 

THE  Monday  morning  train  rolled  up  to  the  little 
Coosac  flag-station,  with  Mama  Violet  expectant  at  the 
open  window  of  the  parlor  car. 

"  There  she  is  !  There  she  is,  Mr.  Judd !  "  said  the 
Boy,  breaking  away  from  the  grasp  of  Hepzibah,  who 
had  no  belief  in  steam-cars.  "  Hello,  mama !  Hello, 
mama !  Is  n't  she  lovely,  Mr.  Judd  ?  Good-by,  Aunt 
Hepzibah.  Good-by,  Uncle  Jasper!  Good-by,  Mr. 
Judd !  Hope  we  '11  meet  again,  Mr.  Judd, —  when  you 
come  to  Boston." 

The  Boy  dashed  up  the  steps  of  the  car  and  ran  in 
to  find  Mama  Violet.  He  encircled  her  neck  with 
both  arms,  and  nearly  smothered  her  with  kisses. 

"  He  's  a  pretty  sma't  boy/7  allowed  Hepzibah  from 
the  platform.  "  Got  up  this  mo7nin7  'for7  we  was  up, 
7n7  cot  three  suckers  7n7  three  them  little  trout  down  t7 
the  brook." 


156  A  LITTLE  LIBERAL 

At  this  statement  Mr.  Cory  Judd  slapped  his  knee 
and  went  into  an  almost  dangerous  fit  of  laughter. 

"  No  I  did  n't,"  called  the  Boy,  as  the  train  moved 
quickly  out.  "  I  shinned  down  and  caught  them  yes 
terday,  and,  Aunt  Hepzibah, —  kept  them  in  a  tree  !  " 

But  Hepzibah  was  saying  at  the  same  time  as  loud 
as  she  could : 

"  I  took  him  to  meetin',  'n'  I  give  him  a  Bible,  Vio 
let,  'n>  I  set  him  ont;  the  path  of  grace.  'F  you  don't 
see  t'  the  rest  of  his  salvation,  that  be  on  your  soul ! " 

Sweet  Violet,  with  her  son's  hand  tight  in  hers, 
looked  back  on  the  lady  of  the  Hard  Pine  Meeting 
house  and  smiled.  The  Boy  wriggled  up  close  to  her 
and  put  his  arm  around  her  waist. 

"  O  don't  let 's  ever  part  again,  mama !  She  shook 
me  and  made  me  read  the  Bible  because  I  told  the  lit 
tle  girl  the  lightning  would  n't  kill  her.  And  I  went 
fis'ing  —  it  was  a  kind  of  fib ;  but  I  told  Aunt  Hepzi 
bah  jus'  now.  But  the  pool  was  the  loveliest  place  ! 
And  warblers  and  annethusias,  and  Mr.  Judd  !  He  's 
the  funniest  Mr.  Judd  you  ever  saw,  but  he  did  n't 
know, —  mama,  what  is  thy  Thummim  and  thy  Urirn  ? 
Mama,  did  you  get  my  book :  '  How  Monkeys  Speak  ?  ' 
O,  mama,  darling,  don't  let  us  ever  part  again  so  long 
as  we  live !  " 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 


THE  TKAOEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

HEY  crisped  the  snow  of  Boston 
Common  dressed  in  handsome  fab 
rics,  carrying  themselves  as  some 
princesses  do  and  as  every,  princess 
should.  Their  waists,  within  the 
easy  embrace  of  their  bodices,  were 
free  and  supple,  as  God  planned.  The  winter  air  bit 
their  cheeks. 

Charlotte  was  strongly  boned.  Her  face  was  full 
and  her  mouth  was  large  and  firm,  its  smile  endowed 
with  liberal  range  of  meaning.  Her  eyes  were  of  the 
North  —  blue  and  quiet.  Jessica  was  an  inch  taller, 
a  woman  with  fine  frame  and  slender  hands.  Her  feet 
were  small,  but  capable  of  much  ground.  Her  eyes 
were  like  the  Italian  sky.  Her  face  was  pale,  with  the 
pure,  high,  narrow  brow  that  sculptors  choose.  Both 
girls  had  chestnut-glossy  hair,  and  both  were  twenty- 
eight  years  old.  One  would  have  thought  them 
twenty-four. 

They  had  been  walking  steadily  for  four  hours.  It 
was  visible  that  Charlotte  and  Jessica  were  different 
from  other  girls.  They  were  as  well  groomed  as 
women  of  fashion.  Their  faces  had  the  dignity  and 
cast  of  thought  of  the  fostered  intellect,  but  not  the 
postgraduate  air  of  abstraction  j  nor  did  the  girls  bear 
the  trivial  weights  of  the  mode. 

159 


160      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

Charlotte  pressed  with  her  elbow  a  book,  thinking 
of  the  story  in  its  pages,  written  by  her  friend  Mr. 
Bond.  She  could  not  help  marveling  at  his  genius. 

Jessica,  seeing  into  her  friend's  mind,  noticed  with 
a  twinge  how  the  volume  was  affectionately  handled 
by  Charlotte.  Jessica  was  silent  until  the  pressure 
became  too  great.  Then  she  began : 

"  You  did  n't  believe,  a  year  ago,  that  to-day  his 
name  would  stand  so  high." 

"  No,"  said  Charlotte,  accustomed  to  these  interpre 
tations.  "  At  least  I  did  n't  believe  he  would  achieve 
this.  I  confess  I  thought  he  might  succeed  in  some 
thing  ingenious,  or  perhaps  humorous,  or  fantastic; 
but  not  that  he  was  equal  to  this  sort  of  thing.  I  don't 
think  we  ever  overestimated  him,"  she  added. 

"After  all,  though,"  said  Jessica,  "a  single  fairish 
novel  does  not  confer  immortality.  Heaven  knows 
that  some  of  the  stuff  printed  might  have  been  writ 
ten  by  you  or  me." 

"  I  said  that  to  Mr.  Bond  once,  and  he  asked  me  if 
I  had  ever  entered  into  any  competition  for  money." 

"  Implying  that  you  were  a  babbling  infant.  That 
was  quite  like  him,"  said  Jessica,  with  a  short  laugh. 

"  He  was  right.  I  don't  know  why  you  should  for 
ever  disparage  him— -after  all  this  time,"  said  Char 
lotte,  with  dignity. 

"  I  have  no  pedestal  for  Mr.  Bond,"  said  Jessica. 
"  I  don't  think  I  ever  pretended  otherwise." 

"  Not  to  him,  surely  —  or  me  !  " 

"  Oh,  I  suppose  you  '11  marry  him  in  the  end,"  said 
Jessica,  bitterly. 

Charlotte  would  not  answer.     A  flush  came  over 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      161 

Jessica's  face.  They  walked  on,  looking  far  ahead, 
until  they  entered  the  Public  Garden.  There  Jessica 
stopped  abruptly  and  whirled  around. 

"You  know  you  love  him  —  and  are  sorry!"  she 
said  passionately. 

Charlotte  slowly  raised  her  eyes  to  Jessica. 

"If  ever  I  do  —  I  will  tell  you  before  I  tell  him, 
dear,"  she  said. 

"  And  that  will  part  us  forever.  You  know  it,"  said 
Jessica,  wretchedly.  "You  know  I  never  cared  for 
any  one  in  the  world  but  you.  But  you  have  forgotten 
all  you  once  felt." 

"You  have  charged  me  with  that  so  often,"  said 
Charlotte,  deprecatingly,  "and  you  know  it  is  not 
true.  Why  should  we  reopen  that  miserable,  impossi 
ble  subject?" 

"  And  we  used  to  agree  that  we  should  so  like  the 
same  man  that  it  would  be  an  outrage  on  the  other 
for  either  of  us  to  marry  him,"  continued  Jessica,  in 
a  tone  that  implied  absolute  foreknowledge  of  an 
event. 

"  If  you  refer  by  chance  to  Mr.  Bond,  you  know 
you  could  have  liked  him  if  you  had  wished  to." 

"Yes 5  you  still  think  I  am  jealous  of  him  —  or  of 
you/7  said  Jessica. 

"  How  absurd !  I  cannot  forget,  though,  that  you 
spoke  of  him  with  more  enthusiasm  than  I  did,  at 
first." 

"  That  was  because  I  did  not  want  to  marry  him." 

"  Jessica,  you  are  childish.  I  did  not  want  to  marry 
him." 

"  No ;  but  you  are  going  to." 
11 


162      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

Charlotte  said  nothing.  They  were  at  their  own 
door.  They  parted  to  dress  for  the  evening. 

THESE  girls  had  met  at  college.  Their  strange  hy- 
persensitiveness  and  its  concurrent  melancholy  had 
immediately  joined  them  together.  Their  friendship 
grew  to  one  of  those  affairs  not  infrequent  in  wo 
men's  colleges.  It  was  not  the  ordinary  intimacy  be 
tween  girls ;  it  was  peculiar  and  binding.  It  formed 
a  creed  around  itself  —  one  which  came  to  regulate 
almost  every  action  of  their  lives.  They  rose  together, 
ate  together,  studied  together,  and  walked  together. 
To  Jessica,  Charlotte  was  a  Juno,  fearless  and  born 
to  rule.  To  Charlotte,  Jessica  was  a  flower  of  sur 
passing  gentleness,  made  to  be  cherished  and  directed. 
Their  tastes  were  identical,  and  their  capabilities  were 
the  wonder  of  those  years  with  their  alma  mater. 
They  did  not  affect  a  special  trend,  but  sipped  of 
every  stream  which  pleased  their  fancy  and  widened 
their  touch  with  realms  of  science  and  pure  imagina 
tion.  They  entered  little  into  the  social  circles  of  stu 
dent  life,  passing, their  time  rather  in  voracious  read 
ings,  both  of  books  and  nature.  They  knew  every 
flower  and  bit  of  stone  and  creeping  or  flying  thing  the 
country  round.  Both  were  independent  in  money, 
though  no  bait  for  fortune-seekers,  and  both  delved 
well  below  the  surface  of  all  that  excited  their  inter 
est,  purely  for  the  satisfaction  that  is  dilettante. 

As  each  year  tightened  their  friendship  they  saw 
less  and  less  of  other  girls,  and  cared  less  for  the  so 
ciety  of  men.  They  contrived  reasons  for  not  going 
home  during  the  recess,  in  order  that  they  might  spend 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      163 

the  time  more  closely  together.  When  their  relatives 
rebelled,  the  girls  parted  in  gloom,  and  wrote  letters 
regularly  every  day  until  they  came  back  early  to  the 
college  walls. 

The  most  serious  incident  in  their  college  career, 
except  the  friendship  itself,  followed  upon  the  sug 
gestion  of  the  lady  professor  of  French  to  the  lady 
principal,  that  the  two  girls  were  taking  too  morbid 
an  interest  in  each  other,  and  should  be  kept  more 
apart,  for  the  good  of  their  minds  and  the  moral 
benefits  of  occasional  solitude.  Charlotte  and  Jessica 
packed  their  belongings  and  wrote  long  letters  home, 
which  resulted  in  the  lady  principal's  relenting,  while 
the  lady  professor  of  French  shrugged  her  shoulders. 
The  girls  altered  their  course  from  French  to  Spanish. 

When  they  left  college  Charlotte  immediately  came 
to  Boston  to  live  with  Jessica  and  Jessica's  father 
and  brothers.  Jessica  had  been  motherless  for  sev 
eral  years,  and  Charlotte  had  lost  both  her  parents 
during  her  course  at  college.  In  Boston  their  life 
went  on  again  in  much  the  same  channels,  only  at 
first  more  delightfully  than  ever  •  for  the  girls  were 
free  to  go  wherever  they  pleased.  They  saw,  heard, 
and  read  everything  that  was  well  played  or  sung  or 
written  j  and  the  brilliant  cynicism  which  grew  grad 
ually  out  of  their  view  and  mode  of  life  afforded 
them  now  a  regular  pleasure  in  averting  the  atten 
tions  of  successive  men,  some  of  them  mediocre  and 
fatuous,  a  few  superior  to  the  girls,  but  all  with  traits 
that  made  them  interesting  for  the  time,  and  all  sub 
jected  to  the  cold,  critical  spirit  not  rare  in  clever 
modern  women  who  have  never  allowed  themselves 


164      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

in  competition  or  in  true  fellowship  with  the  sturdier 
sex. 

Many  men  passed  in  review  through  their  drawing- 
rooms  for  the  amusement  of  the  girls,  but  few  made 
more  than  half  a  dozen  visits.  This  was  apt  to  be 
the  extent  of  their  true  welcome,  and  generally  suf 
ficed  to  convey  a  subtle  impression  on  the  men  quite 
suited  to  the  circumstance.  Humor  of  a  high  quality, 
and  much  wit  and  flippancy,  the  girls  received  with 
applause ;  but  it  was  painful  to  fall  below  their  stan 
dard,  and  those  who  talked  of  serious  matters  were 
chilled  by  the  lack  of  enthusiasm  of  the  girls,  which 
seemed  to  express  a  complete  disapproval  of  mascu 
line  ideals.  Those  who  survived  these  conditions 
were  either  entertaining  creatures  unconscious  of 
themselves,  or  else  men  who  fancied  themselves  in 
love  with  one  of  the  girls,  in  the  fashion  of  male 
creatures  for  so  long  as  there  have  been  scintillant 
beings  in  the  world  about  whom  a  man  may  build  a 
domestic  halo  in  his  imagination.  These  latter  men 
were  the  greatest  sport  of  all,  unless  Jessica,  to  whom 
they  did  not  often  attach  themselves,  began  to  draw 
a  fear  from  Charlotte's  really  gentler  manner  that 
Charlotte's  heart  was  in  absurd  danger  of  being 
touched.  Jessica  then  disposed  of  the  enemy  in  a 
way  that  was  at  once  humane  and  expeditious  in  the 
hands  of  the  lady  of  the  house  ;  and  Charlotte  made 
no  sound,  though  she  would  have  been  interested  in 
a  more  extended  observation  of  the  inferior  animal 
when  it  lost  its  sentimental  balance.  The  two  often 
laughed  together  over  subsequent  wedding-cards  en 
graven  with  the  names  of  the  departed  and  of  sweet 
young  things. 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      1S5 

But  there  came  Mr.  Bond,  who  was  a  minor  officer 
in  the  city  government.  The  girls  took  him  as  the 
greatest  curiosity,  and  Jessica  viewed  him  as  wholly 
harmless  because  he  had  scanty  means,  and  no  future 
except  in  his  aspirations  'to  a  literary  career.  He 
explained  this  to  them,  and  they  received  it  kindly, 
because  it  seemed  pathetic  that  one  with  so  narrow  an 
education  compared  to  theirs,  a  man  who  told  them 
in  the  triumph  of  discovery  many  a  thing  they  had 
read  in  the  ancient  philosophers,  should  be  .possessed 
of  his  hopes.  But  Bond  had  two  qualifications  which 
they  overlooked,  perhaps  without  blame.  He  was 
constantly  making  the  most  astounding  acquain 
tances  with  his  own  shortcomings,  which  he  confided 
to  them  as  if  he  had  been  an  insect  under  his  own 
microscope  j  and  he  was  constantly  drawing  a  larger 
interest  on  this  knowledge  of  himself  —  all  this  with 
a  persistence  in  the  face  of  certain  odds  that  would 
have  inspired  the  girls  if  they  had  not  been  so  nearly 
content  with  their  spiritual  condition.  One  might 
have  inferred  from  them  that  he  was  illiterate  ;  but 
he  was  far  from  that :  his  obstacles  were  great  only 
when  measured  from  the  goal  he  had  set  for  himself, 
and  when  it  was  understood  how  little  leisure  he  had. 
But  the  girls  looked  to  him  mainly  for  amusement, 
and  for  an  agreeable  outlet  for  easy-going  charity, 
rather  than  for  the  inspiriting  current  of  sympathy 
that  may  flow  between  the  sexes.  He  was  always 
diving  into  some  unexpected  corner  and  producing 
some  extraordinary  character  in  the  flesh,  or  some 
outlandish  inanimate  thing  that  was  new  to  them, 
and  hence  highly  exciting.  And  with  all  his  youthful 
ardor,  as  they  said  it,  he  had  a  certain  dignity,  such 


166      THE  TEAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

that  they  could  not  feel  toward  him  as  they  did  to 
ward  any  other  man. 

They  did  not  both  perceive,  as  they  knew  him  bet 
ter,  that  while  he  seemed  to  look  to  them  for  instruc 
tion  in  his  spiritual  growth,  referring  continually  to 
their  opinions,  he  constantly  made  progress  in  a  di 
rection  of  which  he  was  sole  arbiter.  In  time  Char 
lotte  felt  it  j  but  Jessica  forever  ignored  that  he  had 
views  that  were  to  be  taken  seriously,  or  were  in 
touch  with  the  times. 

They  had  begun  to  honor  him  with  invitations  to 
show  them  curious  corners  in  Boston,  when  Jessica, 
much  against  her  choice,  was  constrained  to  go  abroad 
with  her  father,  in  tardy  response  to  his  request  made 
before  she  went  to  college.  And  it  happened  that 
property  complications  and  a  lawsuit  of  importance 
required  Charlotte's  presence  at  a  town  on  the  Maine 
coast,  where  her  people  had  made  their  all  in  the  rise 
of  summer-resort  real  estate.  When  Jessica  was  half 
way  across  the  Atlantic,  and  heavy  with  the  journal  of 
three  days'  longings  for  Charlotte,  Mr.  Bond  was  taking 
Charlotte  for  walks  on  the  cliff  at  Seaweed  Cove. 

It  was  during  this  miserable  period  of  cathedrals 
and  homesickness  for  Charlotte  that  Jessica  began  to 
dream  how  Mr.  Bond  might  become  a  dangerous  pos 
sibility.  Charlotte,  she  considered,  was,  after  all,  en 
tirely  too  susceptible  to  men,  and  would,  if  left  to 
herself,  be  apt  to  take  them  to  heart.  Besides,  Char 
lotte  was  excessively  charming  to  contemplate  —  she 
could  do  anything  in  the  world,  from  making  a  Greek 
verse  to  making  a  creamed  lobster;  and  Charlotte 
was  not  alert  to  know  that  what  men  said  to  her  was 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      167 

always  with  an  ulterior  purpose  —  that  of  putting  the 
girl  in  wedding-harness,  with  all  that  sort  of  hu-mble 
reality  so  reverse  from  the  silly  dreams  of  young 
creatures  who  have  not  learned  that  the  best  philoso 
phy  confers  a  higher  title  on  friendship  than  it  does 
on  love.  "  Clingers  "  was  Jessica's  favorite  designa 
tion  for  girls  who  confessed  to  a  certain  moral  sup 
port  exerted  by  men.  Jessica  herself  was  of  the 
"  clinger  "  order7  but  in  a  perverted  and  most  exag 
gerated  form,  and  this  was  the  secret  of  her  adhesion 
to  Charlotte.  As  much  as  she  admired  Charlotte's 
self-reliance,  she  feared  it  because  it  was  always  dan 
gerously  near  an  independence  quite  opposed  to  the 
theory  of  their  bonded  lives. 

Meanwhile,  with  cliffs  and  sea,  and  conversation 
over  the  field  of  human  aspirations,  Charlotte  came 
into  a  new  and  delightful  world  that  fascinated  her 
and  appealed  to  her  most  healthy  sentiments.  She 
enjoyed  herself  in  a  fashion  which  Jessica  would  have 
trembled  to  see,  and  did  weep  over  when  it  was  de 
scribed  in  Charlotte's  letters  with  many  appreciative 
items  concerning  Mr.  Bond.  Charlotte  spent  hours 
and  hours  in  the  sunlight,  sitting  silent  while  Bond 
descanted  on  various  subjects,  arriving  in  the  end, 
with  unerring  aim,  at  a  chosen  center.  If  they  began 
to  talk  of  fish  in  the  sea,  he  made  some  remark  about 
the  jewfish,  then  about  the  patriarchal  system  of  Jew 
ish  life,  then  about  family  life  in  general,  then  about 
the  married  life  of  young  people.  If  they  spoke  of 
rocks,  he  would  draw  her  out  concerning  mineralogy 
and  crystals  and  jewels,  and  would  tell  her  of  a  re 
markable  wedding-ring  he  had  seen,  and  recount  an 


168      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

anecdote  of  its  wearer,  from  which  he  would  draw 
deductions  of  an  abstract  nature.  If  they  started  on 
sand  and  seaweed,  he  straightway  wondered  under  what 
circumstances  the  poet  happened  on  the  simile  of  the 
sands  of  time  and  the  footprints  thereon ;  then  talked 
about  poets,  and  Longfellow  in  particular,  and  Long 
fellow's  ideal  married  life.  Then  he  talked  of  his  own 
future  and  apologized  unceasingly  for  his  failings  in 
the  deeper  sort  of  culture,  which  seemed  to  her  to  lie 
in  the  direction  of  material,  rather  than  in  the  lack  of 
imagination  or  feeling.  He  spoke  of  a  little  book  on 
which  he  was  secretly  at  work — to  be  published  by  and 
by  at  his  own  expense ;  and  she  half  gave  her  approval 
to  its  plan,  though  it  did  not  seem  quite  in  keeping 
with  all  the  rest  she  thought  of  him.  Then  he  an 
nounced  to  her  that  he  was  going  abroad  in  another 
week  as  agent  for  a  new  steam- valve,  and  might  not 
return  too  soon,  unless  she  desired  it  for  her  special 
benefit.  This  was  at  the  end  of  two  months,  and  after 
three  days'  trepidation,  in  thought  of  what  Jessica 
would  say  to  all  this,  Charlotte  finally  gave  way,  and 
they  confided  in  her  aunt. 

The  aunt  smiled,  and  reserved  her  opinion  for  a 
better  acquaintance  with  the  gentleman  —  which  she 
never  obtained,  since  the  young  people  were  always 
out  of  reach  j  until  at  length  Mr.  Bond  went  away, 
leaving  Charlotte  blue  and  happy,  then  blue  and  wish 
ing  for  Jessica's  return,  then  blue  and  doubtful.  And 
Mr.  Bond  and  Jessica  passed  on  the  ocean,  Jessica 
with  a  cablegram  in  her  pocket-book,  and  sunken  to 
the  depths  of  melancholy  that  her  Charlotte  should 
stoop  to  matrimony  at  all,  not  to  speak  of  the  abomi- 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      169 

nable  choice  of  a  wretched  steam- valve  novelist  whose 
culture  could  be  stowed  away  comfortably  in  the  mi 
nutest  corner  of  Charlotte's  brain  5  a  man,  thought 
Jessica,  who  would  shine,  if  he  ever  did,  solely  by  re 
flected  light,  and  in  miserable  lesser  ways  that  would 
be  forever  a  shame  and  humiliation. 

So  Jessica  made  up  her  mind  that  the  engagement 
should  be  declared  off  as  soon  as  she  could  reach 
Charlotte,  which  would  be  on  the  pier  at  New  York. 
The  two  went  to  their  hotel  and  wept  together  for  a 
number  of  hours,  and  Jessica  assumed  a  superior  atti 
tude  that  was  altogether  fresh  to  her,  first  searching 
Charlotte's  soul,  and  then  engaging  in  an  analysis  of 
Mr.  Bond  that  left  him  like  a  dried  thing  in  a  mu 
seum.  Charlotte  pleaded  for  him  with  no  avail,  for 
Jessica  showed  that  he  was  neither  an  ardent  student, 
nor  an  athlete,  nor  a  linguist,  nor  a  man  of  affairs  — 
all  of  which  symbolic  utterances  she  amplified  until 
they  comprised  every  attribute  which  may  possibly 
give  a  male  creature  the  right  of  existence  under  any 
code  of  moral  law.  Moreover,  she  intimated  that  Mr. 
Bond  would  find  Charlotte's  money  a  welcome  substi 
tute  for  the  traveling  steam-valve,  which  was  the 
only  part  of  the  inquisition  where  Charlotte  fright 
ened  her  friend  with  flashing  of  the  eyes.  Then  Jes 
sica  attacked  the  institution  of  marriage  on  general 
grounds,  and  quoted  so  many  of  Charlotte's  own 
cavils  at  it  that  Charlotte  finally  felt  obliged  to  ac 
knowledge  her  foolishness,  and  to  write  a  note  to  Mr. 
Bond  explaining  what  a  grievous  mistake  she  had 
made;  that  she  did  not  love  him,  and  could  never 
marry  him. 


170      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

This  was  Bond's  first  serious  experience  in  being 
misprized,  and  lie  careened  so  badly  under  the  burden 
that  he  seemed  quite  to  fit  Jessica's  estimate  of  him, 
and  confirmed  forever  the  abstractions  concerning 
men  made  by  Jessica  out  of  her  innocence  of  them. 
Mr.  Bond  wrote  back  that  he  regretted  Charlotte  had 
taken  him  for  some  other  man.  He  filled  four  pages 
with  shivering  sarcasm  that  made  Charlotte  think 
Jessica  much  wiser  than  had  been  suspected  by  her 
most  irresponsible  admirers.  For  a  year  the  matter 
seemed  a  closed  incident. 

During  that  year  Mr.  Bond  continued  his  researches 
within  himself,  and  finally  came,  in  the  light  of  a  soul 
that  grew  constantly,  to  be  heartily  ashamed  of  his 
last  communication  to  the  woman  he  had  loved  and 
still  loved.  To  arrive  at  such  a  state  meant  for  him 
straightway  to  write  another  letter,  proudly  explain 
ing  his  new  understanding  of  his  unworthiness,  and 
telling  of  all  the  mental  anguish  he  had  undergone 
since  they  parted,  and  how  completely  he  compre 
hended  what  his  attitude  must  have  stood  for  in  her 
eyes.  And  Charlotte,  moved,  as  she  thought,  by  her 
conscience,  replied  that  they  both  had  much  to  regret, 
she  especially  in  having  allowed  him  to  form  such  an 
impression  of  her  regard  for  him,  which  had  been, 
and  would  always  be,  simply  that  of  a  friend  who 
admired  his  honesty  and  many  other  traits  of  his 
character.  It  turned  out  soon  afterward  that  the 
steam-valve  brought  him  back  to  Boston,  and  he 
called  on  Charlotte,  and  they  took  up  the  same 
friendly  intercourse  that  had  been  the  rule  before  he 
had  ever  touched  on  the  subject  of  marriage. 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      171 

This  reconciliation  was  bitterly  opposed  by  Jessica, 
and  never  gave  her  a  moment's  peace.  But  Charlotte 
stood  like  a  rock,  and  went  so  far  as  to  insist  that 
Jessica  should  not  forget  the  courtesy  of  a  gentlewo 
man  when  Mr.  Bond  came  in  of  an  evening  j  to  which 
Jessica  yielded,  though  she  came  very  near  dangerous 
ground  on  more  than  one  occasion.  Mr.  Bond  in 
formed  Charlotte  that  he  knew  that  he  had  forfeited 
much  of  her  respect  by  his  letter  at  the  breaking  of 
their  engagement,  but  that  he  should  not  rest  until 
he  had  regained  what  he  had  lost,  and  shown  her  that 
he  was  right  when  he  said  he  could  make  her  happy, 
which  was  a  tremendous  undertaking  for  any  man  in 
any  circumstances,  and  stood  for  an  optimism  on  his 
part  that  was  an  argument  in  itself. 

So  another  year  passed,  during  which  the  once 
ideal  life  of  the  two  girls  seemed  to  have  permanently 
altered  in  a  most  distressing  manner.  They  devel 
oped.  They  bickered  over  many  things,  all  of  which 
had  root  in  Jessica's  specter  of  Mr.  Bond  in  eventual 
triumph ;  and  as  often  as  they  bickered  they  wept 
and  mutually  asked  forgiveness,  though  Charlotte 
would  rarely  accede  to  Jessica's  demands  for  limita 
tions  on  Mr.  Bond's  occurrence  at  the  house.  Mr. 
Bond  had  now  become  literary  editor  of  a  Boston 
daily,  and  smiled  good-naturedly  at  his  own  small 
knowledge  of  the  classics,  ancient  or  modern,  when 
he  compared  it  to  that  of  the  girls.  He  even  took  the 
humor  of  Jessica's  occasional  causticity  born  of  read 
ing  his  reviews  as  the  only  side  of  her  remarks  worth 
appearing  to  notice  j  and  meanwhile  the  paper  in 
creased  his  salary  and  gave  him  more  space  in  the 


172      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

Sunday  edition,  and  other  newspaper  men  looked  up 
on  him  as  a  leader  in  his  line.  There  grew  a  limit 
to  which  Charlotte  would  listen  to  Jessica's  sarcasms, 
and  henceforth  Jessica  never  rose  without  bracing 
herself  for  the  announcement  of  an  engagement  j  for 
Charlotte  became  more  silent  every  day. 

The  truth  was  that  though  Charlotte  had  said  at 
first  it  would  be  useless  to  look  forward  to  any  change 
in  her  heart,  her  subsequent  reception  of  his  subtly 
caressing  tones  had  been  such  as  to  warrant  a  differ 
ent  belief.  However,  he  resolved  never  to  speak  un 
less  she  showed  conclusively  that  she  wished  him  to. 
And  Charlotte,  between  the  opposition  of  Jessica  and 
the  expansion  of  her  own  womanly  yearnings,  came 
into  that  region  of  feminine  doubt  which  lets  things 
take  care  of  themselves.  For  Charlotte  was  growing, 
while  Jessica  stood  still.  And  it  finally  happened 
that  on  the  eve  of  another  of  his  departures  from 
Boston,  Mr.  Bond,  finding  his  way  by  chance  unan 
nounced  into  their  drawing-room,  came  upon  Char 
lotte  standing  at  the  mantelpiece,  contemplating  a 
mask  of  Mirth. 

Charlotte  did  not  care  anything  for  a  mask  of 
Mirth ;  for  her  eyes  were  full  of  tears  j  and  she  could 
not  conceal  them  from  him  when  she  turned  around. 
But,  unhappily,  neither  could  she  explain  them ;  and 
when  he  made  a  wise  suggestion,  she  averred  that  she 
could  not  truthfully  say  she  loved  him,  and  urged  that 
much  the  best  way  was  for  them  to  part  indefinitely. 
He  then  had  his  opportunity  to  cover  the  memory  of 
his  first  rejection  with  a  manly  speech.  He  said  gently 
that  he  should  love  her  always,  and  that  he  would 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY  173 

wait  patiently  until  she  was  ready,  no  matter  how  long 
it  took.  And  he  went  off  in  a  driving  rain,  leaving 
her  in  tears,  as  he  had  found  her. 

Jessica's  imagination  and  artfulness  extracted  this 
much  from  mournful  Charlotte  the  next  day.  Jes 
sica  then  showed  conclusively,  on  the  highest  moral 
grounds,  that  it  was  a  grievous  wrong  to  Mr.  Bond 
for  Charlotte  to  let  him  suppose  she  felt  what  she 
could  not  own  to  her  dearest  friend.  And  Charlotte,  out 
of  her  affection  for  Mr.  Bond,  wrote  to  him  that  she 
was  now  sure  that  she  would  never  marry  him,  though 
she  omitted  to  say  that  she  was  sure  that  she  did  not 
love  him.  Mr.  Bond  did  not  write  for  a  correction  of 
this  omission,  for  fear  that,  with  the  exaggerated  no 
tion  of  the  truth  which  takes  possession  of  fretful 
maids,  she  would  supply  it. 

On  the  contrary,  he  wrote  that  he  felt  that  Char 
lotte  would  in  the  end  arrive  at  the  point  he  desired ; 
that  he  was  aware  of  the  antagonism  of  Miss  Jessica, 
but  that,  after  all,  a  regard  weaker  than  objections 
external,  and  perhaps  not  wholly  unselfish,  would  not 
justify  any  woman  in  entering  matrimony  j  and  that 
he  was  content  to  wait  until  Charlotte  understood 
this.  He  said  that  Charlotte  seemed  constructed  to 
prove  that  the  first  institution  of  our  civilization  could 
be  a  success  for  one  who  possessed  her  qualities ;  and 
he  thereby  came  dangerously  near  complimenting 
himself,  since  he  implied  himself  capable  of  supplying 
the  other  element  for  the  triumph  of  his  theory.  He 
tried  to  state  gently  that  Charlotte  was  spending  the 
best  years  of  her  life  in  aimlessness,  and  that  her  con 
stitutional  tendency  to  melancholy  would  increase  as 


174      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

long  as  she  refused  to  work  out  normally  a  scheme 
of  existence  planned  more  for  her  benefit  than  for 
that  of  anybody  else  in  the  world.  He  said  that  he 
loved  her,  and  expected  her  to  discover  that  she  loved 
him,  and  that  he  should  wait  until  she  acknowledged  it. 

IT  was  two  years  later  when  the  girls  were  dining 
in  their  new  house  after  Jessica's  outburst  in  the  Pub 
lic  Garden.  Jessica  sulked.  They  were  going  to  see 
two  comedies,  one  of  which,  in  one  act,  had  been  writ 
ten  by  Mr.  Bond,  and  was  now  to  be  produced  for  the 
first  time  in  Boston,  after  a  run  in  New  York  which 
was  announced  as  a  success.  When  it  was  time  for 
the  theater  Jessica  refused  to  go,  despite  the  prayers  of 
Charlotte.  So  Charlotte  left  Jessica  at  home,  and 
went  off  with  Jessica's  brother. 

As  they  sat  waiting  for  the  rise  of  the  curtain,  she 
saw  Mr.  Bond  enter  one  of  the  boxes,  accompanied 
by  some  ladies.  He  had  changed  considerably,  per 
haps  for  the  better,  she  thought.  He  looked  as  old  as 
he  was,  and  certainly  could  not  convey  that  impres 
sion  of  youthfulness  which  went  with  his  earlier  days. 
Charlotte  watched  him  intently  —  the  man  who  had 
won  her  imagination  to  the  only  earthly  career  she 
could  now  contemplate  with  a  hope  of  happiness. 
His  manner  seemed  to  have  become  graver.  There 
were  a  few  streaks  of  premature  gray  in  his  hair. 

Bond's  comedy  was  the  story  of  a  girl  who  had  sent 
away  the  man  who  loved  her.  Now  she  regretted  it, 
but  to  no  purpose,  since  from  the  occasional  conven 
tional  letters  which  passed  between  them  she  believed 
that  his  heart  had  fallen  into  possession  of  another. 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      175 

Soon  the  lover  returned.  There  was  a  long  scene  in 
which  she  was  caused  to  shadow  forth  her  sorrow  at 
his  change  of  sentiment,  ending  with  the  announce 
ment  on  his  part  that  the  other  woman  in  the  case 
was  only  a  myth,  and  had  been  invented  by  him  so 
that  the  girl  might  place  a  true  value  on  what  she 
thought  she  had  lost.  The  letters  were  read  over, 
and  the  description  of  the  girl  who  did  not  exist  was 
found  to  be  that  of  the  girl  who  did  exist,  and  who 
now  fell  into  the  arms  of  the  hero.  This,  after  some 
little  feminine  difficulties  were  overcome,  enabled  the 
curtain  to  fall  on  hearts  united. 

As  Mr.  Bond  left  the  box  and  passed  along  with  the 
two  ladies,  Charlotte  noticed  that  one  of  them  was 
young  and  looked  very  clever  and  happy.  She  was 
evidently  the  daughter  of  the  other  lady.  Bond 
caught  sight  of  Charlotte,  and  hastened  over  to  speak 
to  her. 

"What  do  you  think  of  the  girl  in  the  play?"  he 
asked,  after  the  customary  exchange. 

"  The  girl  gets  more  than  she  deserves,"  said  Char 
lotte,  brightly. 

"  In  the  play  she  does,"  said  Bond. 

"  Shall  you  stay  long  in  Boston  ? "  asked  Charlotte. 
She  did  not  know  what  she  might  say  next. 

"No 5  I  leave  to-night  —  now  that  the  little  play 
seems  to  catch  favor.  Good-by." 

He  was  gone. 

"Bond  is  getting  to  be  a  notable,"  said  Jessica's 
brother.  "That  was  a  fine-looking  girl  he  had  with 
him." 

For  Charlotte  the   second  play  dragged  wofully. 


176      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

The  atmosphere  seemed  too  heavy  to  breathe.  She 
longed  to  be  alone  in  the  open  air. 

During  these  moments  Jessica,  at  home,  very  un 
happy,  and  ravishingly  handsome  in  her  evening  gown, 
was  making  furious  game  of  the  admiring  Chauncey 
Barber,  the  young  medical  student  and  religious  enthu 
siast  whose  courage  was  apparent  only  by  fits  and  starts. 
In  the  course  of  the  evening  he  chanced  to  remark : 

"  That 's  a  beauty  Franklin  Bond  is  going  to  marry, 
don't  you  think  ? " 

"  Who  ?  "  asked  Jessica,  excitedly. 

Barber  took  revenge  for  her  raillery  by  refusing  to 
tell. 

Later,  when  the  girls  were  alone,  they  were  both 
unusually  gay.  Charlotte  soon  pleaded  fatigue,  and 
retired  to  her  room.  Jessica  went  to  sleep  determined 
to  find  out  at  the  earliest  opportunity  if  Mr.  Bond  was 
betrothed. 

When  Charlotte  awoke  in  the  morning  she  was  ill. 
As  the  day  wore  on  she  grew  worse.  Evening  found 
the  doctor  at  her  bedside.  The  illness  developed  into 
typhoid  fever.  For  weeks  Jessica  scarcely  left  Char 
lotte's  chamber.  She  slept  at  Charlotte's  side  on  a 
mattress  on  the  floor,  nursing  her  day  and  night.  It 
was  a  great  strain  on  the  nerves  of  the  more  delicate 
girl ;  all  the  more  from  a  fearful  anxiety  for  Charlotte's 
life,  which  sometimes  kept  Jessica  awake  far  toward 
the  dawn,  when  she  lay  exhausted  after  a  day  of  high 
est  tension.  In  those  hours  Jessica  went  back  over 
the  history  of  their  lives  together,  and  blamed  herself 
for  many  a  childish  jealousy  over  Charlotte,  and  for 
many  a  cutting  speech  born  of  unreasoning  hatred  of 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      177 

those  occasional  third  persons  who  took  Charlotte's 
fancy.  Now  Charlotte  would  forget  Mr.  Bond,  if 
what  Barber  said  was  true.  And  the  lives  of  the  two 
girls,  if  death  would  only  spare  Charlotte,  would  go 
on,  with  Jessica  chastened  in  spirit,  and  risen  to  a 
new  dignity,  through  the  loveliness  of  Charlotte's  ex 
ample.  They  would  grow  old  together  j  and  if  Char 
lotte  wished  the  society  of  men  at  times,  —  Jessica 
thought  that  a  little  of  it  would  suffice,  —  why,  Char 
lotte  should  be  given  it. 

The  patient  became  convalescent.  The  case  had 
been  less  severe  than  Jessica's  fears.  Charlotte  was 
able  to  join  with  the  prayers  of  the  family,  and  the 
admonitions  of  the  doctor,  in  forcing  Jessica  into  the 
open  air.  At  last  Jessica  consented  to  take  both  ex 
ercise  and  sleep,  and  while  she  was  absent  Charlotte 
lay  musing  hour  after  hour  over  the  girl  in  the  play. 
It  occurred  to  Jessica  to  ask  the  doctor  about  the 
rumor  of  Bond's  engagement ;  the  doctor  would 
know.  She  met  the  medical  man  coming  from  his 
final  visit  to  Charlotte.  Mr.  Bond's  engagement  to 
Miss  Catherwood  was  a  fact  which  would  soon  be 
attested  by  names  engraved.  The  wedding  was  to 
take  place  in  Boston. 

Jessica  breathed  a  long  sigh  of  content,  and  ran 
up- stairs. 

The  room  was  dim  in  twilight.  Charlotte  lay  mo 
tionless,  with  her  hands  clasped  under  her  head.  She 
had  been  long  in  meditation.  There  was  a  settled  look 
upon  her  face.  The  heart-crisis  was  past. 

"  Jessie  dear,"  she  said  immediately,  "  I  have  some 
thing  to  tell  you.  I  —  care  for  —  Mr.  Bond." 

12 


178      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

Jessica's  heart  stopped.  She  must  not  speak  now  — 
no,  not  until  Charlotte  was  strong. 

"You  are  not  going  to  be  angry,  Jessie?"  asked 
Charlotte. 

"  Oh,  no,  darling/'  said  Jessica,  with  a  great  lump 
in  her  throat.  She  threw  her  arms  around  her  friend. 
"You  will  always  need  me  —  no  matter  what  hap 
pens  !  " 

"  I  told  you,"  said  Charlotte,  pressing  her  face  against 
Jessica's,  "  because  I  am  so  happy  j  and  I  want  to  tell 
some  one." 

"  But,  my  darling,"  said  Jessica,  who  dared  not  sob, 
"  you  must  think  only  of  getting  well  now.  You  are 
not  to  excite  yourself." 

"  I  do  not,  dearie  —  I  am  too  happy.  It  has  been 
so  long !  I  want  to  be  well  enough  to  send  for  him 
and  ask  his  pardon.  How  long  will  it  be  ?  n 

"  Some  time  yet,  dear.  You  must  think  of  other 
things  now." 

"  Think  of  other  things  1 "  said  Charlotte,  smiling. 
"  You  dear,  funny  girl !  " 

That  evening  Jessica  read  to  Charlotte,  who  listened 
apparently  with  close  attention;  but  her  thoughts 
were  far  away.  She  was  glad  to  be  left  alone  in  the 
dark  when  Jessica  retired  to  a  night  of  tears.  Char 
lotte  slept  and  dreamed. 

The  next  day,  as  Jessica  entered  the  Library,  she 
met  Bond. 

"Good  morning,"  he  said  pleasantly,  as  was  his 
wont  to  Jessica,  notwithstanding  her  attitude  toward 
him.  "  Charlotte  is  ill." 

"  How  did  you  know  ?  "  asked  Jessica. 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      179 

"  Because  you  are  alone,  if  nothing  else.  I  saw  the 
doctor  this  morning.  He  gave  me  your  new  address, 
and  I  sent  my  wedding-cards  to  you  and  Charlotte. 
Will  you  step  into  the  florist's  ?  A  bunch  of  violets 
would  look  well  against  that  black  fur." 

She  went  with  him,  and  this  was  surprising,  for  she 
generally,  in  his  memory  of  her,  took  special  delight 
in  refusing  the  smallest  courtesy  he  offered.  When 
he  suggested  now  a  huge  bunch  of  violets  she  declined 
them.  He  bowed  gravely,  and  proceeded  to  assort 
some  roses.  Suddenly  he  said,  holding  them  up  : 

"  I  started  to  pick  these  out  for  Miss  Catherwood  j 
she  likes  Banksias,  too.  But  I  am  going  to  send  them 
to  Charlotte." 

"  Please  don't ! "  faltered  Jessica. 

He  smiled  curiously  to  himself,  and  wrote  down 
Charlotte's  name  and  address.  When  he  had  added 
his  card  to  the  flowers,  Jessica  went  with  him  to  the 
street.  As  they  came  out  she  stopped  him,  and  facing 
him  with  a  pleading  such  as  he  never  imagined  could 
come  to  her  eyes,  she  said  : 

"  Won't  you  please,  please,  not  send  those  flowers  to 
Charlotte  1 " 

He  looked  at  her  in  amazement. 

"  Let  us  cross  to  the  Common,"  he  said. 

When  they  were  less  in  the  crowd,  he  turned  to  her 
and  said,  with  wonder,  and  yet  in  an  indulgent  way : 

"  You  are  a  most  extraordinary  woman ! " 

"  I  will  be  any  kind  you  wish  —  if  you  will  only  do 
as  I  ask,"  she  said  almost  tearfully. 

He  marveled  to  see  Jessica  humbled  to  make  a 
prayer  to  him.  It  was  ridiculous. 


180      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

"  You  forget/'  he  said  gravely,  "  that  I  think  a  great 
deal  of  Charlotte." 

"You  —  think  a  great  deal  of  her!"  said  Jessica, 
impetuously.  "Oh,  you  are  no  better  than  all  the 
other  clay  of  your  kind !  Your  sentiments  will  not 
stand  the  wear  of  two  short  years.  You  said  you 
could  never  love  any  one  but  Charlotte  —  that  you 
would  wait  for  her  as  long  as  you  lived,  that  she  could 
summon  you  in  ten  years  and  still  find  you  true.  And 
here  you  send  her  your  wedding-cards,  engraved  with 
another  woman's  name  !  What  fools  women  are  ! " 

"It  is  true  that  I  said  all  those  things,"  he  an 
swered  without  emotion,  "  except  the  last.  And  many 
other  things  which  I  presume  Charlotte  held  no  more 
sacredly  than  to  tell  you  —  who  have  so  often  declared 
me  an  impossible  person.  The  answer  to  your  impli 
cation  that  I  am  a  staler  of  oaths  lies  in  the  material 
you  use  for  your  arraignment  of  me." 

"  What  Charlotte  has  said  to  me  was  in  defense  of 
you." 

"Silence  was  all  the  defense  I  needed,"  he  said, 
looking  into  the  distance. 

"  That  is  all  you  have  received  for  two  years,"  said 
Jessica,  mendaciously. 

"  Then  —  what  more  to  say  ?  Charlotte  is  happy, 
you  are  happy,  I  am  happy  —  ah,  but  that  is  not  all 
true ! "  he  said  sorrowfully.  "  Charlotte  and  you  are 
not  happy.  You  have  built  a  wall  around  yourselves 
—  you  have  shut  yourselves  away  from  sympathy  with 
men,  and  you  are  out  of  the  march  of  life." 

"  All  because  neither  Charlotte  nor  I  wished  her  to 
marry  you !  "  laughed  Jessica. 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      181 

CHARLOTTE  gained  strength  rapidly.  She  had  not 
lost  her  hair.  This  was  a  source  of  happiness.  She 
remembered  how  Bond  had  often  admired  it.  She 
amused  herself  with  fondling  its  full  length  and  think 
ing  of  him.  Then  she  blushed  in  the  quiet  of  her 
room.  Each  day  brought  the  spring  nearer.  Jessica 
came  in  every  morning  laden  with  flowers,  and  prom 
ising  the  earliest  wild  blossoms  when  they  should  ap 
pear.  The  twenty-eight  white  roses  Jessica  had  taken 
from  the  box  when  they  came,  and  they  stood  on 
Charlotte's  table  for  three  days,  apparently  as  a  token 
of  Jessica's  affection.  Her  real  tribute  was  the  fact 
that  Bond's  card  lay  in  Jessica's  room,  part  of  the 
ashes  in  the  grate.  Jessica  would  not  leave  the  house 
until  the  flowers  had  safely  reached  her  own  hands ; 
and  until  the  wedding-cards,  too,  had  come,  and  were 
stowed  away  in  her  secret  drawer.  Bond  was  to  be 
married  at  noon  on  the  third  of  May. 

By  that  morning  Charlotte  had  risen  and  dressed 
regularly  for  a  week.  The  weather  had  been  cold  and 
wet,  and  it  was  not  thought  advisable  for  her  to  go 
out.  But  now  the  day  opened  bright  and  warm.  It 
brought  memories  of  past  delightful  springtimes  and 
promises  of  summer  that  sent  her  mind  back  to  Sea 
weed  Cove,  and  to  the  blue  waters  over  which  she  had 
gazed  so  many  hours  in  silence.  Soon  she  and  Jessica 
would  ride  out  together,  and  before  long  Charlotte 
could  consider  herself  well-nigh  restored.  For  a  week 
Jessica  had  gone  about  weighed  to  earth  with  the 
news  she  felt  long  overdue  to  Charlotte.  Often  it 
trembled  on  her  lips  to  speak ;  but  the  effort  stifled 
it.  When  the  two  were  together  Jessica's  mind  was 


182      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

distracted  in  debate  when  and  how  to  begin,  while 
Charlotte's  thoughts  were  too  evidently  far  away. 

The  crisis  came  when,  on  this  morning  of  the  third 
of  May,  Jessica  discovered  Charlotte  sitting  at  her 
desk  finishing  a  note.  Charlotte  colored  crimson  when 
she  found  Jessica's  eyes  fixed  upon  her  in  a  strange, 
compassionate  gaze. 

"  You  are  not  writing  to  Mr.  Bond  ?  " 

"  Yes,  dear.  I  have  asked  him  to  come  as  soon  as 
he  can.  The  doctor  told  me  he  was  here  —  two  weeks 
ago,"  she  confessed  shyly.  "  Oh,  it  is  so  delightful  to 
be  well  again ! " 

u  But  how  can  you  be  so  sure  he  will  come  now  I  " 
said  Jessica. 

"  Ah  —  you  do  not  know  him !  Why  should  he  not, 
dear  ?  " 

"  Because,  Challie  dear  —  did  n't  the  doctor  say  the 
rest  ?  "  asked  Jessica,  hopelessly. 

" The  rest?" 

"  Yes  j  that  Mr.  Bond  is  going  to  marry  Miss  Cath- 
erwood  ?  Dearest,  I  could  n't  tell  you  until  you  were 
strong." 

Charlotte  put  down  her  pen.  Her  color  flew.  She 
rested  her  elbows  on  the  desk  and  pressed  her  fore 
head  in  her  hands.  Jessica  came  and  placed  her  arms 
around  her  friend.  There  was  no  word. 

"I  cannot  say  I  am  surprised,  dear,"  said  Jessica, 
aimlessly. 

There  was  a  long  silence  in  the  room.  The  soft 
May  air  came  in  through  the  open  window.  It  brought 
the  chiming  of  the  bells  in  the  steeple  of  the  church 
where  Franklin  Bond  would  soon  stand  before  the 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      183 

altar.  It  blew  the  hair  which  Charlotte  had  fondled 
in  thinking  of  him.  For  a  time  she  seemed  unaware 
of  Jessica's  presence.  Suddenly  Charlotte  rose  and 
walked  across  the  room. 

"  I  do  not  believe  it/'  she  said  resolutely.  "  I  cannot 
believe  it.  Don't  you  know  it  was  lack  of  faith  that 
has  made  me  miserable  for  two  long  years'?  Don't 
you  know  that  he  never  has  failed  to  live  up  to  what 
I  think  of  him  now  ?  That  was  the  trouble,  Jessica. 
When  I  first  knew  him  I  could  take  no  man  seriously. 
I  looked  down  upon  them.  What  childishness  for  a 
girl  of  twenty-three  !  And  even  when  I  grew  to  know 
him  so  well,  I  could  not  see  that  he  justified  his  aspi 
rations.  His  capital  seemed  so  slim  to  me  then  5  I 
did  not  recognize  the  moral  part  of  it.  I  did  not  un 
derstand  that  he  knew  his  disadvantages  better  than 
I  did,  and  yet  was  less  afraid  in  his  own  self  than  I 
was  for  him.  I  saw  all  his  mistakes  very  clearly  •  but 
I  did  not  see  that  he  never  faltered  one  moment  in  his 
course  —  he  always  pressed  forward  —  always  ;  some 
times  slowly,  sometimes  almost  standing  still  j  but  he 
always  faced  one  way,  Jessica,  and  I  —  I  could  have 
helped  him  so  much  more  than  I  did !  If  I  had  only 
understood  !  But  we  laughed  at  him,  and  made  fun 
of  his  work  in  the  newspapers,  and  of  the  little  book 
which  he  never  published  because  I  did  not  think  it 
equal  to  some  masterpiece  —  and  there  was  no  one  for 
whose  opinion  he  cared  as  he  did  for  mine.  He  put 
the  little  book  aside  j  but  he  never  stopped  —  he  went 
on  just  as  if  I  had  never  existed  —  only  he  took  more 
pride  in  my  praise  than  —  O  Jessica !  And  it  made  no 
difference  what  idle  thing  I  said,  or  how  I  hurt  him  in 


184      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

my  thoughtless  criticisms,  or  how  I  showed  I  thought 
him  inferior  clay  —  he  forgave  me ;  he  never  lost  his 
gentle  tone  for  one  moment  all  the  time  I  knew  him. 
And  I  thought  it  was  small  humility  on  his  part,  I 
thought  it  was  obeisance  to  my  higher  spirit  —  when 
it  was  only  because  he  knew  better  and  felt  more 
deeply  than  I  did,  and  forgave  me  out  of  the  sweet 
ness  of  his  soul !     Oh,  we  have  much  to  learn !    They 
teach  us  to  applaud  things  that  are  applauded,  but  we 
do  not  learn  to  praise  the  man  in  the  aspiration  and 
in  the  struggle.     And  he  never  ceased  to  love  me  as 
long  as  I  —  and  I  do  not  believe  he  has  ceased  to  now! 
If  his  name  has  been  heard  with  Miss  Catherwood's, 
why,  it  has  been  against  his  will.    For  all  I  know,  per 
haps  he  thought  it  might  move  me  as  it  did  the  girl 
in  the  play.     I  told  you  about  that.     She  thought  she 
had  lost  him  —  then  she  began  to  feel  his  value.     It 
made  her  wretched  first.     It  made  them  both  happy 
in  the  end.     It  was  a  matter  of  years  j  but  they  cared 
for  each  other.     Time  could  not  change  it.    And  do 
you  believe  that  the  man  who  wrote  that  sweet  little 
play,  the  one  who  was  true  to  me  through  three  long 
years  of  wretched  unappreciation  on  my  part,  through 
rebuff  and  insane  womanish  freaks  and  distrust  and 
almost  ridicule  at  times  —  do  you  believe  he  has  for 
gotten  the  things  he  said  to  me  ?     Why,  I  have  faith 
now !     If  you  were  to  tell  me  anything  in  the  world 
against  him  I  would  believe  him  innocent.     I  have 
faith.     I  believe  he  loves  me  to-day  —  just  as  he  al 
ways  did.    And  I  —  do  not  deserve  it ! " 

"  But,  oh,  my  darling ! "  cried  Jessica,  bursting  into 
tears,  "  he  does  n't  love  you  any  more !  He  told  me 
so  —  and  I  have  been  the  cause  of  all  this ! " 


THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY      185 

"  I  have  faith  in  him  ! "  said  Charlotte.  "  He  would 
not  open  his  heart  to  you." 

"  But  he  is  being  married  away  at  this  minute  —  in 
the  church  under  those  bells.  I  have  his  cards,  ad 
dressed  to  you.  Must  you  see  ?  " 

"  Let  me  have  them ! "  gasped  Charlotte. 

Charlotte  stood  at  the  window,  holding  to  the  sill 
in  the  whirl  of  things  about  her.  The  current  of 
spring  air  struck  cold  against  her  heated  temples. 
Her  note  to  Bond  rustled  and  blew  from  the  table. 
The  church  lay  in  the  distance  before  her.  The  chimes 
rang  out  the  wedding-march  from  "  Lohengrin/'  and 
the  people  would  soon  begin  to  stream  from  the  portal. 
Her  breath  came  quick  and  irregular.  She  thrust  her 
arms  out  wide  above  her  head,  and  appealed  to  the 
fresh  blue  sky  with  a  sigh  that  shook  her  frame. 
Jessica  returned  wet-eyed,  with  the  invitation  in  her 
hand.  Charlotte  was  rigid.  She  took  the  smooth 
paper  in  her  hands  —  the  lines  swam  —  she  did  not 
see  the  names.  Jessica  dropped  to  her  knees,  and 
beseechingly  clasped  Charlotte,  crying : 

"  Can  you  ever  in  the  long,  long  world  forgive  me  ?  " 

The  paper  floated  to  the  floor.  Charlotte's  hands 
fell  lightly  on  Jessica's  shoulders.  The  silence  was 
broken  only  by  Jessica's  sobs. 

"There  is  nothing  to  forgive,"  said  Charlotte  at 
length,  slowly.  "  I  was  put  to  a  test.  I  was  offered 
doubt  arid  mistrust —  and  I  accepted  them.  I  was  un 
equal  to  the  test.  Mr.  Bond  has  to  thank  you.  There 
is  nothing." 

"Say  that  we  can  go  on  now,"  pleaded  Jessica, 
tearfully  —  "go  on  as  we  did  before  ever  a  man 
came  into  our  happiness.  I  will  give  my  whole  life  to 


186      THE  TRAGEDY  OF  THE  COMEDY 

make  you  forget — my  whole  life  !  Poor,  poor  darling 
Charlotte ! " 

Charlotte  slowly  shook  her  head : 

"  It  can  never  be  exactly  the  same  —  not  until  we 
understand  each  other.  I  do  not  want  to  forget.  It 
is  not  I  who  am  to  be  pitied.  I  am  better  off  than 
you.  I  have  learned.  I  would  not  for  anything  in  the 
world  exchange  my  —  for  the  man  who  once  —  for 
your  innocence  of  what  it  is  to  trust  — ! " 

THAT  was  two  years  ago.  Charlotte  is  thirty.  I 
do  not  know  that  she  is  prominent  in  charitable  work, 
or  has  thrown  herself  into  some  intellectual  field  with 
an  energy  and  devotion  that  are  winning  her  laurels. 
I  have  not  heard  that  she  is  specially  glorified  as  the 
sweet  fireside  aunt  of  her  brother's  children,  or  the 
tender  confidante  of  younger  people  in  love.  But  I 
know  that  her  hair  has  in  it  many  threads  of  purest 
silver ;  and  that  she  looks  quite  thirty  j  and  that  —  I 
should  not  like  to  be  Charlotte. 

Jessica  was  married  last  fall  to  a  man  four  years 
younger  than  herself. 


ENTER  THE   EARL  OF  TYNE 


ENTEE  THE  EAEL  OF  TYNE 


S  Mr.  Howard  Delafield  turned  from 
Seventy-blank  street  into  the  ave 
nue,  a  sleigh  with  scarlet  plumes  and 
a  crystal  dasher  rushed  past  him  and 
drew  up  in  front  of  the  Garston 
house.  The  Earl  of  Tyne  alighted, 
and  the  footman  had  hardly  touched  the  bell  before 
the  door  opened  and  the  earl  went  in.  Mr.  Delafield, 
on  foot,  paused  for  an  instant  in  the  middle  of  a  step, 
and  then  kept  on  past  the  Garston  house,  as  if  that 
had  not  been  his  destination.  He  decided  to  return 
in  half  an  hour,  and,  if  the  sleigh  was  gone,  ring  the 
bell  —  to  find,  probably,  that  Mildred  had  left  for  a 
ride  with  the  earl  and  her  grandmother.  If  so,  Mr. 
Delafield  would  have  to  explain  his  late  delinquencies 
on  another  day.  It  seemed  a  month  since  he  had  seen 
Mildred ;  but  he  was  not  quite  loath  to  delay  what 
now  he  knew  he  should  say.  He  had  been  heavy- 
hearted  all  the  way,  and  the  rich  spectacle  of  the  earl 
and  of  the  glistening  sleigh  and  its  men  and  jingling 
steeds  made  Delafield  sick. 

But  when  he  came  back  the  sleigh  was  gone.  Miss 
Garston  had  not  ridden  off  with  the  earl.  She  was  in  j 
and  she  greeted  Delafield  coolly,  and  led  the  way  to 
the  oak  room,  where  a  log  fire  crackled  on  the  hearth. 

189 


190       ENTER  THE  EARL  OF  TYNE 

"I  don't  understand/7  she  began,  turning  in  the 
fuller  light  j  but  her  tone  altered  a  shade.  "  Are  you 
ill  ?  Could  n't  you  come  ? " 

"  I  'm  aU  right/7  he  said,  with  a  weary  smile,  taking 
the  arm-chair.  "  It  's  a  long  story ;  I  ought  to  have 
written." 

"  I  don't  see  why  you  did  n't  write,"  she  said.  "  It 
has  been  a  week.  I  could  n't  ask  any  one  j  I  simply 
lay  awake.  There  's  so  little  defense  of  ignoring  me. 
It 's  against  all  our  theories,  and  I  never  should  hesi 
tate  to  withdraw  rather  than  accept  it.  I  don't  want 
to  be  hasty.  You  look  pale,  and  I  'm  sorry  •  but  you 
make  me  suffer,  and  you  don't  seem  to  understand,  and 
you  might  as  well  be  in  Japan." 

"  I  never  should  withhold  my  confidence,"  said  Dela- 
field.  "  I  could  n't  respect  you  if  I  did.  So  we  shall 
not  part  for  that.  It  is  good/'  he  added  ominously, 
"  that  we  can  be  calm  over  serious  things." 

"  But  what  is  so  serious  ? »  she  asked,  frightened 
from  some  of  her  color.  "  Tell  me,  have  I  seemed  to 
do  something?  Surely  you  don't  believe  that  about 
the  earl  —  that  I  let  him  pay  me  marked  attention  ? 
I  wondered  if  those  reporters  had  talked  to  you  and 
added  to  the  falsehoods  they  printed  about  him.  I 
tried  to  fit  a  dozen  reasons  to  your  silence,  but  I  could 
n't  fit  one.  I  saw  you  hurrying  along  Twenty-third 
street  two  days  ago,  and  you  did  n't  look  disabled. 
Don't  you  see  how  queer  —  " 

"  Do  you  know  how  long  we  have  been  engaged  ?  " 
he  asked  gravely. 

"Nearly  three  years,"  said  Mildred,  as  if  the  time 
had  not  seemed  long. 


ENTER  THE  EARL  OF  TYNE        191 

"  And  you  are  twenty-four  years  old,  and  I  am  as 
impecunious  as  I  was  three  years  ago.  We  can't  go 
on  this  way  —  we  must  give  it  up." 

He  did  not  look  to  see  her  face,  but  gazed  intently 
on  the  flames. 

"I  thought  then,"  he  said,  after  a  few  moments, 
"  that  by  now  we  might  be  married.  I  really  had  done 
well  when  I  reached  the  editorial  staff,  and  I  thought 
I  should  soon  have  something  better.  But  I  did  n't. 
Beyond  a  few  hundreds  saved,  I  have  n't  since  made 
a  gain.  I  've  gone  off  j  my  chances  have  decreased ; 
and  I  don't  seem  doomed  to  financial  success.  But  in 
my  capacity  of  one  who  treasures  your  welfare  I  will 
not  be  a  fiasco.  We  must  give  it  up,  and  you  must 
take  what  better  fate  awaits  you." 

She  was  rigid  in  the  oak  settee,  with  her  eyes  fixed 
on  the  Garston  arms  below  the  mantel.  He  shook  his 
head  in  pity  of  himself. 

"  I  've  had  time,"  he  went  on,  in  a  strained  voice, 
"  to  think.  A  man  may  be  much  that  a  woman  hon 
ors,  and  yet  from  a  metropolitan  point  be  a  financial 
failure.  We  both  thought  the  chances  favorable ;  but 
they  are  not.  In  four  or  five  years  I  might,  by  dint  of 
plodding,  take  you  to  Harlem,  but  not  the  best  of  it, 
to  share  my  nonentity  in  '  apartments '  —  a  set  of  bins 
a  hundred  feet  in  the  sky  —  a  euphemism  for  a  tene 
ment.  I  could  not  promise  more.  You  would  be  ex 
communicated  from  society  because  you  could  not 
afford  to  entertain,  and  debarred  from  the  opera  be 
cause  you  would  not  climb  the  heavens  to  hear  it. 
Then  you  would  find,  after  the  novelty  of  our  life  had 
settled  to  a  routine,  that  you  were  slowly  dying  of 


192  ENTER  THE  EARL  OF  TYNE 

distaste,  and  that  the  only  happy  ones  about  you  were 
those  who  could  be  content  with  farce-comedy  and 
popular  music  and  Sunday  newspapers." 

The  Garston  arms  were  silver  set  in  purple  marble, 
and  her  face  was  cold  against  them.  Her  feet  were 
motionless  on  the  tiger's  skin.  Delafield  appeared  to 
be  making  a  painful  study  of  the  flames.  He  started 
on,  and  had  to  begin  twice. 

"  Food,  clothing,  warmth,  friends,"  he  said,  clearing 
his  throat — "all  are  necessary.  They  cost  in  New 
York.  You  must  have  finery  if  you  move  with  the 
friends  of  the  Earl  of  Tyne  j  you  must  have  things  to 
feed  to  them,  and  a  place  to  receive  them  in.  We 
must  n't  learn  by  dire  experience  what  is  so  patent ; 
if  there  is  an  art  of  living,  we  ought  to  consider  the 
end,  and  allow  for  our  older  years,  with  your  greater 
needs  for  dainties  and  carriages  and  servants  and  cli 
mates.  It  is  inevitable  that  some  day  you  would  com 
pare  your  state  with  what  it  might  have  been,  and  me 
—  with  the  other  man ;  and  I  am  not  sure  I  should  be 
adequate  j  I  cannot  advise  the  risk.  The  woman  who 
marries  a  fortune  is  something  assuaged  if  her  love 
wears  out  j  and  for  you  no  brilliant  marriage  is  im 
probable.  I  should  never  forget  that,  left  to  your 
present  surroundings,  you  might  have  come  to  care 
for  a  man  of  great  wealth,  or  perhaps  for  one  with 
both  wealth  and  title,  like  the  Earl  of  Tyne.  And,  on 
the  other  hand,  to  see  you  condemned  with  me  to  such 
a  contrast  with  what  might  have  been,  would  destroy 
the  lightness  of  my  heart." 

The  fire  was  subsiding.  He  paused.  Very  far  away 
she  seemed  already,  with  her  eyes,  half  closed,  fixed 


ENTEE  THE  EARL  OF  TYNE        193 

on  the  gaping  lion's  mouth  in  the  arms.  He  conld  not 
read  her  face.  She  might  be  occupied  with  some 
scornful  misinterpretation. 

"  I  would  n't  have  you  think  that  I  despair/'  he  said 
suddenly.  "  I  always  go  on.  My  philosophy  does  not 
refuse  me  self-esteem  ;  and  it  could  n't  refuse  success, 
if  life  were  forever  and  strength  as  long  as  life.  But 
a  woman  ages  j  she  cannot  so  well  begin  a  career  in 
the  middle  of  her  prime.  If  you  wait  and  wait,  and 
curb  all  thoughts  of  other  men,  and  finally  do  see  me 
crushed  —  think  of  it !  See  how  it  stands  now.  I  am 
no  longer  an  editorial  writer  —  I  have  not  been  for  a 
week.  I  have  changed  my  rooms,  so  that  the  book 
reviews  can  meet  my  present  expense.  I  shall  find 
something  else,  simply  because  a  man  can't  seek  in 
vain  forever.  I  left  because  they  asked  me  to  libel 
Dougherty,  our  misrepresentative  in  Congress,  and  to 
twist  his  foolish  doings  to  the  semblance  of  a  misde 
meanor.  Dougherty  does  n't  know  enough  to  be  a 
rascal  j  and  I  refused,  and  they  gave  me  a  choice,  and 
I  resigned.  Affairs  have  promised  this  for  months ; 
for  my  self-respect  grew  always  faster  than  my  bank- 
account,  and  some  of  the  things  I  used  to  condone  are 
abhorrent  to  me  now.  I  cannot  call  a  college  graduate 
a  noble  fellow  because  he  ferrets  out  a  girl  who  fled 
away  to  hide,  and  because  he  purchases  her  photo 
graph  from  the  villain  who  swore  to  defend  her.  But 
that  is  what  first  promoted  my  successor.  For  a  long 
time  I  have  refused  to  write  some  things  they  asked, 
and  they  found  me  worth  concessions,  though  they 
knew  how  strongly  I  stood  for  reform  ideas  and  how 
contemptible  I  held  their  party  majors ;  but  the  new 

13 


194       ENTER  THE  EAftL  OF  TYNE 

man  can  do  perhaps  as  well  as  I,  and  he  stops  at 
nothing.  He  is  an  example  of  "  perfect  discipline  " ; 
he  knows  the  division  between  moral  and  legal  libel 
to  a  hair's  breadth.  I  used  to  dream  how  satisfactory 
it  must  be  to  be  a  gentleman  of  the  editorial  column 
and  wield  nothing  but  a  force  toward  better  things. 
I  thought  then,  you  see,  that  all  journalism  was  a  pro 
fessional  pursuit.  If  I  had  been  less  callow  it  would 
have  been  far  better  for  you." 

Her  fingers  lay  on  the  arm  of  the  settee,  and  the 
diamond  on  one  of  them  —  the  only  jewel  she  wore  — 
shot  up  a  cold  glint  caught  and  changed  from  the  les 
sening  rays  of  the  fire.  He  could  see  only  her  profile. 

"  There  is  one  thing  I  never  have  spoken  of/'  he 
said,  after  a  moment,  compressing  his  lips.  "  I  should 
be  absurd  to  ignore  that  your  grandmother  is  a  rich 
woman  who  loves  you  and  likes  me  well.  In  the  event 
of  her  death  you  would  receive  a  fortune  by  her  will, 
or  she  might  give  you  an  income  if  you  married. 
Both  these  possibilities  may  have  crossed  your  mind 
as  fair  guaranties  for  the  future;  but  have  you  re 
flected  how  the  prospect  of  being  the  impecunious 
husband  of  a  rich  wife  would  load  me  with  dread? 
My  pride  would  not  bear  it  —  nor  yours  —  for  me  to 
be  a  weakling  beside  your  beauty  and  your  money. 
It  has  not  frightened  me  away,  you  understand ;  it 
has  made  me  pause,  for  your  sake.  It  has  brought  me 
to  a  determination  which  nothing  can  alter." 

Her  pallor  was  disturbing  him.  She  was  like  ala 
baster,  and  the  rise  of  her  chest  was  barely  apparent. 
She  had  not  spoken,  or  moved  her  eyes  from  the  Gar- 
ston  arms.  The  blaze  had  left  the  hearth,  and  the 


ENTER  THE  EAEL  OF  TYNE        195 

logs  smoldered,  growing  blacker  and  blacker,  while 
the  sky  outside  took  deeper  and  colder  tints,  and  the 
winter  sun  was  sinking  in  a  flare  of  orange.  He  feared 
that  she  mistrusted  his  sincerity. 

"  I  may  have  seemed  unimpassioned  all  through  our 
engagement,"  he  said,  with  regretful  firmness.  "  But 
if  I  have  seemed  so,  you  will  thank  me.  I  know  I 
hurt  you.  I  shall  not  speak  of  myself  —  it  is  not  the 
time  j  but  I  submit  that,  if  you  release  me,  it  will  be 
better  for  us  to  —  say  good-by  —  now.  Only  your 
grandmother  knows  that  we  have  been  engaged ;  and 
we  have  always  maintained  a  dignity  which  you  will 
not  regret,  perhaps,  when  we  meet  again  in  after  years. 
That  is  all.  Am  I  not  right  I " 

He  had  finished.  What  he  had  doubted  his  courage 
for  when  he  had  sighted  Mildred's  house,  the  Earl  of 
Tyne  had  given  him  strength  to  say.  Now  the  words 
were  out  of  his  mouth,  and  as  he  waited  for  Mildred's 
answer  his  mind  went  back  to  the  room  in  West 
Twenty-eighth  street  where  he  was  going  after  he  had 
parted  with  Mildred  for  perhaps  the  rest  of  their  lives. 
It  was  a  dingy  and  darksome  and  narrow  room,  no 
whit  less  melancholy  for  the  presence  of  his  bookcase 
and  his  desk  and  his  books  and  etchings.  It  was  a 
wretched  place  to  go  and  lie  awake  in  the  first  appall 
ing  realization  of  his  sacrifice;  it  was  wretched  be 
cause  there  on  the  table,  in  a  silver  frame  with  doors 
that  were  unlocked  by  a  sacred  key,  would  be  the  pic 
ture  of  Mildred  —  Mildred  as  he  had  seen  her  once  on 
the  stairs,  on  the  night  of  a  ball.  The  frame  had  stood 
on  his  table  for  two  long  years,  to  be  opened  as  often 
as  he  paused  at  early  morning,  after  his  work  was 


196       ENTER  THE  EARL  OF  TYNE 

done,  before  he  went  to  dream  of  her.  Whatever  he 
did,  the  picture,  or  the  absence  of  it,  would  dominate 
the  room,  and  the  room  would  dominate  him.  He 
would  give  up  the  room,  he  told  himself ;  he  would 
take  his  savings  and  wander  abroad  until  the  wound 
stopped  bleeding.  But  even  then  he  could  never 
again  unlock  the  silver  frame,  nor  —  unless  he  heard 
some  day  that  Mildred  was  a  countess — ever  part 
with  it. 

Mildred  was  still  mute  and  white.  The  maid  came 
knocking,  and  opened  the  portieres  to  fetch  some 
wood. 

"  It  ?s  gun  out,  ma'am,'7  she  said,  from  her  knees,  as 
she  placed  a  small  log  on  the  andirons  and  poked  the 
embers  into  a  heap  beneath.  "Should  I  start  it  or 
leave  it?" 

"Yes/7  murmured  Mildred,  with  unwitting  ambi 
guity  ;  and  the  maid,  aware  of  an  oblivion  chilling 
even  to  a  servant,  forsook  the  fire  to  its  will.  Dela- 
field  turned  to  Mildred  and  paused  for  her  answer. 
She  began  to  breathe  harder,  and  seemed  about  to 
speak  5  but  she  could  not.  He  asked  himself  wretch 
edly  how  one  could  doubt  her  who  saw  her  eyes  so 
blank  with  woe,  and  saw  the  clasping  and  unclasping 
of  her  fingers.  Her  mouth  twitched  as  if  she  was  a 
tiny  girl  and  as  if  he  had  been  treacherous  and  made 
her  afraid  of  every  one.  In  an  escape  of  tenderness 
he  let  himself  for  a  moment  cover  her  hand. 

"  Why,  you  poor  child,77  he  exclaimed,  "  it  7s  as  cold 
as  ice !  What  makes  it  so  ? 77 

"  It  7s  the  ring,77  she  said  huskily,  her  eyes  shunning 
him.  "I  —  I  release  you ! 77 


ENTER  THE  EAKL  OF  TYNE        197 

She  took  the  diamond  off  and  laid  it  on  the  arm  of 
the  settee. 

"  But  —  please  keep  it,"  he  said,  at  the  memory  of 
how  he  had  put  it  on  her  finger  many  months  ago. 
"  You  '11  keep  at  least  that,  won't  you  ?  " 

"  You  forget  it  was  your  mother's  —  that  she  told 
you  to  give  it  to  the  woman  you  loved  "  said  Mildred, 
with  a  trace  of  bitterness.  "  Only/'  she  added,  turn 
ing  to  him,  "  just  for  a  while  will  you  sit  here  ?  I  want 
to  say  some  things,  if  I  can,  that  would  have  come  to 
me  when  you  were  gone  —  things  I  should  suffer  not 
to  say.  Once  I  could  n't  have  asked  you  ;  but  three 
years  make  a  change.  I  cannot  readjust  myself  so 
quickly  —  with  no  warning.  Will  you  come?"  she 
asked  faintly. 

He  moved  to  the  place  beside  her  on  the  double  set 
tee.  The  fire,  lingering  along  the  bottom  of  the  logs, 
reflected  some  glow  from  the  hearth,  brighter  because 
the  twilight  was  beginning.  The  white  diamond  glit 
tered  on  the  settee  arm,  minus  an  owner.  Mildred  kept 
half  turned  away  from  him,  and  he  waited  for  her  to 
go  on. 

"  It 's  because  ours  has  been  so  —  different  from 
others,"  she  said,  struggling  for  words.  "  Other  men 
are  much  more  —  more  enthusiastic  to  the  women  who 
promise  to  marry  them.  But  you  seem  to  have  thought 
you  ought  n't  to  be,  or  else  you  did  n't  care.  And 
I  always  feared  to  say  —  perhaps  —  how  good  you 
were." 

She  paused  for  a  moment. 

"  Because,"  she  went  on,  "  I  could  n't  —  in  words  — 
they  mock  me,  and  you  left  no  other  way.  If  you 


198       ENTER  THE  EARL  OF  TYNE 

had  n't  been  outwardly  so  true  and  careful,  and  so 
fierce  in  your  hatred  of  fraud,  I  should  have  thought 
you  could  n't  have  much  feeling.  But,  as  it  was,  I 
believed  you  meant  to  honor  me." 

Delafield  was  looking  into  the  embers. 

"  You  've  been  so  different  from  what  I  expected  — 
when  you  asked  me.  You  were  so  good  then  !  I  had 
read  your  heart  from  the  instant  you  came  to  care.  I 
knew  for  weeks  that  you  were  weighing  it  over  j  and 
I  was  so  proud  of  you  for  first  telling  me  about  —  your 
prospects.  Perhaps  you  thought  I  did  n't  appreciate 
that ;  and  I  'm  sure  you  were  shocked  at  my  quick 
assent,  for  you  did  n't  know  how  I  had  wished  it  for 
months  and  months.  And  now  you  think  that  what 
I  accepted  so  readily  I  can  easily  lose.  You  never  will 
know  j  for  I  am  not  as  I  was.  I  used  to  quench  my 
doubts ,  but  I  can't  be  certain  now  whether  you  ever 
cared  or  not." 

The  embers  were  fading  out,  and  her  face  was  re 
ceding  in  the  gloom. 

"  How  little  I  know  you,w  she  went  on,  the  words 
coming  faster,  "  that  I  can  talk  so  —  after  these  years ! 
It 's  because  you  placed  me  too  high,  perhaps  ;  made 
me  a  goddess  instead  of  a  friend.  I  did  n't  want  to 
be  a  goddess  $  it  is  n't  a  real  thing.  I  wanted  to  be 
like  other  well-bred  women  when  they  give  their  word. 
But  I  could  n't  ask  you  to  be  different  j  I  could  n't 
speak  of  it  now  if  I  ever  expected  to  see  you  again. 
My  friendship  did  n't  attract  you.  You  saw  this  house 
and  the  precious  girdles  I  wear,  and  you  concluded 
that  I  was  too  dainty  to  be  useful,  and  too  feeble  to 
stand  the  battle  of  life  —  for  any  sake ;  and  you  liked 


ENTER  THE  EAEL  OF  TYNE        199 

me  because  I  made  a  pretty  ornament  in  this  back 
ground,  just  as  you  part  with  me  because  you  cannot 
maintain  it.  I  was  foolish  not  to  see  that.  You  enjoy 
in  me  the  very  contrast  with  what  I  admired  in  you. 
You  have  never  seen  any  one  just  like  me ;  and  when 
you  found  me  in  such  surroundings,  not  pampered 
or  silly  or  spoiled,  I  impressed  you.  It  must  have 
been  because  I  looked  well  standing  at  the  head  of  the 
stairs,  with  the  stained-glass  light,  and  the  maid  lift 
ing  on  my  cloak,  and  the  footman  waiting  stiff  below 
with  my  traveling-bag  —  as  you  saw  me  once,  and 
looked  so  worshipful.  How  strange  you  were  not  to 
know  that  you  were  stronger  and  better  and  finer  a 
sight  than  I !  At  that  moment  I  should  have  rather 
gone  with  you,  with  a  cheap  bag  and  a  cheap  cloak 
and  no  footman  and  no  maid,  than  have  gone  as  I  did, 
with  any  one  else  in  the  world.  I  did  n't  know  you 
then  as  I  do  to-day.  The  maid  and  the  stained  glass 
had  been  traditions  in  our  family  simply  because 
wealth  and  elegance  had  been  traditions;  but  they 
did  n't  make  our  happiness.  Health  was  what  we 
asked,  and  the  joy  of  exerting  strength  and  will, 
whether  it  was  my  grandfather  in  his  ship  or  my 
father  in  his  bank.  If  you  think  I  have  degenerated 
from  them,  you  are  neither  clever  nor  complimentary." 

The  darkness  had  pressed  down  between  them, 
though  she  sat  so  near.  The  solitary  diamond  spar 
kled  close  to  her  fingers'  ends.  He  heaved  a  deep,  un 
even  sigh  5  but  Mildred's  voice  was  growing  stronger. 

"  I  should  have  seen  how  far  apart  our  real  ideals 
lay ;  but  I  was  foolish,  and  I  do  thank  you  for  your 
dignity  now.  You  differed  so  from  the  men  I  was 


200       ENTER  THE  EAEL  OF  TYNE 

meeting.  They  were  either  stupid  or  gross,  or  jellied 
with  vice,  or  poor  cartoons  of  foreigners.  There  was 
n't  one  of  them  with  the  grace  of  the  Earl  of  Tyne, 
and  there  was  n't  one  of  them  like  our  people  —  like 
my  father.  But  you  were  so  ambitious  and  vigorous 
and  daring!  You  had  even  done  brutal  things,  I 
thought,  though  I  admired  the  dash  that  took  you 
through  them,  because  I  felt  that  better  taste  would 
come  to  you,  as  it  has.  In  most  things  you  had  all 
the  finish  of  the  men  I  knew,  and  you  realized  twice 
as  much  as  they  dreamed.  You  had  struggled,  too, 
and  suffered  anxiety  and  temptation;  and  yet  you 
were  as  ruddy  and  clear-skinned  and  steady -handed 
as  a  young  girl.  You  grew  —  I  could  see  you  grow ; 
and  you  called  to  all  that  was  potent  and  healthy  in 
my  mind.  I  wanted  to  run  beside  you,  and  do  and 
dare  things  with  you,  and  live  your  life  of  vigor  and 
conquest.  I  did  n't  want  to  be  carried  —  I  'm  too  much 
alive.  I  knew  I  could  not  run  so  fast  or  so  far  as  you ; 
but  I  could  go  each  day  faster  and  farther  than  you 
could  carry  me.  I  used  to  tell  you  this,  and  you  used 
to  say  what  a  mighty  team  two  such  as  we  would  be 
when  we  both  put  shoulder  to  the  wheel,  each  to  his 
best.  But  you  did  n't  mean  it,  or  else  you  meant  it 
for  all  the  world  but  me.  Your  real  picture  was  a  girl 
at  the  head  of  the  stairs,  waiting  freshly  groomed  and 
gowned,  all  crisp  and  idle  and  full  of  pretty  femi 
nine  affairs  to  dissipate  your  weariness  and  vexations. 
That  has  its  fascination,  true  enough,  and  quite  enough, 
for  most  of  us ;  but  it  is  n't  the  thing  for  me.  I  'm 
too  jealous  of  your  hours  away  from  me  —  I  mean  I 
should  be  if  I  cared.  I  should  expect  your  life-work 


ENTER  THE  EAEL  OF  TYNE        201 

to  be  part  of  your  soul,  and  I  should  want  to  be  part 
of  it  in  some  way,  too.  I  should  want  to  serve  wher 
ever  I  could,  being  your  friend  —  the  best  you  ever 
had.  I  should  lose  the  last  memory  of  myself  in  the 
one  I  cared  for.  That  would  be  living  —  for  me.  But 
you  —  would  n't  understand  it.'7 

A  screen  stopped  most  of  the  light  that  would  have 
come  in  through  the  windows,  and  the  fire  was  hidden 
in  its  own  ashes.  They  were  in  the  dark.  The  chiin- 
ney-place  was  growing  cold;  the  sleigh-bells  in  the 
street,  recalling  the  Earl  of  Tyne,  sounded  cold,  too  ; 
and  the  cruel  things  she  said  were  tingling.  He  had 
not  thought  that  words  would  ever  hurt  him  from  so 
sweet  a  source. 

"  Then  if  you  failed,"  she  continued,  "  I  should  know 
it  was  fate,  not  lack  of  me ;  just  as  a  triumph  would 
n't  be  yours  alone,  but  ours,  as  life  would  be  ours.  A 
woman  who  asks  that,  who  can  let  you  go  without  a 
pang  because  you  fail  to  value  it  —  she  would  never 
be  a  drag,  no  matter  how  much  she  had  to  learn.  I 
have  no  genius,  I  know;  I  can't  write;  and  so  you 
think  my  energies  would  be  dispersed  by  society  — 
that  I  should  languish  for  the  Earl  of  Tyne !  You 
have  n't  believed  me  when  I  said  I  had  no  taste  for 
that.  I  'm  not  opposed  to  social  life ;  I  know  it  too 
well:  it  keeps  more  people  out  of  mischief  than  it 
spoils.  But  it  is  n't  the  thing  for  me.  I  have  vigor 
that  will  not  let  me  dawdle ;  and  independence  and 
will  that  never  betrayed  me  until  I  thought  I  cared 
for  you.  I  don't  wonder  you  mistake  me;  I  never 
am  so  timid  and  weak  as  with  you ;  nor  so  stupid  as 
not  to  see  when  I  'm  made  a  sport  of." 


202  ENTER  THE  EAEL  OF  TYNE 

She  stopped  for  a  moment. 

"  But  you  wrong  me,  Mildred ! "  he  said  painfully. 

"  I  never  wronged  you  while  I  expected  to  be  your 
wife,"  came  her  spirited  answer.  "  I  took  in  earnest 
everything  you  said.  Life  means  so  much  to  me ;  it 
has  so  many  charms  —  such  great  rewards  for  force 
and  action  ;  its  very  buffets  have  a  taste  for  me.  You 
never  imagined  for  an  instant  what  terrific  impatience 
I  leashed  from  day  to  day  since  we  were  first  engaged ; 
how  I  longed  to  grasp  your  hand  and  be  off  and  be 
living.  You  would  have  thought  it  bold  if  I  had  told 
you  while  we  were  engaged.  Oh,  I  used  some  days  to 
walk  in  Central  Park  all  the  morning ;  to  tire  myself 
and  keep  myself  from  lying  awake  to  think  how  I 
might  help  you.  If  I  did  n't,  I  wanted  to  fly  —  to 
jump  from  my  window.  What  a  waste  it  was  —  a 
waste  of  thought  and  sleepless  nights,  when  I  could 
rise  in  the  morning  and  walk  my  miles  and  yet  come 
back  sleepless,  because  I  longed  to  be  up  and  working 
out  the  traditions  of  my  blood !  And  all  my  dreams 
pointed  to  you,  who  took  me  for  nothing  —  nothing 
but  lace !  You  don't  know  me.  You  don't  know 
what  I  like,  or  what  I  need,  or  how  little  you  ful 
fill  your  promise.  You  think  I  want  carriages !  I  'd 
rather  have  a  driving  snow  and  high  boots  and  an 
alpenstock,  with  a  loaf  of  rye  bread  in  a  haversack, 
than  tool  a  coach  with  the  Earl  of  Tyne  through  ten 
columns  of  a  newspaper.  You  think  I  should  languish 
in  a  flat  with  a  man  who  was  mine  and  knew  me 
through  and  through  —  languish  for  want  of  a  box 
at  the  Metropolitan,  and  for  want  of  an  earl  when  I 
had  my  own  nobleman  plighted  to  me  gladly !  You 


ENTER  THE  EAEL  OF  TYNE  203 

apprehend  me,  but  you  cannot  comprehend  me  in  the 
least." 

The  soft  fabric  of  her  sleeve  touched  his  shoulder; 
but  he  felt  as  far  removed  from  her  as  if  three  years 
ago  she  had  not  laid  her  head  upon  his  shoulder  and 
said  she  was  happy  there.  Delafield  winced. 

"  But  you  don't  know  the  dreary  reality/'  he  said 
hopelessly.  "  You  never  knew  rude  living  except  as 
a  bit  of  contrast.  You  have  n't  felt  its  deadening 
power." 

"You  could  n't  deaden  me  with  rude  living  if  I 
chose  to  accept  it,'7  she  exclaimed  angrily.  "You 
could  n't  break  my  spirit  with  plain  walls  so  long  as 
there  was  air  and  sky  and  the  elements  of  food.  I 
know  it  deadens  the  dead;  it  frets  small  souls;  it 
would  stimulate  me.  If  it  would  n't,  there  is  no  such 
thing  as  binding  hearts.  If  a  strong  woman  cannot 
share  your  lot  as  honor  makes  it,  then  she  never  loved 
you  more  than  half.  If  you  don't  expect  that  princi 
ple,  you  don't  honor  her  and  you  don't  care.  I  know 
my  words  are  only  sounds  to  you ;  I  ought  to  say,  1 1 
adore  you  —  if  you  can  furnish  steam  heat  and  all  the 
modern  improvements  ! '  You  'd  respect  me  just  as 
much  if  I  did.  But  now  you  think  I  'm  melodramatic, 
and  I  think  you  are ;  for  every  word  you  spoke  has 
been  affected.  If  we  had  gone  on  as  we  did  until  we 
married,  our  misunderstanding  would  have  finished, 
but  our  mistake  would  have  only  begun.  You  are 
not  keyed  up  to  my  pitch,"  she  said  passionately. 
"  You  've  taken  three  good  years  of  my  life  under 
false  pretenses ;  and  you  've  humiliated  me  so  that  I  'm 
ashamed  to  look  at  you,  and  I  'm  glad  it 's  dark ! " 


204       ENTER  THE  EARL  OF  TYNE 

"Ah,  but  you  don't  know!"  he  protested  wretchedly, 
gripping  the  back  of  the  settee  so  that  it  creaked. 
"  And  you  don't  know  how  hard  it  has  been  to  say  it ! 
I  should  have  been  a  coward  and  held  it  back  if  I 
had  n't  seen  him  coming  up  your  steps.  I  had  started 
in  indecision,  and  every  step  saw  me  worse ;  but  his 
splendor  made  me  sick.  If  you  care  no  more  than 
you  say,  I  'm  already  —  but  you  must  care,  Mildred ; 
you  would  n't  speak  so  hotly  if  you  did  n't." 

"  Then  I  '11  speak  more  calmly,"  she  said,  with  what 
seemed  self-possession.  "We  both  have  much  to 
thank  the  earl  for,  it  seems.  Has  the  fire  quite  gone 
out?  Perhaps  you  find  it  chilly  here?"  she  added, 
turning  to  him  in  the  gloom. 

He  made  no  answer,  but  his  hand  dropped  from  the 
back  of  the  settee. 

"I  '11  go  now,"  he  said. at  last,  trying  to  adopt  her 
manner.  Yet  he  waited,  while  she  kept  silent,  and 
heard  his  breathing,  and  saw  the  sparkle  of  his  dia 
mond  just  beyond  her  finger-tips.  A  cold  draft  blew 
down  through  the  chimney  and  swept  the  ashes. 

"  There  '11  be  a  time,"  he  said,  "  when  you  '11  look 
upon  me  as  only  a  newspaper  man,  without  distinction 
from  all  the  rest.  He  will  see  me,  and  he  '11  think  of 
the  vulgar,  venal  irresponsibility  of  the  most  blatant 
of  our  newspapers,  of  the  sort  that  traduce  their  igno 
rant  readers  and  affront  their  intelligent  ones  with 
every  revolution  of  their  press;  and  he  '11  say  con 
temptuously,  i  That  is  one  of  the  men  who  write  what 
they  would  blush  to  own.'  And  yet  there  are  clean 
sheets,  for  those  who  have  taste  for  them ;  and  one  may 
be  both  a  journalist  and  a  gentleman ;  and  if  not,  he  'd 


ENTEE  THE  EARL  OF  TYNE  205 

only  be  one  in  ignominy  with  the  thousands  who 
bought  what  he  wrote.  But  when  a  few  years  are 
gone  all  I  shall  be  to  you  is  —  a  newspaper  man." 

"  If  a  man  respects  himself,  that  should  be  enough," 
she  said  coldly,  as  if  she  did  not  divine  that  he  was 
thinking  of  the  earl. 

Delafield  stood  up.  He  paused  for  a  moment,  and 
she  knew  he  was  trying  to  discern  for  the  last  time 
her  outline  in  the  darkness.  Then  slowly  he  made  his 
way  around  back  of  the  settee,  past  tables  and  chairs, 
to  the  door.  She  heard  the  clink  of  the  rings  of  the 
portieres,  and  could  tell  that  he  had  paused  again, 
holding  the  curtain  in  his  hand.  She  realized  that 
the  next  few  moments  would  shape  the  course  of  her 
life. 

"  Oh,  will  you  please  find  the  bellows  for  me  before 
you  go  ?  "  she  asked  in  a  new  tone  suited  to  pleading 
for  a  favor. 

He  came  groping  his  way  back,  with  hands  out 
stretched,  and  accidentally  touched  her  face.  She 
gave  a  little  start  and  an  exclamation  which  he  did 
not  comprehend.  The  maid  turned  the  current  on  in 
the  hall,  and  some  light  came  over  the  top  of  the 
portieres. 

"  Did  I  hurt  you  9  "  he  asked.     "  I  could  n't  see." 

"  No  —  I  understand/7  she  hastened  to  say,  with  a 
shiver.  She  had  thought  he  meant  a  caress.  "I 
wanted  the  bellows  to  blow  the  fire,  please.  I  'm  cold." 

He  picked  it  out,  and,  as  he  would  have  done  when 
they  had  been  engaged,  used  it  on  the  ashes  to  save 
her  the  trouble  of  it.  At  first  the  embers  took  some 
life  j  then  they  drowsed. 


206       ENTER  THE  EAEL  OF  TYNE 

"  It  7s  gone  too  far/'  he  said  grimly  j  "  it  won't  come 
up  again." 

"  Oh,  I  think  it  will,"  she  said  fervently,  "  if  you 
only  try ! " 

He  kept  on  mechanically,  looking  into  the  embers ; 
but  they  gave  no  more  than  a  glow  that  seemed  to 
compensate  for  the  pallor  of  his  face. 

"  It  's  no  use,"  he  said  at  length,  letting  the  mouth  of 
the  bellows  drop,  and  staring  dejectedly  into  the  ashes. 

"  Don't  be  disgusted,"  she  urged,  so  softly  as  if  she 
feared  to  frighten  the  flames  away.  "  Can't  you  try 
again  ? " 

"  I  '11  send  the  maid  j  I  '11  ring  the  bell  as  I  go  out," 
he  said,  keeping  turned  away  from  her,  and  about  to 
rise. 

"  But  you  're  not  going  to  force  me  to  make  the  fire 
myself?"  she  asked  gently,  laying  her  hand  on  his 
sleeve  and  looking  earnestly  at  him.  "  I  don't  want 
the  maid.  I  want  you  —  you  to  move  the  log  a  trifle, 
please  —  to  where  those  splinters  will  catch.  I  'm  too 
cold  to  wait  for  the  maid,  and  I  want  to  say  one  little 
word  more.  Please  take  the  stool." 

He  did  as  she  asked,  -and  with  the  tongs  moved  the 
log  to  where  the  splinters  took  the  flames ;  and  as  she 
watched  him,  silently  and  with  hungry  eyes,  the  fire 
ran  along  until  all  the  log  was  ablaze  and  crackling 
and  lighting  the  room.  He  waited,  not  seeing  her 
face,  and  growing  bitter  that  she  should  be  able  to 
add  to  the  injuries  she  had  already  inflicted. 

"About  the  earl,"  she  began,  with  difficulty  — "I 
have  seen  him  only  three  times  in  my  life.  We  were 
introduced  at  Mrs.  Van  Thaler's,  and  we  talked  for 


ENTER  THE  EARL  OF  TYNE        207 

about  ten  minutes.  I  did  not  go  to  ride  with  him,  as 
the  papers  said  ;  and  I  never  showed  that  I  liked  him. 
Last  week  he  called  here,  and  I  was  astonished  and 
grandma  was  enraged ;  but  we  saw  that  he  was  under 
some  delusion.  To-day,  just  as  I  sent  a  servant  to 
buy  your  paper  to  see  if  it  chanced  to  mention  your 
whereabouts,  he  came  again.  We  had  never  asked 
him  to  come  to  see  us.  In  a  little  while  I  managed 
to  find  what  his  mistake  was.  He  took  me  for  Miss 
Gaston,  farther  up  the  avenue ;  he  did  n't  know  that 
our  name  was  Garston.  He  said  she  had  invited  him, 
but  that  he  had  forgotten  her  face  and  remembered 
only  her  name,  which  was  known  all  over  the  world 
in  connection  with  a  great  business  house ;  and  he 
said  he  had  forgotten  my  name,  but  remembered  my 
face.  I  told  him  that  we  knew  the  Gastons  but 
slightly.  Then  he  apologized  very  regretfully,  and 
went  away.  I  don't  know  him." 

She  waited  wistfully  for  Delafield  to  make  some 
comment,  but  he  did  not. 

"And  grandma  could  n't  leave  me  anything,"  she 
said,  miserable  at  his  silence.  "  It  all  goes  to  charity, 
because  papa  was  wealthy  then,  and  grandpa  did  n't 
expect  him  to  die  so  poor,  and  so  they  arranged  it  all 
between  them.  I  shall  have  just  my  own  little  income. 
I  wear  these  things  only  because  grandma  insists  on 
buying  them ;  but  when  she  's  gone  I  shall  have  only 
my  few  hundreds,  and  they  ought  n't  to  be  enough  to 
frighten  even  you  away." 

She  paused  and  waited  in  vain.  Delafield  said 
nothing.  Her  eyes  fell  on  the  diamond,  and  its 
sparkle  was  too  much  for  them. 


208        ENTEE  THE  EAEL  OF  TYNE 

"  I  did  n't  have  any  more  to  say/'  she  faltered,  half 
choking.  "  I  —  I  thought — " 

The  tears  that  had  assembled  behind  her  vehemence 
rushed  up  in  triumph  over  her  striving,  and  she  trem 
bled  and  shuddered  with  her  grief.  For  a  moment 
Delafield  clenched  his  fists  behind  him;  then  they 
opened,  and  he  moved  quickly  to  her  side. 

" Shall  I  love  my  happiness  more  than  you?"  he 
said  distinctly.  "  Shall  I  follow  my  heart  alone  ?  " 

«  Yes  —  yes ;  be  selfish — be  selfish !"  cried  Mildred. 
"I  —  I  want  to  be  worth  fury  and  hate  and  fighting 
for!  There  is  n't  anything  in  the  world  I  want  so 
much  as  you ! " 

He  took  her  strongly  in  his  arms,  and  tenderly 
kissed  her.  She  was  still  sobbing,  but  differently; 
and  he  let  her  weep  for  the  easing  of  her  heart. 

"  I  shall  adopt  your  view,"  he  said  resolutely,  with 
his  lips  at  her  ear.  "From  now  I  shall  believe  all 
you  believe;  and  we  11  start  and  make  our  life  a 
proof  of  our  creed.  Don't  fear  that  I  shall  be  weak ; 
I  was  thinking  of  you,  and  I  made  a  mistake.  I  al 
ways  go  on.  Please  —  " 

"Yes,"  she  said  joyously,  her  arms  around  his  neck 
and  their  eyes  meeting  in  new  trust  and  happiness; 
"  you  were  tired  and  worn  with  anxiety,  and  the  earl 
bothered  you,  dear.  But  it  will  not  be  so  again,  be 
cause  first  you  '11  tell  me  everything.  You  must  take 
a  long  rest  to-night ;  but  you  must  stay  to  dinner,  and 
drink  something  hot  to  prevent  you  from  having  got 
ten  cold  while  1  was  so  horrid." 

With  her  repentance  she  was  nearly  ready  to  weep 
again,  and  she  sprang  up  on  a  plea  of  drawing  the 


ENTER  THE  EARL  OF  TYNE        209 

shades.  There  came  a  heavy  clang  of  sleigh-bells 
without,  different  from  the  ordinary. 

"  Come  quick ! "  she  said. 

She  had  looked  out  in  the  glare  of  the  electric  lights 
and  had  seen  the  sleigh  with  the  scarlet  plumes  and 
the  crystal  dasher.  There  were  the  two  splendid 
towering  flunkies,  strictly  enprofil;  and  behind  them, 
half  frozen  in  their  furs,  the  young  Earl  of  Tyne,  ele 
gantly  dressed,  and  a  brilliantly  costumed  girl  of 
countenance  sharp  and  sagacious. 

Delafleld  came  up  behind  Mildred  and  slipped  the 
diamond  to  its  place  on  her  lovely  finger. 

"  And  who  7s  the  lady  I "  he  asked. 

"  That  ?s  Miss  Gaston,"  said  Mildred. 


14 


THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE 


THE   SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE 


ELL,  1 11  tell  ye.  Captain  Silas  Far- 
ragut  Tarrant,  U.  S.  N.,  owned  a 
farm  whereon  was  a  barn  wherein 
was  a  horse  over  which  was  a  room 
where  slept  a  little  red  Irishman  — 
Clarence  O'Shay — who  loved  both 
the  pipe  and  the  jug.  Which  I  say 
no  word  agin  um,  but  one  night  the  rum  rose  up  in 
O'Shay  and  the  coals  dropped  out  of  uz  pipe  aflame 
on  the  straw  of  uz  bed,  and  the  barn  burnt  down 
and  the  horse  burnt  up. 

And  Clarence  O'Shay  ran  that  fast  away  from  the 
blaze  that  when  the  Captain  had  um  up  on  charge  of 
cruelty  to  a  beast  and  arsony  to  a  barn,  Clarence  come 
into  court  with  an  alibi  ;  whereby  the  jury  acquit  um 
of  arsony,  by  that  he  could  n't  have  possibly  been  at 
the  barn  at  the  time ;  and  fined  um  twenty  dollars  for 
cruelty  to  a  beast  because  at  such  time  he  ought  to 
have  been  at  the  barn. 

And  the  Captain,  as  some  say,  to  make  amends  for 
the  charge  found  false,  or  as  others  say  to  git  O'Shay 
before  an  impudent  cocked-hat  court  some  day,  instid 
of  a  civil  one,  got  an  enlistment  for  O'Shay  as  a  sec 
ond-class  blue- jacket  in  the  navy,  and  then  straight 
way  forgot  of  um.  For  the  Captain  was  busy  witi 

213 


214  THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE 

trading  of  uz  hot-sketched  farm  and  with  having  uz 
rich  wife's  relations  tickle  the  administration  to  git 
um  a  fine  command. 

And  they  fixed  it  to  shove  aside  the  one  that  should 
have  ut  and  give  old  Tarrant  command  of  the  battle 
ship  Utah,  U.  S.  N.,  a  brand-new  grand  machine  of 
war  of  thirteen  thousand  ton  by  specification  and 
fourteen  thousand  by  fact,  they  say;  she  had  a 
whole  grove  of  funnels  and  military  tops  and  wicked 
rifles  pointing  every  what  way.  And  the  Captain  come 
aboard  of  her  and  hoisted  his  pennant  and  declared 
she  was  in  commission.  But  ?t  was  three  months  be 
fore  he  had  her  ready  to  commit  anything  but  lying 
forninst  the  pier. 

Well,  Clarence  O'Shay,  going  his  way,  was  sent  to 
a  big  fat  wooden  receiving-ship  —  one  of  the  war  of 
1812.  That  's  where  I  see  um  first;  a  square,  short, 
squat,  raw  squab  he  was,  with  brick-colored  fur  and 
a  jaw  like  the  end  of  a  box  j  and  uz  shanks  was  twisted 
like  andirons'  legs.  There  was  two  or  three  hundred 
aboard,  some  recruits  like  him,  and  some  with  their 
hides  tanned  with  experience,  like  me.  I  made  a  friend 
of  um  because  he  said  that  old  Tarrant  was  beholden 
to  um. 

And  the  officers  took  um  and  put  um  through  the 
setting-up  exercises  day  by  day,  till  uz  shoulder  blades 
ground  the  skin  of  uz  back  between  um  and  the  beads 
stood  out  on  uz  brow,  and  they  had  um  straightened ; 
and  they  swore  at  um  till  they  filled  um  with  respect ; 
and  they  taught  um  the  evil  end  of  a  gun,  and  a  no 
tion  of  standing  in  line  and  counting  fours  and  drill 
ing  with  the  rest  of  the  tarriers ;  and  I  learned  um 


THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE  215 

how  to  swing  to  uz  hammick  without  kicking  all  four 
of  uz  neighbors  out  of  bed ;  and  he  got  the  gift  of  ut 
in  three  months,  and  no  credit  to  uz  stupidity. 

And  when  we  made  part  of  a  draft  of  fifty  to  fill 
out  the  Utah  I  took  um  under  me  wing  and  showed 
um  how  to  smuggle  uz  jug  in  the  broad  light  of  day 
past  the  searching  sergeant  of  marines ;  and  he  took 
to  that  handily.  But  —  oh,  a  real  man-o'-war  was  a 
wildering  bedazzlement  to  uin !  'T  was  cross-eyeing 
to  um !  Such  that  he  spent  the  deal  of  uz  time  a-f  all- 
ing  through  coal-holes  and  hatches  and  ladderways, 
all  by  mistake  —  that  green  he  was  —  and  making 
friends  everywhere  in  the  bowels  of  the  ship  by  ut, 
with  telling  how  once  he  had  risked  uz  life  to  save 
the  Captain's  horse  from  being  dry-smoked.  And  I 
thought  I  see  me  way  to  some  special  dispensations 
from  old  Tarrant  through  O'Shay. 

And  I  took  um  a  walk  —  to  rub  off  uz  luster.  I 
showed  um  the  air-pumps  and  steam-pumps  and  hand- 
pumps  and  hydraulicky-pumps,  and  the  fan-gear  and 
tiller-gear  and  turning-gear ;  and  condinsers  and  ice- 
makers  and  forty  small  engines  here  and  there ;  with 
the  winches  and  capstans  and  dynamos,  and  ash-hoists 
and  shot-lifts  and  railways,  and  deck-plates  and  hand- 
wheels,  and  water-tight  doors  and  holds  and  bottoms 
—  me  telling  um  wThat  each  and  every  one  was  for. 
And  I  expostulated  to  um  how  the  green-flanged  red- 
painted  pipe  overhead  carried  water,  and  the  yellow- 
flanged  blue  pipe  carried  steam  from  the  donkey,  and 
the  black-flanged  gray  pipe  carried  pressed  air,  and 
the  red-flanged  green  pipe  carried  hydraulicky,  and 
the  speaking-tube  pipe,  painted  yellow,  took  whispers 


216  THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE 

all  over  the  ship;  and  I  showed  um  twenty  flush 
hatches  and  started  to  tell  um  what  each  one  was  for. 
But  O'Shay  took  to  drink  —  saying  that  Heaven  would 
forgive  um. 

And  he  nursed  uz  jug  till  he  emptied  it  —  and  that 
with  all  stragglers  aboard  and  us  lying  in  the  lower 
harbor  with  every  one  sobering  for  a  cruise  !  And  he 
laid  down  on  the  tank-tops  and  sing : 

I  'd  rather  be  right  than  Prisident ! 
I  'd  rather  be  boggled  than  right,  bedad ! 
Pop  !  — goes  the  goozle ! 

and  such  profanity.  And  when  I  asked  um  to  brace 
up  uz  back  and  temper  uz  voice  to  the  regulations  he 
said  he  was  too  busy  with  uz  joy.  And  I  begged 
um  and  begged  um  for  fear  of  court-martial  and 
me  losing  uz  influence  to  straighten  umself  —  but 
in  vain  j  and  when  I  spilled  a  bucket  of  brine  on  uz 
head  he  said  he  was  tight  —  tight  —  water-tight ;  and 
he  asked  if  I  was  a  blue  bag-pipe  with  red  fringes  — 
that  obvious  to  uz  surroundings  he  was ;  and  when  I 
give  um  me  boot  in  uz  ribs  he  laughed  with  joy  and 
said  't  was  the  pleasantest  sensation  in  the  history  of 
man. 

And  so  for  fear  of  uz  court-martial  for  smuggling 
uz  jug  I  lifted  a  man-hole  door  and  doubled  um  up 
and  stuffed  um  down  between  the  inner  and  outer 
skins  of  the  ship  —  't  was  a  space  not  three  feet  in  the 
clear ;  and  I  closed  um  in  with  a  light  to  sleep  by  and 
screwed  down  the  nuts  on  the  door  hard  and  fast. 


THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE  217 

And  the  last  command  I  heard  him  say  was  to  lower 
no  more  blasted  coffins  there,  "but  to  leave  urn  in  the 
gentlemanly  enjoyment  of  uz  tomb. 

Well,  I  hauled  off  and  forgot  of  um.  For  I  see  by 
the  signs  that  the  ship  was  to  crawl  away  by  moon 
light,  and  me  to  serve  me  lick  at  the  wheel  at  mid 
night.  So  I  hove  to  and  snored  in  me  hammick  be 
tween  me  favorite  beams.  And  there  was  little 
Clarence,  forty  feet  below,  lying  boxed  up  on  the 
hard  cement  of  her  outside  bottom,  with  her  inner 
bottom  for  uz  sky  —  not  two  feet  above  uz  nose,  and 
uz  feet  agin  her  vertical  keel  and  uz  head  bang  up 
agin  another  vertical  plate  called  a  longitudinal.  For 
ye  see,  a  steel  man-o'- war's  shell  is  built  on  the  cellu 
lose  system, —  as  though  ye  should  cut  off  one  story 
of  an  empty  honey-comb  and  bend  ut  to  the  shape  of 
a  ship's  bottom  j  and  this  was  one  of  the  cells  which 
six  of  'em  made  a  compartment  on  the  Utah.  And 
ye  could  crawl  from  one  of  the  six  to  another  by  virtue 
of  holes  in  the  upright  plates ;  but  beyond  the  six  of 
the  compartment  ye  could  n't  go  without  tearing 
through  a  twelve-pound  plate,  unless  by  the  man-hole 
door,  which  was  screwed  down  tight  above  Clarence's 
head. 

But  O'Shay  laid  absorbing  the  flavor  of  uz  drink 
long  past  when  old  Tarrant  come  aboard  from  a 
champagne  goozle,  two-thirds  content  with  the  uni 
verse  and  placing  main  reliance  on  uz  executive  offi 
cer.  The  Captain  ordered  the  Utah  under  way  and 
tumbled  into  uz  bunk ;  and  I  heard  the  anchor  haul 
ing  utself  in  over  the  windlass  and  the  engines  begin 


218  THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE 

to  go  bump  —  bump,  bump  —  bump,  and  I  knew  in 
me  sleep  we  was  off  hunting  for  bad  weather  for  a 
sea-test. 

And  by  and  by,  down  below,  O'Shay  half  waked 
in  uz  sleep  and  inquired  the  time  of  day,  and  no  one 
answered  um  —  nothing  but  the  stamping  of  the  old 
double-harnessed  elephants  of  engines  two  hundred 
feet  abaft  of  um.  And  he  laid  on  uz  back  with  the  elec 
tric  handlight  at  uz  side  gazing  up  at  the  black  man 
hole  door,  and  by  inches  he  partly  come  to  himself  — 
seeing  above  um  and  below  um  and  all  around  um 
nothing  but  cold  red  iron  walls  and  hearing  the  hard 
pounding  of  something  not  very  far  off,  he  did  n't 
know  what.  And  then  a  cold  shiver  chased  utself  all 
over  um,  for  the  thought  of  uz  being  buried  alive  in 
an  iron  casket  that  way.  "  Begad/'  he  says,  "  I  re 
member  now  I  died  with  only  a  boot  in  the  ribs  for 
me  absolution,"  he  says,  "  and  begad  I  hear  the  tread 
of  the  twelve  apostles  plain  as  day  !  "  And  with  that 
he  drew  in  a  breath  like  a  wheezy  cylinder  and  let  out 
a  howl  to  'em  for  a  stay  of  proceedings  on  uz  soul  j  but 
he  might  as  well  have  been  a  rat  a-drownding  in  the 
bilge  j  for  the  twelve  apostles  kept  on  treading,  tread 
ing, —  bump,  bump, —  never  no  farther  and  never  no 
nearer  —  keeping  step  all  the  time  as  if  they  was 
walking  in  a  circle  round  um  enjoying  the  fun  of  ut. 
And  he  give  a  shriek  and  tried  to  jump  up,  but  the 
iron  skin  struck  uz  head  and  knocked  um  down,  and 
he  saw  a  hole  that  let  into  the  next  cell  and  he  crawled 
through  ut  like  a  wild  snake,  dragging  the  light  and 
leaving  uz  wits  and  pieces  of  uz  breeches  behind  um, 
first  praying  and  begging  of  the  apostles,  and  then  a- 


THE  SPIEIT  IN  THE  PIPE  219 

swearing  at  7em  and  then  a-cursing  of  the  Captain's 
horse  for  burning  up  and  leaving  um  to  be  buried  alive 
at  sea,  and  all  the  time  crawling  and  howling  and  cold- 
sweating  till  he  crawled  through  the  six  cells  back 
again  to  the  first ;  —  and  he  laid  down  on  uz  face  and 
weep  with  distaste  of  ut. 

When  uz  tears  was  spent  he  found  that  uz  hand 
was  grasping  of  a  pipe.  And  seeing  ut  was  painted 
yellow  O'Shay  come  to  umself  a  bit,  and  remembered 
what 't  was,  for  sure.  For  ye  see,  the  speaking-tube 
pipes  in  the  Utah  was  led  down  through  the  inner 
bottom  to  keep  'em  safe  from  splinters  and  shell  j  and 
this  happened  to  be  the  one  that  went  forward  from 
the  Captain's  bunk  —  the  same  I  showed  um  in  the 
pilot-house,  with  telling  um  if  he  was  captain  he  could 
speak  with  me  through  ut.  And  O'Shay  took  out  his 
grandfather's  knife,  with  the  file  in  ut,  and  sawed 
away  at  the  brass  pipe  to  make  a  hole  in  ut  ;  and  he 
recollected  the  flask  in  uz  pocket  and  took  comfort  by 
that  5  and  he  filed  like  a  good  one,  and  emptied  the 
flask,  and  soon  he  had  a  hole  in  the  pipe  as  big  as  a 
dollar 5  and  he  put  his  big  mouth  to  ut  and  says: 
"  Phe-euw ! "  with  a  breath  that  blowed  the  brass  fil 
ings  a  jingling  for  yards  abaft.  And  the  automatic 
mouth-piece  aft  in  the  Captain's  cabin  —  't  was  nigh 
on  to  midnight  —  and  the  same  like  mouth-piece  f  or- 
rard  in  the  pilot-house,  both  whistled  to  wake  the 
dead.  For  ye  see,  Clarence  being  in  the  middle,  was 
establishing  umself  with  both  ends  of  ut  —  though  he 
had  no  thoughts  but  of  me.  And  the  quartermaster's 
mate  in  the  pilot-house  jumped  to  the  mouth-piece 
and  whispered :  "  Yessir."  And  in  the  cabin  old  Tar- 


220  THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE 

rant,  waked  up  from  uz  champagne  doze  by  the  hiss 
in  uz  ear,  took  up  the  mouth-piece  that  hung  by  a 
flexible  tube  from  the  sheathing,  and  says  with  impa 
tience:  ""Well,  sir?77  Which  neither  of  7em  heard 
the  other ;  but  O'Shay,  down  below,  hearing  their 
voices  associating  together,  shouts :  "  Come  and  un 
lock  me,  ye  blasted  idiot ! 77  And  the  quartermaster's 
mate,  thinking  old  Tarrant  was  locked  in  his  state 
room,  says :  "  Yessir ! 77  and  charged  horse  and  foot 
along  the  deck  toward  the  cabins.  And  old  Tarrant, 
at  hearing  such  marvelous  insubordination  shouted 
to  um  by  some  one  at  the  other  end  of  the  tube, 
shot  up  from  uz  bunk  like  a  mortar.  "  Ye  7re  under 
arrest !  "  says  he,  through  the  mouth-piece.  "  Go  tell 
the  master-at-arms  to  lock  ye  up!77  says  he.  And 
O'Shay,  thinking  ut  was  me,  shook  uz  fist  at  the 
hole  in  the  pipe,  and  bawls  in  old  Tarrant's  ear :  "  Un 
der  arrest,  is  ut  ?  1 7m  ten  miles  under  dry  land ! 77 
says  he.  "  Come  lemme  out  —  or  1 711  make  a  corpse 
of  ye  that  can7t  walk  the  streets  of  Heaven  in  de 
cency  ! 77  and  with  hearing  that  blasphemy  the  Cap 
tain  leapt  over  and  pushed  a  bell,  and  uz  Scandina 
vian  blockhead  of  a  private-of-marines-orderly  come 
in.  "  Arrest  that  man  in  the  pilot-house,  ye  numb 
skull  ! 77  orders  the  Captain. 

And  the  private-orderly-numbskull  lit  out  for  the 
pilot-house,  running  to  split  uz  tight  blue  robin7s-egg 
breeches ;  and  he  meets  the  quartermaster's  mate  run 
ning  and  asking  :  "  What  7s  the  matter  with  the  skip 
per  ? 77 —  and  says  the  orderly :  "  What  ?s  the  matter  at 
the  pilot-house  ? 77  and  they  both  went  on  without  an 
swering  each  other.  And  the  mate  burst  into  the 


THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE  221 

Captain's  stateroom,  saying  eagerly :  "  Did  ye  want 
help,  sir?"  "Help,  ye  fool!"  roars  the  Captain. 
"  Who  said  ut  ?  Do  I  want  help  to  put  on  me  trou 
sers  ?  You  're  under  arrest,  too,  sir !  Go  tell  the  or 
derly  to  arrest  ye  despite  yer  resistance  !  "  he  says,  or 
something  like  ut.  "  I  ?11  see  if  there  7s  mutiny  aboard 
this  craft,"  says  old  Tarrant,  putting  his  feet  into  the 
sleeves  of  uz  dress  coat  by  mistake,  and  howling  in  a 
voice  to  wake  the  dead  and  half  the  ward-room  offi 
cers:  "Call  the  officer  of  the  deck !  Pilot-house  there," 
he  says,  through  the  mouth-piece,  leaning  over  uz 
bunk ;  — "  send  aft  the  officer  of  the  deck !  "  And 
O'Shay,  down  below,  thinking  ut  was  me,  bellers  back: 
"  I  '11  send  ye  aft  the  twist  of  me  thumb  in  yer  eye," 
he  says  ;  "  come  down  and  lemme  out  or  I  '11  come  up 
and  make  a  horse-meat  sausage  of  ye ! "  And  about 
that  time  I  began  to  hear  'em  in  extraordinary  expe 
ditions  on  deck,  and  the  orderly  hollerin'  to  split  um- 
self,  and  the  master-at-arms  running  steeple-chases, 
and  I  says  to  meself  ut 's  time  to  spill. 

And  from  the  hatchway  I  noticed  there  was  no  of 
ficer  on  the  bridge,  so  I  reconnoitered  the  man  at  the 
wheel  —  the  one  I  come  up  to  be  standing  by  to  re 
lieve.  "  The  matter  ?  "  says  he,  shifting  uz  quid  and 
staring  straight  on  in  her  course — 't  was  a  bright 
moonli ght  night,  ten  miles  off  Sandy  Hook.  "  There 's 
the  divil  to  pay  and  110  pitch  hot,"  he  says.  "  Just 
listen  to  the  old  man  talking  in  uz  drink  through  the 
voice-pipe ! "  And  I  took  the  mouth-piece  and  heard 
a  voice  saying :  "  I  warn  ye  j  if  me  soul  leaves  me 
body  I  '11  come  up  at  ye  through  the  pipe,  I  will !  I  '11 
stick  yer  heart  that  full  of  holes  as  a  strawberry ! "  he 


222  THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE 

says.  "  Me  naked  spirit  711  sit  on  yer  ear,"  lie  says, 
"  like  a  barnacle  on  a  clam  —  talking  to  ye  till  the 
end  of  time ! "  he  says,  "  and  longer,  begad !  " 

And  me  heart  moved  two  inches  to  one  side,  for  I 
know'd  't  was  O'Shay  that  was  bringing  the  whole  ship's 
company  to  uts  feet  with  the  belief  that  old  Tarrant 
had  gone  daft  with  uz  drink.  I  could  hear  manding 
and  countermanding  from  stem  to  stern  of  her.  With 
that  I  grabbed  a  gallon  of  valve  oil  from  the  floor  of 
the  pilot-house  and  dumped  ut  quick  down  the  pipe 
and  polished  off  the  mouth-piece  with  me  sleeve.  And 
I  tumbled  below,  for  I  had  but  five  minutes  to  git 
O'Shay  and  save  uz  neck  from  court-martial;  and  I 
knew  the  oil  would  only  stop  um  till  he  could  spit  ut 
out  and  draw  uz  breath.  For  luck  there  was  no  one 
by  when  I  unfastened  um.  "  Hello,  Clarence/7  says  I. 
"What  are  ye  here  for?"  "For  me  health,  ye  ba 
boon  ! "  says  he,  spitting  oil  from  uz  teeth.  And  at 
first  he  showed  fight ;  but  I  hauled  um  out  by  the  col 
lar  of  uz  neck  and  sat  um  down  hard  once  or  twice  on 
the  tank-tops  to  show  um  uz  legs  was  too  stiff  for  ut; 
and  I  whispered  to  um  of  the  officers'  running  around 
crazy  to  find  um,  with  their  threats  of  keel-hauling 
um.  And  I  carried  um  up  the  ladder  on  me  back  and 
planted  um  on  deck  with  care. 

Along  come  a  young  surgeon  looking  for  what  he 
could  find,  and  says  he:  "What  ails  this  man?" 
" Nothing,  sir,"  says  I j  "he  ?s  fallen  down  two  hatch 
ways  and  disturbed  uz  innards,  as  appears  from  uz 
mouth,  sir,"  which  was  still  bubbling  oil.  And  the 
surgeon  says :  "  Dump  um  into  the  sick-bay."  Which 
I  did,  giving  um  a  pointer  to  keep  mum  with  uz  voice 
about  smuggling  uz  jug,  and  advising  um  to  git  all 


THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE  223 

the  sleep  he  could;  "for  I  hear,"  I  says,  "ye  're  to  be 
hanged  at  the  signal-arm  at  sunrise." 

And  when  I  come  for  me  trick  at  the  wheel,  on  the 
bridge  I  see  the  pilot-house  full  of  ward-room  officers, 
and  they  had  the  quartermaster's  mate  and  the  man 
whose  relief  I  was  and  the  wooden-head  Scandinavian 
orderly,  questioning  all  three  of  um  about  what  they 
had  said  j  but  the  Captain  they  had  soothed  back  to 
bed.  And  they  could  figure  no  relationship  with  the 
statements  of  them  three  and  what  the  Captain  had 
said.  I  heard  ?em  send  for  the  regulations  and  I 
knowed  they  was  considering  the  steps  to  be  taken 
when  a  captain  loses  uz  command  by  virtue  of  uz  vice 
of  intemperance,  for  they  thought  he  had  drillium 
trimmins.  And  from  what  I  heard  I  see  't  was  the 
intention  to  watch  um  in  the  morning  and  take  action 
according  to  uz  condition;  and  so  they  dispersed. 
And  when  me  trick  was  done  at  four  o'clock  in  the 
morning  I  lost  no  time  in  dropping  below  to  make 
a  clumsy  job  of  repairing  the  voice-pipe,  at  the  risk 
of  imminent  discovery. 

'T  was  four  bells  of  the  morning  before  I  had  fin 
ished  ut.  I  says  to  meself ,  I  '11  go  and  be  shining  brass 
knobs  in  the  cabin,  to  take  the  Squab's  place  and  hear 
what  is  said.  And  the  first  thing  old  Tarrant  re 
marks  when  he  opens  the  door  was :  "  G-o  tell  the  offi 
cer  of  the  deck  to  send  aft  all  those  men  I  placed  un 
der  arrest  last  night  at  midnight."  Which  I  did,  and 
the  officer  hummed  and  hawed  and  says :  "  How  does 
the  Captain  look  this  morning?"  "How  does  he 
look ? "  says  I  j  "he  looks  like  he  had  bad  sleep  last 
night,  sir,"  I  says,  "and  maybe  misleading  dreams, 
with  no  irreverence  to  um,  sir.77 


224  THE  SPIRIT  IN  THE  PIPE 

And  the  officer  says :  "  Hum  ;  go  tell  um  he  was 
mistaken.  He  placed  no  man  under  arrest  last  night." 
And  when  I  told  old  Tarrant  that,  he  did  n't  fly  off 
uz  handle,  but  looked  a  bit  dazed  to  umself .  "  'T  was 
the  night  before,"  he  says  to  umself;  "yes,  never 
mind,  't  was  the  night  before."  And  he  come  with 
false  leisure  f orrard,  and  see  the  quartermaster's  mate 
standing  on  one  leg  agin  the  tompion  of  old  ten-inch 
smoking  of  uz  pipe  to  beat  the  stack  of  a  soft-burning 
Britisher. 

"  Was  ut  las  night,"  says  the  Captain,  "  I  had  you 
aft  at  midnight  ?  "  he  says,  a  bit  dubious.  "  Me,  sir  ?  » 
says  the  mate  with  uz  eyebrows  flying  up  under  uz 
hat;  "  no,  sir,  't  was  n't  me,  sir ;  nor  any  night,  sir." 
And  old  Tarrant  walked  aft  again.  And  't  was  the 
last  word  any  one  hear  of  ut,  or  of  anything  that 
had  occurred  that  night.  But  during  that  cruise  the 
color  of  old  Tarrant's  beak  changed  from  a  flaming 
turkey  red  to  a  decent  claret  and  water ;  and  't  was 
plain  he  thought  he  had  the  drillium  dreams. 

Well  I  went  forward  and  shook  O'Shay  to  wake  um. 
"  Beware  me  naked  spirit !  "  he  mutters,  half  obvious 
of  umself.  "  Wake  up,  Clarence,"  says  I,  bringing  um 
to  umself.  "Are  ye  better  this  morning,  me  boy1? 
'T  is  twenty-four  hours  ye  laid  in  a  stupor  calling  out 
names  to  beat  the  divil.  Ye  've  had  a  bad  case  of 
drillium  trimmins,  me  lad.  JT  is  a  special  dispensa 
tion  ye  're  living  this  day !  " 

"  Is  that  all  of  ut  ?  "  says  Clarence,  rolling  of  uz  eyes 
with  relief.  "  Thank  Heaven  ! "  he  says.  "  I  dreamed 
I  was  being  shipped  in  a  tin  can  to  the  King  of  the 
Man-Eating  Isles ! " 


THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM 


15 


THE  PARLOUS   WHOLENESS  OF 
EPHEAIM 


OME  of  the  people  forgot  the  ad 
monition  about  avoiding  the  main 
road,  and  they  went  by  the  Junkins 
place,  and  were  seen  by  Zendy  as 
she  sat  at  the  window  sewing  pieces 
of  apples  on  a  string.  Cory  Judd, 
who  scorned  riding,  walked  past  without  a  look  — 
which  was  perhaps  because  of  his  shame  at  his  pride 
in  his  new  clothes. 

"  Now,  what  's  Cory  Judd  all  handsomed  up  for  ?  " 
said  Zendy.  "  Do  you  s'pose  he  '11  tramp  clear  to  Bos 
ton,  same  ?s  he  threatens  1 " 

Ephraim  sat  in  the  wooden  rocker  with  the  "  Book 
of  Seven  Hundred  Ailments/7  which  was  opened  at 
Ailment  No.  440. 

"I  dunno,"  replied  Ephraim.  "You  holler  down 
and  ask  him  'bout  that '  Man-and-Beast  Salve.'  I  ?ve 
got  440  sprouting  out  'twixt  my  shoulder-blades, 
sure  's  you  live ;  and  if  it  strikes  in,  it  '11  lead  to  441, 
and  that  '11  be  my  end.  I  'm  going  to  have  another 
one  them  spells ;  for  I  believe  I  must  of  et  something." 
"I  sh'  like  to  come  and  ketch  myself  a-hollering 
to  Cory  Judd ! "  said  Zeudy,  casting  a  glance  at  the 
"Book  of  Ailments."  "  You  've  got  forty  7leven  salves. 
I  s'pose  the  next  book  will  be  '  The  Complete  Barn- 

227 


228     THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM 

yard  Physician.7  Then  you  '11  be  a-howling  'round 
with  the  pip,  and  the  distemper,  and  conniption  fits. 
If  I  was  you  I  'd  tumble  int'  the  cellar  and  git  a  new 
set  of  griefs  —  you  ain't  quite  miserable  enough  these 
days.  Now  I  do  wonder  what  Cory  Judd  's  a-kiting 
so  for.  I  sh'  think  't  was  Fourth  July,  the  way  he 's 
slicked  up ! " 

"  Mebbe  /  sha'n't  ever  be  slicking  up  any  more/'  re 
plied  Ephraim.  "I  'm  a  pretty  faded  man,  Zendy, 
and  you  don't  two  thirds  realize  it.  Don't  suspect 
you  will  till  I  'm  took.  Here 's  201 1  Ve  had  for  years, 
and  213,  and  697,  and  I  felt  a  touch  of  149  this  morn 
ing,  just  as  plain  as  your  face :  'aching  back,  dull  eye, 
shooting  pains,  pale  tongue — ' ! " 

"  *  Can't  lie  awake  by  night ;  no  appetite  after 
meals/  "  interpolated  Zendy.  "  Overwork  's  what  's 
done  it.  Yesterday  you  cleaned  a  lamp-chimney;  arid 
day  before  you  wound  the  old  clock.  If  I  was  you  I 
should  n't  set  and  watch  me  sewing  apples;  might 
tucker  you  out.  Now,  if  there  ain't  the  Spinneys,  in 
their  new  wagon,  so  washed  and  dressed  they  dasn't 
sneeze !  Do  you  s'pose  it 's  Sabbath,  and  we  Ve  mis* 
laid  a  whole  day  from  this  week?  What  do  you 
s'pose — ?" 

"  Why  can't  ye  yell  to  Elziry  Spinney  to  tell  her 
boy  to  pull  some  that  yeller-dock  root  out  back  their 
house  ?  "  replied  Ephraim.  te I  kinder  hanker  after  it, 
and  it  drives  off  622.  I  sh'  think  you  could  j  might 
be  my  dying  wish,  for  all  you  know.  I  can  feel  my 
liver  palpitating  'bout  twice  too  fast.  Zendy,  I  'm 
persuaded  I  must  of  drunk  some  rain-water  that 
wa'n't  biled.  1  bet  I  'm  heaping  full  of  them  invis- 


THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHEAIM    229 

ible  phenomenons  on  page  1286 — them  you  can't  see 
without  a  burning-glass.  1 've  got  a  million  of  'em 
plotting  and  planning  inside  of  me.  I  tell  ye  I  can 
see  the  handwriting  on  the  wall !  " 

"Well,  I  vow!  "  said  Zendy.  "If  you  ain't  grow 
ing  peskier  and  worse  every  day.  You  're  juss  well 's 
I  be  —  and  you  have  been  these  two  years.  I  sh' 
think  you  'd  been  bio  wed  up  in  a  railroad  accident ! 
All  you  think  about  is  you.  Now  I  sh'  juss  like  to 
know  what  the  Spinneys  —  " 

"Yuss,  I  be  a-getting  worse,"  replied  Ephraim. 
"See  how  fat  I  am?  It  's  the  dropsy, —  578, —  just 
as  noticeable  as  your  nose.  But  I  had  n't  spoke,  be 
cause  I  don't  git  no  sympathy.  There  ain't  a  bone 
in  my  body  but  what 's  warped  with  neuraligy ;  but 
all  you  think  about  is  the  neighbors." 

"  Well,"  said  Zendy,  with  a  sigh,  "  swaller  your 
forty-'leven  medicines !  You  pour  'em  all  into  one 
now,  don't  ye?  Why  don't  you  take  some  shingle- 
nails  and  cider,  'gainst  the  general  debility  breaking 
out  on  ye  ?  Land  sakes,  if  there  ain't  the  Stapleses  — 
and  them  all  perked  up,  too !  Ephrum,  somebody  's 
having  a  time ;  and  you  and  me  ain't  invited ! n 

"  Pshaw  ! "  said  Ephraim,  "  Elziry  was  in  yester 
day;  and  she  tells  everything;  and  what  she  don't 
know  'bout  what  's  going  on  ain't  so.  I  wish  you 
had  git-up-and-git  enough  to  screech  to  Anne  Staples 
and  git  the  whereabouts  of  that  doctor  feller  that 
proscribes  by  mail." 

"I  know  what  they  're  doing,"  said  Zendy,  sud 
denly.  "  Sed  Staples  told  me  some  one  told  her  she 
overheard  'Mandy  Dame  say  'Lishy  Lemly?s  daughter 


230     THE  PAELOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM 

give  out  she  wa'n't  going  to  have  you  to  her  wedding. 
Said  you  always  mourned  so  much  'bout  your  ail 
ments  that  it  set  the  whole  company  's  solemn  's  con 
ference.  Said  she  'd  show  folks  a  wedding  without 
one  your  speeches.  Now  that  ?s  just  it  j  they  're  hav 
ing  that  wedding ;  and  I  bet  the  rest  of  'em  was 
'shamed,  and  went  'round  by  the  lane." 

Ephraim  had  put  down  the  "  Book  of  Ailments." 

"  But  you  don't  s'pose  so  ?  "  he  said,  rising  to  peer 
after  the  wagon  with  the  Staples  family  sitting 
starchly  in  it.  "Now  folks  would  n't  do  that!  I 
don't  kinder  believe  folks  would  give  a  wedding  nor 
any  kind  of  time  without  me :  you  see  I  always  make 
a  speech,  you  know.  Besides,  I  give  Jerushy  Jane 
Lemly  a  muskrat  skin  once ;  and  one  time  you  worked 
her  a  fascinator." 

"Yuss;  but  she  always  did  the  most  at  our  husk- 
ings,"  said  Zendy. 

"Yuss;  but  she  always  et  the  most  punkin-pie, 
too;  so  that  's  even,"  reasoned  Ephraim.  "You 
lemme  git  the  paper ;  mebbe  they  's  a  circus." 

"Circus,  pshaw!"  said  Zendy.  "You  lemme  git 
the  telescope ! " 

Zendy  disappeared  up-stairs,  while  Ephraim  vainly 
searched  the  weekly  edition.  Zendy  was  gone  for 
what  seemed  a  long  time,  and  Ephraim  called  to  her, 
having  long  professed  that  climbing  to  the  second 
story  was  too  much  for  him.  He  thought  that  the 
loud  puffing  with  which  he  at  length  made  the  ascent 
was  sufficient  notification  to  Zendy  of  his  unusual  per 
formance,  and  that  she  would  express  her  surprise 
at  his  approach ;  but  Zendy  made  no  sign.  The  trap- 


THE  PAELOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM     231 

door  to  the  roof  was  open,  and  the  marks  of  Zendy's 
shoes  were  on  the  dusty  ladder. 

"Zendy!"  called  Ephraim.  "What  do  you  see? 
Is  it  the  wedding  ?  Zendy !  Zendy,  you  ain't  fallen 
off  the  roof,  have  ye  ?  Now  I  wonder  if  that  old  fool 
has  slid  off  and  broke  her  neck  ?  "  wailed  Ephraim  in 
distress.  "  Zendy  ! " 

"  Um !  "  said  Zendy,  finally,  from  above.  She  was 
outside,  sitting  on  the  ridge-pole,  holding  the  tele 
scope  pointed  through  the  trees  toward  the  barn  of 
the  Lemly  place,  a  mile  in  the  distance.  But  she 
would  not  tell  what  she  saw. 

"  You  're  too  sick  a  man,"  she  said,  grimly.  "If  I 
was  to  tell,  you  'd  git  a  spell  of  1177." 

"  Well,  I  know/7  said  Ephraim.  "  Jerushy  Jane  is 
having  that  wedding,  and  I  ain't  invited.  They  think 
I  'm  petered  out  and  could  n't  speechify  to  set  'em 
gaping,  same  's  I  used  to.  Guess  I  could  outwrastle 
with  old  Lemly  right  now.  Zendy,  you  got  to  walk 
past  the  Lemly  place, —  juss  same  ;s  you  did  n't  know 
we  was  slighted, —  and  give  'em  lief  to  put  the  thing 
down  in  black  and  white.  They  sha'n't  say  ?t  was 
f orgitf  ulness,  b'  George  !  You  go  right  'long  j  do 
you  hear?" 

"  Sha'n't  do  no  such  thing/'  said  Zendy.  "  1  shall 
leave  'em  be.  I  can  see  'em  one  by  one  putting  their 
teams  int'  the  barn,  juss  same  ?s  they  was  'shamed. 
Every  one  of  'em  dressed  up  stiff 's  a  ramrod.  There 's 
Elziry  Spinney;  did  you  ever  see  any  one  look  so 
put-together  1 " 

Zendy  refused  to  go  and  walk  by  the  Lemly  place. 
Ephraim  argued  that  he  could  n't  do  it  5  because  such 


232     THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM 

an  exertion  would  deliver  him  over  to  a  number  of 
numbers  that  always  lurked  in  his  constitution,  as 
she  ought  to  know.  Zendy  said  that  he  could  take 
the  old  pig  and  ride ;  which  roused  Ephraim's  feel 
ings  to  an  uncommon  pitch.  He  rapped  his  stick  on 
the  floor  and  went  down  the  stairs  more  quickly  than 
he  had  come  up,  with  unpleasant  mutterings.  Never 
theless  Zeridy,  sitting  on  the  ridge-pole,  was  not  pre 
pared  to  see  him  issue  from  the  house  and  start  with 
decided  steps  down  the  short  stretch  that  led  to  the 
main  road.  And  when,  without  stopping,  he  turned 
and  set  off  toward  the  Lemly  place,  Zendy  put  the 
astonished  telescope  on  him.  Ephraim  had  departed 
without  taking  his  several  medicines  j  he  had  not  in 
two  years  walked  so  far ;  if  he  had  gone  away  it  had 
been  after  much  urging,  so  that  people  who  asked 
him  to  be  present  at  their  weddings  thought  them 
selves  under  an  obligation  to  him,  and  he  had  always 
driven  in  a  degree  of  state.  It  had  been  rare  to  find 
him  farther  than  the  hen-house.  Zendy  was  troubled. 

"  I  don't  kinder  like  it/7  she  said  to  herself.  "  I  do 
s'pose  he  is  kinder  poorly,  though  not  ?s  much  so  ?s  he 
thinks.  It 's  unusual ;  and  unusual  breeds  unusual  j 
and  I  ?m  scared  lest  something  ?11  happen." 

What  happened  first  was  that  Jerusha  Jane  Lemly, 
while  her  best  friends  were  worrying  over  her  skirts, 
looked  up  the  road  from  her  chamber  window  and 
made  an  exclamation.  The  people  she  had  seen  driv 
ing  into  the  barn  completed  the  invited  company, 
which  had  been  made  select  by  a  number  of  omis 
sions  of  Jerusha's  choosing ;  but  now  the  tone  of  the 
gathering  was  threatened  by  one  she  did  not  like. 


THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHEAIM    233 

"  Heaps  o>  wonders  ! "  said  Jerusha.  "  If  there  ain't 
old  Ephrum  Junkins  —  pegging  ;long  the  road  7s 
though  he  7d  been  made  whole  by  faith  !  Ma !  Ma ! 
There  ?s  old  Ephrum  Junkins  !  Now  what  you  going 
to  do  ?  I  sha'n't  have  him !  I  sha'n't,  if  I  set  up 
here  till  kingdom  come  !  " 

The  echoing  of  this  statement  through  the  house 
brought  consternation,  as  every  one  knew  what  Jeru 
sha  Jane  would  n't  do  when  she  said  she  would  n't. 
Father  Elisha  at  first  mildly  suggested  that  they 
might  as  well  let  Ephraim  in,  now  that  he  had  come 
so  far.  But  Mother  Lemly  put  her  thumb  on  him. 
She  issued  warning  to  the  people  who  were  yet  out 
doors,  and  they  vanished  quickly  at  her  command. 
The  wedding  guests  inside  suddenly  found  themselves 
whispering  in  the  dark,  with  all  the  shades  drawn, 
and  information  concerning  the  progress  of  Ephraim 
Junkins  in  great  demand.  Some  of  those  outside, 
who  had  failed  to  get  into  the  barn  before  it  was 
locked,  ran  hither  and  thither,  and  finally  put  them 
selves  away  as  best  they  could ;  and  everybody  was 
saying  to  himself :  "  Well  I  do  declare  !  " —  at  such  a 
situation.  The  most  unconcerned  person  near  by  was 
Ephraim.  When  after  a  few  minutes  he  reached  the 
place,  he  apparently  bade  fair  to  pass  on  without  hav 
ing  vouchsafed  a  glance ;  but  when  opposite  the  front 
door  he  paid  it  the  compliment  of  a  casual  notice. 
At  the  same  time  seemed  to  arise  a  feeling  that  he 
ought  to  stop  for  a  moment  and  pay  his  respects  to 
old  Elisha  Lemly;  though  the  perfunctoriness  of  it 
was  plainly  portrayed  on  Ephraim's  face  for  all  who 
cared  to  see.  Jerusha  Jane,  peeping  through  a  pin- 


234     THE  PAELOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM 

hole  she  had  made  in  her  chamber  shade,  saw  Eph- 
raim  knocking  at  the  kitchen  door,  just  as  had  been 
his  wont  in  the  days  before  his  ailments. 

There  was  no  answer  to  his  knocks.  Ephraim 
tried  the  barn ;  but  all  the  doors  were  locked.  Then 
he  went  around  to  the  front  door,  to  which  a  freshly- 
trodden  trail  led  through  the  long  grass  in  the  yard. 
Pinned  to  the  panel  was  an  envelop,  bearing  the 
scrawl : 

"  Lemltfs  folks  all  went  away  yesterday" 

"  Now,  ain't  that  strange  ! "  soliloquized  Ephraim,  in 
a  penetrating  voice.  "  Old  'Lishy  must  have  pulled 
up  stakes  and  moved  his  family  to  the  next  county." 

The  door  of  the  long  wagon  shed  had  been  so  hast 
ily  fastened  that  Ephraim  opened  it  with  little  diffi 
culty,  and  the  effort  gave  him  a  chance  to  prove  that 
his  strength  had  not  so  wholly  departed  as  people 
might  think.  The  sound  caused  considerable  rust 
ling  in  a  pile  of  salt  hay  inside.  In  fact,  old  Silas 
Ludlow,  who  was  much  beholden  to  Ephraim  Junkins 
for  past  services  in  the  way  of  speechmaking, —  Silas 
being  blessed  with  seven  daughters, —  had,  in  endeav 
oring  to  hide  his  head,  exposed  one  half  of  his  person. 

"  Now,  who  'd  a-thought ! "  said  Ephraim,  surveying 
this  considerable  half.  "If  there  ain't  old  Silas's 
pantyloons  —  all  stuffed  with  salt  hay  so  ?s  to  keep ! 
I  ?ve  known  ?em  for  years  by  that  patch,  which  don't 
appear  except  when  he  steps  into  his  wagon  down  to 
the  meeting-house.  Gone  and  left  his  boots  sticking 
into  'em  —  almost  's  natural  's  life ;  looks  as  though 
he  was  kinder  anxious  'bout  something  when  he  left 
'em  there  —  kinder  absent-minded  and  hurried-like. 


THE  PAELOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHEAIM     235 

Now,  what  sights  you  do  see  when  you  're  all  alone 
and  no  one  to  prove  it ! n 

It  was  getting  unduly  warm  inside  the  Lemly 
house,  with  only  the  scullery  window  open.  Ezra 
Dame,  who  was  shortly  to  be  joined  in  holy  matri 
mony  to  Jerusha  Jane,  if  only  the  Lord  would  make 
a  suitable  disposition  of  Ephraim  Junkins,  was  so  em 
barrassed  in  his  corner  that  he  was  smiling  painfully  5 
and  it  was  especially  hard  on  the  two  Lemly  poor  re 
lations,  who  toiled  in  the  kitchen,  cooking  the  wed 
ding  dinner  and  growing  redder  in  the  face  and  more 
hateful  of  Jerusha  every  minute.  Ephraim  had  been 
investigating  with  leisurely  thoroughness;  and  now 
he  made  his  way  to  the  front  door,  and  solemnly  set 
tled  himself  on  the  big  stone  step.  In  the  parlor  the 
impression  gained  that  he  had  gone.  But  now  he 
was  plainly  heard  to  say : 

"  Guess  I  '11  set  and  brood  awhile." 

For  some  time  Ephraim  kept  eating  some  choice 
apples  he  had  discovered  near  the  scullery  window. 

"  Now  I  will  say  this  is  a  pretty  tearful  subject,"  he 
began,  at  length,  in  a  voice  as  if  he  was  talking  to  a 
large  assemblage,  but  all  the  while  looking  at  the  en 
velop  in  his  hand.  "  Here  ?s  the  whole  Lemly  fam'ly 
suddenly  took  right  off  the  earth — clean  sweep. 
Here  's  me  a-setting  on  the  door-step,  and  here  's  the 
old  Lemly  house  shut 's  tight  7s  a  drum,  and  nary  soul 
inside — nary  one.  Now,  ain't  that  a  pity!  Here  ?s 
the  barn-doors  closed,  and  old  Lemly  forgot  and  went 
off  and  left  'em  all  padlocked  on  the  inside.  I  don't 
see  how  he  ever  got  out  himself,  nor  how  he  ?s  to  git 
in.  But  T  see  through  a  crack  they  was  as  many  >s 


236     THE  PARLOUS    WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM 

fifteen  of  his  neighbors'  hosses  crawled  in  there  some 
how  or  other,  and  it 's  a  wonder  some  of  their  owners 
ain't  here  looking  for  ;em.  Strange  that  old  Lemly 
should  go  'way  and  leave  these  fancy  Baldwins  'round. 
Dunno  's  they  's  anything  I  like  so  's  one  of  his  late- 
ripe'ing  Baldwins,  when  they  're  hard  and  green, 
same  's  these ;  and  this  was  off  year  for  apples,  too  j 
and  Simon  Staples  told  me  only  yesterday  how  'Lishy 
was  saving  the  only  few  he  had,  for  some  pet  purpose, 
and  here  he  's  gone  away  and  left  'em !  I  sh'll  have 
to  take  the  rest  of  'em  home. 

"  7T  is  mighty  sad  to  think  of  the  whole  Lemly  tribe 
being  wiped  off  the  map  of  this  township  in  one  sun 
down,"  continued  Ephraim,  turning  to  face  the  dark 
ened  windows,  "  especially  that  old  dried-up  Jerushy 
Jane,  her  that  we  was  all  afraid  would  git  spliced  to 
that  young  nincompoop  Ezry  Dame.  I  'm  glad  she  ;s 
quit  without  so,  for  that 's  a  sight  of  trouble  saved. 
I  'm  glad  because,  that  while  't  is  generally  thought 
that  while  Jerushy  Jane  —  even  her — deserves  a  mite 
better  than  such  as  him,  also  Ezry  Dame  he  deserves 
a  quick  sight  better  than  Jerushy  Jane.  For  the 
Lord  knows  no  one  would  think  of  marrying  her  if 
?t  wa'n't  for  what  her  father  has.  /  was  scared  least 
they  would  hitch  up,  and  I  be  requested  to  make  one 
them  felicitating  speeches,  one  such  as  no  wedding 
has  been  complete  without  or  thought  of  in  these  here 
abouts  for  the  last  twenty-five  years.  For  I  should 
of  had  to  git  out  of  it  the  easiest  I  could,  without 
hurting  some  one's  feelings,  not  being  cantankerous- 
like  nor  mean-sneaking  out  from  a  thing,  as  folks  has 
been  known  to.  But  I  'd  seen  Jerushy  Jane  die  an 


THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHBAIM     237 

old  maid,  which  by  nature  she  was  meant  to  do,  'fore 
I  'd  git  up  and  prognosticate  lies  'bout  her  future 
happiness,  here  or  hereafter ;  for  there  ain't  a  person 
in  this  county  that  can  see  how  any  one  is  to  be  con 
gratulated  for  marrying  Jerushy  Jane,  nor  any  one 
for  marrying  Ezry  Dame." 

In  the  parlor  old  Peter  Hammond,  while  waiting 
for  the  ceremony  to  begin,  had  fallen  asleep.  Ezra 
Dame  was  so  red  that  he  thought  his  cheeks  visible  in 
the  dark — a  thought  which  made  them  redder. 

"  So  they  's  a  sorter  sweet  sorrer  in  that,"  pursued 
Ephraim,  "  though  it  does  seem  pretty  tearful  to  have 
the  whole  Lemly  fam'ly  took  out  from  under  your 
feet  like  a  stroke  of  lightning.  They  must  of  left  in 
a  hurry,  for  they  did  n't  stop  to  take  in  the  mats  from 
the  doors,  but  left  out  their  best  one,  which  I  ain't 
seen  before  since  I  give  it  to  Mother  Lemly  when  she 
and  'Lishy  had  their  silver  wedding.  Pretty  expen 
sive  mat  that  was — as  any  one  could  see  by  comparing 
it  to  the  one  'Lishy  bought  to  give  the  minister  when 
he  was  married.  Mother  Lemly,  I  hear,  used  this  one 
for  a  tidy  at  first.  She  'd  never  gone  and  left  it  lying 
loose  like  this  unless  't  was  something  happened  — 
mebbe  she  heard  of  some  one  that  was  willing  to 
marry  Jerushy;  and  as  for  'Lishy,  Lord  knows  he 
would  n't  leave  a  hoss-hair  'round  if  he  thought  an 
angel  might  take  it  for  a  harp-string.  And  they  left 
the  scullery  window  open.  Awful  absent-minded," 
said  Ephraim?  rising.  "Thieves  might  break  in  and 
steal  Jerushy's  curls." 

The  remainder  of  the  late-ripening  Baldwins  had 
disappeared  from  the  scullery  window ;  but  Ephraim 


238     THE  PAELOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHKAIM 

did  not  seem  to  notice  it.  He  took  away  the  stick 
that  held  the  sash  up,  and  closed  the  window,  leav 
ing  the  two  poor  relations  to  stifle  in  the  kitchen. 
In  the  parlor  the  minister  was  staring  devoutly  at 
the  points  of  sunlight  that  came  through  the  win 
dow-shade  to  which  Ephraim  was  now  addressing 
his  meditations.  Every  one  was  unaware  of  Eph 
raim,  and  determined  that  every  one  else  should 
perceive  it. 

"  Beats  all,"  continued  Ephraim  loudly,  as  he  set 
tled  himself  once  more  on  the  stone  step,  "  how  things 
without  spiritual  life  shows  how  they  miss  Jerushy ! 
'T  is  juss  so  everything  that  belongs  to  the  fam'ly 
could  speak.  l  Here/  says  this  envelop,  which  I  see 
is  postmarked  this  morning,  and  could  n't  of  got 
here  before  this  noon  — '  here/  says  it,  '  Ephrum  Jun- 
kins  must  know  'bout  this/  So  it  shakes  the  letter 
from  its  inwards,  and  runs  and  gits  a  pencil  and 
scratches  on  its  back :  '  Lemly's  folks  all  went  away 
yesterday/  in  a  first-rate  forgery  of  Mother  Lernly's 
handwriting ;  and  then  climbs  up  and  pins  itself  to 
the  door.  Juss  the  same  with  the  things  out  back. 
'Here/  says  they,  'Jerushy  Jane  's  gone  off  looking 
for  some  wooden-head  to  marry  her ;  but  we  '11  git 
ourselves  ready  'gainst  her  coming  back  unsuccessful, 
juss  same  's  them  two  poor  relations  of  hers,  that 
does  all  the  work  and  gits  nothing  for  it  but  leav 
ings  and  hard  words,  same  's  they  was  here  to  slop 
'round  and  get  dinner.7  So  them  late-ripe'ing  Bald 
wins  says  to  themselves :  '  Here,  we  'd  better  git  in 
out  the  sun,  or  we  '11  git  mellered  'fore  our  time.' 
So  they  up  and  roll  int'  the  house,  same  ?s  they  had 


THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM     239 

legs.  Then  the  sink-pump  begins  to  draw  water, —  I 
can  hear  it  a-snorting  now, —  sounds  juss  's  though 
old  Peter  Hammond  was  setting  in  the  corner  of  the 
parlor  winder  and  had  fell  asleep  waiting  for  some 
thing  to  happen.  Then  out  back  the  shed  some  that 
wood  that  'Lishy  cut  from  widder  Cole's  half -acre, 
because  she  could  n't  pay  the  interest  on  the  mort 
gage,  and  he  knew  the  church  would  git  her  through 
the  winter  somehow  —  some  that  wood  takes  the  ax 
and  chops  itself  to  kindlings,  and  gits  a  match  and 
crawls  int'  the  stove,  and  touches  itself  off  and  roars 
like  a  turkey -red  lion,  as  you  can  see  by  the  smoke 
a-spilling  out  the  chimney.  'Jerushy  Jane  '11  be 
home  'for'  long/  says  everything.  And  the  old 
black  pot  gits  down  off  the  hook,  and  waddles  up  to 
the  sink  and  gits  itself  full  of  water,  and  climbs  up 
on  the  stove,  and  sets  down  to  git  a-bubbling.  And 
then  the  onions, —  I  can  smell  'em  's  loud  ?s  they 
was  under  my  chin, — well,  they  turn  to  and  peel  off 
their  coats,  and  run  and  jump  int'  the  pot,  and  squat 
down  to  bile ! 

"  Still,"  said  Ephraim,  very  loudly,  "  I  dunno  why 
I  sh'd  be  brooding  here.  The  Lemlys  ain't  much  to 
me.  I  always  treated  'em  considerate  like.  When 
Mother  Lemly  come  to  me  and  said  what  a  close- 
fisted  old  barn-rat  'Lishy  was,  I  never  told  'Lishy. 
When  'Lishy  come  to  me  and  asked  if  't  was  wicked 
to  wish  that  Mother  Lemly  was  enjoying  a  stay  in 
Heaven,  I  never  told  her.  I  give  'em  both  my  honest 
sympathy ;  but  they  ain't  anything  to  me  — •  more  than 
folks  that  live  in  the  same  town  that  I  do.  First 
thing  I  know  my  folks  from  Boston  will  be  arriving; 


240     THE  PAKLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM 

and  I  dunno  's  I  'd  pick  out  juss  these  steps  to  let  'em 
see  ine  setting  on;  for  my  Boston  folks  are  pretty 
tony  and  stylish,  and  rather  particular  7bout  who 
they  see  me  with.  I  '11  make  that  stretch  home  in 
'bout  nine  minutes." 

Ephraim  straightened  himself  and  walked  briskly 
from  the  yard,  and  still  more  briskly  until  he  had 
gone  from  sight  around  a  bend  in  the  road.  The  ex 
ercise,  far  from  fatiguing  him,  was  exhilarating;  and 
he  kept  on  at  the  same  gait,  chuckling  as  he  went. 
The  stick  with  which  he  had  plodded  up  the  stairs  to 
find  Zendy  lay  forgotten  in  the  Lemly  yard.  Eph 
raim  grew  more  charmed  with  himself  at  every  step. 

Zendy  was  standing  alone.  The  figure  that  seemed 
to  be  Ephraim  was  coming  too  fast  for  him,  and  when 
Ephraim  was  within  call  he  did  not  seem  himself;  for 
the  customary  melancholy  of  his  face  was  supplanted 
by  a  gleam  of  satisfaction.  Zendy  was  troubled. 

"What  ?s  the  matter?"  she  said,  "Where  you 
been  ?  Where  's  your  stick  ?  Ain't  you  tuckered  ? " 

"  Well,  sir,"  said  Ephraim,  radiantly,  steaming  past 
her  and  taking  the  rise  in  front  of  the  house  at  a  pace 
which  left  her  in  the  rear.  "  Well,  sir,  I  juss  give  it 
to  'em !  Guess  they  won't  forgit  it !  Is  anybody  fol- 
lering  me  —  ?  'Cause  I  ain't  looked  'round ; —  walked 
off  juss  same  's  I  forgotten  'em  at  their  own  gate. 
You  oughter  heard  me  a-brooding  aloud  —  offhand ! 
'  Onions  took  their  coats  off,'  says  I,  '  and  jumped  in 
and  squat  down  to  bile ! '  Plain  's  your  face  I  And 
Silas's  Sunday  pantyloons  —  hee,  hee!  Well,  sir, 
you  11  wish  you  'd  come!'9 

"There,  Ephraim,  there,"  said  Zendy,  soothingly. 


THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM     241 

"  You  ain't  quite  well,  I  'm  sure.  You  're  all  tuck 
ered,  ain't  ye  ?  There,  I  should  n't  let  myself  git  so 
excited.  How  's  your  aches  ?  " 

"  Tuckered  ? ''  said  Ephraim.  "  Who  's  tuckered  ? 
1 11  teach  'em  I  ain't  no  setting  rooster,  b'  George ! 
Think  1 7ve  lost  my  gift,  do  they  ?  As  for  aches  and 
pains,  I  ain't  a  single  one  —  if  I  was  to  try.  Dunno 
's  I  ever  shall  have  again.  I  've  shook  my  ills  and 
give  up  pills  —  and  don't  pay  no  more  doctor's  bills, 
—  eh,  Zendy  ? " 

"Ephrum  Junkins,"  said  Zendy,  solemnly,  "you've 
got  to  git  right  to  bed !  You  're  a  sick  man ;  and  you 
don't  realize  it  one  mite.  I  ain't  seen  you  exert  so 
these  ten  years !  Don't  you  lemme  hear  'nother  word. 
You  need  every  parcel  of  strength  you  got.  Oh,  Eph 
rum,  why  did  n't  you  stay  to  home  ?  " 

"  Go-to-bed  pshaw ! "  said  Ephraim.  (t  I  tell  ye  I  ?m 
's  pert 's  a  sparrer.  Could  n't  find  no  ache  nor  pain 
if  I  was  to  hunt." 

"That  ;s  juss  what  's  the  matter,"  said  Zendy. 
"You  've  come  to  the  fair  hill-top  overlooking  the 
valley  of  shadder  of  death,  Ephrum,  and  here  you 
be  a-ready  to  go  coasting  down  t'  the  bottom 's  fast 's 
you  know  how  !  Don't  you  see  how  't  always  is  ?  — 
them  that's  ailing  all  of  a  sudden  gitting  up  and  hop 
ping  round  outdoors  and  looking  pert,  and  everybody 
saying  how  smart  Ephrum  Junkins  is  looking —  and 
then  all  of  a  jump  the  Lord  whisks  your  head  off  ?s 
though  't  was  an  ax.  Ephrum  —  I  dunno,  Ephrum  ! 
There,"  she  said,  recovering  herself ;  "  you  go  to  bed, 
won't  ye  ?  n 

"  Pshaw ! "  said  Ephraim.     "  Here  I  be  as  skittish 

16 


242     THE  PAKLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM 

as  a  yeller  kitten.  Yon  sh'd  see  me  kiting  'long  the 
road,  's  though  I  was  shot  from  a  bow !  Well,  sir, 
they  was  fifteen  bosses  that  crawled  int'  that  barn, 
b'  George ;  and  they  'd  locked  themselves  in  —  eh? 
I  s'pose  I  set  there  's  much  's  an  hour  —  brooding 
to  myself  loud  enough  for  the  pigeons.  I  callate 
Jerushy  Jane  '11  live  to  see  me — n 

But  the  enthusiasm  had  spilled  from  Ephraim's 
voice. 

"  I  was  going  to  step  off  front  the  house  'bout  time 
the  wedding  broke  off,  and  chop  that  tree  I  been  a- 
going  to  so  long,"  he  added,  thoughtfully. 

Zendy  left  him  sitting  still  in  the  rocking-chair, 
gazing  rather  steadily  at  his  thumbs.  She  ran  down 
to  the  road  and  caught  the  "£oy  whom  she  had  seen 
driving  one  of  Lemly's  teams. 

"You  hurry  and  find  Doctor  Payne,"  she  said. 
"  He  's  down  to  the  wedding,  I  guess.  You  tell  him  to 
come  up  along  's  fast  's  he  can ;  for  Ephrum  Junkins 
is  took  so  that  I  misdoubt  he  '11  last  the  evening. 
You  hurry  and  I  '11  give  you  a  watermelon." 

When  she  came  back  Ephraim  was  silent,  and  she 
looked  at  him  sadly  and  said  nothing.  He  expected 
her  to  urge  him  again  to  retire;  but  she  did  not. 
At  length  Ephraim  said  : 

u  Of  course,  if  you  're  any  scared,  Zendy,  I  s'pose  I 
might  just  as  well  go.  Still,  it  does  seem  kinder 
foolish ;  and  I  should  n't  tell  any  the  neighbors  'bout 
it." 

"  Hain't  you  the  leetlest  kind  of  an  ache  ? "  asked 
Zendy. 

"  No,"  said  Ephraim,  with  a  shade  of  regret.    "  I 


THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM     243 

can't  truthfully  git  up  and  lie  'bout  it.  I  ain't  got 
the  shadder  of  one." 

"  It  7s  unusual/'  said  Zendy  ;  "  and  unusual  breeds 
unusual.  You  jump  in  's  quick  's  you  know  how  5 
and  I  '11  make  a  poultice  and  some  licorish  tea  j  and 
I  '11  stuff  your  ears  with  cotton,  so  the  crickets  and 
roosters  and  things  sha'n't  keep  you  awake.  And 
there,  I  'd  drink  some  hot  water  if  I  was  you.  Dun- 
no  's  I  should  be  scared,  Ephraim  ;  mebbe  it  '11  pass 
off  in  the  night." 

Ephraim  lay  in  the  depths  of  the  feather-bed,  with 
the  blinds  closed,  while  Zendy  stirred  about  the  ad 
joining  kitchen.  A  streak  of  sunlight  came  through 
and  found  the  wall  beside  him ;  all  the  world  seemed 
wide  awake  and  well ;  but  Ephraim's  lightsome  spirits 
had  departed.  Presently  he  called : 

U'T  is  kinder  unusual,  ain't  it?" 

"  Well,  mebbe,"  said  Zendy.     "  Still  —  " 

"  Still  what  ? "  said  Ephraim,  with  the  cotton  in  his 
ears.  "  Say,  I  guess  you  'd  better  git  out  some  that 
Mrs.  Slopley's  Sure  Cure  —  't  won't  do  no  harm; 
though  I  dunno  's  they  's  any  cause  for  you  to  git 
worried,  feeling  so  smart  's  I  do  —  ?" 

"  Oh  no,"  said  Zendy ;  "  worrying  will  only  make 
you  worse." 

Ephraim  lay  staring  at  the  ceiling,  unpleasantly 
aware  of  his  own  fiber.  He  listened  to  the  throbbing 
of  his  arteries  and  asked  himself  if  there  was  not 
something  unusual  in  it — unusual  bred  unusual. 
People's  hearts  sometimes  unexpectedly  stopped,  and 
then  people  gave  three  gasps  and  all  was  over. 

"S'pose  you  set  some  that  Greenson's  Painkiller 


244    THE  PAELOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHKAIM 

handy,"  he  called.  "And  if  you  sh'd  see  Doctor 
Payne  you  might  yell  to  him.  I  felt  's  coltish  's  a 
calf  when  I  laid  down  here ;  but  I  dunno." 

The  ticking  of  the  clock  seemed  to  keep  time  with 
his  breathing  —  at  least  it  had  at  first;  but  now 
surely  the  clock  was  getting  ahead.  His  lungs  might 
be  gradually  slowing  down,  and  perhaps  they  would 
lag  until  by  and  by  they  would  stop  short  —  col 
lapsed  like  an  empty  bellows. 

"  I  dunno  but  you  'd  better  send  for  him,  Zendy  — 
so  's  to  keep  you  from  worrying,"  he  managed  to  say 
without  falling  behind  the  clock. 

"  There,  I  should  n't  snort  so,"  said  Zendy.  "  He  's 
a-coming." 

"  What,  you  sent  for  him  ?  v  exclaimed  Ephraim. 
"  I  wonder  if  you  've  had  one  your  presentiments  ?  I 
should  n't  have  such  nonsense.  Here  I  be,  looking 's 
bright  ?s  a  new  dollar  —  ain't  I?  What  's  the  use 
you  trying  to  scare  me  so?  There,  ain't  that  clock 
gitting  ready  to  stop  ?  I  ain't  superstitious ;  but  you 
kinder  make  me  nervous  running  'round  the  way 
you  do/' 

Zendy  comforted  him  with  the  licorice  tea  for  his 
inner  man,  and  with  something  she  put  between  his 
shoulders  • —  a  poultice  the  mustardy  nature  of  which 
she  concealed  from  Ephraim  on  account  of  his  objec 
tion  to  being  burned.  The  licorice  tea  began  search 
ing  for  the  late- ripening  Baldwins. 

Lemly's  boy  had  met  the  people  as  they  were  leav 
ing  after  the  wedding , '  and  he  mingled  among  them, 
eager  with  the  importance  of  his  news ;  so  that  be 
fore  dusk  every  one  had  heard  of  Ephraim's  going  to 


THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHBAIM     245 

bed.  Those  who  had  known  Ephraim  and  Zendy 
since  early  years  came  in  to  see  if  they  could  be  of 
assistance ;  and  they  made  a  considerable  gathering 
of  people  in  their  Sunday  clothes. 

"I  ain't  going  to  be  caught  napping/'  exclaimed 
Zendy.  "Here  he  ails  and  wails  every  minute  for 
two  years,  and  here  he  gits  up  suddenly  and  tramps 
off  somewhere,  and  says  he  ain't  got  an  ache  nor  a 
pain,  and  wants  to  chop  down  trees!  I  juss  drove 
him  to  bed." 

Ephraim  removed  the  cotton  from  one  ear.  The 
arrival  of  the  visitors  had  for  awhile  turned  his 
thoughts  away  from  himself. 

"  Real  nice  of  you  to  put  your  good  clothes  on  juss 
to  come  see  us,"  he  heard  Zendy  say.  They  all  sat  in 
the  kitchen,  with  the  lamp  casting  a  dimness  over 
their  faces  5  and  they  settled  themselves  as  if  they 
had  come  to  see  the  affair  to  its  end.  Conversation 
languished;  for  everybody  was  thinking  about  the 
wedding,  and  no  one  dared  to  speak  of  it.  Old  Peter 
Hammond,  who  was  deaf,  was  last;  and  Ephraim 
heard  him  say; 

"  What  —  nary  an  ache  nor  pain  ? n 

11  Nary  a  fly -bite,"  called  Ephraim.  "  I  dunno  >f  the 
Lord  's  crowding  a  place  for  me  on  the  other  shore  5 
but  seems  to  me  ?t  would  of  been  juss  as  well  if  I  ;d 
first  stepped  out  front  and  chopped  that  old  apple- 
tree.  Been  going  to  these  ten  years ;  ever  since  the 
time  Leviticus  Brooks  drove  the  pitchfork  into  his 
leg,  and  Alice  Dame  >s  calf  got  hurt,  too,  and  Joel 
Pitkin  was  'lected." 

"  He  7s  beginning  to  reach  back,"  whispered  Amanda 

16* 


246      THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHBAIM 

Dame  to  Sarah  Tower.  "  When  they  begin  to  reach 
back  years  and  years,  then  I  know  they  're  going 
out." 

This  remark  was  repeated  to  the  others ;  and  for 
a  while  Ephraim  heard  nothing  but  an  ominous 
murmur. 

"  Good  deal  of  sickness  and  ailments  'round,"  came 
the  voice  of  Mother  Margery  Hook,  at  length  breaking 
the  funereal  silence.  "  They  do  say  May  Tenny  War 
ren  won't  last  out  the  night  —  and  she  so  young,  too, 
—  you  would  n't  expect.  And  then  old  Jeddy  Mar 
vin  —  that  was  born  on  same  day  's  Ephraim  —  he  's 
done  a  fearful  night  and  ain't  no  better.  I  declare  I 
ain't  got  nothing  fit  to  wear  to  a  funeral." 

"  You  '11  have  to  go  just  to  weddings  till  you  git 
something  new,"  said  Zendy,  surveying  Mother  Mar 
gery's  lavender  trimmings.  This  remark  caused  an 
other  silence. 

"Zendy!"  called  Ephraim.  "You  steep  me  some 
that  catnip,  will  ye  ?  " 

"What  she  said  reminds  me  of  old  Josiah  Cod- 
man,"  came  the  voice  of  Hannah  Swan.  "Old  Jo 
siah,  'f  you  remember,  rose  up  from  a  stroke  and 
hoed  a  whole  patch  of  beets.  Come  evening  he  was 
flat  on  his  back ;  and  stone  cold  before  morning." 

Ephraim's  mind  went  back  to  the  clock,  which  now 
seemed  to  tarry  behind  his  breathing.  Perhaps  his 
lungs  would  go  faster  and  faster,  until  they  burst 
with  panting,  and  he  lay  stone  dead. 

"  There  was  Jim  Sweet's  wife,  too,"  he  heard  Angy 
Brooks  say.  "  She  left  the  chronic  sinking-fits  and 
went  to  a  dance.  Said  she  'd  like  to  see  the  one  that 


THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHEAIM     247 

could  outbob  and  fling  with  her!  And  she  up  and 
died  in  the  middle  of  a  jig.  Most  of  the  orthodox 
folks  took  it  for  a  judgment." 

"  Then  Eunice  Dexter,  'f  you  remember,"  said  Han 
nah  Swan — "she  that  married  the  Spooner  twins, 
one  after  the  other.  She  got  up  and  went  to  a  husk 
ing,  and  died  from  eating  Mother  Hammond's  pan 
dowdy.  I  don't  s'pose  Ephrum  's  et  anything,  has 
he?" 

"  No,"  said  Zendy  j  "  he  ain't  et  anything  j  he  ?s  too 
scared  to  eat  what  fights  him."  But  Ephraim  thought 
of  the  late-ripening  Baldwins  ;  and  for  some  indefina 
ble  reason  he  wished  he  had  not  touched  them. 

"  Zendy ! "  he  called.  "  That  boy  ain't  found  Doctor 
Payne !  Why  's  he  so  slow  ?  " 

"Doctor  Payne?"  said  Mother  Margery  Hook. 
"  Gone  to  Boston  —  for  a  week." 

"  Thunder ! "  said  Ephraim,  breaking  out  in  a  cold 
sweat  "  Zendy,  what  you  going  to  do  ?  " 

"And  Doctor  Wallace  is  away  to  Bucksport," 
whispered  Peter  Hammond,  loudly,  "  Still,  I  don't 
think  a  doctor  would  mend  any,  Zendy.  I  quit 
doctoriag  these  ten  years.  Speaking  of  like  cases," 
Ephraim  heard  Peter  say,  "come  to  think  of  it, 
there  was  Ephrum's  own  father.  'T  was  juss  'bout 
same  ?s  this.  Dunno  's  any  of  you  remember  j  but 
old  Ephrum  had  been  lain  up  with  something  he 
called  typhoid-gout, —  he  doctored  himself  mostly,— 
and  one  day  he  rose  off  his  lounge,  where  he  'd  been 
most  the  time  for  several  years>  carving  little  clipper 
ships  inside  of  ginger-pop  bottles,  rose  off  and  took 
stick  and  stumped  clear  down  to  Cedar  Creek;  and 


248     THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHRAIM 

made  old  Enoch  Blood, —  that  was  keeping  a  black 
smith  shop  'bout  where  the  meeting-house  now  is, — 
made  him  pone  up  seven  dollars  Enoch  had  owed  him 
since  he  'd  married  Thankful  Spinney  —  with  seven 
per  cent,  interest  —  and  had  them  four  boys.  And 
old  Ephrum  come  a-thumping  home  all  smiling  's 
could  be,  and  said  he  callated  to  git  out  to  work  to 
his  trade  — which,  if  you  reflect,  was  shipwright. 
Well,  come  lamplight, — 'bout  this  time  7s  I  remember, 
—  he  was  suddenly  took  with  a  cramp  somewhere  in 
his  inwards  ;  and  old  Ephrum  iuss  wriggled  himself 
out  of  this  world  —  you  'd  heard  him  for  miles.  He 
had  three  doctors;  but  Lord,  the  doctors  could  n't 
do  him  no  good !  So  Ephrum  need  n't  feel  so  bad." 

"  Zendy,"  called  Ephraim,  feebly,  with  beads  upon 
his  brow.  "My  inwards  don't  feel  right.  S'pose  I 
take  some  Fam'ly  Cure?  I  think  mebbe  I  have  a 
pain." 

Zendy  absented  herself  for  awhile,  during  which 
she  conned  the  symptoms  of  Ephraim  with  a  prac 
tised  eye,  Then  she  came  out  and  whispered  to  the 
rest. 

"  His  eyes  are  kinder  staring,  and  his  breath  comes 
quick,  and  his  hair  kinder  stands  up ;  but  Lord,  I  ain't 
worried  no  more.  He  ain't  going  to  sink.  No,  he 
ain't;  I  know  Ephrum." 

"  I  dunno  's  I  sh'd  be  too  hopef  ul,"  Ephraim  heard 
Mother  Margery  say ;  and  Peter  Hammond  whispered 
very  plainly ;  "  Neither  sh'd  I  —  with  that  pain  —  so 
like  his  father." 

" Zendy!"  called  Ephraim.  "440  's  commencing 
to  burn  betwixt  my  shoulder-blades.  I  wish  some  of 


THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHEAIM    249 

you  'd  look  into  the  book.  Zendy  ain't  worth  a  hill 
of  beans  with  it." 

Peter  Hammond  had  the  book  in  his  grasp,  and 
no  one  could  get  it  away  from  him. 

"  Here  7s  440,"  said  Peter,  after  a  search  which  had 
led  him  to  page  440  instead  of  to  the  ailment  of  that 
number.  "Some  kinder  fits,  it  says;  but  pshaw, 
Ephrum,  it  don't  say  they  break  out  'twixt  your 
shoulder-blades." 

"  Zendy  —  ain't  you  a  gump  ! "  cried  Ephraim. 
"Give  the  book  to  some  one  that  can  spell  num 
bers.  Have  I  got  to  lay  here  and  die  !  Oh,  my  back ! 
Oh,  but  I  ?m  a  sick  man  ! " 

Zendy  returned  to  the  chamber0  Ephraim  lay  with 
his  face  pushed  into  the  pillow. 

" My  time  7s  come,"  he  cried  in  muffled  tones.  "  I  can 
feel  myself  stiflin'.  I  'm  a-goin; ;  201  >s  comin'  back ; 
697  7s  comin' ;  440  's  bringin'  on  441 !  I  'm  a-goin7  j 
good-by,  Zendy,  if  I  sh'd  lose  my  mind ! " 

Zendy  came  and  closed  the  door.  The  visitors 
stared  expectantly.  s 

"I  guess  you  folks  had  better  all  go  home/'  she 
said,  "  unless  you  got  some  wedding  or  other  to  go 
toj  for  it  kinder  flusters  Ephrum.  He  's  all  right 
now.  He  7s  got  his  aches  and  pains  back  j  and  he  's 
too  strapping  mad  and  scared  with  his  ailments  to  be 
a-going  to  die.  Good-night,  all,"  she  said,  as  she  held 
the  lamp  and  they  filed  out  into  the  dark.  "  I  kinder 
put  faith  in  that  mustard  and  licorish."  But  it  was 
plain  that  they  all  thought  Ephraim  in  a  perilous 
state. 

Ephraim  was  rolling  and  writhing  in  the  billows  of 


250     THE  PARLOUS  WHOLENESS  OF  EPHEAIM 

the  feather-bed.  Zendy  hove  a  sigh  of  relief  to  see 
him;  and  she  sat  down  and  rested  in  the  wooden 
rocker. 

"  There,  if  you  ain't  carrying  on  natural,"  she  said, 
approving!}'.  "Just  as  like  yourself  as  two  peas. 
There,  I  dunno  's  I  M  shout  so." 

"I  was  ticketed  to  leave  ye  'fore  long ! "  cried  Eph- 
raim.  "  I  kep'  tellin*  ye  so,  but  I  did  n't  git  no  sympa 
thy.  440  has  struck  in !  Zendy,  why  don't  you  git 
scared  and  do  somethin'  ?  Here  I  be  on  my  dyin'  bed, 
and  you  a-settin'  there  like  a  bump  on  a  log!  Oh, 
them  apples — my  back 's  burnin'  right  off !  Oh,  Zendy, 
ain't  you  got  no  more  feeling  than  I  was  a  frog  ?  " 

The  head  of  Cory  Judd  appeared  at  the  open 
window. 

"  Heard  Ephrum  was  took,"  said  Cory,  who  some 
times  looked  like  an  owl.  "  How  ?s  he  doing  1 " 

"  Oh,  he  's  doing  real  nice,  thank  ye,"  said  Zeudy. 
"  I  guess  he  only  et  something." 

"  Oh,  yuss  !  "  said  Ephraim,  savagely,  rising  in  bed. 
il  I  was  invited  out  to  a  wedding ;  and  I  et  the  door 
knob  off  the  door ! " 


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